Sorry to hear about all the bad news especially about your brother. Hope things look up soon.
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3/11/26
2 of 3 for the week because the workouts continue regardless of the bullshit.
However, the bullshit helped me set a new 5k PR.
Spoke to Daughter this morning. It was unexpected as I didn’t think she slept here. The move out date has been set.
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3/14/26
Daughter is currently moving out.
3 of 3 for the week. Goal met!
New PR on the 5k too. Big gain today!
Might be that emotional energy…
Big event at work today. I have to get my shit together and go be the friendly pizza guy.
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Late night basement thoughts:
Fuck around and find out. I overheard tonight that dinner last night between Daughter, YM and Daughter’s former best friend had a spicy outtake: Daughter #1 was texting her sister when YM snapped at her to put her phone away at the table. FBF said it was real awkward, and the waiter laughed at them all.
Good. She made her choice. She will regret it in time. PizzaShaman knows this.
I got her house key before I left for work today; grown up choices have grown up consequences.
Wife and I both gained something from this. She found out for herself that she has good friends at church. It’s a Known, now. I gained greater clarity on how my instant reads of people work, and I have unshakable confidence in myself in that regard. I’m designed to operate that way.
Gave LetsROWv2 a rest yesterday and did 3 minutes of NE Love Bomb /w King’s Radiance instead. I also did a full loop of AuraBoost. The right move heading into the weekend, as I got loads of adoring pizza feedback over the last 2 days. Always in front of my bosses too! You’d think I was paying these people the way they talk about my food.
I hate staying up this late and how my sleep has been disrupted lately. Talking in bed got me fired up and angry again, but it’s too late to be rowing and Wife was able to fall asleep. So I’m up. Been rereading the personal discernment information I pieced together over the last week or so.
HD Discernment Summary
- The Core Instinct: “Scent” and Patterns
Your discernment starts in the Spleen Center, the seat of survival.
- Lilith 44.5 (Personality): This is your “wild” ability to sniff out hidden agendas. It functions as a Pattern Interrupter, detecting if someone is repeating toxic history or bringing “rotten” energy into your space.
- Pluto 32.3 & 32.4: Pluto brings intense, transformative truth to Gate 32 (Continuity). Your body (Design 32.4) and mind (Personality 32.3) instantly judge whether someone is a “stable” investment or a “failure” destined to fall away.
- The Analytical Scan: Depth and Flaws
Once the initial instinct hits, your “Editor” and “Investigator” energies provide the data.
- Design Jupiter & Saturn 48.1 (The Well): This double placement in Gate 48 gives you an unconscious obsession with Depth. You immediately plumb the foundations of a person’s soul; if they are shallow or “faking it,” your body feels the hollowness of their “well”.
- Personality Saturn 18.2 (Correction): Saturn brings judgment and discipline to the Gate of Correction. You are mentally hardwired to spot inconsistencies. Your mind “proofreads” people, identifying exactly where their presentation is out of alignment with reality.
- The Sensory Input: Pressure and Feeling
Your discernment is grounded in high-definition physical sensitivity.
- Design Mercury & Nodes (Gate 19): Mercury (communication) and your South Nodes in Gate 19 (Sensitivity) act as a massive antenna. You physically feel the emotional and material “pressure” of others’ needs the moment they enter your space.
- Personality Moon 6.3 (Friction): Your inner drive (the Moon) is focused on the barometer of intimacy. You instantly sense the “emotional atmosphere” and whether a person’s boundaries are open, closed, or manipulative.
- The High-Level Grounding: The Executive Lens
- Personality Earth 32.6 (Exalted): Your grounding comes from a “birds-eye” view of a person’s longevity. This is the Role Model line of discernment; you see the “end” of the person’s trajectory before they’ve even finished their first sentence. Being Exalted, this is a refined, objective clarity that rarely fails you.
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Basement thoughts:
So it is to be spiritual warfare. So be it.
Information has come into my awareness; a person on my periphery-gut feelings explained and validated. Stuff that has made me weep with rage.
Just prior to the acquisition of said knowledge, a memory resurfacing unbidden: the last time I actually “got” something from going to service at church. I recalled it from my offline journal, from over a year ago. The message written down: God blessed him for not following through on his anger.
