Eh, decided none of that was worth it.
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Bruh.
What is this?
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4/6/23
A recurring theme in my life recently has had me defending myself from the insinuations of others.
I wasn’t going to post this but Voytek’s… thing reminded me that though this place is quite a bit different from most forums, there’s still people at every stage of life here.
I told RVC about this, as I had no plans of coming back here and posting until I got my head right about the situation I went through less than two weeks ago but after talking with him for a bit, I actually was in a better mindset than I thought and, his bringing Sanguine the Elixir to use, was useful.
StE helped me quickly deal with the remaining troubles. The issue at the time being…
Someone that I valued in my life more than just about every single person in the world who, to me, could do no wrong…
Showed me just how wrong I was.
Because he’s a high level person in certain circles and because certain recollections in this one makes me cringe - for him - won’t go into any detail.
It’s rough to put it here but, I’m quite proud of the raw nature of my journals and I don’t intend to stop now.
I went through a situation in my home where I was forced - literally - to let someone choose if they would commit suicide or if they wanted to talk it out.
It looks strange typing it out. It was stranger to be in that position.
I then went through an even trickier situation of defending myself once he came at me because of my lack of attachment to his implied intent.
Reacting would have gotten me caught up in his mental/emotional bullshit. Had I ‘reacted’, I wouldn’t be typing this now.
One or both of us would be dead.
Detachment allowed me to watch him, neutrally, even with the love I have for the man, do things with a gun that would make most need therapy.
And yet, here I am.
To put it bluntly: I’ve survived a potential murder-suicide situation in my own home while only defending myself for the most part, as much as necessary and as ‘gently’ as I could (chokeholds/pinning vs muay thai/ground and pound).
Quite merciful. Quite…empathetic.
I only took a couple days off work and away from my kids to process. I kicked it with a girl I’ve mentioned in my journal a couple times (redhead 
) and though we haven’t had sex yet and didn’t that night, the intimacy that we shared together was beyond sex.
As an aside…
The cops were rather impressed with my level headed way of dealing with it with minimal blood spilled (I wasn’t kind about subduing him, once I snapped) and the female cop was even getting at me, much to her partner’s obvious jealousy (seems like there’s history there).
Before the dawn, there is darkness.
I put this out there to give myself credit:
I can read between lines and see a cry for help from a mile away. But…
I require you to ask for my help before I give it. Not imply. Closed mouths don’t get fed.
I acknowledge my short comings and flaws every day. So I have little patience with anyone that projects their own onto me.
Anyone, including you if you’re reading this, Voytek.
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4/7/23
Legacy of the Spartan:
• similarly to my findings on Wanted, yesterday while working, my hair somehow mysteriously went from ‘decent’ to looking fan-fucking-tastic.
As an analogy…
Into…
Without the coil.
Loose to tight, frayed to smooth.
With no effort on my part
• yesterday, I felt a very clear, Balanced, immediate flow of my deeper masculinity flow through me while I was unloading my truck, in response to men’s respect and watching me and women that are attracted to me doing their thing in my proximity
• strength is definitely increasing gradually (not running my Spartan custom with Heracles, either)
• areas of targeted impact, in my sense: buttocks, lats, back, shoulders, biceps/triceps. Not yet the forearms as I would expect from *Spartan, as a comparison. If I remember my entries.
• developing, new sense of my attractiveness that somehow has nothing to do with other people. I could explain, but this was a yesterday thing and still fresh for consideration
• my posture is improving.
Since I started LotS, I’ve caught myself trying to optimize my own sitting posture, standing posture, walking posture, talking, listening, thinking…
I catch it. It’s not ‘conscious’.
Posture is important to me so this isn’t going against my free will, if that’s implied somehow.
So much more. Imma have to journal in segments again.
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Ignore the ZPv3 thing; t’was an intentional custom that came sooner than expected.
Reasoning in building baby girl, here:
Legacy of the Spartan is the newest physical shifting title that we have, to date. Exclusively masculine.
