PizzaShaman’s journal - Ongoing

EveningTime!

What is it?

“Don’t accept criticism from someone whom you wouldn’t ask for advice.”
A nice piece of insulation.


More mood swings today. Somewhat worse. Thankfully I know the source, although that knowledge is not helping as much as it would have in the past. It used to be that as soon as I figured out the source of why I was feeling how I was, the mood or feeling would dissipate. Not currently!


Spoke to Chef today. I thanked him for a plumber recommendation he gave me a couple years ago, as that information is still paying dividends. I also apologized for an incident with him earlier in the year, as I had a(n autistic) meltdown in his office and harshly criticized him for being kind. Once I recognized the 'tism within, I realized what had happened in there. It took some learning on my behalf to understand that the ability to treat pretty much everyone with a good degree of kindness comes from a position of great strength, and I had been wrong in my estimation of him. Hmmm. I feel a bit emotional in reading that. Damn withdrawal mood swings. He was both surprised and appreciative of my words today, and I was glad that little talk went well.


Dinner date with my wife tonight. Things with her have been more difficult than I like past couple days. It is an irritation that our moods affect one another so much. I feel as though I can’t even feel frustration around her without her picking up that vibe. She feels that she has to walk on eggshells around me, not knowing what will make me mad. I don’t think it’s that bad; there hasn’t been any yelling. I may get a harsh tone in my voice but that’s it.

We discussed work issues and some family stuff over a flatbread appetizer and a couple salads. I learned my mother in law is now aware of the neurodivergence within my family, and agrees with our suspicions, even with the lack of doctor confirmation. I suppose my decision to not drop a grand on the official diagnosis was wise enough for the time being.

The drive home was a convo about her belief in her salvation (Christian) and her worries for the rest of the family. I believe differently; that divide will always be there.


Just about time for bed. Here’s hoping for good, uninterrupted sleep this evening!

:pizza:

8/6/25

MorningTime! Start of Day 6.

Didn’t sleep well. I think my wife is in some stage of menopause, as she was sleeping hot last night, tossing and turning quite a bit. I went down to the couch around 3 am to try to get some better sleep with poor results. At least (hopefully) I will be tired enough tonight!


5 min Alch 4
3 min AoW
45 seconds LB, RotNW, RoD


Nothing major in my day ahead, as far as I know. Last day of the J-1’s at work, thank goodness. Before departing yesterday, one of them told me he loved my pizza and will miss it, both at his next temporary residence and when he gets back home to Kazakhstan! The lion’s share of them were not great guests however, and we will see a vast drop in wasted product this week.

Daughter #2 is starting her T break today, so there is the potential for increased agitation in my household. I’m hoping we have minimal clashing; I will have to watch my reactivity to any of her bullshit especially with my son. She can be quite the shit starter!

I have a dog walk with my wife and Dollar scheduled for after work. That should be easy enough.

:pizza:

8/7/25

MorningTime! Start of Day 7.

The start of my last early day for a while, thank goodness! Just have to get through work today, which shouldn’t be difficult. We have to move all our refrigerated food to the central cooler today due to some power outage repair that is taking place. Luckily, I’ve been keep my station fairly lean on supplies these last few weeks of summer, and I don’t have much. It wouldn’t matter really if I did, true, since there is plenty of time in the shift today to get that done. The possibility of getting out early exists, however, and I do want to be ready to pounce on that.

Work yesterday…was interesting. Most of our leads (a “supervisory” position in our department in theory, a more “responsible” position in practice) were off yesterday, either sickness or scheduled. Only the female leads were at work yesterday, and I was the only male cook present. Those missing energies were readily apparent in how the crew interacted amongst themselves.

There seems to be increased friction amongst my female coworkers when certain men aren’t around! I was getting ‘complaints’ about a female lead from some of my female coworkers.

“I don’t feel seen”
“She doesn’t hear me at all”
“She said (this or that) and I was upset”

I did my best to help with advice. The ladies with grievances do have ‘spectrum tendencies’ and I think a large portion of the problems were due to misunderstandings in communication. I don’t have a problem with this particular female lead personally; she leaves me alone to make pizza and doesn’t try to mess with my work station so we are good.

