You just started TS and immediatly realise something related to social stuff. That to me says on the background its already heavily being worked on and you may need to consciously do far less than youre expecting, and get over it quite fast. Be prepared😉.
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That is cool. For sure, I just never thought I’d experience this thing, this anxiety based on something so simple. Although the root cause might be deep and complex, the solution to the anxiety at hand is rather clear and simple, if that makes any sense?
But for sure, I’ve noticed I sometimes tense up and think I need to do so much for social success and streaming. Also, that I actually really care about things emotionally, and therefor fear not achieving my goals and/or failing. So I’m trying to relax and breath through it.
Wow, it might (maybe) actually be social anxiety. I just never thought I could have it. I thought it was confidence or self-esteem issue, or whatever. But true social showed me that I perhaps have some social anxiety. 
Lesson here is that it’s a spectrum. I thought with people with social anxiety had trouble all the time, experienced panic attacks etc, but it could be subtle too.
It’s going alright, I’m having a ton of ideas regarding my project assignments and I keep refining my approach in terms of gaming skills.
Wish you the best for the YT exposure!
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Hello been pretty busy lately so no journaling.
Had an nice improv class yesterday, working on being a better improviser and entertainer.
Been also feeling very at ease socially, at the same time hyper aware that I sometimes tense up. So it’s a mix, I am aware of weak spots but also aware that I am generally more at ease if that makes sense.
The creativity in stark is really getting manifestations through improv. Trust in your mind, in your creativity to come up with the thing that you need when you need it, no need to think about it, it will come at the right moment, that line or idea you need.
Anyway, no time, time to stream.
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Day 15 - R2 DOS - Inner Circle ZP
Day 15 of round two, day of subliminals. I ran Inner Circle ZP today. Hope this new format makes it easier for you and me to keep track.
[DOS] - Day Of Sublminals
[DOR] - Day Of Rest
R# Round number - basically you do 21 days of subliminals with 1 day rest between, and then 5 days washout. This is what I call a round.
Not much, been busy this week. From work, to spend time with girlfriend, to streaming and thinking of youtube videos, and improv class. I’ve been experiencing a bit of stress and bad sleep this week and I’ve started taking ashwagandha and saffron supplement to help with that, and it seems to help. We’ll see how that works.
I view this restlessness and anxiety as a sideeffect of ambition. You have so many goals, you’re doing so much in your life, there’s so many balls in the air, it’s natural have a bit more anxiety than normal. Hopefully this new ambition and goals and dreams are a new experience and the anxiety will settle as this will be my new reality. What I am saying is that I am not trying to fight it too much. I am trying to befriend it.
“Anxiety, listen dude, we have these goals and dreams, and I know you’re trying to protect me and bring me back to safety and comfort, but I can do it dude, WE CAN DO IT DUDE, let’s go!”
Anyway, my three youtube videos are out, no marketing, nothing. I have a bunch of ideas for the next weeks ones but haven’t gotten to work on them yet. I will get to work on them this weekend. I’ve come to realize I really need to hit up youtube videos for stream growth, because Twitch has zero discoverability on it’s own.
Also a technique I’ve been incorporating to get outside of my head and just “talk” in stream is Meisner technique. My improv teacher taught me it, which is cool. Of course my creative starkQ mind didn’t just adapt it as it’s in reality for acting, but I had to adjust it to fit streaming and my issues in streaming. Which is performance anxiety and being self-concious and in my head. Too controlling and anxious. I haven’t fully optimized it yet, but I have tons of ideas and seeing visions in my head of starting a streamer school in the future where I teach people streaming techniques I learned on my journey. 
delusional much? for sure.
Peace
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Nice reframe about the anxiety! I felt that
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Thanks dude. 
I am still wrapping my head around it, but the insight was nice.
Feel free to dm me your twitch so I can give you a follow and maybe watch you some time
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Day 17 - R2 DOS - StarkQ ZP & True Social ZP
Had a late night yesterday with friends playing table games, drinking beer and eating lots of unhealthy stuff.
It’s fine.
Today I’m a bit tired though and been slacking on my ambition to release 3 youtube videos a week. It ain’t easy, all of sudden out of ideas. But I just finished editing one video, creating another one and editing it and I need a third one. I don’t know how I’ll be able to keep this up and maintain this speed further down the line and still maintain sanity and quality. But I try to remind myself that the output is more important than quality. I want to build that ship it muscle and just view it as throwing stuff at a wall and seeing what sticks. Letting my creativity flow unhinged.
Anyway, I’ve started playing Elden Ring and this is where I’m out of ideas for videos. But I’m onto something, just nothing I can see manifesting. I’ll also be streaming today.
Yesterday I started a voice/vocal course to improve my voice and work on my oral communication.I am thinking this is valuable for a streamer/entertainer who mainly uses their voice to entertain and interact with viewers.
I want this so bad, the anxiety is noticable. I am working on our relationship. Relationships aren’t always easy haha.
No one said it was easy. That’s just an illusion the media feeds you, of everything falling into place effortlessly and infintely. So if you don’t feel things are going smooth like in a james bond movie, it’s not for you. That’s the lie. You can do it homie. Trust me.
Peace
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Been playing my subs, doing affirmations and of course been focusing on work, girlfriend and Twitch. I realize more and more how much Twitch discoverability is not working in my favor, especially playing popular games.
Been stressing all week how I will manage to complete my arbitrary goal of 3 YT videos a week. You see I try to record during the weekdays, edit on the weekend and schedule the video releases. But had a bit of dry spell and only made 2 videos this past weekend. But I did have alot of footage of Elden Ring, just no “idea” for the video. But luckily I got an idea yesterday and I edited the video fast after work and uploaded it. I also got idea for my next 10-20 videos. 
