Soaring upwards - EmperorQ solo - Journal

Journals - Major Programs
#41

Day 30

If this product was more expensive (crazy prices like another particular subliminal producer, whereby the results not worth the price) I probably would have got a refund, but $34.99, you know.

I haven’t been feeling like doing anything in particular, I feel in limbo again, listen to 2 loops on Monday and one so far today and plan to listen to my second loop tonight. Maybe how everything is out there? and knowing we are going into lockdown again this week. So not getting that ‘out there doing things’ experiences. I suppose in some ways out there is in limbo, everyone just ready to stay inside again stocking up. Sometimes I wonder if emperor will not be as fruitful because of these limitations. I also feel bored with it, like not know what I am getting out of it. I mean right now, a more spirtuak sub would be more ideal, going inwards, like the outside world.Maybe even something fun like lucid dreaming, or astral projection sub… I can’t do much out there, but internal is unlimited. Could also be because my gym will shut Thursday and I notice my motivation to go has lowered. I wont be able to lift heavy like I was there, it sucks. I have made to much progress in my strength gains, now I have to stop for 4 weeks. I had all this momentum, progress and success and it was carrying me forward to continue. Oh now it is what it is and I will have to deal with it, but I still don’t like it, as I have the last week got pack to my peak strengths and even moving past previous records nearly, and all the convinecence of having everything I want and need there for my particular goals.

Even with my degree, I am in a team of 4 for my presentation coming up, and I am more of a fan working on my own, and when I started this degree in September I started being more open and adapting to working in a team, but now I can’t be bothered to lead. If I want it the way I want it, I have to lead. In ways I would rather just lead myself and then I can have it how I want it. I know learning to work in teams is important, and I have been open to it this time, but I have been thinking of saying I will do it on my own for a future one, we will see.

I am feeling alright, just feel strange, like in limbo and wish life was more fun and exciting sometimes. But I wouldn’t know what or how, as can’t do shit out there in the ‘real’ world.

I am looking forward to go visit my parents for Xmas for a few weeks, see some pet dogs (been lacking that animal bonding), and other perks of visiting, which I will discover when I go. It will have been nearly 4 months since I was last there, and I lived there for many years,(most of my life), apart from 1 year which was pretty much an experiment that didn’t work out. I didn’t want to or desire to go back to early, but nearly 4 months is a good amount of time methinks, and only staying a couple of weeks will be enough there. As for sooooooo many years I wanted out, and now I am out, I am looking forward to visiting, but I will always remember I wanted out for many, many years. I feel like going away and coming back after this time, it will feel new and fresh, enough to be interesting for 2 weeks… quality over quantity you know.

#42

Have you suffered from any trauma in your life?

#43

The only thing that would come close to something like that would be an ego-death on Mushrooms I had about 5 and a half years ago. Other than that (which I am well over now), nothing traumatic in my life has happened.

#44

Then I think you can skip the healing part of the process and focus on building foundations and Emperor is great for that purpose. I know you’re not really satisfied with it but maybe you just need something which would help you reframe your inner self towards the archetype of Emperor and which would amplify the results. I suppose you’re not inclined to buy a new sub but consider giving Rebirth Ultima a shot.

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#45

Another thing the denser your stack is the longer you’re supposed to run it to get the optimal results and as you probably know Emperor is really dense since it contains a lot of objectives and has an expanded script. @SaintSovereign has run it for a long time.

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#46

@anon46881528

I go through my journal about once a month to summarize the results.

I was reading through your journal. What insights might you have about yourself if you read through it and typed up a summary of lessons you have learned since Emperor?

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#47

That’s a great routine. I shall employ that myself when I’ve reached 35 day of using my current healing stack.

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#48

Day 33

I think I am getting used to the 2 loops a night now, I look forward to them at night and knowing that have the weekend off for a breather kind of makes it worth getting to the end of the week of usage.

I have to say I really do love the dreams that involve an intimate connection or interaction with an attractive girl. It invokes really nice feelings in the dream and feeling that attractive girl attracted to me, interested in me, interacting with me and the experience being new and fresh, makes it feel really exciting.

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#49

Day 36

I am noticing that I have half ass’ing some work toward my degree. For for example was meant to read this particular work book, as we had this online group test we had to work through. I pretty much had to wing it because I had not looked at it. So my form was off because I lacked information. It looks like I am not that good and I feel that, but it is just because I did not put the work in before. I really do feel like I am just doing the minimal to get by in a lots of cases recently ( since I started Emperor really), as before I was really on the ball, as I put in the work to be on form and to showed in front of others and obviously that feels good. I don’t really like being or feeling not that switched on. But with this group/team stuff, if one is switched on like I have been in the past, you automatically carry everyone else. If I am switched on everyone works less, but when I am not everyone one has no choice but to work more to make up for my unswitchedonness. Yes I just made up my own word.

