Something happened today that I absolutely have to share. Because I strongly assume that Seductress has shown itself here.
Earlier, my fiancé came into the bedroom. He had ready meals with Udon and Ramen. I was surprised that he also took something with him, because actually he wanted to cook for his family downstairs and eat with them. It turned out that he was once again blamed for why the food was not ready, because his uncle had to leave immediately. And besides, they always eat dinner at the same time.
Fun Fact: No, dinner is no longer always around the set time.
I then asked my fiancé if he had said anything to his family because of their unspoken expectations. He didn’t.
I just meant that I’m going to do it now. Here I note that I have always swallowed everything down if something bothers me here. But today wasn’t after me.
So I got down into the kitchen and at first asked a little louder how it can be why my fiancé is being approached for non-communicated expectations. His uncle just said that he didn’t have that and his mother, my fiancé’s grandma, asked why the food wasn’t ready when he had to leave.
I just meant then that he was willing to cook food, but if no one clearly communicates who needs to go where and when the food should be ready, it’s not my fiancé’s fault.
Then I got to the point where I first addressed that communication here is really shit. Meanwhile my voice had calmed down and I spoke in a normal tone.
Unusual, because when I’m angry, then I’m constantly loud and often (unfortunately) hurtful.
But not today. My voice was shaking because I was just jumping over my shadow, but I had to pull this off right now. For me and my well-being.
Back to the speech. I said that there is an urgent need to change in communication. All the passively aggressive remarks, all that being loud while talking to each other must stop. Otherwise, we keep stepping on our feet.
At the last sentence, his grandma got a little louder and asked where she was stepping on her feet. I just said, “All of us.”
Well, now she’s a little mad at me. On the one hand it doesn’t matter, on the other hand it doesn’t matter. I guess I triggered something in her.
I will try to talk to her later. Because something that was allowed to be true is, if a person is just too much in his triggered emotion, it is better to go first and cool down the whole thing.
Next, I talked to his mother. She had a dialysis day today and was a bit weakened, but I couldn’t and didn’t want to be considerate of that today.
In addition, she also muzzled my fiancé, so I had to talk to her about why everything here is already escalating again.
Thank God she is now more reflective and understands what burdened me and still burdens me. At first she wanted to swipe me off, but I didn’t allow that.
I told her the same as above. She then poured out her heart to me and said that she also suffers from it. On some other points she was a bit distant, but that was ok for me at that moment.
You must know, a few months ago I would have swallowed everything down and exploded sometime weeks later. I also like to avoid such conversations. Because you could beat me, bully me, or anything else. At least it was in the past.
But not today. Today I immediately said what bothers me and that all of us, myself included, should communicate better here in the house, otherwise everyone will go their separate ways at some point.
I’m really proud of myself and my speech.
Seductress is really a damn good sub and helps me grow tremendously.
A success has never been more noticeable than it is today.