I did read what you wrote above. Based on what you wrote, I would remove Sex Manifestation.
Oh okay. I don’t have it in there anyway.
Yesterday was a rough day.
This might seem like common knowledge but to me, it wasn’t…
Don’t tell people how you feel.
If you’re feeling suicidal, down, depressed or doing anything stupid, don’t tell them. People make it out like they want to help you but they can’t deal with it really. They act like they’ll be there but they’re not - even if they have your best interests at heart.
Anyway, rant over.
I have a feeling the guy and my ex have feelings for each other, which is gutting to me but okay. It’s not fact, nor have they said it - my ex told me he liked him and thinks he’s cute which I don’t mind, but I just have a feeling they’ve done stuff, sent pictures or whatever. I asked both of them in the past and they denied it, I think they’re lying.
But luckily for me it seems like my LoveBird custom is kicking in. Even though today was a super rough day, especially with the guy, I seem to be feeling Love Without Attachment working. I’m telling myself not to message him. Normally I’d be checking his messenger (I’ve deleted messenger to help but obviously normally I reinstall it), I’ve answered one of his texts so that I’m not being horrible or ignoring him which he felt was causing the mess yesterday, and whilst I am still thinking of him (clearly) I feel like it’s becoming easier to take my power back.
I gave him the power to control and have me by letting him do my fetish and me be attached. No more is that happening. If he never does it again, I’ll be sad but I’ll learn to get over it. Never again am I letting someone have my power, and take my happiness.
My fetish isn’t my happiness, it’s just part of it. If it doesn’t get done I don’t need to be sad about it and I don’t need to attach myself to it.
However this guy will realise what he’s missing because I sure as hell won’t be at the studio as much anymore, and I’ll be taking time off so that I’m not in the way, especially if he does like my boyfriend. Both of them can miss me because I won’t be taking for a fool anymore.
Wow, it hit you harder than Khan TB?
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Love Without Attachment…
Whoever suggested this, most of you did, thank you!
I can really feel it kicking in.
I’ve stopped giving power into that guy, and I’ve been allowing myself to work hard on myself instead. Monday night I had a pretty shitty sleep - went to bed at 10:45ish and woke up at 2:50am, stayed awake until 9ish, woke up at 10am and stayed awake the rest of the day. At 6am I decided to make and post a piece of choreo which got some great feed back. That kept me busy for a little while.
I also choreographed a piece for class that was totally a different style for me and I really enjoyed it! One of my favourite classes honestly. It worked so well. That also kept me busy.
With the Love Without Attachment module, I feel like I can actually breath for a second and stop obsessing over this guy - and let things happen more naturally without having to force anything. Normally if he went into a mood or anything I’d chase him down, tell him I need to talk to him or whatever but yesterday none of that happened.
I stopped it. He went into a mood with me about my class because he’s a beginner dancer (I’ve pretty much taught him everything he needed to know) and I’ll tell people to help him - only people I trust who are teachers or I know are getting the choreo - and he felt like I was taking the piss out of him because he was struggling. I’m not.
What’s actually happening is he feels stupid as fuck and out of his comfort zone that he’s blaming me for his insecurities. He ended up leaving my class and I didn’t chase him like I normally would. I heard he wasn’t happy.
I left the studio as soon as I finished so that I can get home (as me my ex have broken up I don’t feel comfortable getting into the taxi and waiting with him unless necessary). Normally I’d text him, ask him if he’s okay, that we need to talk (the guy, btw) and whatever else. Nope, none of them. I didn’t even want to download Messenger once to message him.
I went to bed at 10-11pm last night and woke up to find he had tried to call me twice. I don’t know. He also followed me on Tiktok where I posted my video around 4 hours after he called, so he must be okay with me.
I’ve replied to his text and whilst I am clearly talking about him now I don’t find the need nor want to obsess about him. Of course I’m still thinking about him but I’m finally reclaiming my power and not letting him see me as a weakling like I was being. I was obsessing, and just allowing him to take everything I had and use me. No more.
