It’s been a weird feeling almost daily especially after having run Dragon Reborn. I will think back to something I did , said , or how I behaved and question myself as to how I thought any of it was ok. It hurts but it also makes me curious about how the other person felt or even feel now if they ever think about it.
I was a horrible person and I used a lot of people and fucked over a few and I am not proud of it . I am trying not to cry while I type this out but it’s difficult.
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I think that knowing my past and working to become a better person I find it incredibly difficult to deal with anyone who displays zero empathy , shows zero emotion , or is incredibly critical and negative.
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@SaintSovereign I am so incredibly grateful to you and @Fire for creating Subliminal Club
You two literally have saved my life without knowing it. Thank you both so much
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I’m curious if Sage Immortal ZP would help with that?
In a stack with CFW.
Isn’t that what Sage Immortal is for or am I misunderstanding the objectives? Clarity and wisdom?
How long did you run DR for in total? As I’ve said a couple of times before, I could definitely see the changes from the ‘you’ that was around when I first found SubClub to the current guy and if I remember correctly, I seem to recall noticing even deeper changes in (that sounds weird, since I only read your words) you. ‘About’ you doesn’t work and neither does ‘within’.
Whatever it is, it’s been seent.
Have people in your life commented on this, noticing signs of your emotional and mental development into the maturity and sense of self-goodness that the majority of us have witnessed?
'Cause man, I gotta say, having been a silent supporter of yours for awhile, it’s has felt nigh on pride what I feel for you, man.
You recognized something about yourself that you decided you had had enough of, and took action to change it. Based on what you just said, it’s gotten to the level of your world-view and helped you reconnect with your empathetic nature. That’s a win.
I’m only 28, but in my teeny little flicker of living thus far, I’ve noticed that when it gets to the point where one not only realizes that their way of living isn’t only affecting them but others as well, and actually care how that feels for the other person, people really begin to come in touch with who they are and want to be.
Better out than in. Go ahead, I promise I’ll look away.
Keep on keeping on, brother. We’re all doing our best with what we have, and that’s all we can do.
I used to be all three. Defense mechanism, emotional walls, rough childhood, global warming, inflation, being too cool for school…ya know.
Actually, that’s part of the reason that my posts vary in flavor from introspective, musing, and deep with random, sudden bursts of scintillating personality.
The girl next door I used to play guitar with when I was a kid said that I have a scintillating personality to me, once. After being impressed that someone my age said a word that I had no definition for and after I excused myself to run and find a dictionary to correct this divine oversight, I never forgot the word
‘Cause that’s how I am in real life. I chose a long time ago to present myself online in any forum or media exactly as I am face-to-face like the friggin’ blessing I am.
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Honestly I have only run Dragon Reborn Stage one and that was by itself for probably three or four months straight after it came out. That one stage alone is the reason for the massive shift you described. Before it was upgraded to QV2 I remember @Sub.Zero and myself having a friendly competition to see who could run the most loops in one day.
I cheated a bit in that I would play the masked and ultrasonic version at the same time in two different mp3 apps on my phone.
My Wife has told me I’m more mature emotionally than I have ever been. I have read some of my very early posts on the forum and other places prior to Dragon Reborn and I either don’t remember writing whatever it was and I don’t know who that person was.
It’s weird because as much as I would talk about personal responsibility I was so lazy and immature. I would do everything I could to get out of doing something I didn’t want to do.
Now I feel a weird responsibility to be a better person so I can be the person I wish I had to reach out to when I was dealing with adversity or whatever.
I feel like a lot of times people want to dismiss someone who is struggling or if they do offer any help it’s for status reasons or because they will get something out of it rather than just doing the right thing because
Not long ago I actually embraced being pessimistic. Why ?? I have no idea. It’s so draining. Not just for yourself but for anyone who has to interact with you.
I will literally go out of my way to show appreciation. It’s like having money burning a hole in my pocket but instead it’s pure gratitude.
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I didn’t realize that I was being different online and in person until my Wife mentioned something back in 2014 I think. It really made me think of how I was interacting with people and to if nothing else think about what I say and post.
