PizzaShaman’s journal - Ongoing

[PizzaShaman]

basement thoughts:

lots of shit I do is simply to manage the autism. the weed blunts my sensitivity and puts a damper on my energy. there is a window of creativity and increased receptivity while smoking but I keep on past that. I avoid talking to people (at times) to avoid social interaction fuck ups. Sexual activity as a means of energy regulation.

I don’t know how many of my perceived problems I will be able to “fix”. I do tire of how the sexual frustration persists. I know it’s mental at this point- the HyPeRsExUaLiTy AuTiSm is felt.

---

DR:Regen has done some work. I’ll have 2.5 months of it at the end of February, along with 6 months each of GLM and Earth. NE W:DB is alright, however I think I’d rather opt to pair W:DB with BDLM in a custom. Considering parking Regen for a bit and bringing in Water (store title) and perhaps rotating out Earth/GLM (I do like that NE Main Title custom!) for a month of Let’s Row V2.

Planning ahead, I see a time of NE KB4 and NE Alch4, prolly 3 months, before moving on to AEON. I’d also like to experiment with the wife and MDFY: Together in some fashion.

[PizzaShaman]

Previous row:

New PR on the 5k!

1 of 3 for the week. I had to cram it in to get done before a D4 world boss. Made it!

[PizzaShaman]

2/19/26

2 of 3 for the week. Looking like a 5k week!

[PizzaShaman]

2/21/26

3 of 3 for the week!

Wife is at 4 workouts for the week too!

Yeah dude.

[PizzaShaman]

2/24/26

Yesterday’s listening:
15 minutes each-
DR:REGEN
NE W:DB
NE Earth/GLM
Epic Ascension Chamber <—secret sauce

I think imma wash out for a week, come back with a new stack. I got wdb/bdlm on order; started taking action on bdlm yesterday and today. I wanna get let’s row v2 back in for a cycle as well.

[PizzaShaman]

2/26/26

2 of 3 for the week.

Still on washout, though that may change.

Mercury retrograde arrived with oldest daughter trying to get engaged after 4 months. Wife and I were the last to find out about the “plan”. The young man in question is 18 years old, 3 years younger than my daughter. NEEDLESS TO SAY WE DO NOT APPROVE OF THIS TIMETABLE!
Increased blood pressure and stress at the moment.
This has and will continue to cause interference and upset at both my work and my wife’s church, as we both interact with the young man’s parents at our respective places.

PETULANT AND CHURLISH. THE COMPLETE LACK OF RESPECT AND REGARD FOR HER PARENTS HAS ME INFURIATED.

and I have to go get ready for work and be the pizza guy.

[PizzaShaman]

late night basement thoughts:

Up again at incorrect hours, thanks to oldest daughter being false to my wife and not being home tonight. I presume she’s sleeping at the boy’s house. We’ll likely get another bullshit excuse. (Just like last night too!) Oldest continually lies and has very little concept of accountability. Seems I will end up skipping church this coming morning as I will be either too tired or too angry to guarantee no confrontation, which my wife does not want to happen at church.

The afternoon yesterday was interesting. A message from someone I used to hang out with quite regularly, but hadn’t seen too much at all since I switched jobs last. He was in a state of shock because he had been thrown out by his gf of 19 years, out of the blue with no apparent catalyst. She had contacted his parents to come pack up his stuff while my old friend was at work, move his ass out in the most painless fashion.

He was sitting by the train tracks when I found him. Didn’t take much to get the story outta him. I know that he has been treading water in life for a very long time. Nothing has really changed for him in years. I think that is a contributing factor. He’s never wanted kids, and she has hit the “biological clock” “alarm going off” age. Etc. etc. etc.

I was honest with him, as much as I could be. How does the saying go? “Honesty without kindness is brutality, kindness without honesty is manipulation”. I pointed out a couple places where it wasn’t necessarily action but inaction ( skipping out on her family functions ) that was likely the culprit. She still chose the worst way possible to bring her relationship dissatisfaction up, but I know from personal experience it can take a drastic action to get the drastic change.

I stayed with him until he was picked up by a relative. I couldn’t leave him alone at the train tracks. He was also the one I called when I had my incident with my wife in Jan 2020. We had worked with each other for years at that point but had never talked on the phone. He answered me at that time, and I felt I was returning the favor today.

[PizzaShaman]

Workout 3 of 3 for the week. Not the normal picture; not getting the proper one right now.

But I got it done. Should be easier next week if I get Let’s ROW v2 back in the stack.

[Malkuth]

@PizzaShaman

Up again at incorrect hours, thanks to oldest daughter being false to my wife and not being home tonight. I presume she’s sleeping at the boy’s house. We’ll likely get another bullshit excuse. (Just like last night too!) Oldest continually lies and has very little concept of accountability. Seems I will end up skipping church this coming morning as I will be either too tired or too angry to guarantee no confrontation, which my wife does not want to happen at church.