I have noticed a few more dreams whereby I am receiving attention from women, so that must be something in the sub.

Doing classes on Microsoft teams is an interesting experience since September. I have noticed that communication and humour can come across different or not even be acknowledged sometimes. I think because I have a dry or wacky sense of humour and as no one has their webcams on including me, only the teacher, so the visual is lost. I don’t know it is kind of weird, but at least I am amusing my self sometimes. There is an A. I feel to interacting only like this. Or maybe because I started playing SOMA :smiley:

As a mature student (32 years old) I obviously am dealing with 18–23
olds at least. And a lot of them assume I am similar age until they ask. But as I have mainly been in one team of four and a couple times being in others temporary. Only a few people know that I am 32. Obviously when things go back to normal in the world and I go to classes in person, then all will be known. I don’t have a problem with it though, it is what it is. But without a doubt, there is a difference between them ages and mine… especially for me as an INTP.

I will do another week with 2 loops for 5 nights with 2 nights off, then for the week after I might try 3 loops for 5 nights with 2 nights off and see how that feels and goes and adjust from there.

I am still working out, but this week I have had to adapt and do at home training, making the use of furniture. I won’t now be able to go as heavy, but I will do what I can and just go high volume for 4 weeks, the length of time the lockdown is. Funny thing is a few weeks ago I was conteplating to experiment with higher volume, lol I didn’t have it in mind exactly like this, but I am getting 4 weeks to experiment with higher volume, not by choice but kind of forced into into, but I have adapted, not just mentally, emotionally but now physically, to I am using this time to learn something and try something different and who knows, it might benefit my future training.

#50

Day 37

2 loops last night.

In the shower, I was still contemplating how am not doing what is required of me in terms of academic work. Like where I am ahead of my work, rather than just doing the bare minimum to get through. I thought about adding in The Executive again, I might try it for a week and see how it is, especial now I have a feel for EmperorQ on its own.

In the shower, I was questioning myself and feeling like what am I do this degree for? and feeling like I don’t really know, as in a deep meaning. I know logical it is to learn etc. and it is the best option I have, as I didn’t have any other option, so this felt like the most productive compared to not doing or just getting some shitty full-time job. In some ways, there are the perks of the whole lockdown and how things are out there, as it allows me to ‘sort’ my internals out, before the world opens back up sometime in the new year, be it start, middle or end, but most likely before next September.

I have been thinking after my Emperor run, I do want something more social, to prepare for when the world opens back up. I will do my best to do at least 6 months of EmperorQ.

I don’t not when I will experiment with The Executive again, as I still plan to test 3 loops a night of Emperor and know how that is.

Thoughts around working with people in teams for uni, it seems like a hassle, as it feels like I have to organise people and get them to act, like hearing sheep I imagine. I have been contemplating if for other modules I am required to get into groups I might say I want to work on my own, it just feels so much easier in some ways as I only have to deal with my self. Another annoying thing is for my academic skills module, the teacher keeps making the statement that people do better working as a team, and I am noticing she keeps saying it. I personally think it is context-dependent and this time I was more aware of it and it is kind of annoying me a bit, as in required to my group presentation, I think I could do much better if I did it on my own, yes it will require much more work, but each slide would quality. Take the presentation we have already, I just got each to work on their own slides. and now that it is done, you can see the difference between how mine looks and the others, mine looks more quality so in this example, if it was only me doing all the work, it would all look quality. But you know I just leave them to it, I am not making everything how I want them to do it, because that will just require too much energy and I don’t want to do their work for them. And this is me not even switched on! imagine if I was fulfilling my true potential and putting 100% into all this work and studies, what other people do in the team just wouldn’t be good enough, so then they would be holding me back. So the only way would be to work by myself and then there would be no problem, and the quality of work will only be up to me! and if it is not, I still have the ability to change it because I have control over myself.

#51

That idea makes perfect sense to me and I’m doing the same. I’m preparing myself for the opening too. Besides as far as I can see the job market here in Thailand is not really favorable do to the virus and it seems to me to be the best course of action is to wait it out. But waiting doesn’t mean doing anything.

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#52

My challenge for today has been dealing with my team not replying to a message I put on the team chat AND my lecturer not answering a question I sent her. Both read the messages, both never replied, even though it has been 7 hours later. This has made me annoyed today and feelings of resenting them.

Fuck these people.

#53

It’s starting to become common. Ignoring other people’s messages online. They used to do the same at my work. If it comes to your anger, just don’t act upon it for your own sake. I would send another message like; Mrs. Who Ignored My Question (or whatever her name is), please, kindly answer my question because (and give her the reason)/Thank you very much for your time and effort, I really appreciate it. DONE :slight_smile: If she ignored it twice it would affect her reputation in a negative manner unless its already spoiled and she doesn’t care about it.

