Seductress journey

[Xandra]

Update.
Still feeling benefits.

Extra on top:

• was approached on streets by a guy few days ago. More attention in general. And I handled it with more confidence.
• feeling stronger mentally and more attractive.
  From past bullying I had a feeling of constant ugliness, only was going away when I looked in the mirrors. But when was just existing, on the back of my emotional system, there was inner rooted belief “I am ugly”, because I was ugly duckling since kindergarten, till 15 years old, after puberty I started getting attention and validation, compliments. But since been told for decade almost daily, that I am ugly, that infected me deeply. This ugly feeling almost gone.
• dance.
  I am liking to dance as amateur. My movements became more flowing and confident. As body language correlates with self esteem

But.
I will ease a bit on the title at the moment, will take 5-10 days break. Will explain why.
First, got into a bit a reconciliation. Felt inner fight of who I am becoming and old shadow of mine. A bit of short circuit.

Increased sexuality, which would be great, if my partner would be with me. I am in very long distance relationships, and my sexual energy always been high, but at times suppressed because of past traumas.
Now I I am feeling it’s getting liberated.
I took the professional psychological test yesterday, which always shows everything that I feel, to understand myself better also. Been taking it from time to time for 12 years. Always on point.

Here it goes, I took parts that are about the theme:
(There is way more information in the test)

Vector S: Sexual attraction

increased sexuality, without the possibility of realization.

Vector P: paroxysmal / ethical-moral attraction

Suppression of erotic or other affects. A sensitive fear of relationships. The weakness of ethical deterrence.

Physiological interpretation: Because of the difficulties in personal relationships, you have to suppress sexual arousal. This leads to increased irritability and outbursts of anger. The development of sexual neurosis and impaired cardiac activity are not excluded.

Vector C:attraction to contact

Fidelity in a relationship. Attachment (“gluing”) to the partner . Clinic: hypochondria, paroxysmal disorders., displacement.

Indeed I was frustrated, angry, aggressive and agitate on the base of unsatisfied physical intimacy (not just sexual, but romantic). I am very affectionate person, and it’s one of my primary love language.
We haven’t seen each other in 8 months, our meeting supposed to happen in 3 months though.
Also loss of emotional connection, as my partner spend way less time with me while being in the trip to his hometown with friends.

So while me becoming more sensual, sexual, I can’t find ways of letting it out, I am feeling as bomb of energy that can’t explode, and has to eat itself from the inside. And I can’t find yet other way to sublime sexual energy yet.

I’ll concentrate on the limitless title and let Seductress program to settle down for these washout days, and then will ofc continue, with 1 loop in 2 days.

I am into spirituality as well. I’ll increase my meditation to cope. Also I am practicing yoga, pranayama, including tantric yoga. It helped my to deal with sexual frustration, I skipped classes due to work for several weeks. I’ll go there in few days, it will help me.

Will keep the journal , and possibly soon start one of revelation of mind and limitless, as it impacts my spiritual journey and brain fog recovery.

[Xandra]

That seem to reach its peak yesterday.
Today expressed my feeling to partner. As well as love. Got support.
I am starting feeling as it’s getting better, and I will refer to test as well in the future.

Vector S: Sexual attraction

a) Normal sensual sexuality.

There is still some inner discomfort and processing, but it feels as it for the better. As path through fog to clarity and light. Deep work.

[Sub.Zero]

@Xandra

Yes, I begun as this. And then tried adding more, seem to work better for me, no reconcilation, or anything negative)
Usually its 2.

Perhaps you will find my post useful as it’s explains the sweet spot method that serves us to find the best amount of exposure.

BTW, I like your progress.

I got psychologically mutilated in my childhood as well, yet working with subliminal programs has changed me massively. I found that all my natural characteristics and abilities suppressed in me, due to the traumas, got unlocked and strengthened on seduction titles the most. I found those characteristics dark, cold… and beautiful.

