I agree with you on that. An Ultima may be the best option, perhaps A DIAMOND core with the 4 you just mentioned and Regeneration?
I know next to nothing of building Ultimas, what do you think?
Alan Walker is one of the people I discovered on my path that has changed my life. I hope this helps someone.
Here is are some ideas:
Diamond
Sex Mastery
Eye of the Storm
Stop Porn and Masturbation
Stronger
Inner Gasoline
Now the potential disadvantage to that is you might get more horny.
So the other option would be:
Eye of the Storm
Stop Porn and Masturbation
Stronger
Inner Gasoline
This would be solely focused on ending the PMO pattern. This I think would be the “safer” approach. More focused on ending unwanted habits, whereas the first one is on ending unwanted habits and increasing sexual performance (2 goals rather than 1 goal).
Also instead of thinking about it as “an urge to look at porn”, how about think about it as “an urge to have sex”? I’m guessing your gf is willing to have sex with you when you want, is that correct?
If she’s at work, perhaps if she can’t come home and have sex with you, how about messaging her with something like “I so want to fuck you right now” when you have an urge.
What are your thoughts?
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In my inner work, I’ve come to the realization that it isn’t that I like porn, because I honestly don’t.
I just have allowed my liking of sex to be warped to a perverse representation of a natural libido. Luckily for me, I haven’t experienced the slide that a lot do into the more fucked porn out there, I actually prefer amateur. I just haven’t exercised my ability to tell myself no and do other things as much.
Granted, it wouldn’t be happening hardly at all if I wasn’t at home and I was working. That will change here soon when I’m released to go back, so that’s something for me to consider.
Excluding Sex Mastery, this is the ultima I was considering but, I like
That one better for pure healing focus. I already own DIAMOND as a main title and besides, it wouldn’t be too much to add it into the custom later on so.
You’ve given me things to consider, thank you.
I seem to be going through a period where old vices like smoking weed and tobacco and pornography are temptations again. I wonder if this has to do with things being Purified and coming up to be processed and released or if tobacco and the other are even really what I want. Maybe it’s another urge or desire or perhaps something else coming up that I’ve associated over the years with weed and porn.
Like I was telling rvconsultant the other day, I don’t even think it’s pornography that I even desire, but something I associate with pornography.
I’ve already realized last night that my sacral chakra is sorely out of balance and I think this contributes to my lower back tension and pain. I’m going to be looking into working with my chakras in my personal work.
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Useful reminder for later. Looking at just this, I definitely was going through recon last week.
I’m considering two different playlists.
Day 1-5
Wanted x SoL 1 loop each day, 2 days off.
Day 1 SoL x1
Day 2 Wanted x1
Day 3 Sol x1
Day 4 Wanted x1
Day 5 Wanted x SoL
I’m favoring the second option as it gives me room to throw in Regeneration, Rebirth or, when I get my Senny HD280 fixed, R.I.C.H.
The second option also depresses the part of me that seems to still think I need to play more than one loop to get results.
WHICH IS CRAZY TO ME that I feel like this, because I was running one loop of everything with Q for a bit there and perfectly happy.
Weird…
So yeah, next play cycle, I’ll be going with playlist option two.
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06/04/21
So, the past couple of days, I’ve been going through it emotionally. It started with a fight between my lady and I that should have never happened, but we’re both grateful happened because soooo much shit came out from both of us in the aftermath that the other one needed to hear. We both benefited from it.
On a temporary tangent, we also had sex that day and I can only describe it as electric.
Summary
When I first entered her, she was just Beginning to get wet. I mention this only because though she was just Beginning to get into the Excitement part of the sexual cycle, her responses to me simply going were almost dramatic.
For whatever reason, both of us were HELLA sensitive and I could only get a few strokes here and there for a few minutes, even BEFORE she was wet.
Once she got slimey??
Bruh.
Pump, pump, jump back and breath head ass
But yeah, I was sensitive as fuuuuck and I had to wait about ten minutes before I could really lay into her. Her and I were feeling the same thing, cuz when I had to stop cuz of intense sensations, she was gasping with a scrunched up face that I know well.
She was on the edge of orgasm, over and over and every time she was getting close to orgasm, I could feel it and it affected me too.
