Reclaiming my power - A Journal by MatAlexander305

[Risky]

Sometimes all you need is a break to recover and or rejuvenate. I don’t know where you live, but sometimes winter also makes me need more rest. It’s also a new year, which is cool but might be a bit overwhelming as well.

Specially if I’ve had tough weeks at work, getting on that side hustle saddle can be hard, so I wouldn’t be too hard on yourself, although from my own experience it’s easier said than done. 🥲

A break can also help you reflect on your goals and challenges. Who knows what might come out!

[Matalexander305]

Also khan st2 has been much better this second time around. However, like I said I’m getting super depressed and am losing all fucks to give about everything.

It’s hard to be productive (QL st4) when you’re reshaping your entire identity. Maybe this is why I haven’t been so productive lately.

Anyways, I’m excited for khan st3. I’ve come to realize that I’m lazy af and I don’t do anything. I don’t take enough action and because of that, my life is very rigid and boring.

I may stack executive with Khan st3 to really kick me into full action mode.

[Matalexander305]

I’ve also noticed a problem with my passive consumption of social media.

I always watch YouTube, read articles, Twitter etc… all of it is informational. Like self-improvement type. And I’ve noticed I tend to overexpose myself to new ideas, tips and all that kind of stuff.

To the point where I don’t even remember 99% of it. It’s not careful intentional studying (like I should be doing)

It’s just mindless passive consumption. Mental masturbation for the sake of entertainment. And I actually think this is harmful. Mostly because theirs no consistency in regards to the topics I read about.

Crypto, fitness, health, copywriting, philosophy, cars, personal style.

Like they’re all pulling me in different directions… and I never choose any specific topics let alone make any concrete goals.

So the problem here is I’m wasting my dopamine on useless shit. It’s directionless and it further fuels my motivation/energy problems. I just wake up and whatever catches my attention, I go down that rabbit hole and maybe I’ll learn a bit. But I soon forget about it.

[Matalexander305]

Now the hard part is going to be rewiring my brain to stop this toxic habit.

My brain wants novelty, I get bored so easily.

[Matalexander305]

Also I should mention this because it’s going to have a HUGE impact on my life.

I’m getting a nose job. That’s right… Ya boi’s getting plastic surgery.

BUT….

Not for cosmetic purposes lol. It’s a septoplasty surgery. Meaning, I have a deviated septum (crooked nose). And I’ve had it for as far back as I can remember.

I used to be really insecure about it and one day, I asked my doctor about it. She examined it, and told me I could get surgery to fix it. Not only would it straighten my nose, but it’ll greatly improve my breathing.

And that’s my main issue now. I no longer care about the appearance (though it’ll be nice to have a straight nose lol) but rather I’ve always had trouble breathing. And everyone who’s had this surgery says it’s life changing in that regard.

[Matalexander305]

So the week after my surgery, recovery is going to suck. I’ll be stuck at home, can’t workout, can’t shower, will hardly be able to eat, can’t blow my nose, can’t lie down to sleep and worst of all, I’ll have to breathe through my mouth for a whole week.

And because I’m starting my washout now… I’m scheduled to begin my new stack on the day of the surgery. (khan st3, QL st4, and executive)

Somehow I don’t think it’ll be possible to be productive during this time

So I’m thinking of changing it up a bit for this cycle. Maybe doing something a bit more cerebral.

Perhaps I can do another round of khan st2 as it’s just total reprogramming. But I’m thinking of adding in ROM with sanguine.

Sanguine will keep me stay positive during this shitty week. And ROM will perhaps help me make good use of this time of solitude.

I could also use paragon for the healing and pain management.

[Matalexander305]

The time has come…

It’s my 23 birthday, and I’ve mustered enough willpower to write my outro for this long ass roller coaster of a journal.

This year has been quite an adventure. It was my first full year running SC subs and coincidentally was one of the best years I’ve had in a long time.

It’s funny, because I named this journal “Reclaiming my power” and at first… I wasn’t entirely sure what that meant. I used this title because I couldn’t quite define what I wanted to do with subs. I had a whole laundry list of things I wanted to achieve. And I could never quite focus on one thing specifically.

At first I thought this was bad, that I couldn’t set a certain goal and work towards it. But by running so many different titles this year, what I discovered was something profound…

[Matalexander305]

I discovered me, the real me. I fought night and day to find him, and after many unsuccessful attempts… I began my journey with Khan.

Total breakdown did exactly that, it broke down the fake Mat. It crushed my ego in the best way possible and showed me what was authentic and what was insecurity/compensation. I was shown why and where this ego came from. I was shown how I came across to others, why people disliked me, and the beautiful and authentic parts of myself that people love.

Social anxiety is tricky, there are times you think everyone hates you and that everyone is constantly judging you for every little thing you do. Khan helped me identify these thoughts, and made me realize when these thoughts arise so I can consciously combat them. And this is an ongoing battle I face everyday. Difference is now, I don’t surrender to the feelings of anxiety. I challenge them, and challenge the false beliefs that these feelings of anxiety are predicated upon.