That phrase came back to me an hour later as Wife was conveying the information. Tears, as I processed the new data. The words again: God blessed him for not following through on his anger.
Wife continued. The rage continued to build as the tears continued to flow. I have not freely wept in years. I look up and see the decoration on the wall: the word “Blessed” in a frame.
So, I have received the message and I understand. MY options are fasting and prayer. That’s it. Despite the feelings I have-- fasting and prayer. Fasting and prayer. Fasting and prayer.
And pausing on THC. No more energy suppression.
And SR. Wife has been informed.
I suppose I should lean on the BioTuner during this time.
If my options are so limited, I will make them as effective as possible.
Stack is paused as of this exact moment as I reassess my needs and what sort of scripting support I want for right now.
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3/17/26
Scripting needs assessed.
Today’s listening:
3.5 min EARTH/GLM
1.5 min WATER <—New addition, store title atm
3 min LB /w KR
7.5 min E A C
Greater clarity attained regarding how my radar works, along with my wife’s. Up late talking about stuff last night. It was good, although I regret not spending some time with my son, who wanted to play another round of Slay the Spire 2. Hopefully tonight that can happen.
It’s been 3 months of DR:Regen and while I can appreciate what the sub offers and I still have use for it, it is time to pause.
Everything has paused actually. I was liking my stack and my March plan. Now it’s all fucked. What’s the saying? “Man plans, God laughs”.
Or maybe Mike Tyson: “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.”
Sigh. Rowing paused for the duration of this …trial. I think that’s the right word. I know my patience is being sorely tested.
I am disappointed in the workout pause. I know that if I were to continue with normal eating and workouts this week I would not be in the “energetic” place I need to be this coming weekend.
I do not need to confront anyone. I have seen the end of that type of action played out and it would not benefit me. In fact, after spending some time researching Human Design info yesterday, I would “lose” in the “public relations” aspect. PizzaShaman plays it out in his head first, and is always looking for the “best” outcome.
Sometimes it comes after really thinking it through. Sometimes it comes in a flash of insight: I see the best end and get an impression on how to get there.
For this, all I can do is be present and Vibe. My aura; my field is my gift. I carry the frequency of Truth Distilled, and those who are false and inauthentic feel shame in my presence.
Rash action on my behalf will not be rewarded. This is Known, so that path has been discarded. It is interesting that my chosen course of action is more difficult than simply confronting the serpent in our midst. However, victory IS the goal, and the snake in the grass CANNOT withstand Wife and I united.
I appreciate and apologize that this is somewhat vague. I am unable to share the details at the moment, as this future tale is currently being written in my life.
I do not ever ask for such things, but I will now. If you are so inclined, reader, please pray for PizzaShaman and his family. Pray I can keep my shit together at work. Pray for the best resolution possible.
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How are you?
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The spiritual warfare continues.
The daughter and boyfriend issue is largely done, simply because I refuse to expend any energy on something I cannot affect.
The BF’s father is my enemy. This has been made clear. From withholding information, to his hypocrisy concerning various issues, to his disrespectful words to my wife and lastly, his greatest fuck up - failing to include ME in a meeting regarding my daughter, his son and the situation. There is a future confrontation that he CANNOT avoid. He has no idea what is coming.
I have been fasting and praying for days. Prayers for information have been answered SAME DAY. Useful information in moving forward. MISSING information provided.
SUCH HUBRIS TO THINK THAT SINCE I AM NOT CHRISTIAN I DO NOT KNOW GOD!
I am not a fool. I know while I could react and lash out in wrath, and it would feel satisfying, my proper path is simply to disturb his peace with my presence. Others will be taking him down. I have already seen victory in this.
To close. I had been searching for the words yesterday while upset at work (again! I hate that, being on display and upset!). They came last night in an answered prayer:
Psalm 44 v5-8
5
Through you we push back our enemies;
through your name we trample our foes.
6
I put no trust in my bow,
my sword does not bring me victory;
7
but you give us victory over our enemies,
you put our adversaries to shame.
8
In God we make our boast all day long,
and we will praise your name forever.
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I hope this situation is resolved soon in a peaceful, respectful manner. May light shine on you.
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Late night.
