Thanks for explaining!
DR has helped me feel more comfortable with my sexual orientation.
Here in the US, people I know who are gay talk about this occasionally. I know DR is supposed to help with everything, so I figured if it helped you with it, I could confidently say to anyone gay that it would likely help them with internalized homophobia or homonegativity.
I’m actually pretty confident in my sexuality. I may be somewhat insecure in everything else but being gay I’m good with. I hated it when I was younger up until the age of 22 but I’m good now.
Okay.
I need to be honest, and I’m reaching out - I also need this to stop because it’s starting to scare me and I’m getting overwhelmed and so frustrated.
It may be the recon, but honestly I think it’s a mixture of things.
But I’ve had nearly none stop negative and sucidial thoughts. I know that this is somewhat common on DR and was spoken about on the DR thread but I wanted to place my issues here. I’m getting scared about it now (I’m aware DR comes with a warning, but again this may be a combination of things).
I feel like my world is crashing. It may not be and I’m pretty sure there’s a reason I’m feeling the way it is, but the greater good of my life, but right now I feel so so bad. I’m feeling better than I did earlier and my recon may have passed but this is a constant issue recently.
On one hand I feel like I’m getting the opposite results of Stark. I’m none-stop getting blocked by people and unfriended. Someone I messaged literally asking if they were okay because they made a status saying something about being sad or whatever blocked me and I found out today. Whilst I’m pretty okay with it now at the time I was taken back. It’s happened quite a few times too. I don’t understand what’s going on.
Another thing, again DR may just be bringing things up during my break away from subs for these two days, but I am none stop thinking about terrible people and what they’ve done to me. Remember the guy who was making fake accounts and sending death threats? Well he has been talking about my boyfriend and his business, apparently people have said bad things about me too and it’s making my anxiety skyrocket. I’m constantly thinking about how my career as a dancer is over because so many people refuse to come to our studio and now this is even worse. I’m getting constant negative thoughts about it. It makes me feel like I’d be better off dead. Not going to lie about it.
I also feel like somewhat of a shitty dancer now too - I’ve taken classes throughout the year but it feels like I’m just not as good as I should be, it also feels like I’ve taken a year off. I just don’t understand. It’s my own choreography too. Why does it not look the way I see it in my head and it feels like? I just don’t understand. Makes me want to give up. Everything is literally overwhelming me and I’m having the worse thoughts.
I’m going to call my doctor who is getting me diagnosed for ADHD and talk to him but what else can I do to help (possibly depression medication if that’s what I have too) the process, if it is subs and recon?
In regards to the opposite effects I was talking about with Stark, is it possible my custom is actually secretly helping me?
Is it possibly that things are getting worse because it’s pushing me to think of new ways for it to get better? For example:
I have Inner Circle, is it removing people not good for me and making space for people who are yet to come? Does it do that? The ones unfriending/blocking me of course.
In regards to people and instagram I’m feeling like PCC is at work because I’m seeing how manipulative and vile people are. I actually ended up disabling both my instagrams because I cannot handle seeing people on it anymore. My likes, story views and everything else has gone down too.
I wanted to move to Tiktok and start a fresh on there without anyone I know following me and making friends on there. Maybe the subs are telling me to focus on Tiktok instead and come back to Instagram with a new page and following from Tiktok when I get one (if I do?).
I genuinely feel like this is a test to see how much I want it. How much I want to move to LA (I’m actually ready to go I just need money, but that’s a struggle because my only job is dance and with people talking about me and my boyfriend it seems majorily difficult and frustrating) and to see how much I want to be on social media.
But it’s also so frustrating. Because I’m getting over whelmed I’m getting sucidial and again, it’s many factors.
What can I do to start being happy again? Because I’m not. I’m really not and I haven’t been in a while.
Rebirth may help with this?
That sounds rough.
Could the “bad” publicity be a result of Stark’s Celebrity effect? You know how in Hollywood people just want to jab their nose into every single thing of others’ lives, gossips and whatnot? At least they’re talking about you when they could be doing anything, instead, they’re directing their energy toward your life 
I have had some incidents where someone would suddenly be lashing out on me out of the blue then blocking, like I am their freaking Daddy, or something.
