I’ll expand on the full equation
Lack of sleep+new sub= unhappy place
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no 
+ 
reborn = 
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@Azriel and @RVconsultant
You’ll be happy to know I’ve not done any subs since Tuesday and won’t be starting again until Monday. Kind of a subliminal wash.
The subs are definitely making me question my aim to be famous on Tiktok and compare myself.
It’s like it has a healing thing like Khan…but I don’t think I put anything like that in the subs. Idk.
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That’s great to hear, hope it helps.
it might be having you question your validation need for being famous to be ok or worth something in life, like for yourself. I’ve met a lot of famous people in my previous line of work, and none of them got that way by caring about it. They got there cause they cared about there craft , put themselves out there, and didn’t give a shit what anyone thought, within reason lol
I think comparing myself can give me something to aspire to or ideas of how to live. I try to do so without the envy and competitiveness.
As for being famous, re-read what @Azriel said. Also keep in mind whatever reason you have I believe it’s possible for you.
@Brandon agreed about what @RVconsultant , I said what I said not as a judgement of you or your intentions but in hopes of lessening any suffering you have about it on the journey.
I understand.
Well it’s making me question literally everything, and also making me feel like shit because I’m not as far ahead as other people seem to be.
It’s making me question whether this is something I really want to do, whether I’m a good dancer or not, a good choreographer etc. I’m just so confused right now. I’m slightly feeling better but Jesus, this is already rough.
I don’t actually care, I’m just worried I’m not good enough at my current skill level.
I don’t know why I feel like I’m not a good dancer anymore.
This is the hard part.
Of course, I understand man.
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Something I am noticing…
I’m noticing how two faced people are and how they don’t care. This might be PCC but I’m looking at my instagram totally uninspired by the people I follow…I’m thinking about unfollowing people and starting fresh on Tiktok. I don’t even want the people I follow from Instagram to follow me on Tiktok lmao.
I’m just really not here for it currently. I’m sick of seeing how much hate there is and how fake people are, I’m also really noticing it a lot.
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@Brandon… this is your future self speaking… you’ll be fine.
Okay, okay. This is a variation of what I had, I’m sure. Questioning my whole life.
I could write a long essay here as to why I think you’re awesome and all that, but I’ll refrain.
Instead I would encourage you to realize that DR is tough. That warning was not marketing. I’ve gone through the worst reconciliation ever over the past 2 months or so.
Headaches. Bad memory after bad memory. Questioning my ideas of reality. At one point, the only thing I could think to myself as I asked myself questions was “I don’t know”. It was like my reality had been stripped away.
And there are at least 2 other people on this forum who are ditching some of their friends for reasons such as variations of “not interested any more”.
I think you are becoming disillusioned.
The other thing is that I think DR channels a lot of energy to healing. If I’m correct, then you might have little left for other things.
Okay there are some thoughts. Patience my young Brandon.
Perhaps @Malkuth would be will to offer some wisdom.
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Meditating late today. Sat down first to catch up on @Brandon’s journal. Last I saw was the announcement when you first started.
Read through everything and as a result I was not meditating when someone WhatsApped me needing urgent help with something.
So first of all, thanks 
.
Second of all:
When your capacity for attainment increases, your level of attainment will often seem to drop disappointingly.
Take a small cup and fill it with water. Great! You have a full cup!
Now find another cup 10 times as large and pour the same water into it. You know it’s the exact same water, but somehow it’ll often feel like much less.
Your cup—your capacity for success—is growing larger. Expect a temporary drop in the water level as your life moves to catch up with and fill that new capacity.
You haven’t actually lost anything. In fact, you’ve actually gained quite a bit.
But that feeling of emptiness (in the cup or in your heart) can be a real tough one. On the bright side, if we can learn to tolerate it (and eventually possibly embrace it), all growth becomes a little easier. On another bright side, you’re built for this. You will adjust to this process and master it.
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I don’t believe he is running DR, although it’s effects could still be processing.
@Brandon, @Sub.Zero posted this article that shows phases similar to what happens when running, subs, even if you don’t ascribe to alchemy at all. Dissolution and Separation are necessary parts of the process. I’m sorry your experiencing such difficulty, but for whatever its worth, it sounds like what your experiencing is part of the right path, and obviously go as easy as you need to.
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It’s commonly known as the Dark Night of the Soul when all the shit surfaces and people have a hard time keeping their shit together. On the forums, we have some examples of people running DR and experiencing that stage of “spiritual” development. For some people it never happens (I mean they have no symptoms of the Dark Night) but for some it may be a nightmare, it all depends on what kind of life you’ve led so far.
I’m not running DR. I dropped it a while ago. Maybe a month ago or something? Could possibly be the kickback effect though of it processing. I did do a lot of loops during that stage. Some of it was part of my experimental process of doing a bunch of loops. Oops.
Thank you for this.
I have no doubts I’m on the right path, it’s just difficult.
I have to be honest - I already struggle with mental health which is my own battle, but the way this has come up I can’t say it hasn’t made me feel certain things and a certain way - nor am I saying that for attention.
However, I know it’s a battle I must fight and continue for it to be worth it.
I’m starting to see a light and motivation however after some rest.
I agree to this for sure.
Literally how I feel haha, but I’m not running DR at all. I ran Elixir maybe once or twice last week at some point but that was after the way I felt.
This is interesting. Hmm. I’m not entirely sure where I stand with this but it seems like the latter currently.
I appreciate you taking the time out to read my journal. It means a lot.
This all makes sense to me.
It’s me catching up to the subs in a processing sense in growth. I’m catching up to that growth. It definitely makes sense even if this message doesn’t.
I appreciate the motivation, and insight. Thank you again!
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Some people experience it for months or years and call it depression. You should be fine, it’s only a matter of at what point. When the Dragon is done with you or you’re done with the Dragon, I suppose.
Oh, I just read it again, you’re not running DR. In that case it may be related to the healing components of your subs or some deeper transformation. It’s a transitory state like @Azriel mentioned.
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I think you are an undercover Zen master who is an incarnation of a former Lama.
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Started my subs Monday morning after a 6 day break from any subs and changed my playlist a little.
3x MorningStarQ
1x Limitless Executive
1x R.I.C.H
No longer am I rotating
That’s my stuck pattern.
I took a dance class yesterday as I’m trying to get into learning online. It’s a class I’ve struggled with for a while and it was much easier to learn yesterday. I’m grateful.
Gonna be taking a class tomorrow so I’m excited.
I’ve had so many ideas on things to do for my social media.
I just have yet to take action.
Things have been weird around the house and I’m feeling stuck with filming and stuff but I know what I need to do.
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@Azriel do you still follow this? For some reason I had it bookmarked and didn’t realise you did so many loops at some point.
Thoughts???