Amen.
I need to network more with other streamers, but how do I get the time? Maybe I should prioritize that instead of streaming because it might be a better ROI? We’ll just have to experiment I guess.
I wish there were a pure entertainer / fame /content creator archetype subliminal.
Peace
DAY 23 - WASHOUT DAY II
Wow already day 23 if phase/round 2 of sublminals? Forgot about it, until I looked at what subliminals I was planning to listen to. The month have had ups and downs. Alot of ideas, alot of ambitions. Socially I am fly, but content wise, my dream of Twitch is filled with anxiety, hope and ambition. I have anxiety, I get a crasy idea that solves it and then the next problem arises. It ain’t easy. And knowing this fact bring anxiety because I know I will have to go push myself beyond my limit to understand this and succeed at this. Even though I am taking action, I always feel I might be missing something or that I can do more.
I care about my craft and want quality, at the same time if I want to be consistent I need to let go of quality and focus on quantity and a just-ship-it mentality. It’s two conflicting goals, and the tension causes anxiety. What I am saying is that the anxiety is something I’ve been working on dealing with. This is the thing that makes people fall back and give up on their dreams. This is what makes them go back to their nice comfort. Nothing wrong with that, but I really want this. I have to master this and keep going forward.
I see Twitch forums talking about how hard this is, and that is alot of luck. That sounds like excuses for me. Of course there is luck, but there is also ALOT OF HARDWORK. Alot of rough days. Alot of hopelessness. Alot of darkness. It must be, or else everyone else would be full time streamers. There are people “making it” everyday, so it is possible. But there is 7 million people trying, and if you want to compete you gotta outwork most of them.
I need this washout. I will keep going with this stack next round. Keep pushing. Oh and the ascened chamber is so awesome. Doing visualizations and affirmations, trying to control the subliminals to manifest in the direction of MY GOALS and not their general objectives. It’s nice and I have high hope in it.
Washout is over and today I started with phase 3.
This time around I’m going for 3 ZP subs on sub days. I feel I’ve done ZP’s for 2 months and want to see if I can handle this.
StarkQ, True Social and Inner Circle.
I’ll also do visualizations and AscCh once a week.
I haven’t seen alot of Twitch growth yet. I’ve started to create youtube videos and I hope that ball starts rolling and lead people to my Twitch. I also have a bunch of other ideas. I also still take improv classes to increase the entertainment value.
Watched Yeezy documentary on NFLIX and feel super driven and inspired.
peace
Day 3 of Round 3 - Subliminal day
StarkQ ZP, True Social ZP and Inner Circle ZP
Feeling good, confident and happy that I seem to be able to handle 3 ZP titles in a day now. Going at this pace I might be able to run all ZP titles in a year (I kid, I kid)
Twitch wise, not much growth. But work wise and social, super productive. I need to hone in this energy to Twitch as well. I am hoping directing it with visualization + AscCha will help. I wish there was a title that focused on aiding me in becoming a super creative and talented entertainer / content creator. But that’s very niche I guess.
I am working on a side avenue that might aid my Twitch journey, more on that later. I am also thinking of ways to improve my entertainment value as I’ve said earlier, taking improv classes etc.
Peace
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Ok going back to recommended listening schedule. This stuff is too powerful. Third times the charm. I am thinking. My brain is so tired. Taking the rest of the week off and then replan the schedule and perhaps stack. Results good, my brain is just so tired.
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What is your new listening schedule?
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The one before the the washout? StarkQ, Inner Circl and True Social on same day and then rest day. Instead of the recommended 2 zp titles, rest, 1 zp title, rest.
I am going back to the recommended schedule.
Day 1: StarkQ ZP & Inner Circle ZP
Day 2: Rest
Day 3: (third title)
Day 4: Rest
repeat
I am unsure if True Social is most valuable sub for my Twitch goal. So still figuring ouy which one I want.
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Day 1 of round 3:ish
Today is a day of subliminals and I’m running StarkQ ZP and Inner Circle ZP.
My third subliminal this run won’t be True Social. I am thinking of adding Renaissance Man ZP. And I will also stick to the recommended listening schedule, pinky promise.
Inner Circle has manifested cool people related to my dreams in my social surroundings. A movie editor, which might give me video editing tips and also a fulltime youtube showed up at the improv studio I study at and sometimes help out in the bar. Many more weird people showing up.
Anyway, back to work…
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Day 3 of round 3
Today I listen to Renaissance man ZP, creator of worlds. That’ll be my third ZP title for this round.
I am hoping it will aid me in my improv, work (programmer) and also content creation. It also looks like a fun title to run and feels fitting for my personality where I have many interests (in many areas) and learning about things, and create something in each area.
I really like True Social because made socializing so effortless, really awesome. Especially togethet with Inner Circle. But I want to see what RenMan can bring to the creative aspect. Especially for creating content like Youtube videos etc. I might go back to one or the other depending of what I feel brings me the most value for my needs and tasks at hand in the next rounds.
Day 5 Sub day of round 3
Running StarkQ and Inner Circle ZP
I’ve been experiencing stress and anxiety regarding streaming. I think about this stuff day and night, so when it comes to actually putting on a show or whatever it’s counter intuitive because my energy levels are already depleted and I am in this weird headspace riddled by thoughts and anxiety.
So I am planning to have set time slots for stream brainstorm/analyze/plan sessions, set time slots for exercises to improve myself as a entertainer/broadcaster and set time slots for actually streaming and just let go and be. Everything else is rest mode, to recover and let things land. I must not forget that I also have family/friends and work, and I need to take care of myself and my energy so it’s sustainable.
Peace
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