Reconciliation manifesting as limited listening?

Questions and Comments
#1

I’m in a tough spot right now. I’m on stage 3 of DR. Since I’ve always been a big picture kind of person I told myself I’ll move on from each stage after a certain time has been reached.

Recently I’ve cut back to 1 loop a week for this stage. I’ve been feeling kind of bad in general and my initial reaction was to try some of the newer ultimas but I don’t think more processing will do me any good. My main difficulty is having trouble determining if this one loop a week is giving me time to process or if it’s not enough exposure to sort of override the negative habits.

So I’m still listening, but I’m worried it’s not enough. I just find it hard to gauge the settling in time of Q powered subs and balancing that with rest for me.

Any thoughts?

#2

I listened to DR 8 hours a day and it gave me very good results. Playing it one loop a week will give you next to nothing. It should be at least one loop a day.

#3

I think this is an insightful thought.

There were times I had to take 7+ days of rest on DR.

Intriguing.

For me on DR I think I had a few turning points. One was listening to Elixir as a booster. I made a custom with Elixir and it really helped. I also made sleep a priority. I made a custom Ultima for sleep. This helped a lot too.

I also took more rest days.

Another option you could consider is just stopping all subliminals for a few days, maybe a week.

How were you on stage 1 and 2 of DR?

Another option would be to go back to a previous DR stage. I know you might feel like you’re “getting behind”. Remember DR is more of a marathon than a sprint.

What do you think?

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#4

No way could i handle that. At two loops a day I was having symptoms of sleep deprivation. Screwing up work emails, losing track of where I was mid work day, endless fatigue, etc.

I’ve thought about that. I guess it couldn’t hurt and if anything showed up it would give me space to process it and learn from it.

Stage 1 and 2 were ok at 1 loop a day. Towards the end I feel like it got worse and I couldn’t handle as much. Maybe I’ll take a week off and then consider that as well.

My concerns with healing have always been based in past experiences with other subliminals. I’m really hesitant to stay on the healing journey for too long because I don’t want my mind to use it as a form of procrastination. I’ve had my subconscious find “loop holes” in the past, essentially staying in a state of limbo where my brain manufactured more problems that weren’t there to “heal” and left me in a stalemate.

I can’t say subclubs subliminals will cause that effect for me or not. But I find it hard to figure out what works best for me. Is going back to stage 1 a good idea? I don’t know, it could be an elaborate trap to just get me back to a comfort zone. On the flipside me refusing to go back to stage 1 and just clear DR could be seen as me avoiding what needs to be done. I have no real idea of what’s true or not, so my decision making is impaired. I feel I can’t trust myself.

One thing that does worry me though is wasted time. I’ve worked so hard to overcome all the stuff I’ve had to deal with in life. I just really dislike being stuck in this state of growing, but not feeling like I’m really living. I understand we have to go through rough stages with these subs, but I’m so worn out with constantly fighting to be better.

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#5

This is an insight that crosses the line into wisdom! Excellent mate!

Wow! This is deep dude!

Have you ever heard the idea that right action can rise from nonaction?

You could take a week off of healing subliminals or all subliminals (including Ultimas).

I sympathize. I wonder if a break from subliminals would help. I think @Fire has already assured people you don’t “lose” progress. You’ve already made progress.

How about try 5 days off, maybe 2 weeks, and notice what happens?

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#6

Thanks, I’ve been through a lot of twists and turns with my own mind. It’s got a lot of tactics to prevent change. I wish that weren’t the case, but it’s something I’ve come to accept and work with vs getting frustrated it’s there.

I think I will try 2 weeks off and see what comes of it. I guess the lose progress thought is really just fear in a different form. I’m always afraid of slipping up or changes not sticking and I’m back to where I was about 6 years ago.

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#7

You could continue to keep a journal and perhaps track any changes. Who knows, maybe you will have a bloom?

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#8

@Fractal_Explorer

are you listening on headphones or speakers. I found when switching to headphones I have significantly less ‘internal conflict’ recon. It could be cause my normal speakers lately are pretty bad. But just wanted to throw this idea out there. Perhaps the clearer the subconscious hears the messages the less internal conflict.

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#9

At the risk of stating the obvious the QV2 upgrades are coming out over the next few weeks which are boasting less reconciliation. A flush to allow the subconscious Suez to be cleared, then taking it up again with the upgraded stages could do the job.