Yesterday, I said to myself for the first time in my life (I’m 41 y.o.) that I am beautiful. I danced to music in front of the mirror, watching my body’s movements and I almost fall in love with the mirror reflection.

Keep pushing though, girl. You’re going to get there.

[Xandra]

Thank you!
Its helpful

I am happy to hear of your progress, thats so lovely! Keep it up.

[TheEmpress]

I love what you both shared here! Thank you. Great progress!

I think I understand a little more why I felt some of my own frustration and anger with seductress because I don’t have a romantic partner and one of my primary love languages is physical touch. I’m not interested in casual or sexual encounters.

I’m taking a break this cycle from seductress and added in revelation of mind.

[Xandra]

A little update here. There is more to process of other aspects to write later in my diary. But some other change that got my attention is physical.

1. First photo taken in the end of 2021 (December) before I used any subliminals ever. I wanted to have waist. And from that time was imagining to get it more visible and curvy. No other exercises, nor any other method was used besides power of mind))
2. June 14 2024 seem my imaginary led me somewhere in 3 years.
3. September 19 2024.
   Seductress made it speed rocket to the desired curve and in just couple of weeks. Which is not the end. I guess I shall start measuring
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

[Metamorphosis]

Just cycled out WB for some intense focus with EB. These results are crazy - after a month will be back on WB or LoTs - I’m convinced.

[Xandra]

My crush person approached me yesterday. In a way i think my growing intuition (thanks to QL an RoM) played its part as well, besides Seductress.

So I met this person in May, it was beautiful interaction based on appreciating street piano music. We turned out to have many things in common. And he happened to work at place i usually come to visit for shopping and lectures, and yoga. Very unique spiritual spot in my town.

Since May I stumble upon him many times at this place, we never gone further than saying “Hi”. And i didnt expect it to go beyond it tbh for many reasons
Yesterday i went to lecture at that place, and before it ended, i felt an urge to go to second floor and then home.
Those sudden urges happened quite a few times in my life to give it another turn.
So while heading my way there, i briefly saw someone going at me and i had to give that person way to pass, which made me stand behind book shelf, and my first thought and feeling was “Oh, I hope it not him, he’ll think eventually that I stalk him (joking thought)”, and micro second later I saw him in front of me. The timing of intuitive urge was perfect.
Said “hi” as tradition, and headed my way, but he started talking with me, we had short interaction, in which I was very excited, and blushing and a bit freezing, because it was so unexpected.
I am more confident with other people around me, but certainly in romantic settings, excitement is taking over me yet, but still I acted gracefully and friendly, (I think better than i would without Seductress)

So he told me which days he works, and invited to have a cup of coffee with him in some of those days.
I freezed for 3 seconds staring in his eyes at him and then cheerfuly said yes.

That meeting might not happen, but it was something pleasurable and progressive to me.

[Xandra]

I felt an urge to play a few minutes of regeneration titile (5 min) adding up to my stack, since I am having 2 for intellect and creativity, which in a way I count as one, and Seductress. I felt as it’s something I needed and was ready to take the risk.
Needed because I still feel turbulent emotions coming from deep trauma of the past having strong echo in my life.
As if fear to be alone, excluded, attaching to people.
I was even scared to stay home alone since I was a kid, or lose someone as I made them my center of universe. And anxious attachment style.

So tonight coming back home, I missed couple stations ahead, and had to take relatively long walk back.

At first I was frustrated , then I switch my mindset as “winter is coming” and those months are the last of enjoying some still lively nature.