I’ve started treating him like he’s treating me. I’m not being a dick, I’m just no longer chasing or feeling like I should and I feel like he’s clearly thinking about it. We’ll see what he thinks when he wakes up if he replies to my text. But no big deal if he doesn’t.
This is most definitely one of the modules I can feel working. It’s taken some time but it’s working for sure. If he is the one, which he still possibly could be, then it’s just great I don’t have to feel like I need to beg or anything, and if he isn’t then I still don’t’ need to beg. Which is great.
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I’ve decided to run an alternative pattern for the next two weeks to see how I go.
I’m removing my rest day which is normally today as I feel I may be able to add another day of subs.
This is just experimentational
So I’ll be running this pattern:
WEEK ONE
MON/WED/FRI: LBQv2 and Love Bomb
TUE/THUR: MSQV2 and R.I.C.H
WEEK TWO:
MON/WED/FRI: MSQv2 and R.I.C.H
TUE/THUR: LBQV2 and Love Bomb
Every other day is technically a rest day and is following Saint’s pattern (I was doing this anyway) but as I’m running 4 subs overall with two customs and 2 ultimas I’m going to do a washout every 4 weeks. I came off my wash out like 2 weeks ago, but even more so a week ago.
Yes. Hard to believe, but still true.
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Are you having suicidal thoughts?
If so, I would encourage you to call a crisis line or seek mental health services (even if you think I might be over-reacting).
As for your experiment you listened for your listening schedule, please keep us posted.
I’ve already spoken to someone, don’t worry. I’m good.
I’ll definitely be sticking to 4 days a week.
Wednesday rest is important.
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I’m doing a deload week every 4th week of me listening to my stack (1 loop each sub, rather than 2 a week) and then a wash out every 3 months maybe.
I’d like to let the execution mode happen and the way deloads in the 5/3/1 workout work I think this would be good.
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I planned on doing a wash out every three months and a reload every 4th week but honestly I feel like Qv2 needs a washout every 4th week for a least a week.
I’ve been hitting huge recon in manifestations. My left has been an absolute shit show and I’ve had issues with people constantly, and friends. Today was a good day tho. I really believe we need more time and washout times to allow execution.
However my ex-boyfriend is moving out tomorrow into his new apartment. We are still on good terms but it’ll be a sad day. Especially as he’s given me his dog to look after, since he can’t have pets at his new apartment but I’m going to surprise him with the dog on Friday at my company which will be great I think.
Anyway, I haven’t listened to any subs since Friday. I truly believe Qv2 and Solace are super powerful. Recon is a hard hitter when you’re overloading.
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Sorry to hear that you are going through a rough time. Do you have someone to talk to about these matters? It might help.
Yeah totally with you on the washouts. My approach is to start 1 day listening 1 day rest with just 1x loop.
I end up at the same day with lots of recon, feelings of anger, sadness, anxiety etcc i only start listening again until all is clear.
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I’m actually refusing to talk to people currently, simply because the people who have said I can talk to them about anything are the people involved (like my ex and that guy I like). Today I resorted to writing my feelings down instead of talking and letting them read it instead. I think my ex understood more that way, because normally he’s listening to respond rather than just listening.
The guy I like hasn’t read it yet but I’m sure he will.
These are the only real two I can speak to about the stuff because it involves them and I can’t let other people know certain things.
In regards to the washouts, I’m definitely having one once per month instead of every three months.
I currently have a 2x per week usage of each sub (I run 2 mains and 2 Ultima’s) but I may even have to cut those down to 1x per week.
Normally my sub usage is one main and one Ultima, alternate the next day with the other two, rest, repeat and rest two days for the weekend.
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Good to know that you found a solution to at least deal with your feelings. You know it used to piss me off that people would do this, actually no, I would feel sad.
But I realized that either I talk about it in that moment with a friend and get their take and leave it at that - no expectations. In my own experience I ended up realising most people can not even help themselves, how can they help me?
What I also do at times I just take a walk and then let it all out, cry if I have to. When I do that it helps in letting go.
Hey Brandon, what do you look for most in a partner? Connection, financial stability, sexuality?
