Saint’s journal

Journals - Major Programs
#127

@saint

Not fully caught up here so forgive any repeats but…

I would not worry or over analyze too much about getting the time frames right. You really can’t lose however you do it. Optimizing is great, but if your new and trying a 4 stage program for the first time, you can always go with a standard 4-6 weeks per stage and still profoundly benefit.

In the future you may develop instinct and self awareness around exactly what you need when but for now a standard heuristic is sufficient. Like bumper lanes.

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#128

Ummm… there’s a huge elephant in the room so let me just address that because it’s making me very uncomfortable.

@Sub.Zero I’m not one to pick fights, especially online, but I clearly rubbed you the wrong way so I apologize for disturbing your peace. I think you assumed from the beginning that I would be negative towards you because you thought I wouldn’t take your advice well… but that’s not where I’m coming from. I’m still trying to figure out how this whole esoteric subliminal thing works and how to apply it in my life. This seems like a great community and I’m grateful to everyone who takes time to comment and pitch in with ideas to help me, an absolute stranger who provides very little value here.

I’ve been pushing to make a deadline for the side business so I’ve basically been working, almost quite literally outside of sleep, nonstop for the past two and half days. I responded to you my Friday night, and I DID see your original responses during the day on Saturday when I had a quick break, but I didn’t have any time to respond.

Thank you so much for your explanations and being open about your own experience with Khan. I now understand why you’re saying stick with K2 for another round and how it could help me work through the issues it dug up. And I’m motivated even more to stick with the program after seeing how even a veteran member like you fell for shiny object syndrome and moved away from it.

But I had this page up on my computer the whole time, so I saw the edits and changes that you made to all of the advice you gave me including the change to this generic post

And another quite rude edit, which changed a post that had good information to a post telling me you in fact did have better things to do. So again, I’m sorry to have bothered you so much. :pray:

But those edits that you made didn’t change anything. I’ve seen everything you said to me, so thank you for sharing what you could share.

@RVconsultant

I’m not sure if you made the below edit at a request, or if you made the edit and deleted some of the posts as part of your job to keep the peace on the forum. I can’t control other users’ posts, but I really don’t appreciate you editing the “evidence” of another user’s behavior out of mine. It makes my post and my journal lose context, and makes me feel like I’m being censored. One of the things that I like about this forum is how raw it feels and how active and open the journals are. Considering that the post itself was a tad aggressive but wasn’t necessarily disrespectful to me, I’m not even sure why you edited it out unless you were asked to. I also saw that you deleted one of my posts to Lion, in which I jokingly said “thanks for nothing”. It wasn’t meant as an attack at all, and I included emojis to keep it light. Did I violate forum rules? Could you possibly tell me what happened and why you edited my post and this thread the way you did so I can avoid stuff like this in the future?

[Moderator edit: Please do not re-post something that has been previously removed by a moderator.]

Other than that, I’m moving back to the original discussion. But I have a bad taste in my mouth now. :confused:

#129

@Malkuth

This is absolute gold. 1000% what Azriel said:

Thank you so much for the words. I said I didn’t want wisdom but I was completely wrong to say that. This is one of the kindest and wisest posts in this journal. You articulated many points that I needed to hear right now. I’ve been mulling it over since I saw it yesterday and I want to change my approach to my projects and work and look at things in a better light. I want to get to a healthy place of living and thriving and get out of this swamp of desperation and narrow-mindedness. I’m operating on a super low level of existence right now…

Thank you thank you thank you :pray:t5:

#130

@Azriel

:sob: A specific answer to my specific question about stacking and running K3.

Much appreciated!

I’m relieved to hear you say that because that’s kind of what I was thinking based on how the sales page was written. I’m glad my interpretation wasn’t too off the mark. Run it 4 months, endure whatever comes up no matter what, and then go from there.

But @Sub.Zero made a great point about running K2 longer, and I’m honestly now leaning towards that because it might be a good time to at least do another month. There’s no need to rush, and since I’ve already done it solo I could now do K2 + LBFH + RICH and still benefit. And then my K3 could be solo or double stacked with RICH in June which would give me significantly more exposure time than a triple stack with LBFH.

Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts.

#131

Know what you want and NEED from K2 (given the main goals of Khan), and what it offers. Take proper action (related to what K2 is supposed to do for you) within your current capacities and circumstances, and track your progress. Any recon will teach you what else could be improved to help you achieve the main goals of Khan. If you get social anxiety (as the form of recon), for example, then work on it consciously and aid the process with DD or Sanguine if necessary. DD helps with social anxiety, and Sanguine is a universal tool to deal with recon. Gauge what kind of recon you get (if any) as these are your missing links and obstacles to work on on the way to becoming a Khan. Take care, mate.

