That means a lot @Alphamale , my brother from across the world. Hopefully I’m a force for good in the world. I’d like to say I’m just a cog-in-the-machine or pawn, but I was given the privilege of autonomy over choosing my assignments, and have tested the limitations of that. Much love to you 
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It was my calling to be a soldier and that was when I was 7-21. I feel like I’ve served my purpose with that calling and ready to move on to the next thing in my lifetime and evolution. On the journey I have met my best friend, lovers, great people, etc. It’s changed my life forever and the impact will continue for the rest of my life.
I’ve been the personal recipient of worldwide love from unexpected people and families and also hatred by those who oppose what I do. It hurt my feelings at first, but then I understood that criticism comes with the territory and that’s just a part of fulfilling my purpose.
The criticism really got to me because it hits different coming from old friends. This was my divine calling and being known as “just a pawn” was really a slap in the face. I am no government’s pawn, the fire of God compelled me to do something so I did what was set out for me and have been blessed for it.
Now my contract is ending and I am deciding that I want this to be my final mission. It really sucks because I crave the full freedom and control of my life, but I am going to lose a big part of me. For years I’ve been a part of something great and bigger than myself, and people have recognized me as great. My reputation reached memetic proportion in my community. Being called a veteran is not enough for me. I feel like I’m losing something. But at the same time, if I stay, I will eventually be unreasonably disadvantaged and suffer. It is by the grace and mercy of God I prevail through all the challenges that have come my way. The warfighter isn’t truly cared for by any of our governments and even some of our fellow citizens. It’s just the nature of being a man that the bloody game of war has to be done. Someone has to do it. Somewhere along the way of silencing our emotions and feelings and thinking we are impenetrable vessels of steel, mankind must know God is there to provide for our emotional nature too, because we cannot hide it from him, something which he created. Purpose is tough is what I’m saying. I am a bit sad because of the dilemma, but also overjoyed by the blessings.
. This is exactly the type of shit that makes me dream of my inevitable self-employment. I volunteer to risk my life and this is the thanks. Anyways, I quickly brushed that to the side.
Hm and what do they indoctrinate usually in us at young age? Lol, so if not born on a secluded island with great role models in the local tribe, and taught good values and self-love… if not… work on yourself until you realize that there has only existed one authority all along 