I think it’s also important to mention Stark. If you scroll to the top of this journal, you’ll see my Stark/True social custom that I ran for the vast majority of this year. And I must say, it was loads of fun. Getting out there, socializing, being the life of the party, finally letting loose, singing and dancing like theirs no tomorrow. It’s amazing to just be your uninhibited authentic self.

[Matalexander305]

Then theirs Primal Seduction, a big chapter of this journal was when I seduced a girl from work. Things didn’t work out but that’s fine. I learned a lot, and that’s what counts.

And let’s not forget Wanted. Though I haven’t been running it much lately, it’s had a huge impact on my life. It completely changed me as a person. I started taking care of my hygiene, I developed my personal style, got into colognes and fragrances, and also got into the best shape of my life. Not only did wanted make me the most attractive version of myself. It reconnected me with that dormant side of my personality.

I forgot how attractive I was, I was clueless to the amount of girls that constantly gave me IOI’s, I forgot that every girl in high school basically drooled over me, and that I not only still had those looks; but now I’m even better looking

[Matalexander305]

Beyond just looks, getting back to stark. It really brought out my charm. I’m so witty now, I’m so socially clever, and I actually know how to talk to people now. As someone who’s struggled hard with social anxiety, this was a life changing development this year.

What else? Their was my mustang story haha (I’ll get one soon enough )

@Matalexander305

I got to test drive a nice Mustang today, and I’ve got to say…

@Matalexander305

I never told you my Mustang story

Another Wanted result:

@Matalexander305

“Omg, Mat, you look so hot! You’re so sexy!”

She started going up to random people at the party and telling them, “That’s my friend Matt, isn’t he hot?”.

[Matalexander305]

More:

@Matalexander305

But me, mannn… “omg you’re soo hooott” “isn’t he like a total model?”. It was funny, at one point the one girl asks me “How do you not have a girlfriend? You’re super hot and really funny. Do you just play the field? Do you not really care?”

The Fuego Fuego Festival:

@Matalexander305

Ok so here we go… The weekend of the Festival.
I think I’ll do this in long form. A lot happened both internally and externally.

Getting a nose job (lol)

@Matalexander305

I’m getting a nose job. That’s right… Ya boi’s getting plastic surgery.

BUT….

Not for cosmetic purposes lol.

Other results:

• I quit drinking (unless going out)
• Developed a healthy appetite for socializing
  (I don’t need it but I do enjoy it)
• Put on 10+ lbs of muscle
• Became closer with my brother and sister
• Developed an authentic sense of confidence
• Developed assertiveness
• Developed a genuine sense of self love and care
• Got my first car (and drivers license)
• Got comfortable dancing (and now love it)
• Started learning copywriting and am working towards becoming a freelance copywriter

Can’t think of any more right now, I’m sure theirs dozens of others I could write but that’s all for now

[Matalexander305]

Thank you to everyone who helped me this year. So many of you offered me great insights and advice and I’m so grateful for all of you.

Actually, I got quite a lot of life changing insights from members of this forum, these pieces of wisdom directly amplified my sub results and I noticed…

I don’t offer much myself? Like I don’t offer advice. Mostly because I don’t think I have much to say to be completely honest. I’m a 23 year old guy and my achievements don’t quite measure up to many of the forum members here

But still, I do know a lot about certain subjects and I want to start contributing more to this forum. Your contributions have helped me so much, and id love to return the favour.

Big thanks to:

@GoldenTiger
@enigma12
@Invictus
@bombayduck
@AlexanderGraves
@Fractal_Explorer
@RVconsultant
@Houdini
@Deadpool
@Trader

Continuing…

[Matalexander305]

@Malkuth
@Tobyone
@Skadoosh
@TheDerpinator
@Beowulf
@SpikeDaMai
@Athanaxos
@Seeker
@Leandros
@lovage

And anyone else who helped me at all
Once again, thank you all.

I’ve reclaimed my power

[Malkuth]

Hey @Matalexander305,

Happy Birthday, King!!!

For you to be where you are at 23 is awesome. And the best is yet to come.

Wish you a blessed year full of adventure, satisfaction, and joy.

[Matalexander305]

@Malkuth

Happy Birthday, King!!!

Thank you!!

[Matalexander305]

New custom - New journal

@Matalexander305

New journal - New custom? Sounds right…

I’m planning a new custom and I think I’ve pretty much nailed it with this:

That’s the end of this story.

@RVconsultant Please close this thread

Thank you

[Athanaxos]

@Matalexander305

It’s my 23 birthday

A belated happy birthday! And congratulations on the completion of this journey!

I am looking forward to following you on your next adventure

[Matalexander305]

@Athanaxos

A belated happy birthday! And congratulations on the completion of this journey!

I am looking forward to following you on your next adventure

Thank you :))

[RVconsultant]

@Matalexander305

So the week after my surgery

Paragon?

@Matalexander305

It’s my 23 birthday

Happy birthday!