Ascension is entirely internal in scope, with some ‘outer’ adjustments in the objectives. ‘Masculinity’, ‘drive’, ‘purpose-full’. These are key terms for my creative lens in my focus on creating this one.
Now,
LotS is a like a ‘Wanted Spartan’, in my unique discernment.
Without the combat scripting which I don’t need the combat scripting right now. Having run Spartan before and having… Experience… I could access that in my self pretty quick as necessary.
As combat is the last option in my arsenal… 
Moving on to my module selections!
Alexandria, by herself, is in there as a test for a new staple in my customs. Similar mentions to give reference ‘Dragon Tongue, All-Seeing, True Sell Core, Alexander’s Play, Chosen of Venus, Yggdrasil…’
Modules that, for me, I can envision in any custom of mine. If I desire.
I study all of the time. While working, with some audio going on, while at home, on here or elsewhere, while out and about.
There’s always something to learn.
I’ve shared previously an earlier name I used to call myself - Causmosis.
There’s levels to the name but the relevant aspect is (Cosmos-is) (Cause-mo{re}), (Cause-Osmosis).
I learn from everything. That’s the osmosis.
I’ll go more into this custom throughout the day.
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4/7/2023
I invited redhead to go to a place with me. She said she’s down, but she doesn’t know what she’s got going on, but it sounds fun.
Because of previous experience with her, I was immediately turned off due to reading between the lines and remembering other times I’ve asked similar things.
I replied “okay 
”.
This morning, considering things on my way up here to Utah, I decided, “Naaah”.
“Something else came up for me so no need to concern yourself. Have a good day. See you around.”
‘Something else’ being my sense of self worth.
If we only kick it when its convenient for you (meaning, other options aren’t there), I’d prefer to spend my time alone or with someone else
If I show my interest and it isn’t received as desired, there’s other people that desire it and will receive it, and all it entails, readily
S’all good 
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Customs look good,
from what I can tell.
I’ve been out of the custom game so appreciate the tag but have to catch up on the latest before I comment.
My sense is they should be streamline freaking tight - one objective
or tell a very clear story.
100% on the reneg on the invite.
Its sounds like she gave you a wish washy answer if I understand correctly.
I learn this as a heuristic and have applied it for pure gold.
My 2 cents: The moment a woman gives you a ‘maybe’ date. Do a takeaway.
I personally say ’ I only make definite plans so lets just find a time your sure works for you’
or 'sounds like your not sure, let’s find a different time that your sure works for you.
They’ll either jump on it then, or you save yourself the suspense, honor yourself and your time, and they’ll respect you more and are more likely to jump on future offers.
This may sound like a ‘tactic’ /strategy- but it’s sourced from exactly what you discovered organically… your self worth is not worth being put on hold while she assess her options.
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I like it. I have no plans of licensing it right now so, I’ll consider this when I look at it later.
If we understand correctly
I like this because I have to Google what heuristic means.
It would be nice to high five you at this point.
NOPE.
I have until uncomfortably recently realized that, I shoot myself in the foot with women by trying not to be manipulative, conniving, deceiving etc etc etc.
Because I’ve been accused of it, lol.
When I looked back, I realized to my chagrin that t’was I who was manipulated. Gas lighting is a whore and man, she’s everywhere.
I realized that I took my own charm, charisma, magnetism, and sense of self-worth (and more) as something of a ‘bad thing’.
An unfair advantage.
As soon as I dropped that recently, my prospects revealed themselves.
And they haven’t stopped 
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The other day, I was gifted, for free, an amazing cologne that I later realized was a result of ‘Perfect Style & Smell’…
By my co-driver
On this day in history…
I saw a motorcycle in a customer’s garage that caused me to instantly consider trading my motorcycle in.
The next stop…
I met a redheaded older woman that made me forget about every woman I’ve ever seen, to date.
Literally gave thanks when I was in the privacy of my truck cuz pheeeeeeeeeeeeew.
Body: amazing.