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#132

2023-05-09T15:00:00Z
I couldn’t resist after all. I started K3. I was ready to run K2/LBFH/RICH but I got a… manifestation(?) yesterday that pushed me to get on K3 asap. I also am ready to ramp things up with my work and I need good and strong energy to do everything that I’m trying to do right now. I feel much clearer after my washout, and I didn’t notice anything from K3. I’m realizing that for me, not noticing anything is a great sign. I said the same things about Ascension & Primal and Beyond Limitless, and as it turns out those subs did have an impact I just didn’t know what to look for or realize that anything was even happening until it had already happened. It’s only when I read other people’s journals and realize “Hey I had the same thing!” that I can see the changes.

I saw this girl the week after with no mask and she’s super fucking cute. Made sure to start getting physical (fist bump and high fives) and approach her as playfully as I can in class without being obvious. She missed class the other day and I got a brilliant idea to open up a chance, so I told her she could meet up and study with me if she wanted to, knowing that 99% of students won’t take me up on it (my own empirical evidence). She messaged me yesterday asking to meet up and when we met up today she was acting super cute and playful as only Japanese girls can do when they’re in the mood. At the end, she asked if I would meet with her every week to talk normally because she wants to speak more. Of course I said yes.

Even if she’s just taking advantage (which she should) of the class to get the most out of it and me, this opens up chances with her or any other girls she knows or any other girls that might see us and want to join in or whatever. As I talk to her in this casual setting, it will naturally go beyond a formal teacher and student relationship especially since I’m still relatively young and young-looking. So it’s a fair trade of my time for the duration of the semester, and I’m curious to see where it goes.

So, long story short, when I knew this meeting was happening I couldn’t help but to move on to K3 this morning so I can start getting that E N E R G Y going ASAP. Forgive my weakness :sob:

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Main Disc. Thread - Wanted Black: Seduce Reality (Now Available!) (Custom Core Available)
#133

2023-05-10T15:00:00Z
I don’t know if I mentioned it but we rolled out the new website a few days ago and I made a really bad assumption in my planning that could have potentially cost us but thankfully didn’t. Trying to resolve the issue that came up with the web platform’s support team, and if we can’t then we’ll have to work around it. Overall I think it’s a great platform that fits our current needs and can grow with us for a while, so I want to polish some things up and then move on to the next thing.

My next major step for the project is to fully enroll someone online who is an absolute stranger to us and our area of Japan. YouTube was a bit of a failure in that I could barely get our own students to participate, let alone strangers, but Twitter has been showing way more engagement, and with pure strangers at that. Of course engagement doesn’t mean much until you put a sales offer out and see the results. So that’s what’s coming. And if we can get that “one” then we can start to consider how to turn it into “two” “three” “four” etc. This new platform will help us iterate quickly so that’s why I put the time into moving us over. Seems like if I could figure out two social media services to focus on that would be best. I was thinking YT and Twitter because I don’t think the instagram crowd is where our target market is, and the two platforms of course offer quite different things. But I was also trying to avoid heavy content generation, which is an absolute necessity for something like YT. At the end of the day, it seems like people want to consume – not participate. No matter what they say, that’s what their actions have shown me.

I’ve also got an idea to recreate what I was trying to do on YouTube on Twitter. A style that might fit Japanese people more, based on what I learned from the last two tries.

Then I want to offer one-time sale items but whether that’s a short video course or some sort of package that includes video, exercises, and our services… not clear. But I’ve got a lot of ideas coming to me all of a sudden, now that we have the platform to actually build off of.

There’s only two of us doing this whole thing, and basically me coming up with all of the ideas and trying to execute on them. So I’ve got to find some focus and get it going.

Newsletter went out and I already got a verbal agreement on a sale for something we’re offering this month. They said they’ll sign up tomorrow during our business hours.

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#134

2023-05-11T15:00:00Z & 2023-05-12T15:00:00Z

The recon from LBFH is fucking intense. Arguably worse than last time, which is exactly why I’m running it now. I wanted to deal with the “bad” stages of Khan before focusing on this shit for a cycle. Nasty headache and huge irritability. I’m really feeling it right now. Fuck.

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#135

These are classic symptoms of the overload. Reduce the exposure, mate.

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#136

Oh shit! I didn’t know that. So it could be from RICH then, too. OK I’ve gotta stay on Khan so I’ll skip a loop of RICH next time and just do LBFH, because I really feel the need to get through at least one cycle.

