Looking someone in the eyes and knowing that there’s something that they want to hear from me, and refusing while still holding that knowledge as I hold their eyes…
Causes agitation.
04/15
We delivered her a dryer. I found out she’s married. Lost interest 
The inspiration however, is death-less.
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So many of our dreams at first seem impossible. Then they seem improbable. And then, when we summon the will, they soon become inevitable.
-Nelson Mandela
04/16/23
Today:
Emperor Black - 7 minutes
Minerva’s Spear - full - Second Loop
Previous Run - 14th - Sanguine the Elixir - full
Now. Switching to the previously mentioned custom, two loops so far:
Skin:
• My facial skin is more smooth and clear. It retains moisture better now and seems brighter, more vibrant in health. Touching my own cheeks, it feels baby-like.
Rubbing the skin on my arm just now, it’s definitely smoother as well.
• Blemishes are gradually fading, such as old acne scars. Slight wrinkling is also being remedied. Notably, on my forehead.
• I have been cutting my fingers at work way more frequently than usual. It’s not just me; it’s weird, but it happens to me and then it happens to my codriver very soon after on a different machine or the next stop, or vice versa.
For reference, I have two mirrored, symmetrical slashes on the top digits of my index finger and middle finger, on both hands.
They’ve been healing fast in the past two days. They’re not critically deep, but they were all ‘bleeders’ when they happened.
I wear riding and work gloves so, it’s a blessing to not grimace throughout every bit of my day that I’m wearing gloves! Because though they’ve not fully healed - I’m sure by tomorrow it’ll be pretty much satisfactory - the pain factor was all I was concerned about.
Going into…
• pain tolerance increase (potentially carryover from Spartan/Ninjisteel
• decreased sensitivity to weather elements, cold or hot.
(I live in Las Vegas. I work throughout Southern Utah 6 days a week. I experience highs and lows, to say the least.)
• my skin tone is evening out. Chronic raccoon eye is fading rapidly and indeed, that was one of the first things I noticed with LotS, early on
04/21/23
Sanguine the Elixir
• Deep, roaring, unapologetic laughter about unorthodox, unusual themes.
• more of a sense of cohesion with ‘future’ me.
• saying exactly what I want and damn the status - or lack thereof - of the receiver.
• women are simply 🫠 for my essence
I won’t explain essence. If you don’t understand, do some healing.
2 Likes
04/24/23
(Note)
Today: ending washout started 2 days after this.
Emperor Black x Sanguine the Elixir x Ascension Chamber.
I believe I skipped my last opportunity to use AsC, last week.
04/25/23
**A harmless man is not a good man. A good man is a very, very dangerous man, who has that under voluntary control.
-Jordan Peterson
04/27/23
LotS Custom: Full
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Yesterday:
Heartsong ZPv2 Major
Diamond Custom (Dia/IC)
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My body is filling out more from my use of LotS and more recently, Minerva’s Spear.
The only thing slowing down my bulk is the fact that, heretofore I have been eating less than I could. This isn’t new lol, I remember noting this with Wanted.
Imma do more with taking in more food and what not as that’s literally all that’s stopping things like my chest, back and shoulders from having massive positive changes.
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5/2/23
Minerva’s Spear: 3 minutes
5/8/23
Yesterday was a very interesting day of developments. I learned a lot, went through a lot and it’s been interesting.
I’ve cut myself off of nearly all of the harmful things in my life, recently. For example, my retention has been incredible. I’ve been out and about just enjoying my life.
Walking outside, staring at the sunset, talking to people,… it’s been educational on a deep level.
It’s funny, because, I chose the other day to walk away from the forum forever.
It’s hilarious because the forum was never the issue; the certain people that I’m leaving unnamed were. It literally clicked for me sometime yesterday and, I came onto the website on a hunch and, there’s this Everything Comes to Light thing.
I’m not really pressed, I stand on what I’ve said to the best of my knowledge, lol.
Anyways, since doxxing seems to be a new word going around that I’ve learned, I’m glad my online days were finished yesterday anyway.
This is my final post on this forum. For multiple reasons and, one of them is apparent to me now:
I’m not even wanted here.
It’s not pride, it’s not humility. There is no anger in my choice.
I’m not needed here.
So, I’m done.
I have patience, I am humble. I have passion but my anger is MINE to have dominion over.
They seem to think a sage is… Not sure, but you’ve definitely gotten it fucked up. 
I snap. And as soon as there’s a reason to forgive, I forgive. Yet, after all this time…
The one person who truly caused me to walk away from this forum forever had the audacity to take a public issue that he created on my journal…nah.
Not me and the Club, necessarily.
Him and I are simply done I asked for an apology, he has chosen to ignore it.
So. Because I’ve broken one of my only rules on this thing and lost my cool for one stranger who doesn’t (shouldn’t) know my name?
I take that as a personal (my own) issue and hope that he will do the same. I forgive you…
But I ain’t asking for apologies.
3 Likes
Tres años!
1 Like
Noting this here for my notes in the future.
Starting new stack of The Alchemist ST1 x Genesis x Chosen now.
Definitely food for thought!
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