Tiktok might seem the next big thing in social media right now, perhaps your mind is pushing you over there?
Personally speaking, whenever these suicidal, grim thoughts start popping up, like I’m an angsty teenager, its a sign of new beginnings, a shedding of an aspect of the old self. Like how death is a perquisite of rebirth. Metaphorically, you know?
I bet somethings is changing in your reality to the better, hang in there.
Edit: I am certain that you’re not a bad dancer, you give the vibe of someone whose truly, genuinely passionate and enthused about their craft. Its not uncommon to often doubt your abilities. Just get back on that horse and you’ll be back topnotch
This is what I thought but they’re making accusations that are massively damaging and are ruining our business and my career since it’s being spread and gossip is happening. It’s definitely ensuring that people are coming to our studio.
This is what I thought, and I went out specifically to make some dance videos today - what happened instead? I judged the videos I made and just called myself a shit dancer 
Wait, for real? Is this really the case?
This is what I thought. I really did. And do, it’s just scary because I don’t know what’s actually happening.
Like good things are happening too - like we’ve made more plans about moving to LA but I have to pay for my visa and we have to get an apartment and stuff but that requires money and with the studio stuff it seems like a massive block.
Appreciate it man. I’m super hard on myself. I’ve trained with some of the best dancers in the world so it’s difficult not to compare myself.
That’s how I feel about it. The thoughts seem kinda “emo” and I would look around and realize its not worth going through with them. They’re just thoughts. we have up to hundreds of thousands a day.
I get them before ego deaths, next day, or two, I would feel much empowered. Haven’t been happening for a while since I’ve been on Alchemist/DR.
This is what I thought but they’re making accusations that are massively damaging and are ruining our business and my career since it’s being spread and gossip is happening. It’s definitely ensuring that people are coming to our studio.
It feels like those gossip attacks that mean girls start. Maybe you should make a statement to shut them all up. idiots.
Were you in a bad mood when you were doing it? You know, negative place begets negative results. Used to happen to me, would write something great then burn it lol. Perhaps you see yourself in much higher light and you know you could do much better? I heard that Michael Jackson was like that, he would give a mind blowing performance and then later beat himself up because it didn’t meet his standard. If that’s the case, well, you share something some of the great ones have 
About the money block, its more like a hiccup, a hurdle. A block would be something like being blacklisted from acquiring a visa, even if you did have more than enough money.
I’m going to be honest, that’s the kind of manifestation that I don’t want. Growth or not.
I felt I repelled some people when I was on DR ST2, my theory is that I’m releasing negative things lodged in my psyche and it’s showing in my interactions, and even in my aura, and people pick up on that.
Are you using standalone Stark Qv2? I’m sorry if I missed that from your post.
Many of us here had experience this dark night of the soul. It’s terribly unpleasant.
You’re a strong person Brandon, and there’s nothing you cannot do. I hope that you’ll find your groove soon and enjoy life once again.
Stay strong my friend.
Just want to make a note that I definitely think it’s Dragon Reborn causing the way I’m feeling. I didn’t notice it but in November is around the time, when DR came out, that this guy came out with all his stuff and was sending my boyfriend messages (obviously I’m not saying DR made that happen) but my boyfriend had been listening via the speaker to DR too so it was a difficult af time.
Now I’m listening to DR again and it’s bringing up those memories again, even though they happened 5 months ago. I’m guessing it’s bringing them to light so I can heal them.
Does anyone have any exercises I can do along with DR rather than just journaling, speaking about it and whatever? I’ve noticed that when listening to DR this time that I’m actually letting it out. I held it all in last time, this time I’m speaking about it - and my anger is there.
Are there any healing exercises so I can start to ease the trauma?
Makes sense. It’s just frustrating living with them and constantly getting bogged down by them, repeatedly.
Nope! I wasn’t in a bad mood at all, I was a tiny bit frustrated with my boyfriend since he was kind of making things awkward in finding a place but once we got on with it I was all good.