Thanks a lot.

#137

If it was persistent, just do a short washout.

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#138

2023-05-13T15:00:00Z
Cold, rainy day (in May… holy shit I hate it here) and was feeling gloomy.

Went to a cosplay event today around midday, but I guess I was still a bit too early and there were no cosplayers – only cameramen and a small photo gallery. And let’s be real – there’s probably only like three or four girls in this town doing it anyway. I looked around but I had plans for work so I left and went to a really popular “bookstore” that is basically a small-scale boutique mall + bookstore. And at some point I realized – holy shit. No anxiety like when I started using these subliminals in February. At that time, I would barely leave my room on my off days due to the cold but also because crowded public areas typically bother me between the noise and anxiety they cause… especially in Asia where people are always so jam-packed together in these tiny buildings and spaces. It’s too stimulating and too many unknowns so I tend to get a bit of “stranger danger”. I also found it hard to focus and study in public and much preferred studying and working at home.

I’m fine now :man_shrugging: When did that happen?

In fact, I’m planning on going back up there sometimes on my days off to study or work because it’s so damn nice, and I’m not going to manifest any girls or anything in my room anyway. I just wish it wasn’t so fucking cold so I could enjoy being outside and walking around and stuff.

I also talked to a friend I hadn’t spoken to in a while. The below manifestation taken straight from LBFH’s page literally happened… We were talking about Japan and life and shit, and he expressed unconditional brotherly love and support to me in rather surprising detail. He’s never spoken that way to me before.

Confession: I was bored just now and doing some (breaking my rules) surfing of this site and the shop and thinking about subliminals and this caught my attention on LBFH’s page.

  • Manifest situations in which others will “express universal love” to you through free items, a helping hand, a kind word, smiles, etc.

Which prompted me to write today’s journal as I realized that it just happened a few hours ago :laughing:

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#139

2023-05-14T15:00:00Z
Someone close to me was diagnosed with cancer but they didn’t catch it early and it looks like it has spread to their bones and lungs…

One of my biggest fears in moving abroad was “what happens if people I know start to die.” And since I’ve come to Japan I have lost a few people but they weren’t very close so in reality I felt more sympathy for the people around them back home than anything else, really. I felt pretty disconnected from the whole thing. But this time it’s much closer to me on an emotional level and I don’t know the severity of it yet but it’s probably a matter of when, not if.

Yeah. I’m thinking about this pretty hard now. I’ve got to live more and go after what I want as aggressively as possible because when it’s over it’s over.

It’s not like my father or brother or anything like that thank god, but I still can’t imagine a world without this person, and it’s almost certainly coming…

BTW for different reasons I have to stay at a hotel tonight. Booked a single but they upgraded me to a double for free. Fook yeah :man_shrugging:

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#140

Peace and strength to you.

And may they find healing and energy in this challenging time.

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#141

Sorry to hear about your losses, and I hope that person close to you gets better soon.

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#142

@Malkuth @RVconsultant :pray:t5: Much appreciated.

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#143

2023-05-16T15:00:00Z
Something clicked in me today and I got the next project idea for the side business. Brought it to the boss and she approved. I’m not fucking around with free anymore. From here on out, it’s at best going to be a preview leading to direct offer, and that preview content will itself strengthen our overall brand and marketing too. Otherwise, just make a product and directly sell it. People are happy to take stuff for free and participate and whatever, but it’s only when it’s time for the money to come out that you get their real opinions on what you’re doing. Social media gives an illusion of engagement, but we’re a business. Not influencers. I want to get to a real answer as fast as possible so I can keep executing on different ideas to see what actually sells. So I want to continue to engage but also push direct offers.

What I’m saying is probably unbelievably obvious, but we’ve been doing a lot of the “give value for free and they will come” strategy and I’ve now learned the hard way why that doesn’t work.

I’d rather hear a “no” to a real offer than a “yes” to something free.

I’d rather hold an event with only one paying customer than an event with 20 students who come for free and “might join our school afterwards if they like us and we do a good job.”

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#144

2023-05-19T15:00:00Z
￥9 manifestation this morning. :dollar: Seriously where in the hell did this come from? My last amazon pay transaction was in March…

Wish there were a few more 0’s on the end though… :laughing:

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I think something from K3 is starting to kick in. Because although I’m absolutely failing on the sex side of things, I’m getting an insane urge to go all in to solve my financial problems as that’s been the main action I’ve taken and biggest worry on my mind since I’ve been on this forum. And thanks to the Genesis thread, I understand how I can take some solid steps forward.