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#54

Yeah, I think my feelings are enhanced due to Emperor. The things were worse because the lecture has not replied to an email I sent in September, I gave her the benefit of the doubt then, but she never replied and I just let it go. I feel better now, I just felt weird yesterday I just had to process the feelings, I had to have a long nap in the late afternoon to distract my self.

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#55

Day 38

My group presentation went well, now onto the next thing.

It is surprising how different I feel at different stages of listening, for example, I feel different at the beginning of the week when listening to my loops after 2 nights off, compared to the end of the week, and then feel a different feeling during my 2 nights off. I can tell when I start using it again what it feels like when I am processing the subliminal now, it is not something I can put into words really…but I suppose it feels like being between multiple states simultaneously and not knowing what is what, hence when that limbo feeling can come in.

So if I was to add an Ultima, it would be one of these -

*DREAMS Ultima

*Limit Destroyer Ultima

*The Executive

Because of lockdown and how the world is out there, a part of me feels like The Executive would be more of a pain because of the external limitations. Limit destroyer would be handy and I can see how that would help Emperor.

Dreams Ultima would be interesting as my dreams are quite vivid already and I have had a past of having lucid dreams and one conscious experience getting sleep paralysis, opening my eyes and my bedroom being slighting lit from the sun through the window, (even though it was night time), but it was different to awake life and the air looked vibrant as if it sparkled and after some trial and error I was able to roll out of my body and walk in my bedroom for a bit, feeling like walking in quicksand and looking at my arms and hands and them being see-through, like moving water or energy. I then put my hand through the wall and pulled it out slowly and I could feel the suction of it and obviously, as all this going on I was so fascinated and amazed by it all, as it was the real deal… I was out of my body fully conscious and experiencing this, AND nothing compared to how it was, it was such a unique experience. I glad I had that experience, but never really got into it like back probably 7-8 years ago now. So yeah I have always wondered what if I was able to do it again and again and I was able to get good at it and experience more of it and learn about it and adventure outside of the bedroom etc, I mean it must be MIND-BLOWING. I know there are different opinions on it, but I see OBE/Astral projections as different from Lucid Dreams, but I have heard that you can astral project from a lucid dream.

#56

Nice bro am also interesting in atral projection
Feel ill make a build a bit later down after i get my own things done

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#58

Dy 43

I got high on marijuana and drank rose the night before last with GF, it was hella fun. Lots of realisations in regards to the sub.

Saw a video of my self, was ultra-aware of my teeth gap between 2 front teeth, then eventually remembered thoughts of Invisalign. There were many years I was not even bothered by my gap in my teeth, maybe even saw it as something good. But recently I realised I am conscious of it more and don’t like the way I look in that regard. So I can lump getting tattoos lasered off and getting Invisalign to close the cap in between my front teeth as two things I would like to get done. I can only do it when I manifest money though. It is strange being conscious of these two things when I had many years whereby I didn’t even mind, but now I do. I feel that If I got these two things done it would be a new me, a better me. It sucks not being able to do it now though if I had the money I would do both right now.

I would also like to start a new hobby outside in the real world, a place that I go to and learn something and interact with people, I have a particular thing in mind, but nothing can be done on that front until all this lockdown bullshit is over AND I manifest money to be able to do these things.

Yesterday, the day after me and my GF got high and watched a couple of comedy movies, which felt like it hit on a “buttons” within myself in relation to the sub, I feel like the marijuana enhanced my realisations as it allowed me to tune into certain memories, emotions and see things from different perspectives. Anyway, the day after felt kind of weird as I normally do after getting high, it usually takes 5 days to clear out my system and feel more normal again. It was a one-off experience, it was fun and I think it can be fun once in a blue moon. I spent the day with GF again and everything was mostly good until I shared something in particular and my GF was more concerned with the other person feelings in response to what I said to them and that was very annoying, how she takes the other person side and is concerned with their feelings, especially when she was not even there, does not know the person and it just was so annoying, so much, in fact, the night ended because I couldn’t put up with and I just had to go up to my bed room and go to bed.

I feel like I am in competition with my GF, I know she thinks highly of her self and I feel like I am not the person I want to be because of various limitations, such as lockdown and money and freedom (no car, thinking of getting a bike) and it is very frustrating because I want to be better, I want to fulfill my potential of who I really am, but I have to put up with the shell of who I supposedly am, but I feel like I am not this. I feel like I am better than this. And I feel like my GF has nothing to worry about, because I have these limitations, as I don’t go out, don’t have car, my uni degree is online, I don’t have funds to do all the things I want to do. I want to turn it around, but I had a relisation that when you are with someone all the time and sees you a certain way, it feels hard to break out of that mould that the other person has of you.