It did/does for me. Well, not in a stack with CFW. I haven’t run Sage in a bit and I’ve only run CFW once. SG QV2 worked better for me specifically for clarity and inner calm, than SG ZP did, ironically. I’m really looking forward to when my plans allow me to give SG ZP another go. I’m not sure why I didn’t connect CFW and Sage Immortal in a stack before this. Dude, you might have just did a thing.
It has I think three major objectives, namely secret knowledge, self-betterment (my words), and finding a true teacher. Now that I’ve typed it out, I actually have gotten all three 
damn. Cool. (Edit: I meant I REALIZED that I’ve received manifestations of each of these).
Clarity is a natural by-product of those three objectives, in my ‘Sage’ experience.
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It wasn’t intentional but when you mentioned clarity it made me think of one of my favorite songs which mentions spirituality and that made me think of Sage
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I just read the sales page again and I feel it would mesh well with CFW
Hmm, I’m a self-proclaimed pessimist and I feel like you are definitely onto something here. But to be honest, how does one not be pessimistic when observing the state of the world and the trajectory its been on, and continues to be on? How do you overcome that, do you ignore it and look for the positive or what?
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I think that’s the rub to a point. To transcend that as cheesy as it sounds. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of being negative and a shitty person. Everyone else is obviously losing their minds so why can’t I?
It’s an excuse and an easy way out
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Most importantly don’t get caught up with what everyone else is doing or paying attention to. Not on here but social media and similar places. Shut off your phone and go outside or read a book. Learn something new.
Stay off places like Reddit
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Any tips how you do it ? It can be helpful to us in the height of Recon.
I know Journaling / Stream of consciousness is one way that you have mentioned previously.
widen the scope.
that’s one way.
in a bigger picture, all of this human stuff is barely a drop in the bucket. It’s neither optimistic nor pessimistic. Maybe just ‘mystic’.
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Dust, perhaps? in the wind? 
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To add to this discussion, I meet strangers on a day to day basis who are kind and who are ready to help me. Sure there are people who are the opposite but it isn’t as common. It’s just that we fixate too much on those who wronged us than those who did the right thing for us.
It is a survival mechanism surely to help us steer clear of danger. But these days it is on overdrive due to the large number of people we meet and also because of negative media news.
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Just to briefly clarify (am feeling aware that this is still Saint’s journal):
I’m not saying to hang out in Big Picture land all of the time. That’s not recommended. It’s just a perspective to visit sometimes when needed.
The ‘engagement with pain, suffering, and discouragement’ part of things is important too. But developing the ability to gracefully handle that kind of awareness is an ongoing process. So we also better have some coping resources ready.
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I can relate, especially when I was younger I’ve done some things that were pretty messed up.
You weren’t a horrible person, you were emotionally unwell and carrying your own demons.
It’s easy to judge the doers of “evil” and horrible acts, and say “f*** you” you are horrible.
When you put aside the ego and see the truth for what it is:
Putting on the empathic x-ray goggles…
You can see it’s just fear and negativity, the expression of a falsely negative intrepretation of themselves, others and reality. Repression of emotions, fear, hurt, and coping, manifesting itself through action and behavior. Now you’re able to see the true expression of a human beyond the false narrative of “evil” and that is what allows us to forgive rather than take the naively easy route of judgement. This is also what allows us to not get triggered by people. There is power in empathy and understanding.
You’re going to have to stop judging your past self and actions.
When you’re able to look at your past self and forgive,
not justifying the actions but FORGIVE him for being emotionally damaged, forgive him for perhaps not knowing any better given where he was at in consciousness, forgive him for being traumatized, and most of all thank him for helping you grow. There are lessons in everything. You can also thank and forgive the other people involved as they played their parts as well. There is no such thing as a victim or perpetrator, we create everything ourselves and that is the true power of our infiniteness.
The more tapped in you are to that concept, the more powerful your manifestations will be.
Learning is cyclic and never ending, we have countless versions of our past selves that even extend to previous lifetimes. It makes no sense to stick to one of them, judge them and hold on to them. Forgive, let go, move on and continue.
oh and stop trying not to cry lol. You should want to cry because it’s indicative of a purge or emotional shift. It’s growth and I’d assume that’s what we’re all here for
You’re doing well, it was a pleasure to read your posts lol
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I played 1 minute of Emperor ZP and experienced a tremendous boost in confidence, productivity, and focus for the next 6 hours.
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