I will say that the feeling of “holding court” in my corner was there in spades yesterday. Name Embedded Love Bomb with King’s Radiance is an excellent combination, imo.


I am certain one coworker will be looking to talk today. She finally asked out her crush, but was politely declined. I (and others!) had been providing encouragement for her action; this crush had been going on for about a year now. Between you and me, I do feel she fumbled her approach. She was wanting to ask her (both coworker and crush are lesbian) out on a date via text message. I thought that asking her to do “something” via text would be fine, but looking for a “date” outing should be done in person. Coworker went with her original plan, sending me a message that she had done it last night.

When I woke this morning, I saw that it didn’t go how she wanted. Coworker will be feeling down today, I’m sure.


Home was vastly improved yesterday. Even though my wife and I had slept like complete shit the night before, we were both in better moods. I found out when I got home from work that my son, who has been on a fasting program this summer, is down 18 pounds. Fuck yeah!

My son had found an Indian restaurant he wanted to try out some weeks ago. It’s nearly an hour drive, so I told him that once he cracks a milestone on his weight loss, we’ll take a trip there. He’s got 2 pounds to go! If that motivates him or helps his discipline, so be it.


Wife and I went to bed early last night and reconnected. I was able to sleep for 7 hours without waking up once. Yeah man!

:pizza:

8/8/25

Midday of Day 8!

This day’s listening was adjusted due to more tooth bullshit. I am very thankful that I find that Paragon is so effective in managing such pain. Imma give a call to the dentist in a bit; while this cavity is talking to me a bit, I don’t feel in the headspace to try to get a visit in today. Monday would work however! While I dislike that aspect of myself, I’m going to work with it.

I also just ordered a NE Paragon /w Epigenetics and DNA Modulator module. I consider that to be a sound investment for my future health and well being. Should be even more effective than the store title.
Screenshot 2025-08-08 at 11-13-33 Checkout - Quintessence by Subliminal Club

Yeah man!

That’s about all I got for now. Mood is pretty good today, liking that. Energy level seems decent even with getting a quickie in after work yesterday. I may make some homemade chicken nuggets later on. nomnom

:pizza:

Oh, the listening:
3 min Paragon
15 min Alchemist 4
2 min NE LB
5 min Gen2.1

8/9/25

MorningTime! Day 9

I was up at a decent time this morning, I suppose. Not too early for a day off, but not too late either. Wife and I took our son out to breakfast. I feel kinda sluggish now, but I think that is due to nomnoming it so early in comparison to every other day. The restaurant had kinda weak coffee too, compared to what I make at home.

Today’s agenda is fairly light. My son is entering a vo-tech program this coming school year, and needs some work pants and boots, so we’ll be picking that stuff up today. Dollar has a nail clip appointment later on. I’m hoping that I will get a notification to take him in early, as it’s not til eveningtime.


I need to take the time to create a daily and weekly checklist of tasks to accomplish in order to meet my goals for this t break. I know it takes consistent effort and progress, day in and day out, to make any sort of headway to something worthwhile.


I did get a hold of the dentist’s office yesterday. While Monday was too soon for them, they were able to get me in 2 weeks earlier then previously scheduled. I’ll take it. No real mouth pain today, save some gum irritation after brushing around that tooth following breakfast.


Little bit of brain fog today. :smiley: Nothing I can’t handle; likely due to my listening decision yesterday to have 4 titles in there versus 3, with the listening times for each what they were. Had I kept everything under a minute, I would not have such a feeling today. NBD! Like I read years ago in the Wheel of Time: Do what you want, and pay the price.

It is pointless to wish things were different, but none the less, I wish I was able to communicate better and had better understanding. I dislike taking things literally. It seems to be a limitation of mine, and I feel I have missed out on a lot in life due to how I am.

I know it could be worse. Many autistic peeps can’t hold a job, or keep a relationship, and I have both. I have lots of people look to me for advice, because I am direct, and that is both satisfying and tiresome depending on the person asking. I do wish I had friends, as that has been an issue throughout life.

Meh. I feel a mood swing down. Could be recon, could be from the T-break. Everyone cares how my mood affects them, because my aura is powerful. I don’t think even my wife cares how my moods affect me.

