I listened to New Wanted and BDLM yesterday, idk how long each, masked.
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New GLM and Inner Circle, masked. 10 min GLM, doing 3 of IC.
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Kenya was on the phone with her best friend Thursday afternoon. I was next to her, playing PUBG Mobile with my friend and a couple online friends. The conversation must have lasted for a few hours. I wasn’t paying attention, I was focused on my gameplay and team communication.
After she got off of the phone, she looked at me and said, “Bae, she told me to say hi to you.”
Her friend has maybe once told her to tell me hi. We haven’t met in real life. Interestingly, I had had it on my heart to tell Kenya to tell HER hi, which I’ve never done. I told her this while still looking at my phone, and she shook her head and waved her hand and said it again.
I put my phone down (luckily I was between rounds) and gave her my full attention. She was looking at me with a somewhat amused, if confused, look on her face.
She told me that at the end of the call, her friend had told her, “By the way. Tell Sage I said hi. I can hear him back there talking to you.”
And she said that she giggled in a strange way. When Kenya told her that it was a friend of mine that I was talking to, not her, she said that she giggled again and said “Yeah, I hear him…”
“…”
“With his deep, manly voice.” More giggles.
It was at this point that Kenya decided in her head that the conversation was over.
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The jealousy is strong with this one…
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GLM and BDLM, 30 seconds the former and a few minutes the latter, ultrasonic
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30 sec IC, 3 min GLM and BDLM respectively.
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Self-candor session, recon dismantling incoming.
Please don’t comment asking me what this or that means, it’s not meant to be sensical
Reann, Reann, did I ever even matter?
What was it that caused you to look at me, and smile at him after?
I thought I could make you happy and bring your home laughter.
I left your place, I’ll never know who came after.
Reann, Reann, I thought you were special.
In the hood where we met with little love, but my chest full.
My feelings had me feeling giddy, I was the best fool,
But chasing a heart that isn’t yours is stressful.
So I’ll keep my heart safe instead of giving you my death tool.
Reann, Reann, I used to miss you so much.
I moved away, we didn’t talk for a few months.
We promised not to grow apart, and to stay in touch.
But looking at my call logs, that didn’t mean much.
Reann, Reann, even my daddy told me to push up on you.
He knew you before I did, and I’m sure he loved you too.
He made me promise that I would never hurt you.
But he failed to secure the same from you.
Reann, Reann, the homies told me that you been watching me.
While I’m sitting on the balcony, shirt off, black and mild they said you clockin’ me.
And maybe you were, but it was somebody’s wife also stalking me.
So, to let you go, I let her start toppin’ me.
Reann, Reann, you’ve had your chance. The wife told me to hit you up, I tried, you pranced.
My heart still tells me you want me, but in my defense.
It’s said that before and it turned out pretense.
Reann, Reann, I loved you oh so.
Reann, Reann, it drove me loco.
This man I am inside, he’s grown cold but really it was his on hands that had him in a chokehold.
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So, the recon today has been indelible. The recon I’m experiencing can be likened to a siege.
The ‘enemy’ (recon) is surrounding my ‘castle’ (ya know).
Now, the subtleties. My castle is well stocked. I have provisions for months on end, and I’m rather self-sufficient on produce so, no need for bringing in more.
In other words: when I’m actually in command of my castle and aware of its affairs, the enemy could attack me indefinitely and I would be iight.
However. I have not been a good steward and I’ve let some riffraff into the keep.
The only reason the recon is reconning the way it is, is because, similar to the Battle for Troy and the symbology of the Trojan Horse, at some point, I let something in that is now at least trying to actively work against my efforts.
Marijuana and marijuana pens are the Trojan horse, in this case.
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I imagine that what I’m experiencing on the micro has something to do with something in the greater macro, whether nationally or internationally.
Anger is just beneath the surface in me I’m finding, in the past few days.
I’ve been suspecting for a few weeks that my use of GLM has been showing me in several ways that I’m not really compatible with marijuana as it is. I’m not sure how to explain that knowledge… But, it’s there.
SSovereign shared some info a week or so ago that I can’t be bothered to search up right now. It said something about how they get messages in support saying that weed triggers or worsens recon for some people. That resonated then, I even felt that ‘tug’ that told me to pay attention.
I shrugged and schmoked.
Bold decision but hey I’m learning
Like, what to my perception now is ‘small’ inconveniences trigger me so quickly right now.
Reaching to grab a charger, missing it, and because it didn’t go my way the first time, feeling hot anger pop up.
Like, damn.
Or, even in my head, I can picture myself doing something and as soon as an image of me making a mistake comes up, negativity ensues.
Issa mental anger
This image, while useful, still implies that the ‘issue’ is out there.
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Consider the recon deconstructed.
A storm passed over California and through me it seems. This morning looks beautiful.
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GLM and Limitless, ultrasonic
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30 sec GLM and BDLM
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Kenya is highly attracted to the fact that when I set my mind to something and go towards it, “everything that would normally be in anyone’s way refuses to get in your way.”
However, for my own sake, I’ll also add that she added that she just wants me to be more consistent with it.
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“You can’t climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pocket.”
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I’m currently at a job interview.
Note to me: share the story
Had a read through the objectives of this title. I only just discovered that it had been released.
I may find a place for it.
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I didn’t even get home and got the call that ‘they’re gonna give me a chance.’
Story later I hope.
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