Other than Elixir, which is awesome, there’s Rebirth. The way it acts seems less liable to cause reconciliation. So that could be an option to provide an assist.

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#10

@Azriel I’m listening on headphones. But I’m listening at a relatively low volume. Maybe too low. Thanks for the suggestion, I’ll look into it.

@emperor_obewan I think that’s a good plan of action. I actually just noticed that a few minutes ago with QV2 so I’m very interested in seeing what happens with that.

Rebirth has actually been very heavy for me in the past, elixir I got along with pretty well though. But I’ll refrain from guessing how I’ll respond until I listen to QV2 myself.

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#11

As you gradually come into alignment with what you want and need, these exact same qualities of your mind may turn out to work in your favor rather than working against you.

You’re like a chess master who is currently beating himself. Over time, you will harness and coax those tendencies into the positions and orientations where they can serve you best.

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#12

Curious what kind of reconciliation you experienced with Rebirth? It might provide some insight into what’s driving the reconciliation on DR. I have a few guesses but I’d like to hear your experiences before jumping to any conclusions.

#13

This is going to be for rebirth Ultima actually. But rebirth stacked kind of caused a lesser reaction.

After I finished listening and it had time to settle I fell into what I can only describe as a feeling of being unable to exist. It was the worst emotional pain I’d ever experienced combined with profound confusion. I just hated every part of myself. It was just too much. I knew it unearthed some things, but they didn’t pass or go away. It was more like turning up the volume on those painful parts and then it slowly going back down. I felt like I wanted to tear through my skin.

I’ve gone through a lot of this rough healing before. But I’m at a point in my life where I can’t do that anymore. I’ve realized it doesn’t solve anything except re-traumatize me. I’ve done a lot of those hail mary plays where I subject myself to a lot of pain in hopes I breakthrough, but it’s never worked out that way.

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#14

That’s surprising. None of that sounds consistent with how I’ve experienced the module. Even according to the main page the key factor has been turning down the volume on the past, not turning it up.

That said, the subconscious is not always a simple unity and if the integrity of some core personality is tied to those old memories it might feel threatened and fight to retain them. I’ve heard of a scenario where a core personality or fragment resists integration like the type mentioned in DR ST3 because it fears being discovered. Maybe that’s the type of aspect you’re dealing with. If so Rebirth probably isn’t the right method to use and you would find more success using a more subtle, indirect method of integration. Have you considered a longer run on ST2?

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#15

That’s certainly a possibility. I would say that none of my life experience is what you’d consider normal. It’s all been very dysfunctional, chaotic, and traumatizing in a way. I’ve never been good with change, I know most people aren’t but it’s always been very bad for me. I stumbled my way into adulthood, but by no means was prepared for any of it in any capacity.

After going through a break I’ll consider st2 or st1. Maybe I really am not ready for st3 on a deeper subconscious level I can’t reach. So as much as I consciously willpower through it I’m doing more harm than good.

#16

Found this on the RM thread from @SaintSovereign

They can keep you mired in the past, or in a constant state of healing. I actually alternate between a healing stack and a productivity / creative stack every few weeks to battle this.

So I might go back to st1 or st2 and alternate with my Fidelity custom or my more light music production one. My problem is I get very tunnel visioned when running these subs. Unlike others who might bounce around, I have a tendency to be too rigid and stick to something stubbornly until it works. But like I posted earlier I definitely fall into the trap of getting stuck in healing.

#17

Were you reading the news when you wrote this?

#18

Not right at the same time, but yes was using the real world situation as a metaphor.

#19

I just wanna comment on this a similair idea to what @COWolfe said to me. Even if youre going on this healing journey for the wrong reasons like procrastination. The fact that youre/DR are addressing everything that limits you means that whatever you feel you need to procrastinate from will get healed. Im not sure what exactly happened in the past, but i can say from personal experience that no matter how hard i try to find loopholes, DR is addressing the sources of what i fear and what im procrastinating from, leaving me with the only real option to take action and get over those fears.

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#20

Appreciate the input. Having said that I can’t just bank on the assumption I won’t procrastinate. I want to believe what you’re saying, but I just don’t think it’ll be the same in my case. I’d rather experiment and find out it’s not an effective strategy vs just hoping my subconscious won’t find loopholes with the healing.