Night, almost no one around
Music
Every beat of it synchronized with me
Fog and warm light of the night street
Freshness and gentle cold breath
The aroma of autumn leaves
Of nature
Feeling like a dreamlike state
I stop in awe of appreciation
It’s good to be alone in my own skin
Just experiencing the moment
The beauty that’s around and within
The world that is you
And you that is world

[Xandra]

Some strange man approached me while I had a walk in the center of my city, he seemed a bit as homeless person, and tried to take video selfie with me
I listened to seductress loop today.
Count it as success

[Xandra]

This month I was approched on the streets more than usually, 3 times. Usually I walk very fast and with earphones to not get attetniton i dont want. But even this didnt stop them :в

Few days ago the guy literally was running after me (he admit that), to talk and walk me home. He isnt what I would want in man, and quite opposite actually. But it was nice anyway.
He comlimented me, said “you look so sexually appealing” after 30 min of knowing me x_x
I ended our interaction very prompotly and politely.

I was a bit awkward and nervous still.
At the pont I’ll run regeneration along the way to help to get rid of past limitations, which also results of blockage, I am as “awkwardly confident now” (its good, better than just awkward))
Actually recently I start getting flashbacks to the past a lot, and reprocessing them, I used to block them, as my past life is something that didnt happen to me. Which is part of coping with trauma: derealizatiing and depersonalizating (feeling as not self, not connected, even if in the mirror its a stranger looking at you)
But now they are getting more neutral as "Okey that happened, but my core is not supposed to rot and stop blooming due some people giving some crap to my foundation"
I feel as smooth reprocessing happens, it will be reintegration and wholeness with self

[Xandra]

I guess regeneration (plus QL, RoM) program made me remember something.
I had sudden strike of origin of my brain fog, recently i’ve been coping with that solely as physical ailment (adding supplements, diet, breathing, mental and physical exercises).
I have C-ptsd (complex post traumatic stress disorder, same as PTSD but with multiple traumas)
And one of the symptoms is brain fog due to high adrenaline, cortisol which drain your fuel to autopilot mode, especially in freeze response (when you play dead to escape reality) which i tend to have more instead of fight or flight, same for the brain, it goes to survival mode in which you are narrowed to capability only for simpliest necessery tasks, just surviving, and can’t access higher functioning.
And long ago I considered EMDR sessions to get past this. As recently i started pointing out my freeze response again, I guess being more self aware.
I’ll start having self EMDR since today

[Fractal_Explorer]

C-ptsd is very rough I’m sorry you’re going through that. I work with a therapist and we do something similar to EMDR. You have to be careful with EMDR it can definitely unravel things at a pace you aren’t prepared for and potentially re traumatize you. It’s a fantastic tool but I’d highly encourage finding a therapist trained in it if you can. If you do decide to do it alone definitely treat it like subs, wait till the next few days to see what the processing is like. In my experience it definitely has a delayed effect

[Xandra]

Thank you, I appreciate your message. In the night I was attuned to myself and it feels like breaking through from cocoon. As subtle and tender change. Hands down after I introduced subs, it became big game changer. And more to come still. My friend said yesterday that my aura, so to say changed, as she could feel before anxious waves from me, now she feels steady peaceful flow. As well as physically, I think also my facial features changes. I just don’t write everything down here. Another friend said I look different (to the better). I plan to keep running it, but I feel like regeneration program will unravel more of seductress, clear path to her, I’d keep this title for life for sure. I think for past trauma and negativity the best way would be cleansing - regeneration, dragon reborn etc and then others
I see also you run Khan and other masculine programs. How it felt in terms of balance of female and male energies for you? If you won’t mind sharing ))

[Xandra]

Thanks for your message
Yes, EMDR is very powerful tool one shall use carefully. I hope it helping you. Have yout tried vagus nerve exercises btw? If you you coping with that too, it helps a lot.

Regarding EMDR, I studied protocol myself, and tried it on little everyday trauma or just as combined with meditation before. Also brainspotting, which is similiar to EMDR, same principle, but person shall rememeber trauma and search for the spot of glance direction which would hit the most, and keep looking that direction untill there is release instead of going side to side, Ive done that too and my anxety went from high to zero. Some people that feel stuck with EMDR, find more release with brainspotting.

