Well seeing as it is Sat/Sunday rest days from tomorrow, I might as well start my 2 rest days from today. So have Friday, Saturday as my rest days and see how that goes.
1 Like
Consider taking MCT oil
Help the brain process the subliminal?
1 Like
Yes gives you energy to process…and it is a good fat
1 Like
Ah nice, I have never used it, I will look into it.
1 Like
I took Friday and Saturday off, and glad I did, It was really needed. Sunday now and it is nearly 10:30 AM and I have started my listening of The Executive 1 loop followed by 1 loop of Emperor. I thought I might as well listen to them both in the day, today, just because I can, but from Monday morning I will listen to 1 loop of The Executive in the morning and 1 of Emperor as I sleep.
Things have been going good, there are certain things I want to mention but I will see how they unfold for a while before I do.
This morning though, laying in bed, I found myself thinking of a girl from three years ago and our interaction, I won’t go into specifics as I don’t think it is needed, but It was like I was seeing the interaction with new eyes and could see that she was into me and wanted me and I could have had sex with her. That is really interesting.
2 Likes
Towards late afternoon I felt tired, so had a nap. I deffo feel like they take it out of me, but I thinking I will get use to it eventually. It deffo related to the subs as it has a certain unique feeling on my brain, that I felt before my rest days when I was last listening. Pretty sure it is the Ultima that taxes my brain more than emporer though.
Had this feeling of being bored today and can’t be bothered to do much. I have also noticed I am much more hungry than normal, I would eat a meal, then after a little while feel like I want to eat something again as if it didn’t hit the right spot.
Writing this after my nap, super hungry so gonna go eat and see how I feel for the rest of the evening.
Yesterday I ran The Executive in the late afternoon as I didn’t want to feel that tired feeling for the day, it actually helped. I then upped my emperor to 2 loops, just because I felt like it. I am just testing things to see how things are and then adjust if needs be, then eventually I will see what works for me better.
I imagine if I was going out more I would probably see more external “results”, the only time I get to go out really is when I go to the gym, as my degree is online at the moment and interactions are via Microsoft teams. If I am being honest though, I don’t actually mind, as my wants are more about internal growth and mind is thinking the time the world goes back to a new normal I will probably have 6 - 12 months of these subs under my belt. To which I can more fully enjoy them external “results”.
1 Like
I am wondering if the Beyond Limitless Ultima would be better suited to me, rather than The Executive. The main reason is my degree and all the studying I want to do. I am not going to rush and get it, but it has crossed my mind.
Last night I listen to The Executive 1 loop, followed by 2 loops of Emperor. I might have a night off tonight, then Thursday on, then the normal Friday and Saturday rest days. I will see how I feel later tonight, I don’t feel exhausted, but I feel a slight fogginess there in my brain, it is easy to not notice though and think I am normal. But I also noticed before how easy it is to not notice and then boom, crash.
I am not noticing anything dramatic yet, there may be subtle stuff that will build up more and then allow me to easily notice it.
I feel fine about running Emperor at 2 loops so far, but I am on the fence about The Executive for some reason, I don’t mind continuing it, but then I could easily drop it and just focus on the emperor. I don’t plan to drop it yet, I will continue as planned. Hopefully, I will see that it is helping me within a few weeks enough for me to want to keep running it and think it is doing something beneficial.
1 Like
Yeah deffo feeling the reconciliation.
I don’t feel like doing anything productive, things I feel like doing are not productive.
