PizzaShaman’s journal - Ongoing

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#814

Going to bed the night of the first Daughter-YM marriage, I had the knowledge that all the pizza sauce stuff I’ve been doing at work is a result of Hero:The Light that Blinds Stage One- Earth.

Over the past couple months I’ve been experimenting more with crafted sauces for pizza, like getting down with making spicy sauces. Not trying to give away trade secrets here, but chili crisp mixed in with that just right barbecue sauce? :ok_hand: <-supposed to be “chef’s kiss”

Also whipped up a…think I called it Upside Down Hawaiian, because “Reverse Hawaiian” sounds like a sex move. Crushed pineapple for the sauce, with ham and cheese, with pizza sauce drizzled on top after the cut.

I’ve got a few in my pocket now. Feels good.

Also noticed that I move quicker from concept to test product. What might have taken months before has turned into …less than 2 days now, from initial idea to test run.

I’ve been trying out more new pizzas recently too. Lots of test pies, looking for feedback from the students. Some of them feel very special that I ask them to try out a new pizza.

2 Likes
#815

  1. I’ve to come to accept muh autism. Some might read that and say “Duh, what else are you going to do?” It was hard prior to starting DR:R. I felt cheated and lied to regarding my youth and setup for life. Told I was gifted, but with not being fucking spastic nonverbal autistic my stuff was missed and labeled bipolar, like my dad. Can’t change anything, and I’ve largely learned to cope without having a clue up til roughly a year ago.

  2. Realized that a lot of the way I was treated by others growing up was due to the 'tism. I didn’t know at the time, and neither did anyone else. Let go of all that K-12 school trauma bullshit and whatnot. I’m at a state of peace with it now.

  3. I’ve noticed I’m seeking the lowest stress solutions now for my wife when stuff pops up. Normally it would be the most energy efficient solution that would present itself to me. Now peace is king.

  4. Oh. The music! That was a fun realization.

I noticed back last summer, during my time with E:AoW, my internal soundtrack had changed. I’m the kind of guy that always has a song playing in his head. (Right this moment it’s Gorillaz “Feel Good”)
While running AoW, it changed to some Imperial themes from Final Fantasy 6 (or 3! if you remember the SNES!). Sometimes it would be the Figaro Castle theme, other times it would be the background music from the Empire. Out of the blue sound injections into muh brain that kept up while I was running that sub.

Now, when I started DR:R, my internal soundtrack changed to

ChronoTrigger

and two tracks in particular inspire a big feature of the sub, so

Welcome to PizzaShaman’s Inner Spa:

Listening to these inspire the same sort of “Safe in my room” feeling I suppose I had while playing the game back in high school.

2 Likes
#816

Yeah dude is still going through it. Not sure if he’s ready for my advice; the event is still less than a week old. His ex(?) apparently wants both of them to do self work and has stated she isn’t sure if she’ll want a relationship with him when they both “heal” or get their work done.

He doesn’t like that at all, which I can appreciate, but she’s right.

I feel a bit of guilt for not reaching out yet today, but I am still mulling over a response to him not wanting to end up as friends, which is the relationship status being offered to him at the moment.

I sometimes have trouble weaving kindness into my honest response.

1 Like
#817

YM reached out last night to my wife and asked for another conversation between all of us regarding the future.

Wife and I tried to gameplan prior to when we would be meeting, but ended up in an argument. She doesn’t like how I speak sometimes when I’m handling things, how I’m harsh and that threatening to cut off contact with my daughter is withholding love.

I dislike how she’s ready to ignore being treated poorly, that not enforcing boundaries encourages disrespect, and I’m beyond tired of that shit from my oldest.

We both agreed that YM trying to take all responsibility was bullshit, and the invocation of “prayer” (I considered a cop out) needed to be explained better.

They got here and did their asking. Wondering if we would move the goalposts again at a future date. (Now we want you to wait LONGER to get married) Incorrect, YM. I say what I mean, and mean what I say, and you’d know this if you’d been around longer than you have thus far.

Wondering if acceptance of the Springtime wedding would allow them to get engaged sooner and just have a longer engagement.

I shot that down on a few levels, but politely.

  • If you are doing “Christian” dating, and have a wedding date in mind, like end of May 2027 for example, there is no difference between getting engaged tomorrow and getting engaged in November 2026. There are no new “benefits” granted from getting engaged. No physical boundaries are being moved or removed with engagement.