What I saw in her eyes: incredible 
❤🔥
2 Likes
4/9/22
3:03 seconds: Emperor Black
7 minutes: Sanguine the Elixir and Ascension Chamber
04/12/23
Today’s Stack.
Introducing, my Legacy of the Spartan Custom (edit: henceforth referred to as, Minerva’s Spear)
Running: Sanguine the Elixir and the new custom, full.
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Forgot I had this one in the new custom. I’ve been sharing stories left and right today 
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Sanguine the Elixir.
I’m pretty sure this title in the beginning of me using it caused me to be extra tired in the morning.
I would describe it as…
“Wow, this bed is great and I’m not planning on leaving it…” -sees I accidentally tuned out my alarm three minutes ago and hop out of bed fully energized-
Vs
“Holy shit I’m feeling beaten up again. I don’t want to do this today buuut, here we go!”
The first one happened the first few days I used StE.
It could be the partnering of LotS as well as StE, as well.
This could read as me blaming StE or something; not necessarily my intent at all. No, this title is pretty great for getting a full nights rest it seems to me.
My dream recall (@Trader 
) has been, night by night, steadily increasing. I believe I’ve noted this before and I want to note again; I’ve changed nothing I could relate to dream recall.
I still smoke (@Invictus you using StE?) and I know that if I skipped even a day, my dreams would be vivid af.
Other StE objective-contents ramblings:
• easier communication with others about how I feel without having to ‘pop’. Meaning; I communicate what and how and why I feel to people, with less feeling bad cuz I know they won’t take it well. Not my problem.
• more clarity on why I want what I want, in a couple of categories
• more willingness to reach out to others
• important DEEP, ROARING BELLY LAUGHS
• related my sense of humor is expanding and allowing me to have fun in almost any context, regardless of what someone thinks
• also related
“I want you to make me feel, like I’m the only girl in the world”.
I seem to have started tapping in to the more intimate side of me.
Ignore any sexual connotations that come up with ‘intimacy’, make it gender neutral and throw out age concerns and boom.
I seem to be seamlessly getting the hang of making each conversation I choose to have irl be it with customers or coworkers or, surprisingly to me, people that live around me… Sacred? Is the only word that wants to come to mind.
Sometimes, it’s a quick, nonverbal exchange just with the eyes (generally with women, I’m not willing to accidentally challenge some guy)
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Going into the last post, in the beginning.
I also just realized that, for years I’ve woken up just before my alarm or, if I’m awake, been able to sense (with a sinking, annoyed feeling lol) that it was coming up to time for my alarm to go off at 3:10 AM.
More than once in the time since beginning StE, I’ve woken up out of a dream that … Weirdly enough, transitioned into me waking up, reaching for my phone, knowing it was about to be time to get up.
Or, waking up well before my alarm, doing my mantras/affs and feeling great and ready to get up anyway, reaching for my phone just in time to cancel the alarm before it goes off.
Haha I know what you mean 
it’s been 3-4 weeks since I stopped smoking and man, my dreams have gotten WAY weirder, like the other day I dreamt about beating up Ben Affleck for some reason 
And nah, I don’t see the need for it, plus it won’t really gel well with what I’m testing
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Lmaoooooooooooooo!!
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Eyes:
• the whites of my eyes have become more pronounced
• the shape and curvature of my eyes (and, somewhat the size) as of three days ago have shifted into a more pleasing aesthetic that Wanted has never given (see my Wanted reports for reference)
• there’s less tension behind and within my eyes
• my eyes feel clearer
• my eyes, when I look in the mirror, seem and feel more ‘open’
• I make eye contact as even more of a rule now; I see a woman checking me out, I make eye contact and acknowledge her. I see a woman I’m attracted to, I check her out until she looks at me and I nod to acknowledge and let her know I’m not ashamed and move on.
Rather than sneaking a glance, hoping I don’t get caught.
I see a guy staring at me, I stare back and then move on. For acknowledgement. Not a threat or warning.
I see you and I know you see me.
Not entirely LotS but way, way more obvious now.
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