I’ve experienced this before with her but never this intensely.
Finally, I managed to get an easy rhythm that I wasn’t even going to keep up long but her eyes fucking shot open big, her head started to jerk up towards me with her lips pursed and she said don’t stop that you’re gonna make me cum
And stopped on her 
I kept on doing this for about 5 more minutes which started aggravating her and turning her on more. Finally, I kept the same pace and just watched for her reaction. She came soooo fucking hard and long and I never once broke my pace. That was a really drawn out orgasm, now that I think of it
I did not cum in this sex session, but I can say that was in my top 3 sex moments easily.
After we had sex, I was so contented and euphoric. The energy between her and I has been better ever since and, for whatever reason, my desire for sex since has been neutral.
But that day before and after the sex, I was being bombarded with the need to sob. I cried about the beginning of our relationship and how she hurt me and realized that I had actually changed from who I was to a hurt person who hurts people. And that’s why I ended up hurting her far worse down the line, cuz I never ever revisited that pain.
Having done so, I’ve cried over Alvin and the Chipmunks songs from the movies, and other things that I suspect is coming from the fact that I did a very short and simple rendition of embracing my inner child thanks to a post by @Sub.Zero. My chest feels as if there’s something clogging it which tells me I’ve neglected some of my practices for way too long, such as working with my chakras.
But yeah, I would be just sitting normally and just be beset by the need to weep hard as shit for ten seconds and then it would pass. This happened in like thirty minutes increments (very annoying shit lemme tell ya) to the point I started getting a damn headache. I was trying to embrace the process as much as possible but it wasn’t easy.
More later.
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Oh, the other day, my orthopedic doctor released me to full duty again, so the tone of my journals will finally be shifting to a bit more action.
I decided that I’ll be starting my rest days today in lieu of everything I’ve been going through emotionally.
Is something in fucking retrograde?!
But yeah, imma day a three day off period rather than two. I feel as if I need to let things assimilate.
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https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.almanac.com/content/mercury-retrograde-dates%3Famp
Well, that explains it. My Mercury is in Scorpio.
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The physical shifting of Wanted appears to be working on my thighs as my thighs have been sore from a workout that I did days ago at physical therapy. They’re hard and feel fuller than before, as well my buttocks (according to mah gurl)
I also feel as if Wanted is focusing on my biceps and shoulders as I constantly feel a feeling of strength and power in my stance, though I’m not working out like that.
Now that physical therapy is over, I’m going to be taking advantage of my girl’s gym membership and taking action in that sense.
I feel as if the gym is the perfect place for one to take action on Wanted, and it’ll probably be useful for my custom in some way too.
Actually, it’ll go perfectly with Eye of the Storm in SoL.
A process that is helping me to deal with my current reconciliation is talking out what I am feeling.
For example, when I was outside, I saw a pretty lady walking her kid to the car. I checked her out and then went back to what I was doing.
Her little girl saw me there and I gave her a little wave. Her mom noticed me and I instantly got a fear that she would think I was a creep, perving on her daughter or her. I started to have a bit of a panic attack wondering if I should go inside or if I should stay so that it didn’t look like I came outside just because I saw them.
I stood there and thought out everything I just said in order to allow my feelings to express and felt immediate release of tension.
Very powerful.
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I wanted to thank you over here and avoid derailing the Wanted thread, but this is awesome @DragonLord. Whether I use it on my body or not I can’t say yet, but I’m definitely using it in some fashion.
Thanks again, it meant a lot to see this.
In fact, I like the photo @DragonLord edited for me, the only thing throwing me is the thinnesses (I took a gamble that that was a real word and lo and behold) of the water line compared to the rest of the lines 
So far, today feels better. The need to break down randomly seems to have mostly receded. I have been definitely going through recon.
I’m not sure how, but Wanted is working on my teeth and combating caffeine/tobacco stains. They’ve never been horrible, but they made me uncomfortable.
I don’t brush my teeth as often as I should, but somehow, just the minor increase I’ve made lately in taking care of it seems to have an impact.
I’m not claiming a huge change and that my teeth are like ivory now, but I see a difference I think because I wasn’t looking for it.
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