Renegade (WANTED custom)

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#101

My healer gives me a few different medicine plus acupuncture treatment every 14 days.It is called Kashayas And I know some Ayurvedic doctors give herbal tinctures.

Acupuncture together with herbal extracts (including Ashwagandha) calm me down. So those daily triggers are manageable to greater extend. Most importantly it (I guess) stops my constant flight or fight response. So I feel much rested and relaxed. I am not done yet. My healer said I may need nearly `12 months of treatments to get to that “normal” state. I never had a normal life even as a child. So hearing it is bit funny.

I think you are from US. So acupuncture is available to you. Give it a try.

1 Like
#102

What do you need to face?

1 Like
#103

Unfortunately I don’t feel comfortable discussing it in a public space or with other people. Maybe one day I’ll feel ok with being open, but right now I’m trying to honor my own needs when it comes to this stuff. Too much risk of misunderstanding that will set me back.

1 Like
#104

Going on this washout was the best thing I’ve done in years. Goddamn, if only I had enough understanding to do this earlier and to not be so afraid of falling behind.

I realized that all my past subliminal exposure that failed to get me where I wanted to be boiled down to one thing. Can I be there for myself emotionally? And the answer was always no.

So I’m still planning on my continued washout. But when I get back the question is what titles can I run to reinforce my ability to both acknowledge, validate, and provide support for my inner self?

I was getting so down on myself and feeling like a failure running all these subs. The more times I failed to get what I wanted, the more I neglected myself. I’m not going to burden my mind anymore with what I feel I should be. I’m just going to take my current life experience and ask myself how I can provide support and make it better. I’m not going to keep falling into the trap of seeking things outside of myself for fulfillment. It is hard, but sometimes when you want to get better you have to advocate for yourself.

1 Like
#105

Some great titles coming out now, damn. Genesis definitely interest me. But I’ll see what else drops before I make a decision.

I’ve been increasingly lost lately. Just feelings of “So this is life huh?” I actually had this feeling the other day that I was already dead and this was hell. Not getting the answers I want, ending up in jobs and engagements that aren’t for me, autopiloting till the weekend, doing it all over again another week. Yeah safe to say this was my worst nightmare when I was younger come true.

Ultimately I’ve realized expressing this to anyone is pointless. Am I grateful for being ok financially? Absolutely. That doesn’t take away the existential torture though. And in a lot of ways this mimics the pattern of providing for the physical but abandoning the emotional.

The answer isn’t more money, a better job, more sex, more power, etc. I don’t know what the answer is. But I know I need to do some deeper soul searching without guilt in order to honor these needs. That’s still something I’m learning. We live in a society where it’s assumed the typical lifestyle checklist is good enough and if you need something more you’re cast aside as a reject. But I decide what’s important, not some dumb outside opinion. So if my life doesn’t feel fulfilling that’s not me failing at something, that’s pressure on top of me to conform I have to break out of.

#106

Realizing why wanted was such a painful run. It’s the hot cold scripting coquettish behavior. That was triggering some deeper wounds in me. Wasn’t a good time. Should have stopped when I felt that.

Not sure when I’ll be able to run this again, but it’s definitely not now.

Musical Genesis+LoTS+SSX
#107

Me, too, mate! I went with Chosen instead.

1 Like
#108

Right now I’ve got my eyes on Genesis. But waiting to see what else is dropping before I run anything else. But I’m glad I uncovered this. RoD and Genesis are my two top picks right now.

1 Like
Musical Genesis+LoTS+SSX
#109

Wisdom, and self-discipline.

I concur, dude!

1 Like
#110

I did say this custom was an experiment with my first post here. Looking at it again, yeah there’s a lot in there that screams “I’m doing this because I feel I need to and not because I want to”.

I feel bad I couldn’t run this. And even given my extended break away from it I still think to myself maybe I just did something wrong and I should keep going. But I feel like this custom is reflective of how I’ve treated myself over the years. I get caught up in what I should be able to handle vs what I can.

If I went back to this what would that prove? More importantly why do I feel the need to prove it to myself? All my life I’ve been misunderstood and felt this gnawing anxiety of needing to make up for my perceived shortcomings and struggles. But it’s always been more focused on outside perspective of me, not genuine growth to better myself. So really how much am I doing for myself here? Not a lot.

#111

90% certain I’m getting hit with RoD effects. Dreams have been very clear lately with certain key moments and intentions in them.

I’m pretty sure this is gonna be in my stack sometime soon. Just waiting for the big reveal of everything else before I dive in. But the fact I’m getting effects leads me to believe it’s not getting dropped in favor of anything else.

1 Like