  • The rebuttal was- What is gained by delaying the engagement then? Glad you asked! Gives you time to experience each other without the neurochems and hormones influencing your judgement. Told him that while it may sound crazy and asinine now, YM could well wake up one day when the novelty wears off and wonder WTF he’s doing with my Daughter. Likewise for Daughter! Also pointed out that this new relationship could easily be influenced by the ADHD they both have.

  • Pointed out that this had been mishandled thus far and I’ve already moved quite a bit from my original position, and I was unwilling to compromise further. I am the Mountain that withstands the Flood.

When mentioning the additional time until the nuptials, I offered to YM that the additional time will allow for addition practice of discipline, which is sorely needed among men these days. Hard to argue that.

Running out of recounting steam. They agreed to our timetable. Turns out my harshness in our previous conversation outlining consequences was the ultimate determining factor. That felt good after the pre-discussion argument with Wife. May have done a victory lap with that fact.

Still uncertain how to proceed with his parents. I still feel some anger there.

3 Likes
#818

Old game sound tracks had a particular digital charm. Listening to those videos you posted reminded me of my childhood too. Not because I have played the game that you had but was remembering some of the music from the PC games I used to play once upon a time.

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#819

The action taking has continued. Only missed 1 day thus far. Start date of action was 2/23. Plan is to continue as is for as long as I can sustain, but I believe I’ve figured out how to work it in my schedule with minimal disruption.

Received Best BJ of muh life last night! Had to record it. Suction like a drive thru banking transfer tube!

1 Like
#820

Basement thoughts:

The thought occurs from time to time that I could benefit from Limitless: Polyglot and/or its associated Essence module. Like it might fix/help that communication part of muh brain that the 'tism affects.

It is my autistic pattern recognition that makes my subliminal use so much fun. It is very easy to spot what is new and what sub is …helping it along. Changing subs changes information in your field, changing what you attract, changing focus; changing tracks.

2 Likes
#821

I don’t hate the way I am. I have yet to figure out how to leverage the way I am to my maximum benefit.

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#822

3/10/26

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1 of 3 for the week!

Yesterday’s listening was
7 min each DR:REGEN, BD:DB, Let’sRowV2, and 15 minutes of Epic Ascension Chamber

Had a social media promo to film today for work so I wanted yesterday’s listening to be a bit lighter.

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#823

Basement thoughts:

She’s done it again. Same bullshit pulled in the same manner, two weeks apart. Last night it was dropping the plan for an apartment on a newly formed group chat I was made part of, and then Young Man doing all the talking after that. He took an extremely condescending and disrespectful tone with Wife and I, enabled to do so due to the use of the group chat, for that shit would NOT fly in person.

Saying the reason his parents are informed of the plans and we are not is due to the fact that they reach out, and we don’t. No mention of dodging Wife yesterday and not sharing the plans. What, we have to ask specific questions now to get an answer?

I hate getting this shit at work too. I just got word from my sister (while I was at work) this past Tuesday that my brother (who’s almost 42) appears to have cancer and kidney disease. Gah!

I vented on a student last night, after I found this new group chat I’d been added to and I read that nonsense. It was nothing inappropriate, just this personal bullshit, which feels inappropriate to me. It’s like emotion surges and I have to do something, but there is nothing to do so I can only speak about it, which is worth little. I suppose that if the “vent” is the worst of my anger spillover I have made tremendous progress.

All the aforementioned consequences and what not are back on the table. I will have to find a way to deal with YM and his one parent at my work. Wife will have to find a way to navigate her church activities with Daughter and YM’s other parent being involved there.

Daughter is to be moved out by the end of the month. YM is not welcome here. None of this needed to happen this way.

4 Likes
#824

Sorry to hear about all the bad news especially about your brother. Hope things look up soon.

3 Likes
#825

3/11/26

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2 of 3 for the week because the workouts continue regardless of the bullshit.

However, the bullshit helped me set a new 5k PR.

Spoke to Daughter this morning. It was unexpected as I didn’t think she slept here. The move out date has been set.

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#826

3/14/26

Daughter is currently moving out.

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3 of 3 for the week. Goal met!

New PR on the 5k too. Big gain today!
Might be that emotional energy…

Big event at work today. I have to get my shit together and go be the friendly pizza guy.