I definitely hold my standards high and beat myself up later. I just know how good I can be, and where I want to be so I look at that rather than where I am.
Great way to see it, thank you!
I don’t mind the growth, but the pain coming with it hurts hella.
Like, I’m actually in emotional pain at the moment and it sucks. The growth will be worth it but I can’t say it’s not a struggle and that I haven’t felt like giving in because I have.
This is what I see recon as too. I feel like everything is connected and it shows up. Just like @Phoermes said with the bad mood thing, it shows up.
Nah, my custom, which has Stark, Inner Circle and PCC.
Appreciate your love my man, means a lot. I’m working hard on myself.
I see. That’s a great custom.
For what it’s worth, I haven’t found Stark to be particularly attracting people to me right now, unlike with Qv1 which almost always gets me approached, a sudden message from out of the blue, a gift or some lucky break.
It felt like it worked like clockwork but the recon I had on that was one of the worse I’ve experienced. DR ST2 Qv1, not far behind.
I’m thinking because Qv2 hits deeper, the results would be less superficial and far more significant when it does show up, not to mention the heavy stack I’m running.
Thanks man, really took my time with it. 
My custom is on Qv1 at the moment. I’m sure Qv2 will allow me to manifest all my cores quicker but yeah the attracting people seems weird. I feel like I’m losing people that are bad for me, which is great, but at the same time it hurts because I had somewhat of a friendship with these people - I hate being blocked without being told why, like I don’t understand? But it is what it is.
Yeah…I’m in for a rough ride so it seems with DRQv2 Stage 1 and 2.
I’m praying for the strength to stay alive throughout it, as dramatic as it sounds.
The growth will be worth it but Jesus Christ everything is being questioned. Literally everything, which is great because the outcome will be amazing but the actual journey is hell right now.
My stack is quite heavy with DRQv2 Stage 1, KhanQv2 Stage 4 and my custom.
Lol,if that stack is heavy.My 2 customs is hella heavy 
Suprised that stage 1 is bringing up so much though.Stage 1 of DR was pretty easygoing compared to the later stages.Might be QV2,i guess.
It might not be Stage 1, it might just be my life. Sometimes things just happen and it isn’t the subs. But I’d assume it is the subs since I wasn’t really thinking too much about what happened prior whereas now I’m thinking about it all the time.
You also don’t think my stack is heavy?
Hmm,three programs.Fairly heavy but not terrible.Everyone is different though on how much they can process.Your customs not very big also,inner circle and pcc are pretty small.DR is only ST1 so your only really big program is khan
This is from the DR Stage 1 page, and is pretty much how I feel. Good to know.
Every single part of your being will be cleansed by the flames of the dragon. This includes energetic blocks, negative emotions that you are holding on to, tensions in your body, conditioning, traumas, as well as any harmful subliminal influences you might have picked up on during your subliminal journey.
This is a profoundly wide effect. You will experience changes throughout your whole being, and you need to be prepared to go through the challenges that this entails. It is not an easy path – be ready.
Sounds good though.When its done,youll be clear of everything holding you back.
Well, I’m trying super hard to not add anymore haha.
Yeah, Khan is definitely taking it’s time to process but I’m feeling manifestations from it already.
I’m getting more views on Grindr, someone who I had a crush on in high school, and I didn’t know was gay until a couple years ago, messaged me on Tinder giving me his number…he also did my thing back then too, without knowing what it was really (I didn’t really either).
I got a bunch of stares and some guy checked me out yesterday which is pretty nice. I’m also pretty happy, with my body - not where I want it to be but I can see I’ve made good progress for sure! Khan is helping me so far, even if it’s slow.
I also forgot that Khan Stage 4 includes Khan Stage 2, which was absolutely HORRENDOUS for me. Stage 2 made me also feel how I mentioned last night when I ran it the first time. How frustrating. But it’ll be worth the reprogram.
How long would you recommend running each Stage? I’m scared of the recon holding me back from things as I’ve got stuff to do.