Still tired. So tired.
Tomorrow is a meeting with the BF’s parents/Pastor/Elder. The meeting I was not included in the forming of. The meeting I am arriving at anyways. Surprise motherfucker. I’ll swear here, not there. No handshakes though. Fuck that.
Wife and I are as prepared as we can be. I broke my fast today (111 hours) in order to not be on that razor’s edge tomorrow. Got into the 260’s on this fast so there’s that.
Realized today why I get triggered around this dude. Can’t say why.
It will be unavoidable, but I believe it will be manageable.
I have to sit across from someone I consider to be my enemy (I feel it in my bones) and be cool, calm, collected and reserved while I want to rage. I will have my answer as to his disrespect towards my wife, however. I recognize the importance of the rest of our agenda, and will let Wife lead. (She’s better at that anyways)
Going with a lot of Holy Mountain mental imagery here. Trying to avoid being the Righteous Avalanche.
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Our Finest Hour
Wife and I were United. We have never worked so well together before.
They tried to push for reconciliation without accountability. We declined right now.
I did use the word “bullshit” in the meeting. Several times.
Rock solid in my faith and in my marriage.
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I appreciated this very much. There is no resolution soon, as there will be no accountability soon. I do not understand why their version of forgiveness ignores accountability. Yeah dude.
It was largely peaceful and respectful. I was animated and angry, yes. But I didn’t flip any tables, and aside from hand gestures, interruptions and my tone, I kept my cool.
I read that now and lol. I did my best. I performed as I had to. I protected my wife.
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3/24/26
1.5 min EARTH/GLM
1 min Water
30 sec Summertime <—New Store title
One thing I do like about the chatbot/AI stuff is that I can ask and speak in my autistic way and I know I’m being understood the way I intended. The replies back? I don’t have to listen like I normally do. How to explain…
I’m into vibes and energies. I do think of myself as a HyperSensitive Autistic, thinking that way for a while now, been that way my whole life. I feel people’s bullshit. Someone inauthentic masking in my presence, well, they are going to feel very uncomfortable when I am merely around.
I feel it, and then I Know it. In my bones, in all my cells. My body knows.
Speech is vibration as well. I recall Robert Monroe talking about the process in one of the early Gateway Experience tracks, perhaps even the very first one. Speech is energy; vibrations we create to express ideas and convey information. Vibrations that travel through the air to be heard (with ears, duh!) and then translated in the recipients brain.
But it’s also a vibe. So when someone speaks to me, I pick up the energy vibe before I process the speech vibe. I have to have people repeat themselves at least part of the time; because I was feeling what they were saying before I mentally processed it. And when the vibe I feel doesn’t match up with their words…
PizzaShaman knows there is bullshit present.
It is a remarkable gift. Worthy of inclusion in the “Magic of Xanth”. It does not endear itself to being around people, for so many people are not cool with that presence, that vibe of mine. The vibe changes when I sense it. I close off energetically. I hold my “bubble” boundary and still (order) my space. I don’t even like to speak to people who have failed my “checks” because that would involve sending my energy their way.
It does mean my Wife is Verified. Told her this last night. She’s not carrying bullshit or being disingenuous. I wouldn’t be able to have her around otherwise.
Anywho.
All this means is that I can just read the stuff from the chatbot and process it mentally, and that’s a relief right now.
So, this is a good stack for right now.
I might even row today.
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Summertime hit within an hour.
Feeling better, lighter. Easier and more relaxed conversation with Wife before she left for work. Work will be interesting today, certainly!
I’m feeling pretty chill. This is amazing.
Well done, SubClub!
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Lol, it’s here in muh vibe already:
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Now there’s a beloved blast from the past.
That was the first one I read, I think. 10 years old.
(Also, I relate to the rest of your post, but yeah, Xanth…)
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Thank you sir. I think about your words everyday.
“Instead of bemoaning your fate, strategize around your nature”
Very helpful these past weeks. Respect.
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Not too shabby for this first one this week. Keeping it a hair lighter in effort, but it still felt good.
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Real good day so far
Feeling great and laid back.
Events from the weekend pop up and I can set em down easy.
Conversation is easy and smooth.
Yeah man. Summertime is remarkable!
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