Focusing purely on Monarch for the remainder of August. 1 loop in so far at 3 minutes.
The Spectrum Inside Me
I sit in stillness,
listening for the quiet threads
that have woven themselves
through the patterns of my life.
Some began long ago,
blurred at the edges,
but still humming beneath the surface,
shaping what I believe,
what I expect,
what I allow.
I have learned to notice them.
To pick them up.
Turn them over.
Hold them to the light
and ask,
Is this still mine?
There is a spectrum inside me.
A centre where I can love
without losing myself.
Where confidence doesn’t require armour
and compassion doesn’t require self-abandonment.
One end reaches outward,
wanting to be seen, heard, chosen.
The other pulls inward,
afraid to take up too much space,
afraid that having needs
might make me too much.
I have lived at both ends.
I have made myself smaller
to keep the peace.
I have built walls
and called them boundaries.
I have confused independence
with not needing anyone.
But I have learned the middle.
I can have a voice
and still have a soft heart.
I can love deeply
without disappearing inside someone else.
I can receive
without feeling guilty.
I can give
without giving myself away.
My roots drink from my own well now.
I don’t need to abandon myself
to be loved.
I don’t need to become less
to make someone comfortable.
And when I find an old pattern
still running beneath the surface,
I don’t have to become it again.
I can revise it.
Change the story.
Change the meaning.
Change what I expect to experience.
Because the past may have shaped the pattern,
but it does not get to decide
what comes next.
JLK