Resisting my Roots (DR + CFW)

Journals - Major Programs
#1

Hello everyone,

It will be my first program of Subliminal club and I am ready to embark on this journey. I’ll try to share as much as possible, both the positive and the negative and be as honest as I can. I know it will be difficult, but it’s a much needed journey to go back to the Roots and start building from there.

My Routine:
I’ll do only 1 loop a day and have one restday in between. Will experiment later if I feel i want to do more loops, but for now I take up the advice that’s recommended.

What is it that I want to achieve?

  • A clear purpose and know who I am and where I stand for. Knowing which road to choose, I will add more programs in the future when i have a better vision of who I am and what I want.
  • Clear all the trauma and mostly negative emotions that I have
  • Dealing with the mister Nice guy symptomes I sometimes have
  • Limit my ways of running/hiding away from life.
  • Get control back over my vices and limit then as much as possible.
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#2

Hello Jim and welcome to your journey. Is it Dragon Reborn? Not sure which sub you are using.

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#3

If you use Dragon Reborn then I would say focus on Healing only. Let your other goals aside and prepare for the ride.

Also I would encourage you to include : The Elixir into your journey.

The Elixir transforms you into a surgeon that can consciously remove the Negativity easily.

If your journey is to hard, then include : Spartan

Spartan gives you Mental Power to proceed.

Also for balance of your Mood : Sanguine and Lovebomb

Much success to your Journey

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#4

@Solomon Greetings welcome to SubClub. Success to you on you Sub Club adventure. Don’t forget to ask questions . There be wisdom living here.

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#5

@Leandros I heard about the Elixir combination before, was thinking about using that combination also. Someting like 1 Loop DR in the morning and 1 loop Elixir in the evening. Thanks for the tip!

@FireDragon Yeah Lol I pressed DB instead of DR. Don’t know how to change the title haha, the pencil icon just dissapeard.

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#6

Did my first loop yesterday. One of the things that came up right away is how much I try to run away from the inner problems that I am facing right now. It’s summer and I want to go out with friends, have fun and go do stupid shit. But I know that this doesn’t work for me right now, I have to face what is right infront of me and that’s myself.

The other thing that came up was a kind of sadness about the past. That everybody died and the “good” days are over. Someting I haven’t really mourned about, but is coming up more and more. Also I am really suprised how hard this 15min hits you, like no subliminal I have ever had before.

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#7

Go slow with the loops.
Dragon Reborn is extremely powerfull.

Also the Elixir is perfect for your Journey with DR.

All the best to your Journey

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#8

Hi Jim,
it’s better to hear the subs together. This was discussed here once and saint recommended it. So don’t split it up into evening and morning. Either together in the morning when the subs wake you up or in the evening when the subs make you tired. You have to try this. The subs tend to wake me up and I listen to them in the morning if I can.

#9

So if I understand it correctly. 30 min loops (15 DR and 15 elixer), then a rest day and repeat?

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#10

Yes thats correct.

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#11

Thanks alot :slight_smile:

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#12

You’re welcome

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#13

Loops: DR Stage 1 / Elixir
Alright, first week was hard AF… Honestly, I am very, very impressed by how well this program works the first week with only 1 listening day and all the rest days in between. Have never encountered that before with subliminal. Nonetheless, Jesus what happened. I have felt so many emotions this week and just felt terrible. Like for no reason at all, just very difficult, but it’s manageable. I’ve tried many forms of escapism this week with going drinking with friends, smoking some weed (What I mostly don’t do) and just eating very bad.

One of the things I figured out is how difficult I find it to be still right now. I am always doing things, had my own business and just working and personal development. But now after everything that happened, I’m just done… And this Dragon bends me ever harder on my knees. So to do “nothing” and just be still is something that I find the hardest. My ego just wants to create something and do things so that I don’t have to deal with myself. Thinking about doing a dopamine detox to face my body again and go deeper, but being careful that I don’t become a slave master to myself.

Anger and Sadness. 2 emotions that I am working on with my psychologist and I’ll find very difficult to express. First because I’ve been on the spiritual path for quite some years and came across people like Joe Dispenza and Sadhguru. People who talk about low vibration emotions and that anger, sadness, jealously are bad emotions that makes you feel bad. Being angry at a person will only take from your life. I agree, but the problem is that because of that belief I just don’t get angry at people, because it’s my belief that my emotions are my problems, not somebody else. This goes back into the nice guy syndrome/ abandonment issues that I have for a couple of years. If I get mad, there is a change that people will leave me. The same with sadness, men don’t cry and if you cry you’re a wimp. This week I become more and more aware of this thought, what makes no sense at all but I understand why my subconscious thinks like this. Showing emotions will mean that people won’t like me.

I am also scared of the steps that I need to make to heal and change myself. I am romanticizing the past and miss the family time that I don’t have anymore. This fleeing behavior is also something to get closer to my family and old friends (My mom died and my dad left when I was 14), especially the Vices to handle the pain. In a weird way I know what to do and what works, but the resistance is incredible at this moment.

I’ll have to work the next couple of days, let’s see how that goes

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#14

Today finally after sleeping good again I feel so much better. I did 1 loop each of Elixir/DR and it’s like my brain just handles it way better. It feels more welcomed instead of this irritated feeling after listening to it. Still, I felt a little more down after listening, but a good feeling of down if you know what I mean. One thing that stands out today, Presence… Being in the moment and just enjoying the sunshine on my face and reflecting on what’s happening. It funny how much pain comes from living in the past or worrying about the future.