Noticed speaking my mind more in an automatic way, then feeling weird after as if speaking my mind caused more tension, then feeling weird because if I hadn’t spoke my mind I wouldn’t feel that way. In my life (for quite a few years) I worked on speaking my mind less, because I use to always call people out when younger, if I disagreed with them I would say it, if I thought they were wrong I would say it, if I thought their belifes where illogical I would say it. Back then I use to get into more arguments and caused a lot of tension because I use to speak my mind. But eventually I learned that everyone is in their own reality and people are going to believe what they believe and in their reality they are going to see evidence of that, so for them (in their reality) what they believe… is true, and visa versa. So somewhere I had to speak my mind less and eventually I made it more of an automatic habit. But it was for my sake, so I didn’t feel like shit. So yeah it just made me aware of it today, as I automatically spoke my mind and disagreed with somone as I saw it different to them. (It wasn’t for anything that was going to affected me or my life.) Which I don’t think I do much these days, as I don’t want the whole butting heads of opposing views, when each view is ultimately true for the experiencer. I don’t know, I don’t even know what is right way for me or wrong way for me to behave now. I am so use to putting my self into neat boxes, so I know how to be and then I can just follow my own rules, don’t have to think about it. And not speaking my mind has been one of those for a while for not just others peoples peace of mind, but mainly myself. So much easier to just let people believe what they want to believe and only speak if somone asks my option. Instead of just hitting them with a sledge hammer with my belief, opinion, view point even if mine does make more sense or is better lol.
Feel kind of wanting something new in my life, like a new change, but don’t know what yet. But at the same time I can’t be bothered to do anything or take any action. Feeling kind of bleh.
Feeling like I am getting behind, because I feel like this.
So yeah it’s the right call to have tonight off, maybe 2 night off, I will see how I feel tomorrow night.
1 Like
Summary
Of three metamorphoses of the spirit I tell you: how the spirit becomes a camel; and the camel, a lion; and the lion, finally, a child. Thus spoke Zarathustra.
In the loneliest desert, however, the second metamorphosis occurs: here the spirit [Camel] becomes a lion who would conquer his freedom and be master in his own desert. Here he seeks out his last master: he wants to fight him and his last god; for ultimate victory he wants fight with the greater dragon [Child]. Thus spoke Zarathustra.
Summary
You should have eyes that always seek an enemy- your enemy. And some of you hate at first sight. Your enemy you shall seek, your war you shall wage - for your thoughts. And if your thought be vanquished, then your honesty should still find cause for triumph in that. You should love peace as a means to new wars - and the short peace more than the long. To you I do not recommend work but struggle. To you I do not recommend peace but victory. Let your work be a struggle. Let your peace be a victory! One can be silent and sit still only when one has bow and arrow: else one chatters and quarrels. Let your peace be a victory!
2 Likes
when I was younger, this was my favorite passage.
3 Likes
Thanks, it sounds nice and I am sure there is meaning in there somewhere lol.
1 Like
Woke up this morning feeling weird, like I desire my life to be much better, more exciting and more magical. My life suddenly feels boring to me. Fuck knows how I make it more exciting though.
1 Like
Being feeling pretty down today, pretty hopeless.
Production has gone down to 0%
Questioning my life and feeling uncompelled to act in regards to gym and uni work.
Pretty blah today.
Been feeling like I need to add another process to help me with how I feel and what I want to manifest in my life.
I don’t know if this will just get better with enough rest time off the subs, (second night off will be tonight), but I don’t want this to be a regular feeling as it is not so productive what so ever. I am thinking of upping my rest days. Maybe even night on, a night off, or night on 2 nights off. I might drop the Ultima and just focus on the emperor, and see how that makes me feel on its own.
Hopefully, I feel a bit more clearer tomorrow after the second night off, so I will know more of what to do in terms of usage. But there is no way I want to feel like this going forward. I have learned from previous subliminal experiences that forcing action or change is not the way… long-lasting change comes through being inspired.
Quick update:
Last few weeks I have used 1 loop of Emperor on Mon, Wed and Fridays, with Tue, Thurs, Sat and Sunday off. I am definitely not as tired, but I haven’t noticed anything that I can think of in relation to the program, I am going to up my loops to 2 loops of Emperor on the on days, to see if that changes anything.
2 Likes
Yesterday I booked in a consultation to have laser tattoo removal, I have had it before a few years ago, but never carried it on.
I have wanted to have it done for a while , but never felt the urge like I have recently. I want to get them all lazered off as much as possible really.
Unfortunately, I when into town and went to the consultation and he gave me a estimate much more than I expected, which really put me off, as the one I had done few years ago was much much cheaper, like crazy cheap. The moment he gave me the estimation I just got put off and then felt like I should have carried on with the other one years ago. It planned to do the patch test, but I just put my shirt on and said I will think about it, and went.