Those sound like heavy stacks, I know for myself I can handle two mains at least, and if they are light like ascension/pcc I do at max 3.
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It annoys me that people don’t listen, but listen to respond. Writing seems to be the best form at the moment. I’m good with words, especially after dragon tongue, but people can’t help to reply.
This is what I’ve been doing. I actually turned to alcohol recently but I’m stopping that habit in its tracks right now.
Honestly, I’m not entirely sure. I’ve only had a relationship with my one ex. I’ve dated girls in the past but I’m not entirely sure what I look for.
I need someone who’s not judgemental about my fetish first off. I want someone who can make me feel like I’m important and wanted, someone who can give me the support and Love I’m wanting and craving - someone who likes me for me. Someone who treats me fairly, and just let’s me live but also enjoys living with me.
Looks wise, I’m a little superficial I won’t lie. However my ex wasn’t and never has been in great shape with me, I loved him emotionally but not sexually which is why we ended up breaking up. I personally love fitness but it’s been on the back burner since the break up and issues I’ve been having. I’d like someone who takes care of themselves, or I can workout with - whether at home or the gym, someone who can push and motivate me and I can do the same with.
But ultimately, I want someone I work and I’m compatible with. Someone who cares, I can trust, have fun and doing my fetish with, and whatever they’re interested in. Someone who makes me happy and I can make them happy.
Yeah I didn’t think they’d be heavy to be honest.
I don’t really want to get rid of love bomb but I do have Chosen of Venus in both of my customs.
I may drop Love Bomb rn as R.I.C.H is probably a higher priority and my LoveBirdQv2 sub is literally about love and finding it etc. That’ll be three then.
My main cores are:
Heartsong/WANTED
Stark/PCC/Inner Circle
That’s two customs with a bunch of modules.
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I’m concerned again because there seems to be more than a bit emotional upheaval in your life that I think has been going on for more than a week.
Would you please post your listening schedule for the past 10 days, as well as your plan for listening for the next 10 days?
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Nothing to be concerned about. I’m just going through a hard time, but time will make it better.
Me and the ex broke up, my friend/guy I like treats me like shit on and off - even tho he is a nice guy most of the time (I do thing he’s hiding being gay/bisexual though) and I’m just sad. But things will get better. I’ve been meditating and taking time to find myself through that.
This has been going on for weeks. We broke up like 3-4 weeks ago.
I’ve been using my Heartsong/WANTED (I believe I’m getting recon from Heartsong) custom, MorningStarQv2, R.I.C.H and Love Bomb.
For the last 10 days I’ve played
MON/THURS
LoveBirdQv2 x 1 and Love Bomb x 1
TUES/FRI
MSQv2 x 1 and R.I.C.H x 1
That’s my stack and how I’ve ran my subs. I get three rest days per week.
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Things will turn around, my friend even though right now it feels like eternity.
It’s a good thing to reduce the number of loops. Am finding that even one loop per day is more than enough for Qv2.
And Solace is even more powerful (in case you are using it). I had to do a washout after I tried both RM and WANTED I Solace format because the recon hit me hard. Am doing the Qv2 version now since that’s easier.
While typing this, am wondering whether Heartsong is working to find someone better for you. You might like your ex but he isn’t sexually attractive and your other guy seems to not acknowledge his sexuality. So it sounds like your subs are trying to find you a partner (or partners) who better fit your criteria.
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Oh for sure, it doesn’t feel like it will but it definitely will turn around.
I’m just super impatient. Meditation has been helping me get through funnily enough.
Yeah I may need to do 1 loop of the Heartsong custom since it is in Solace but I much prefer Solace over the old mask. I’ve had issues with the guy before my custom and before Heartsong tho so…
Possibly! This would be wonderful and I’m sure it is haha. The other guy isn’t not acknowledging his sexuality, I just get the feeling he’s not completely straight but I could be entirely wrong. I hope im not but 
But in any case I’m sure my subconscious is on it.
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Hey man love your journal! Curious to know what results you got from StarkQ?