Hang in there, brother.

[dead]

Am I the only one kind of rooting for this girl? Lol kids being kids man

[PizzaShaman]

@dead

Am I the only one kind of rooting for this girl? Lol kids being kids man

Actions have consequences. It applies to everyone.

Daughter’s Incarnation Cross is about pushing limits, and mine is about setting boundaries. It’s tiring.

I don’t mind reading opposing viewpoints, however please offer something of substance instead of a dismissive “kids being kids”, or post your own thoughts in your own journal.

[dead]

okay sure

[PizzaShaman]

I’m up, chilling.

I saw what you had written before editing it out.

I don’t keep her from her boyfriend. She’s 21.

She lies to my wife and I because she doesn’t want any interference with her plans. Any person that might give negative feedback is avoided or not informed.

Young Man’s parents have known for a while about this “plan”, while we had to find out via the rumor mill. Marriage is the (main) issue on the table here, and that’s a big deal.

[PizzaShaman]

3/1/26

Still up. Decided I’m ending the washout a day early, as there is a discussion with Daughter and Young Man tomorrow, and I don’t want to be in afternoon subliminal processing while that’s going on.

March Stack is
Name Embed Main Title Wanted:Dream Boy /w BDLM core. —BD:DB
Let’s Row v2 custom (Spartan/EmpFitSt2)
DR: Regeneration- Debated on this, decided I wanted it for another month.

Once a week:
Name Embed Main Title Terminus Ascension Chamber /w New Results Enhancing Experience Core
(Epic Ascension Chamber!)

AuraBoost Custom (as desired) (New Auric Experience Core + Modules)

Nothing new really, so starting with 3 minutes of each
BD:DB
Let’sROW
DR:REGEN
Epic Ascension Chamber

added bonus of Deep Sleep being in Let’sROW, and that is welcome at the moment.

[Lion]

Am sure the DB custom will help with your current circumstances. I found it helpful to stay chill during stressful days. Cheers!

[dreamingheroes]

Good luck with that tough conversation. No matter how it unfolds, I hope your daughter recognizes how much love her parents have for her.

Few things are more important than family in life, so ideally she considers these decisions fully.

[PizzaShaman]

The conversation between Wife, myself, Daughter, and Young Man took place tonight. Some notes, out of order chronologically.

YM attempted to take all responsibility for how things went down. Placed heavy emphasis on the amount of prayer that took place. Daughter stayed mostly quiet.

I asked about their timeline. Engaged soon, married before the year is out. YM has purchased a ring.

Counter timeline was proposed by Wife. Engaged after a year, married after 6 months engagement. Consequences for ignoring counter timeline proposal were laid out by myself. Complete withdrawal of support, contact and involvement. YM asked Wife if she supported said consequences; Wife said yes. Daughter and YM didn’t expect that.

Emphasis was placed on the carrying on with the late night behavior.

I stressed clear direct answers for once (largely successful for the conversation as a whole). Still akin to pulling teeth with Daughter to admit anything, as again, the whole marriage plan was YM’s to start with! (Still don’t believe that one).

Admitted I moved from my hardline position on what I thought needed to take place for a blessing in deference to my wife’s feelings on the matter.

Pointed out that while claiming that she’s “forgiven” after her religious experience in the fall, she needs to be following the tenets of her faith in order to receive the benefits, and there were a few commandments she was ignoring out of convenience. YM was mentioning how much they prayed about this shit, nearly every other sentence. I finally told him enough. Said I questioned his parent’s judgement for their support of him in this endeavor.

sigh

The honest answer is my life will be far less stressful if they just ignore my wife and I and steam ahead with their plans. It is sad but it is true. I am not certain, but I think they are leaning towards ignoring us, despite whatever “prayer” tells them.

Barest Snippet

Young Man: I’ve been praying about it, and I feel called to marriage with Daughter. I feel it’s God’s plan.
PizzaShaman: So how you’ve handled it was God’s plan. I guess this “meeting” tonight is God’s plan too!

[PizzaShaman]

3/5/26

Aiming to do some updates here today later on. I don’t have too much going on after work, aside from picking up curry and getting my row in. Apologies to my rowing fans, if you exist- I did get a 5k in after work on Tuesday, and aiming for the same today.

Had a follow up conversation with YoungMan and Daughter last night. The matter is settled.

Old Friend still in his Dark Night of the Soul.

Realizations and results gained from DR:Regen.

Recognition of Hero:Earth influence at work.

[PizzaShaman]

Tuesday Row:

[PizzaShaman]

After work row today:

Yesterday’s listening:
7 min DR:REGEN
7 min BD:DB
7 min Let’sROWv2
3 min AuraBoost

Getting back to my M-W-F listening schedule