After this, it wasn’t long untill I started feeling down, as I wanted to just get this over and done with and get it started, you know finally remove my tattoos. But I wasn’t able to, it was too much money for me, then that linked in with not being able to do what I want, not having enough money, everything worthy of doing costting money and the limitations of not having that freedom and luxury of being able to do what I want when I want kicked in. I felt hopeless, as I am a full time student and even if I got a part-time job, it still does not get me to that level of financial freedom. And in this moment I felt that. It was like what is the point living if you can do what you want, when you want.
Anyway, I haven’t been out for quite a while, only to go gym 3 times a week, but going out in the world, especially into a high street, it just all seemed like the only reason to go out here is to spend money.
Anyway, yeah I pretty much started feeling really down, even moments of what is the point of living? What is the point of living a life of limitations, but obviously I had no hope there too, no avenues, as I don’t want to work hard with blood, sweat and tears, I don’t want that life. I would rather not live. I train hard at gym and doing well at my degree, but there is things I just don’t want to do and if that is the only way to get things then, I will just have to make peace with not having it and living a very ordinary life. It beats having strong desires of the type of life with freedom and possibilities, and feeling like they are not possible, that hurts.
I was even walking around and noticing attractive women and feeling like my sexual desires are a curse, as every attractive woman I want to fuck.
I have this thing that even if I release (orgasm) through sex or self, after I feel down, so semen retention has become a big part of my life, just because if I don’t I feel pretty much depressed for at least 3 days, and much better by day 7.
Many years of trial and error, found nothing that helps. It affects my relationships and my enjoyment of sex. With my current GF, it is like I want to orgasm because it feels so good obviously, but if I do there is consequences, I will feel down and lack motivation for at least 3 days, and feeling but better by 7 days of not having an orgasm.
I did for a few weeks a little while ago, have sex and just not orgasm, which I can do, but it eventually gets frustrating of having sex 4 times and not coming, every part of my body would love to come.
But pretty much everything in my life has a driving force of wanting to fuck women. Even now in a relationship, it is still there just wanting to fuck women, especially new women, it seems like it craves new women, especially petite. It has a mind of its own, litterly, I can be aware of it, just like being hungry for food, but I can choose not to eat.
So it is tough because I want sex, love orgasms, my biology want to fuck hot women, but there is negative consequences I have to deal with if I have an orgasm that affects every area of my life. It is tough. I have lived with this for many years now, obviously having to live with it and deal with the challenges.
2 Likes
Not an expert at all but that might be a limiting belief. I hope EQ and maybe a healing sub will get this sorted for you. Lots of men out there are having so much fun in their lives without retention. I’m also avoiding PMO but retention even through natural means is a no go for me, I want to enjoy it without any guilt, but this is just my personal conclusion for myself. We all have something that we feel we need and I respect your point of view.
I’m reading your journal with interest, I am sure it will click for you. Good luck with your journey.
2 Likes
Yeah, I would like to think it is just a limiting belief, but it must be deeply ingrained as I feel it physically. My perception, energy and motivation changes and I feel the difference in my brain, like on a chemical level. It is not related to guilt either, it is like my sexual energy gives me power and when released that energy has been depleted. Of course, I don’t want this to be the case, I want best of both world ideally, but I have just way to much personal evidence, over years of trial and error. But at the end of the day, I have to work with what I got and do what I can to feel good based on how I personally function.
Moving on…
Today is day 26 since I started Emperor. Yesterday was a weird day for me, I felt really down in the evening and ended up going to bed early. I decided to take some 5htp as It helps me sometimes. I then instead of taking my night off from Emperor, I decided to just listen to 2 loops of emperor, I felt like bombarding my brain for some reason and drifted off to sleep. In the morning I felt like listening again, so I listen to another 2 loops of emperor, by the beginning of the second loop I had a headache, but I continued with my second loop, not caring. I will take Saturday & Sunday off (If I don’t feel inspired to listen on Sat and Sun). Listening felt nice for some reason.
Based on yesterdays feelings, next week I might do MON-FRI on and SAT-SUN off. I have a feeling that I want to bombard to get past the limbo feeling. I don’t know if this will work or if it makes any sense, but I want to push through it and hopefully, there is something on the other side that is better.