2 Likes
#827

Late night basement thoughts:

Fuck around and find out. I overheard tonight that dinner last night between Daughter, YM and Daughter’s former best friend had a spicy outtake: Daughter #1 was texting her sister when YM snapped at her to put her phone away at the table. FBF said it was real awkward, and the waiter laughed at them all.

Good. She made her choice. She will regret it in time. PizzaShaman knows this.

I got her house key before I left for work today; grown up choices have grown up consequences.

Wife and I both gained something from this. She found out for herself that she has good friends at church. It’s a Known, now. I gained greater clarity on how my instant reads of people work, and I have unshakable confidence in myself in that regard. I’m designed to operate that way.

Gave LetsROWv2 a rest yesterday and did 3 minutes of NE Love Bomb /w King’s Radiance instead. I also did a full loop of AuraBoost. The right move heading into the weekend, as I got loads of adoring pizza feedback over the last 2 days. Always in front of my bosses too! You’d think I was paying these people the way they talk about my food.

I hate staying up this late and how my sleep has been disrupted lately. Talking in bed got me fired up and angry again, but it’s too late to be rowing and Wife was able to fall asleep. So I’m up. Been rereading the personal discernment information I pieced together over the last week or so.

HD Discernment Summary
  1. The Core Instinct: “Scent” and Patterns

Your discernment starts in the Spleen Center, the seat of survival.

  • Lilith 44.5 (Personality): This is your “wild” ability to sniff out hidden agendas. It functions as a Pattern Interrupter, detecting if someone is repeating toxic history or bringing “rotten” energy into your space.
  • Pluto 32.3 & 32.4: Pluto brings intense, transformative truth to Gate 32 (Continuity). Your body (Design 32.4) and mind (Personality 32.3) instantly judge whether someone is a “stable” investment or a “failure” destined to fall away.
  1. The Analytical Scan: Depth and Flaws

Once the initial instinct hits, your “Editor” and “Investigator” energies provide the data.

  • Design Jupiter & Saturn 48.1 (The Well): This double placement in Gate 48 gives you an unconscious obsession with Depth. You immediately plumb the foundations of a person’s soul; if they are shallow or “faking it,” your body feels the hollowness of their “well”.
  • Personality Saturn 18.2 (Correction): Saturn brings judgment and discipline to the Gate of Correction. You are mentally hardwired to spot inconsistencies. Your mind “proofreads” people, identifying exactly where their presentation is out of alignment with reality.
  1. The Sensory Input: Pressure and Feeling

Your discernment is grounded in high-definition physical sensitivity.

  • Design Mercury & Nodes (Gate 19): Mercury (communication) and your South Nodes in Gate 19 (Sensitivity) act as a massive antenna. You physically feel the emotional and material “pressure” of others’ needs the moment they enter your space.
  • Personality Moon 6.3 (Friction): Your inner drive (the Moon) is focused on the barometer of intimacy. You instantly sense the “emotional atmosphere” and whether a person’s boundaries are open, closed, or manipulative.
  1. The High-Level Grounding: The Executive Lens
  • Personality Earth 32.6 (Exalted): Your grounding comes from a “birds-eye” view of a person’s longevity. This is the Role Model line of discernment; you see the “end” of the person’s trajectory before they’ve even finished their first sentence. Being Exalted, this is a refined, objective clarity that rarely fails you.
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#828

Basement thoughts:

So it is to be spiritual warfare. So be it.

Information has come into my awareness; a person on my periphery-gut feelings explained and validated. Stuff that has made me weep with rage.

Just prior to the acquisition of said knowledge, a memory resurfacing unbidden: the last time I actually “got” something from going to service at church. I recalled it from my offline journal, from over a year ago. The message written down: God blessed him for not following through on his anger.

That phrase came back to me an hour later as Wife was conveying the information. Tears, as I processed the new data. The words again: God blessed him for not following through on his anger.

Wife continued. The rage continued to build as the tears continued to flow. I have not freely wept in years. I look up and see the decoration on the wall: the word “Blessed” in a frame.

So, I have received the message and I understand. MY options are fasting and prayer. That’s it. Despite the feelings I have-- fasting and prayer. Fasting and prayer. Fasting and prayer.

And pausing on THC. No more energy suppression.
And SR. Wife has been informed.
I suppose I should lean on the BioTuner during this time.
If my options are so limited, I will make them as effective as possible.

Stack is paused as of this exact moment as I reassess my needs and what sort of scripting support I want for right now.

2 Likes
#829

3/17/26

Scripting needs assessed.