I did session yesterday, and many things popped up, but reprocessing them with my current state and mindset was easier, it almost got to neutral, will see how that unfold. Id say if it bothered me at 7 points, now its 3.
Thankfully, I dont have very big T (trauma), mine was mainly bullying, which makes it easier. People from more unfortunate background ofc shall seek for more professional guidance, I’d not recommend to risk to anyone

[anon34983076]

So much room for an imagination

[TheEmpress]

I was reading online about people questioning if these modalities would work on repressed trauma from early childhood. To access and gather any blocked memories to safely process.

What are your thoughts on that?

[Xandra]

@TheEmpress

repressed trauma

I think it can certainly help, but everyone have their own tempo to get there. I’ve heard many people eventually getting into deeply stored trauma. For instance, there was a case from psychologist that I know, the client got into such deep brain caves, that relived his early trauma he blocked. That was described by the doctor as strike of emotions, client almost even attacked him, then forgot it and later said 'I dont remmeber what happened, but now i feel completly free and at peak point of good feeling in my life". Those memories and trauma can resurface even with person didnt realise this, and initially coming with something else

[Fractal_Explorer]

@Xandra

Thanks for your message
Yes, EMDR is very powerful tool one shall use carefully. I hope it helping you. Have yout tried vagus nerve exercises btw? If you you coping with that too, it helps a lot.

You’re welcome! It’s definitely helped me out. The hardest part has honestly been acknowledging I have trauma and c-ptsd. I have all the symptoms, my therapist said I struggle with it, and yet my mind constantly goes hmmmm no I don’t think it’s that bad. So things are quite hidden from me at times.

But I haven’t tried vagus nerve exercises yet. I have definitely heard of them though. Do you have any recommendations that work well for you?

[Xandra]

Acknowledging is a big part of growth. Don’t forget to give your inner child a hug, sometimes I rememeber myself as little girl, and give myself mental hug. Which helps in accepting and understending and cultivating self love, which fuels recovery.

There are plenty of variations.

What works best so far (first few besides Nadi and Vagus reset need moderation and some knowledge before starting practicing, you can overdo/do wrong) and cause damage instead of benefits, But learn this is pretty simple.

Must:

Buteyko breathing, which was developed in USSR by Russian scientist, which made huge breakthrough in understanding of health and treating disease of many kinds (physical and mental). More to that: https://www.normalbreathing.com/
After more than a year of practicing it, I came up with my own variation which works the best to calm vagus nerve. Thats a combination of Nadi yoga breathing Assessment of the Effects of Pranayama/Alternate Nostril Breathing on the Parasympathetic Nervous System in Young Adults - PMC , you can start with that actually. Thats the alternate nostril breathing. What I do is mix principle of breathing retraining of Buteyko and alternate breathing of Nadi. What I do is just holding my breath in between inhalations.

Emotional trauma release exercise (TRE) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FeUioDuJjFI
My friends also reported massive improvments

Vagus nerve reset https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFV0FfMc_uo

Boosting serotonin. Studies reveal that people that have lower serotonin level are more prone to get ptsd, after getting it into higher to norm levels, majority got massive relief. What best and safe for that is St. John’s Wort herb supplements. ( you shall not take any additional serotinin drugs to not get the toxicity)

Additional:

tapping (butterfly or face meridiane) https://www.youtube.com/shorts/Gbb9P-xqSHw
**

** Sadhu board (standing on nails)/acupuncture
Besides being spiritual instrument of yogi, Sadhu also stimulates all areas and organs of body while you stand on it. it release deep rooted emotions. When I started practicing, there was euphoria momets.
Trauma also stored in body, also in certain acupuncture points that can reflect it, good trained master can identify the precise spot and after working with that, release will follow. Many report massive benefits for trauma, depression etc Somatic experience also helps a lot Somatic Experiencing - Rennet Wong Gates Therapy Services in Aurora (not an ad for the center, just demonstrating the approach to trauma in article))