I mean I am even feeling like I want to listen again tonight I just don’t care. I’d rather feel the bombardment, than limbo.
This morning I started my blue light again for S.A.D, haven’t used it for a while and want to see if one of the reasons I am feeling the way I do is because of lack of sunlight, as light is pretty much non-existent here lately, with it being cloudy and being indoors a lot.
Anyway, I don’t know how best to do this journaling thing, do I just write everything? as a way for me to dump my load to sort of speak. I might just use it like that.
“The Sweet Is Never As Sweet Without The Sour.” - Vanilla Sky
I have a lot of things that I would like to be different and not knowing how to make them happen, so hopefully Emperor will help me find a way.
Day 28
On Friday and Saturday, I listen to about 4-5 5 loops each day, I was liking how it felt. It felt like listening more was getting passed the limbo feeling. It was hard for me to not listen on Saturday and today, Sunday, but I felt it be best to process. I might listen more today, we will see.
On Friday, I inquired about a part-time job I saw an advert for in a local magazine and when I was listening to much more loops on Friday, I felt compelled to request more information about it, through email. The manager emailed me back that night said send info, but said, unfortunately, the next training day started Saturday and will let me know if and when the next one is. The job is something I have never done before and would allow some growth, It would also fit nicely around my studies if I did it part-time. So that might be a possibility if that manifests in the future.
I also felt a really strong urge to join a dating app, I felt really horny, matched with a few girls, but by Saturday night the compelled’ness disappeared. Obviously, I have a GF and the whole time I am thinking, this is meant to be wrong, but I could not access the feelings of it being wrong. Anyway, not that I would do anything, the logistics are pretty much impossible, so, maybe it is more fanaticising on the possibility.
Yesterday was planned to be a good day with my girlfriend, we went out shopping planned to get pumpkins to carve and other groceries, but there was a misunderstanding and I felt like my GF was in a mood because of it and I felt like the day was ruined as we had planned to go see Alien in the movies, and I ended up overreacting and getting really angry. The anger was powerful, it just went from 0 - 60% really quick. It got verbally messy for a bit, but then when we got back home we went our separate ways for a bit, then once everything was chilled after a few hours, I could see how silly it all was and I went down to talk to her and basically, eventually we made up enough to go see the movie Alien, and we have been fine since.
Last night I did question whether Ascended Mogul would be a better fit, as the emperor has things related to attracting women, I can feel the desire for other women building up, but at the same time an aloofness there… I don’t know if there is a time period of calibration and things will smooth out eventually, but I deffo feel there is an increased not caring, but I am liking the idea of other women more than normal. I feel bad for saying that as my GF is the best one out of all the ones previous, but the thought of new pussy is really appealing, but that doesn’t take away all the positives of my girlfriend. Obviously, if I “had” to act and have sex with another woman, then my relationship my GF is over, there would be no going back. The thing is though, I don’t think having just sex with an attractive woman would be worth losing what I have with my GF, it just wouldn’t. What I have with my GF goes way beyond sex. So who knows what the fuck is going on.
I have noticed an increase in looks and I am not gonna lie, feeling attractive and noticing attractive women checking me out, does feel damn good. It feels good to be attractive, wanted and in demand. But I dont feel like I need it, as it is just happening. What I would like more progress of is on the financial side, if I was able to find ways to manifest more abundance and money that would be really cool, I am enjoying the opposite sex perks, but financial freedom is more of a priority, even if it is just starting with making progress on changing my beliefs systems in regards to that.
I will just keep on, keeping on.
P.S. It sucks my country is going in tier 3 lockdown for 4 weeks, and that includes gyms closing! I have made major strength gains on my compounds, and now from next Thursday, 4 weeks of not being able to go to the gym. I will obviously have to improvise, but it is very inconvenient. I swear the Government just pulls this stuff out of there ass, “Oh we will try this”. I will obviously have to adapt.
On the plus side of clovid, an awesome particular cinema is super cheap and has super comfortable recliner seats, fewer people and you get no people sitting next to you! how awesome is that. There is some perks I have to say. But cinemas are closing for lockdown too, but just discovered this yesterday as I haven’t been a cinema in a long time.
2 Likes