So, I’ll create my new journal. Change of goal, change of category of journaling. So,
There you go! More focus on healing, masculinity, focus, purpose. I’ll add True Social, Libertine, Executive, Sanguine and maybe Elixir when needed, maybe also Commander… If reconciliation gets too much, why not run one loop sanguine and one loop of Elixir. But I’ll try not to get overboard with Ultima utilisation since it slows down my main sub processing.
Ok!
Just did my first TERMINUS loop. I felt great, I ran it just before my class. I was expressing myself, talking to people. One cute girl sitting next to me (she already has a boyfriend, but still cute) just started talking to me for fun haha. I felt great, probably joie de vivre expressing itself.
Now I am sad. Probably reconciliation hitting. It’s my first time running Terminus, so if someone has anything to share regarding terminus, you are welcome! 
Finally, I learned a bad news, next week I’ll have my ACL surgery. I read online that yeah, you can walk after one week, but you have to be really careful. No weight on the knee, means I can’t go workout for at least a week or two and after that I can’t train legs for like 4 months… I also read online that sex is probably stopped for 1 month 1 months and a half maybe two, except if I don’t move.
I don’t think I’ll be able to maintain my current fuck friend. I’ll probably lose my leads I have built and have to built them back. I’m already practicing my new pickup line “Wanna go to my place? I need to warn you tho, my favorite position is the Starfish 
… but you are on top!”
So, this situation really makes me insecure and challenges my self confidence. Losing muscle, losing sexual relationships…
Anyway, I feel this sub will work me strongly, only one loop and I already feel different!
Already I feel even sadder, tonight I take care of doing more work.
I might run Elixir Ultima to help with reconciliation that I am might create in my sub. I don’t expect to feel great on this sub.
This morning, a lady rammed my car in the rear, fortunatly it’s not too bad, but I didn’t feel like dealing with this.
I think emperor is making me taking more decision. I decided I won’t repair my car since it’s not dangerous and I currently don’t have time for this. Also, I’ve decided to stop thinking about my surgery, I’ll think about it when they’ll put me to sleep. For now I’m today and I can still do stuff.
Finishing some work tonight, Executive is still helping me plowing through all the work I have to do.
Tonight I just played Elixir. I am feeling like forgiving myself. Giving myself a hug even tho I am sad.
You know when you are suffering inside. Solitude, despair… And you just let go, the pain is still there, but it’s like if your subconscious is just giving you the love you deserve. Self compassion. This is it!
Here’s my Terminus advice-Do Terminus 1x loop every other day the first week, with nothing else, except maybe an ultima 10-12 hours later.
Yeah, I’ll cutback on my physical performance loop. Take a day off tomorrow.
And then maybe 2 days on 1 day off. 
Then I will do thursday, saturday and monday, next week I’ll try to run 1 loop from day and assess.
I feel a lot calmer thia morning, good mood overall, I won’t run Terminus, I’ll only run my custom for physical enchancement 1 loop and one loop executive ultima.
Terminus was making me process a lot of info, I had less obvious effect from ultima subs because of the mental energy I was spending on terminus.
Stick with a consistent schedule and you’ll adapt to the mental demand soon enough
Sounds like Terminus is very potent and hitting you effectively.
random suggestions:
there are more, but that’s all i’ve got for now
Would recommend something like Emperor Fitness ST1 or Spartan or even Aegis Initiative: Survival Instinct to heal you post-surgery. Best wishes, my friend. And good luck on your Terminus stack.
you won’t run your terminus sub anymore or just for the day?
Just for today, I’m jumping to every other day tomorrow.
I’ll need to remember that, usually I just swallow up my emotions and power through it. But sometimes they are strong af hahaha
Thank you all for your kind words
I’ll run my custom for physical enchancement which include Emperor fitness st4, the healing module and serum X.
I’ll follow Azriel recommandation one loop every two days and then bump it up… Two days on, one off. Etc.
I just woke up. Usually I don’t remember my dream, but last night I did.
First of all, I remember seeing myself right after surgery. No responsability for a couple of days. No work, no driving to uni or work or gym. It will be a break, I’ll focus exclusively on my studies, and I’ll save lot of time by not driving like crazy.
Then I was speaking to one of my friend I see a couple of times in group settings. It’s funny because I never really realised how much I liked my convo with him. I should eventually invite him for a beer or something!
Anyway, in my dream I was talking about my relationship with woman, how I might like to try an open relationship or something.
I think my mind is starting to think about stuff in my life, it’s trying processing stuff.
Today I’ll run :
-1 loop of my “The Man” sub, which is my terminus.
I really wanted to run Commando and Exec. with my friend @RockyHandsome, but I don’t think I am ready for it. I should wait for my brain to get used to Terminus. Like, I feel the effects of Terminus, but it’s like if I have so much things to process. I am a little bit less proactive, I can work, but I work slowly and focus is a little bit harder. Executive is pushing me to work, but it’s like if I work in zombie mode since my brain is so taxed.
It’s funny how I tryed to avoid reconciliation in the past year, or at least keep it low. But this morning I realise that reconciliation is the path of growth.
It’s your subQ adapting your beliefs, changing, evolving to the stimulus of the environnement. This time the stimulus is a powerful subliminal audio message.
No worries WT keep at it your doing good.
Not too much bad emotions tonight, I’ve ran 1 loop of terminus.
I must say I still feel sometime I go back in time with my insecurities, I have a group project right now and I felt left apart. I was getting insecure about my team ignoring me… It brought back some memories.
My guess is this is New Beginnings in Emperor Terminus, it’s bringing up all the little places, where you feel dependent, or not ok being solo–I mean the title of your thread is Solitude and Growth 
between that intention and Emperor you can expect to be healing and growing out of those particular insecurities.
but personally-whenever stuff like that happens, I make fun of myself out loud to other people about my insecurity if possible, Like when a friend left the other day without saying good bye, I said to another friend, ‘I feel abandoned’ as a joke, I didn’t really, but for a part of me with unresolved stuff from the past it did feel jarring and like a sudden loss so I wanted to own it and make light of it to create space and context.
Yeah, I usually joke aboit it with friends, I just don’t feel like that with my team.
But I do it with girls, friends, people I just met, RN I stil belive they are pushing me aside. But tomorrow might be different!