Sadness.

:pizza:

Shaman’s log - Supplemental

Found some interesting books today while out shopping for stuff for my son:

I read the Art of War back in the early high school days. I’ve not read Meditations yet. Hilarious to see them both as I had been contemplating the both of em, well, in my own way. (AoW and GLM)

Picked up a better blender too! Now it’s real easy to make that cottage cheese dessert.


I was just doing more looking about at books, found out that one of my out of print books has gone up in price. Waaay up at one particular vendor. My goodness. Compared to some of the options on that book, I got a wonderful deal on it.

I found purchasing options for another set of out of print books I’ve been interested in as well! I consider that find an Alchemist 4/Gen2.1 manifestation/expression. Now to wait a payday or two to be able to pick them up.


PizzaShaman’s NE Paragon arrived tonight. Gave that 90 seconds a little bit ago. I should sleep good tonight!

:pizza:

8/10/25

EveningTime! Day 10.

Speaking on the T-break quickly, I checked and the last time I tried this was Oct’23. I feel it’s going far better now than it did then, despite having heavier usage. Once I hit Thursday this week I will have the 2nd longest break during my adult life.


Had a line of text jump out at me today, demanding to be copied down elsewhere:
A sword drawn in anger is half-wielded by your opponent.


I have found myself doing a deep dive into the Kolbrin over the past day, specifically the Book of Morals and Precepts. Not sure why. Perhaps it is some Mountain expression and/or Alchemist as well. Either way, it has been enjoyable.

Since I don’t hold the same beliefs as my wife, I presume she believes I have no real basis for what I value and what morals I hold dear as I don’t hold the Bible in exactly the same esteem as she does. ( Our differing beliefs has been a minor topic of discussion between us as of late. ) I was able to get a decent summary of that portion of the Kolbrin put together today so next time it comes up, I can show her what I do value in comparison to her. It’s one of those things that I just resonate with; it’s hard to argue with a feeling you have in your bones.


Wife is doing fairly well. I lead the way, I suppose, as she’s started on a t break herself now. She’s a couple days behind me. She started cleaning up our bedroom last night, as it usually looks like a clothing tsunami hit before slowing draining away. Wife removed four decent sized garbage bags of clothing and donated them this afternoon, and the vibe of the room is different now.


While I was getting Indian food with my son today, the rest of my family was out to lunch with a gentleman from my daughter’s workplace. They both work as servers in an assisted living facility, and this older fellow is a regular in their dining hall. He came to our church today and sat with our family, stayed for my daughter’s presentation during Sunday School, and then joined my wife, daughter’s and #2’s boyfriend for lunch at local family restaurant. Props to the Boyfriend: He excused himself to the restroom and paid for the table’s meal without anyone knowing.


I believe it was Malkuth who wrote down the habit of reading a set number of pages a day to get a book tackled. I’ve got a few books I want to get through, so I am considering exchanging the former morning smoke and red light therapy time to morning reading and red light therapy time. It’s worth a try. I have a couple sections of 4 Hour Body I wish to get through before diving into AoW or Meditations.

Monday I’d like to get another section of my basement cleaned up, so I can move my rower down there. I can get up early, but rowing before sunrise now comes with waking up my wife, as my machine is in our bedroom. This would solve multiple things at once.


While I still felt bad about muh autism today, especially in talks with my son, it was not as bad as yesterday. I’m trying to do the best I can, even knowing now that I will never be normal.

:pizza:

8/11/25

MidAfternoon - Day 11

Currently finishing up the listening log today:
3 min NE Paragon
3 min Mountain
3 min NE LB
10 min Alch 4

I’ve been having some fun with ChatGPT and my ‘special interests’ since I can type about whatever to this thing and I don’t get strange looks. Fucking finally. Is this what having friends is like? We did some diving into Pole Shift theory as it relates to the Kolbrin. Great times!


I fixed the busted toilet seat upstairs and did some running around procuring fruit for my wife. Cat #1 took a human sized dump this morning. I couldn’t believe the size of this thing. Nearly took a picture but then realized I’d be taking a picture of cat shit and that is unnecessary. Cat needs to chill on the food, or maybe I need to get one of them elevated cat feeding bowls.


