Porn and sex with gf

A lot of the times when im horny i prefer to watch porn rather than having sex with my gf

Do you think it’s a problem?

Take the middle path.
Watch porn WITH your girlfriend, rofl.

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https://www.amazon.com/Your-Brain-Porn-Pornography-Addiction-ebook/dp/B00N2AH8NW

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could you… let me know a short summary of what it does? I dont want to read the book but Im curious

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In a nutshell, Porn is bad. It hijacks your reward circuit, and due to this many areas linked to dopamine can get worse. Motivation, boredom, procrastination, a problem with intimacy, porn induced ED, and many more.

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This is definitely a problem and definitely not healthy.

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This belongs in The Emperor’s Lounge.

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I didn’t watch pirn in a long time, how much time does it takes to heal the brain?

This is very individual and it can take months, but you have to be committed. Not like watching porn from time to time. Nothing, nada, zero. No pictures even topless girls, because it can be a trigger.
That book is very good. There is a very good explanation of what it does to your brain and what should you do.

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Thanks a lot bro

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It only becomes a problem when you choose that over your partner.

That’s when you’ve gotta dial it back and work on intimacy with your partner. Make that a greater focus. :woman_in_lotus_position:

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This can be fun. :star_struck:

Even role playing stuff from porn together.

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Well look, IMHO, this might be getting too technical, but there’s different types of “Horny.”

There’s pure dopamine-driven horniness… which is really just a desire for stimulation and an acknowledgement that one way that you can stimulate yourself is online with porn. But to be honest, a lot of the time, that desire is just energy that could be used towards any dopamine driven pursuit, gaming, porn, or something else.

And then there’s connection-driven horniness… which isn’t just about nutting, but it’s about the actual act of engaging and having sex WITH someone. It’s about WAY more than dopamine. And those other things don’t instill craving in the same way.

Connection is more work than just nutting. We, as men, have to do the performing to a certain extent rather than purely be pleased. If we bust in 10 seconds with porn, that’s great. If we do that with our partners, that’s shameful.

And connection is also more energy-intensive. There’s the build up, possibility of rejection, time it takes before/during/after, the inconvenience of it may not be right.

So that ends up creating a pattern in the brain where if we want sex from our partners, it’s only rewarded some of the time - but if we just want porn, then do it, that’s rewarded 100% of the time - so we can be hardwired by porn easier than sex, because we have more control over sex.

First thing’s first, given all that ^ it’s totally normal to want to watch porn. Forget about the whole sex thing for a moment. Wanting to watch porn is normal. Actually watching porn is ALSO normal. I watch porn maybe once a month, have zero shame around it, it does nothing bad to my life. Once in a while I’m like “ah fuck it let’s pull up a video and nut,” and I do… and it’s fine.

There’s a whole addiction side of porn that is VERY bad. And the industry itself is pretty bad too I guess. This is NOT a porn endorsement at all. Far from it.

But since wanting to watch porn is normal, then so is wanting to watch porn even though you have a girlfriend. Maybe you’re getting sexually aroused by her and she’s not fulfilling as much as you want, so you’ve just learned to become aroused by her then watch porn on your own. I don’t know. Up for you to learn for yourself.

But don’t stress about that specific dynamic too much… if your relationship with porn is a problem, fix that, independently of your relationship. If your relationship has some sexual communication & fulfillment issues that you want to work on , work on them, separate from any worries about porn. Don’t worry about combining the two. They’re separate.

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