At first, I thought that I should quit Khan and go Genesis → wealth subs.

But I realized that I have already been working on some stuff that I want to work on… it just hasn’t been as easy I thought it would be. And it hasn’t been going like I thought it would go. But despite that I’ve continued to work and generate new ideas as I’ve shared in this very journal.

And I have plenty more ideas but it’s a matter of figuring out how to accomplish them. For example, when I sat down to build out my app I literally couldn’t bring myself to do it and basically threw a tantrum and quit.

On reflection I realized that this frustration and sudden urge to go all in on wealth probably IS Khan activating towards wealth. After all, K3 is total action, right? It doesn’t necessarily mean change subs, although it can, but it does mean change and focus on goals to get what you need out of the subs. Which is what a lot of you guys have been trying to tell me but it just didn’t click.

I have so many things still distracting me and costing me tons of money and energy right now – for example, working out and eating good food in a manner that supports weight gain and muscle growth. Especially in my situation where it takes ~40 minutes round trip on foot just to go to a gym, let alone the cooking that, even when minimized, takes time and energy to do, requires menus to manage and update, needs physical rest to help my body recover, etc… it’s draining too much. And teaching is my job? (uses a fuck ton of energy) And then I’m running mentally taxing subliminals on top of that? No wonder I feel like I’m spinning my wheels. This is a luxury habit that I don’t have the luxury of doing right now.

So I’m cutting it. I’m fucking cutting all of it. I’m not cooking and I’m not going to go to the gym anymore for a bit. I’m going to keep my cardio up, my core strong, continue focusing on squat holds and maybe do some bodyweight stuff at home.

I’m going to set a budget for food and buy pretty much all of it out + maybe fruits and vegetables. Keep staples in case of emergency but otherwise just stop all cooking. Pull cash out once a month for food and that’s it. Take the mental and physical burden off, because it’s too much.

I’ve already announced and confirmed that I’m done teaching by September 2024 and I want to leave this city at that time, too. I don’t want a job right now unless it’s a fully-remote and async job I can do while teaching full time. But I want to grow the side business, which is me helping to grow my current employer’s business, and I want to start my own, 100%, I’m-in-control business too. So I’m going to focus my energy on that for this calendar year and mostly forget about jobs.

Side business is at ￥14,140/month. My goal is to get it to ￥250,000/month by the time I’m done teaching. My next step is to get an absolute stranger from somewhere else in Japan to buy our product or join our school via the internet. The money goal is my current salary, so if it can sustain that level then I know I can at least live on it. Same crappy financial situation in terms of numbers, but it would be money I don’t have to directly trade my time for and would thus free up like 90% of my time and energy once I stop teaching.

My goal with my business is to actually launch something and get one paying customer by the end of this year. I know what I want to build but the huge obstacle is sitting down and doing it. I was trying to rush it before, so I’m going to change up my mentality. Even if it’s slow as fuck I’m going to sit down and I’m going to do it. So my next step is to sit down and start. Ultimate next step is to actually launch. Because I know now from experience that marketing and selling it go way beyond just building and launching.

Debt → $0: TBD.

And my Japanese study is the non-negotiable in my life that will continue.

That’s it. I’m either not doing or outsourcing everything else and focusing on money. I’m already sexless so I’m gonna lean all the fucking way into this money thing.

Step 1: Money
Step 2: Move to a better place

Is where I’m at right now.

I’m going to go with a stack of Khan/Mogul/RICH next cycle and see how it goes.

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#145

2023-05-20T15:00:00Z
Another rainy, cold Sunday in May… gotta love it.

These new titles are tempting me so much, and it’s like I’m arguing with myself but also arguing with… Khan right now. And Khan keeps winning.

I’m getting all of these insights into action and what to do. And I have this huge thing in me shouting “focus” “focus” “focus” right now.

I stated my goals in my last post, and one included building out the app and launching it. I saw the latest release, index gate, and thought I would have to re-think my stack.

I sat down earlier to continue going over some sveltekit and something in me welled up and rejected it immediately as a waste of time. Similar to what happened when I was coding last time. It’s interesting because I get zero feelings like that when I study Japanese for 2+ hours. Couldn’t even get through literally 10 seconds of the video I’ve been working through. My mind just starting shouting “Turn it off!” “Turn it off NOW!” But it didn’t feel like it was coming from me, I swear.

So I’m just going to roll with it. I don’t want to fight myself anymore, I don’t want to waste time, and I don’t want to be stuck. I want to make something happen and my side business is what I need to focus on. ONLY. Whatever is going on with me right now, I feel like I’m caught in a tug of war but Khan keeps winning and the pull gets stronger and more urgent with each victory.