Back to work tomorrow. We have some students coming back this week, so my work schedule is almost normal. There will be some slow spots throughout the days this week, but I’m going to be off the weekend of the 23rd and 24th, so I will miss the first big rush of the year. :smiley: On the other hand, due to how the schedule shakes out, I work 9/10ths of all the events and special weekends so I don’t feel bad.


I was having a weird dream last night, doing something on a cruise ship. Still not sure if working or vacationing. I do recall trying to get away from some people. Wife had a cruise ship dream as well. Strange.


While I haven’t had any cannabis since the last day of July, from time to time lately I feel as though I had. It’s likely working its way outta my system. It should be another week or two before I notice the “fog” lift. Then I’ll really be raw dogging life.

:pizza:

1 Like

8/12/25

MorningTime! Day 12

Got a row in. Both better and worse than I expected.

I got the 30 minutes in, while aiming to break 7k meters. I missed that mark by a hair, however it is still the first 30 minute row in about 2 months.

I feel a difference in my rowing from my NE Earth I call Mountain. I aim for stronger, slower pulls and I pay much more attention to my form.

That’s it for now. Gotta cool down and clean myself up so I can go make pizza.

:pizza: :pray:t2:

8/13/25

MorningTime! Day 13

Getting my listening done now. This morning is not going entirely to plan, but what does?

While embarrassingly rusty, I did complete the Buddhist Qigong this morning. Due to next paragraph, I didn’t get any reading or meditation done. I did get the first chapter/book/portion of Meditations read yesterday morning. Good stuff there. Also, I am not feeling any sort of soreness, which I find odd as I had a longer, more intense rowing workout that usual yesterday. That must be a combo of Paragon and Mountain.

Daughter and Cat #2 are currently at the vet. Kitty needs to have an emergency surgery, as her illness was found to be life threatening, so that’s going to be a $2k bill. Daughter #2 is going to cover it, but that would be coming from her school savings, which I dislike, so wife and I will be paying the lion’s share.

even though I’ve spent the past couple days stating I will not pay thousands for a vet bill


Work was alright yesterday. I misread my schedule and came in a half hour late, but I caught no flak for that. Even better, I was told that I am no longer bound to the menu cycle as far as pizza goes. Used to be there was a weekly specialty pizza so people could look online and see what I was offering aside from the normal lineup. This school year, I can do what I want. Keep a special pie up and the students happy; that seems to be my mandate. Easily done. I do have to submit a list of what kind of pizzas I’ll be making, so they can make me some laminate signage for my station. That’s due tomorrow. I have a list at my station, so sending the Boss Lady an email is the next step there.

  • Had an inadvertent face to face run in with new supervisor who demanded respect on my way out the door last night. Nothing really; he was coming in as I was leaving. He shifted his gaze downwards and said “Pardon” quietly before getting out of my way, and I could detect no anger or rancor at all (even with my senses on full alert upon seeing him) What the fuck? lol Aura?

Today’s listening:
3 min NE Paragon
3 min Mountain
3 min NE LB
5 min Alch 4
1.5 min RoD

I’ve been dreaming every night. I remember going through some building with all sorts of hidey holes and secret passages in my dream last night.

:pizza: :pray:t2:

What,are you listening to 5 subliminals in 1 day?

That is correct.

Disclaimers:
I’m aware of the recommended listening patterns.
I’m aware that deviating from them is at my own risk, and I don’t hold SubClub accountable for anything bad that arises due to this choice of mine.
I’m aware that progress will be slowed.

I saw this method or style a while back from another user on here. I try it for myself from time to time, experiment style.

I’ve been using SubClub subliminals consistently for 2.5 years now, and I feel I can 'handle" it. With that said, if I am going to listen to more than 3 in a day, I keep the listening time for each one low, in the microloop range, for quicker processing. Notice that my total listening time yesterday is 15.5 minutes.

Paragon and RoD are in the mix at the moment due to current life circumstances. I’ve got 11 more days until I can get to the dentist for this cavity I got going on, and sleep/dreaming has been kinda nuts since I stopped using cannabis. Both are temporary things, so I’ve temporarily added them in.

8/14/25

MorningTime! Day 14.