I feel there is so much stuff, it is hard to write it all out.

I want to be better I just don’t know how I can because of various things.

I am fed up with being coopped up inside because of this lockdown and not having enough money to do all the things I want to do and become.

The other day I was feeling like I want to create something, something valuable, but I just don’t know what or fucking how. Like literally there is no idea or way to get there.

How I would like things to be, is that I am living more of a life that I want. I have Ideas but they all cost money. And I hate that feeling of not being able to become the person I want, I feel stuck in this body, I feel stuck in this life and it is not how I want it to be.

I want a car, but my car is at parents place 4 hours drive away and it is up for sale because I need to sell it, but no luck yet. It is not possible for me to buy a car let alone run it, I am a full-time student and a part of the money that I will get from selling my car has to go towards something I owe. The only idea I have come up with is to get a bike, as in a bicycle, that is my only choice. That will cut the time to get to certain places, which makes me able to do somethings, but not if I don’t have the money.

Last Thursday I ran 1 loop of The Executive and I had a productive day, and the next day I ran it in the morning again, but the day was the complete opposite…I didn’t feeling like doing anything. Then the next few days was sat and sun which are my off days, so I didn’t run anything.

Today I ran The Executive 1 loop in the morning before getting out of bed and I intend to start running 3 loops of Emperor tonight, obviously for 5 nights. I was thinking of just running The Executive on Monday, Wednesday and Friday and see if that makes a positive difference, as running it back to back every day seems to have the opposite effect on me.

I have to decide when I go back to my parents in December for Xmas, I either get a train and go on my own or I go with my GF as she travels to her mum’s place for Xmas. Right now I feel like it would be good to just get a train in the earlier part of December and we just do our own thing. I will have to make that decision by the end of the week as I need to buy a decent train ticket.

Also does not help the barbers are closed and I really need a haircut and a beard trim, (my trimmer is broke), have been contempelting to trim it short and then I won’t have to bother with barbers.

Last Thursday (the productive day) I trained a good squat session and I used my GF as the weight. I had intentions to do other training, but I have not as things are not ideal. I was going to try bench pressing my table top, but everything is just incocineient which effect my motivation to actually do it.

I will stop ranting now, but I just need to get this shit out. ARHHHHHHHHHHHGHHGHHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH

#59

Day 44

I have decided I will need more processes and techniques to feel good and to create the life I want. I can’t rely on Emperor to do everything for me. So I am gonna go back to 1 loop a night for the long term and just forget about it and do other things to help me feel good and align with myself, and become more of a vibrational match to my desires.

I will update at a later date.

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#60

Mostly every other day I update a personal journal, I find I can write better like that. I will write in here now and then when I feel like it though.

Currently planning a custom Ultima, but finding it challenging choosing between something just focused on money or something to help me with skills that I am lacking and something to improve my ability to do well at my degree.

I have been thinking because there are so many beneficial modules, that it might be best to just save it for when I want to do a bigger Q custom. If that is the case I can just focus on EmperorQ (as it is well rounded) and create an astral projection/lucid dream Ultima custom to ‘play’ with.

One thing I have realized recently I lack skills and mastery of skills if I had mastered skills I would be able to monetize them or something.

Yeah obviously not creating anything yet, but here are a few ideas/directions I could go in-

Lucid Astral:

  • Dream Traveler
  • Astral Projection Q Core
    Maybe, Inner circle Q Core, too

Skilled:

  • Ultimate Writer
  • Dragon Tongue
  • Limitless Core
  • Instant Business Tactician
  • Limit Destroyer
  • Inner Circle Q Core

Or just focus on…

Money Maker:

  • Sultan
  • Financial Success Reality Shifter
  • Debt Annihilator
  • Wealth Limit Destroyer
  • Unrelenting Wealth Motivation and Energy
  • Inner Circle Q Core

You see I would love to turn my money situation around that would really free me up and open up possibilities and opportunities.

But I would also like to do well at my degree and kind of master it, my degree that I am studying is in management and entrepreneurship, so it is related, but I am not the best at the ‘Academic’ side or even the business side yet, but it is early days…I only started in September.

My original idea is that maybe I could use an Ultima to sort out some blatant sticking points that Emperor is not helping me with yet and give my self a boost to ‘fix’ them.

I don’t know, in some ways, it does seem easier to just go with the Lucid Astral, and let Emperor just do its thing in the long run, and hope that it does help me become more rounded.

Anyway, if anyone has got any ideas or suggestions, please feel free to share your thoughts.

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#61

Hello @anon46881528. Better to post this part in the “Questions and Comments” section. A lot more people can see it and provide answers then.

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