Today’s listening:

3.5 min EARTH/GLM
1.5 min WATER <—New addition, store title atm
3 min LB /w KR
7.5 min E A C

Greater clarity attained regarding how my radar works, along with my wife’s. Up late talking about stuff last night. It was good, although I regret not spending some time with my son, who wanted to play another round of Slay the Spire 2. Hopefully tonight that can happen.

It’s been 3 months of DR:Regen and while I can appreciate what the sub offers and I still have use for it, it is time to pause.

Everything has paused actually. I was liking my stack and my March plan. Now it’s all fucked. What’s the saying? “Man plans, God laughs”.

Or maybe Mike Tyson: “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.”

:slight_smile:

Sigh. Rowing paused for the duration of this …trial. I think that’s the right word. I know my patience is being sorely tested.

I am disappointed in the workout pause. I know that if I were to continue with normal eating and workouts this week I would not be in the “energetic” place I need to be this coming weekend.

I do not need to confront anyone. I have seen the end of that type of action played out and it would not benefit me. In fact, after spending some time researching Human Design info yesterday, I would “lose” in the “public relations” aspect. PizzaShaman plays it out in his head first, and is always looking for the “best” outcome.

Sometimes it comes after really thinking it through. Sometimes it comes in a flash of insight: I see the best end and get an impression on how to get there.

For this, all I can do is be present and Vibe. My aura; my field is my gift. I carry the frequency of Truth Distilled, and those who are false and inauthentic feel shame in my presence.

Rash action on my behalf will not be rewarded. This is Known, so that path has been discarded. It is interesting that my chosen course of action is more difficult than simply confronting the serpent in our midst. However, victory IS the goal, and the snake in the grass CANNOT withstand Wife and I united.

I appreciate and apologize that this is somewhat vague. I am unable to share the details at the moment, as this future tale is currently being written in my life.

I do not ever ask for such things, but I will now. If you are so inclined, reader, please pray for PizzaShaman and his family. Pray I can keep my shit together at work. Pray for the best resolution possible.

:pizza: :pray:t2:

4 Likes
#830

How are you?

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#831

The spiritual warfare continues.

The daughter and boyfriend issue is largely done, simply because I refuse to expend any energy on something I cannot affect.

The BF’s father is my enemy. This has been made clear. From withholding information, to his hypocrisy concerning various issues, to his disrespectful words to my wife and lastly, his greatest fuck up - failing to include ME in a meeting regarding my daughter, his son and the situation. There is a future confrontation that he CANNOT avoid. He has no idea what is coming.

I have been fasting and praying for days. Prayers for information have been answered SAME DAY. Useful information in moving forward. MISSING information provided.

SUCH HUBRIS TO THINK THAT SINCE I AM NOT CHRISTIAN I DO NOT KNOW GOD!

I am not a fool. I know while I could react and lash out in wrath, and it would feel satisfying, my proper path is simply to disturb his peace with my presence.

To close. I had been searching for the words yesterday while upset at work (again! I hate that, being on display and upset!). They came last night in an answered prayer:

Psalm 44 v5-8

5
Through you we push back our enemies;
through your name we trample our foes.
6
I put no trust in my bow,
my sword does not bring me victory;
7
but you give us victory over our enemies,
you put our adversaries to shame.
8
In God we make our boast all day long,
and we will praise your name forever.

:pizza: :pray:t2:

4 Likes
#832

I hope this situation is resolved soon in a peaceful, respectful manner. May light shine on you.

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#833

Late night.

Still tired. So tired.

Tomorrow is a meeting with the BF’s parents/Pastor/Elder. The meeting I was not included in the forming of. The meeting I am arriving at anyways. Surprise motherfucker. I’ll swear here, not there. No handshakes though. Fuck that.

Wife and I are as prepared as we can be. I broke my fast today (111 hours) in order to not be on that razor’s edge tomorrow. Got into the 260’s on this fast so there’s that.

Realized today why I get triggered around this dude. Can’t say why.
It will be unavoidable, but I believe it will be manageable.

I have to sit across from someone I consider to be my enemy (I feel it in my bones) and be cool, calm, collected and reserved while I want to rage. I will have my answer as to his disrespect towards my wife, however. I recognize the importance of the rest of our agenda, and will let Wife lead. (She’s better at that anyways)

Going with a lot of Holy Mountain mental imagery here. Trying to avoid being the Righteous Avalanche.

2 Likes