Something is crystallizing and it seems to be narrowing the fuck out of my existence. A lot of stuff I’ve read in the past such as “The One Thing” by Gary Keller is suddenly ringing loudly in my mind.

If I pick ONE major goal, and ONE project at a time to work towards that goal, and focus as much of my time and energy each day working until it’s completed, then I can finish it, automate what I can, and move on to the next thing. But if I even have two or three things splitting my attention and focus and energy… I just can’t do it. I won’t get anywhere and I’ll continue being right where I am.

So I’m going to try this again, and I’m going to keep at it until I don’t get any more of this mental pushback and can fall into pure execution.

Here’s the latest iteration:

I’m not interested in getting another job right now. I’m not interested in walking 40 minutes in the cold to go to the gym and trying to be a fucking part-time bodybuilder and part-time chef while I’m broke as hell. I’m not interested in dating, making friends, or whatever. I want two things by September 2024: Livable location-and- boss-independent money and to get the fuck out of here.

I have a side business that’s making ￥14,140/month. My goal is to get it to ￥250,000/month by the end of this calendar year. I’m shortening the deadline, because 7 months is a fucking long time if I’m focused. Plus, this business already makes money. This money will allow me to not have to teach but keep the same (admittedly low) standard of living.

How I’ll get there: Continue to work on and improve marketing. Add products and new lines of business until we get some winners. Then focus on building those out. I’m adopting a policy of only one new project at a time. The project must take me towards my goal. The process: Look at the options in front of me, pick one that makes sense, and work on it to completion. Release it, take a step back and observe, and then repeat the cycle with the next project.

When I think about it, all of the stuff that I have finished thus far has happened exactly like this. Extreme focus to the detriment of literally everything else INCLUDING Japanese. The difference is I’ve felt guilty because I couldn’t make time to trek to the gym or I wasn’t buying food, eating correct macros or whatever else. I felt bad because I couldn’t do everything I thought I should be doing. And when the project was finished I tried to get back into a “balanced” routine. I don’t think there’s any balance for me. I’m not capable of doing even a few of these things for whatever reason. It sucks, but I’m recognizing it now and I’m going to be brave, make the change, and see where it takes me.

I want my days to be:

  • Exercise at home or outside NEARBY (cardio, core, asian squat, bodyweight stuff)
  • Study Japanese
  • Do my day job
  • Work on the current project at hand
  • Marketing

THE END

Khan/Mogul/RICH still holding strong as candidates for the next cycle. :fu: :fu:

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Main Disc. Thread - Khan Black: The Crucible (Custom Core Now Available!)
#146

2023-05-21T15:00:00Z

Exercise :x:
Japanese :heavy_check_mark:
Marketing :x:
Current Project :heavy_check_mark:

Project is a video course. I’m keeping the scope and my tools dead simple because there will only be two of us working on this (mainly me) and I have no budget. I’m not putting my own personal money into these projects anymore, and I’m currently not making enough money from the business to reinvest so heavily either. So the challenge is: how do I make something worth paying for while keeping the overhead low and the timeframe to completion short?

I’ve already done an outline and rough script for the whole thing, but in terms of execution I’m breaking this project down into lego blocks and focusing on finishing each part in its entirety before building it back up into a full course. This will help me iron out the technical processes early on and get into a good rhythm, too.

I’m almost certainly going to buy a good entry-level microphone because audio is a non-negotiable. I will need screen recording and annotation, and I’m looking at a cheap tool right now that looks like it’ll be worth the money because I can use it for a lot of stuff beyond this project. We’ll also subtitle this project, so I’m looking into something for that. I’m not going to buy any video editing software, and I’m not going to include any music or anything else like that.

I have a decent webcam, but I’m leaning towards excluding video for a few reasons including the complexity it can add to the project. I want to focus on the quality of the message and contents, and FINISHING IT. This is a brand new product line and I have no clue how it will go anyway. No need to go over the top.

I finalized the script and slideshow for a part of the course today and will check out mics tomorrow. A student gave me a ￥5000 gift card so I want to buy something from a local shop so I can use it. If I don’t find anything, I may just go with Apple earbuds and hold the mic close to my mouth O_O. It would make things a bit hard, but they’re a surprisingly good fallback!

So the plan tomorrow is to get the first bit recorded so I have a clear idea on the workflow that will be involved, check in with the boss to get feedback, and if it looks good then start the subtitling process NOW so we can get a good idea on how to do it, how much work it takes, how I need to handle my scripts, etc. etc.