3 min loop yesterday followed by a 10s microloop within 2 hours of the first loops
Went and took care of a lot of personal life things I was avoiding, mainly doctor’s appointments - booked appointments for… concussion, family doctor, physiotherapy, and I booked a haircut and made sure I had my dentist appointment saved in my calendar.
Reached out to a few people I was avoiding.
Most of all, was OVERFLOWING with a sense of love… “for my partner”… and it was the most intense, nourishing, joyful, addictive even, feeling ever.
Then I realized that the love I was feeling wasn’t actually for my partner. It was love and happiness with myself, melding with love for her, to be an incredibly powerful experience.
I realized the reason why I thought it was love for my partner was that the feelings and thoughts and sensations were so intense, so pleasurable, sooo loving, I simply didn’t believe in a world where it was possible to love myself that much (so it MUST be love for her, I thought.)
It actually made me understand codependency a lot more. With less wisdom, I would have become addicted to that feeling of love when I get when I was around her, and be addicted to her, from mistakenly thinking she was the source of my love and joy, not myself