Also, yesterday i felt so bad that I went to the parents home of my best friend. It’s a place that is left from what I have of feeling home and having a family. My next level up will be to feel at home with myself wherever I am. But it’s understandable that I’m feeling like this. After my travels and living in Spain and all this unknown my body just craves for the familiarity.

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#15

I started with my Juice cleanse today, feeling a bit tired but looking forward for what it’s going to give me!
Today was also the first day I started DR with CFW because I’ve seen more people have great results with that. One of the first things that I felt was how much I wanted to be alone and just start reflecting! Didn’t want to listen to music/podcast or read a book, just sit with myself and be alone. Almost scary how fast that is working!

One moment that was very hard was me looking into other people’s journey’s, especially the custom ones. I see so many people having Stark/Emperor or whatever kind of combination and just having the greatest feeling ever. While I’m here feeling sad and tired and just letting it all come over me… One of my main things in life is knowing and feeling my true self and purpose. So I have to be careful not jumping into Stage 3 of dragon born to fast. But men… It’s difficult for a person like me to keep standing still and not move forward.

One of the things I realized is that I’ve been missing alot of out life. I heard an interview with St Pierre one of the best mix martial artist there is. And he was talking about how difficult it is for fighters when they stop fighting. The feeling of being alive (Because you can die in that cage) is something that’s almost impossible to create in normal life. So many people fell into the trap of abusive drinking and using drugs to create that same feeling. That really hit with me… I’ve had years of problems with vices under my belt and whatever I tried I just couldn’t find the reason why. Now I know… It’s to have something do deal with the pain of all the trauma and to feel alive and not feeling like I am truly living. Covid really amplified that aspect in me combined with feeling lonely. That’s what makes this Journey so difficult, I have to let it go and just embrace in the stage I am in life, but on the other hand I have this deeply rooted desire to really start living, embrace my purpose and do something meaningful in this life! But i can only achieve that if I accept where I’m at and let it all go… Damn change is difficult!

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#16

Rest day and second day Juice cleanse.

The morning was difficult, I was trying to just chill and go with my thoughts but for some reason it just didn’t work. Also, the Juices make me very tired and thirsty in a good way, So I have like 0% energy to do anything. So again I had this feeling about doing things, meeting people and having fun or work on a project but I was just to tired to deal with this feeling. For that I am really thankful because I’ve been working like crazy with almost no sleep the last couple of weeks. Purely to escape from what I am feeling now.

The turning point was doing some Yoga Nidra around 4PM. I fell asleep and it was like my brain just went off and things became more clear. After that I did another round of 30min and felt more and more tired and just welcomed it instead of trying to run away from it. This is a reoccurring thing in my life, I know how much spiritual discipline helps me in my life (Yoga, reflecting, meditation). But for some reason I feel the most resistance when I have to pick it up again. It’s quite frustrating to know the answer for a problem, but don’t actually take action to do so.

Another interesting moment was that My friend was texting me that he’s giving a BBQ tomorrow and that we want to go on Holiday together. Right in this moment I was checking locations, trying to stop my juice fast so that I can go to the BBQ tomorrow and wanted to mail my work that I wanted to work fulltime again to have some money for the vacantion. this is after i’ve asked them to give me some time off… I think this is where CFW was kicking in heavy… It just stopped what I was doing and looked from a different perspective. What I figure out is that I always want to run back to the known. My best friend and his family… I’ve been doing this since my mother died and I moved from the city to a different city. Even the Holiday planning gave me a warm and comfortable feeling. Because of this I have not really moved on in my life to have new experiences and try new things out. It’s this comfort-zone that’s trying to protect me. But this time I really saw it in the moment instead of after the action. That’s something I am really grateful for!

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#17

Listening to one loop of CFW, don’t know yet if I will run DR today. Feel Terrible

Woke up this morning around 4am and just coudn’t sleep anymore. I felt very angry and sad about not knowing how to move forward and who I am anymore, i just feel completely lost… I even started to tear up a little bit about my life, was trying to avoid the question “Why does this need to happen?” but it was difficult. Also I stopped the juice fasting and I am going to the BBQ with friends today, I have not figured out how to keep my social circle and try to change at the same time. I’m just scared i’ll do the same as what I did 1 year ago and that was pushing away everybody that I knew because they didn’t understand me, something that I am still scared about, that version of myself is really heavy.

If I only knew were to aim at… Men that would make me happy

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#18

You got that right! Positive change is good.

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#19

Enjoy the BBQ with your friends thats realy important.

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#20

Just hang up the phone with my mental coach and again reflected on some difficult things. I have 2 main core beliefs that I hope will vanish after a while with DR and that is:

  • I am not worthy/good enough
  • I don’t deserve it

I have this strong voice in my had, mostly from my mother, that I have to achieve something great and be great. Something I truly want in my life but not with this critical and negative voice in my head while trying to achieve it. I’m just not content with the person I am right now and honestly it makes no sense. It’s always all or nothing, big highs with the lowest lows and it keeps repeating itself until I hit a wall again. For some reason I keep forgetting this. So for this month I made the decision to focus on my Sadness and grief for certain things in my life. Doing it for 15-30min a day, not overextend it and be gentle with myself. Will be very difficult to do so. The things I want to work on in this chapter is:

  • Losing my family and having nothing left
  • The grief of nothing truly living the last past 6 years
  • Sadness in the rejection of some girls in the past
  • My lack of Discipline/ too much impulsive behavior.

Also, the woman who took my in her home after my failed journey to Spain told me "You are living way too much in your head, you have to get back into your body and trust your gut”. What I find very difficult because of the lack of trust in myself but she is right. Doing things like meditation, walking in nature and yoga to re-balance this aspect in my life.

@FireDragon Yeah thanks! Balance is the key! :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

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