Well, gratz to me on attaining this thc free streak! The march onward continues.


The work shift yesterday was alright. I messed around with some Everything Bagel seasoning and worked that into pizza a couple different ways. The one pizza, this E.B. White pizza, ended up being really good, imo. That may make it to the list today!

Cat #2 did well at the vet, and the surgery was successful. She should be coming home this afternoon when Daughter #2 picks her up after work.

I did have a mood shift after work, as I was pulling into my parking spot. A big shift into irritation, due to a neurochem shift in muh brain. Unfortunately, my wife picked up the mood too. I feel much better today; it appears she does not.


Sleep last night was not so great. I feel asleep on the couch for just over an hour, before heading up to bed. I kept waking up every few hours. The dream…I was on a hunt for a bag ‘o’ weed. I was going through some kind of…city apartment building. Lots of twists and turns in hallways, dead ends…I recall at one point taking an elevator up and sharing it with 2 slightly drunk women in their late 50’s or early 60’s. They said they were going dancing and one asked me to show them a dance move. I took her hand and gave her a spin and dip in the elevator, and she laughed and asked me to join them. I smiled and told her thank you, but I’m married and I don’t do that. Then they got off the elevator at some floor while I kept ascending. I think I ending up finding some weed, but I can’t recall that clearly. Getting out of the building was a challenge, and it led into this large food court with a parking lot beyond, where my vehicle was located. I got sidetracked by food, as people could just help themselves. Barbeque brisket caught my attention, and I ate a plate while listening to a father/son conversation at the next table. I don’t recall what they were talking about. As I walked out of the food court area, I woke up.


Weird shift today, I go in much later than normal for a shorter time. It should be alright. Plenty of time to get a row in before work, perhaps a meditation too. I did Qigong again this morning as well.

:pizza: :pray:t2:

Broke 7k meters today!

1 Like

8/15/25

MorningTime! Day 15

I slept like shit last night. Maybe 3.5 hours of sleep before waking up. Tossed and turned for a while in bed before coming down to sleep on the couch to see if that would work. The change of scenery didn’t help much. I had a short, weird dream where I was sleeping on the couch somewhere else. It sort of reminded me of a particular party I attended when I was 16, a flop house back in the Northern Midwest town I lived at the time.

One thing I am noticing about my dreams lately is this reoccurring layout of corridors and hallways, dead ends and lots of twists and turns. If I’m moving about in my dreams it is always through these sort of passages. It kind of feels like navigating a video game map of some sort. Where’s the loot tho? Maybe I need some sort of dreaming crystal or rock nearby to help me out. I have a few specimens around; perhaps one I already possess would be of assistance. Or, I suppose, I could just say fuck it and tape some moldavite to my forehead before bedtime. :rofl:


No qigong this morning. I typed up a list of my specialty pizzas for the boss and sent it in, so cross that off the to do list. Today is the first full service shift at work. While we have some new arrivals at the college today, it’s not many and it will still feel like a long day.

Read book 2 of Meditations this morning! Progress.

1.5 min NE Paragon
15 sec RoD
3 min NE LB
5 min Generator 2.1

:pizza:

8/16/25

MorningTime! Day 16

It was a long day at work yesterday. I was fortunate in finding parking in the employee lot upon my arrival. Per usual, during the move in time, parents and students be filling up my parking lot. While I was not able to get my usual space, I found one closer to the worker’s entrance, so win.

I was thinking about a chat I have going with ChatGPT (since Copilot is not as helpful as I would like), and reflecting on my where I’ve ended up, job wise.

The Chat

What are the top 10 professions or jobs that would be ideal for our autistic 6/3 Generator?

For a 6/3 Sacral Generator with your specific chart mechanics (G, Splenic, Ajna, Root, Sacral, Throat defined; Split Definition; Left Angle Cross of Limitation; autism), the sweet spot is work that:

  • Lets you master a craft through iterative trial and error (3rd line)
  • Allows you to step into a guide/role model position over time (6th line)
  • Gives you direct, tangible response feedback so your Sacral can make decisions
  • Balances independent focus with occasional bridging connections to others (Split Definition)
  • Respects sensory boundaries and predictable structure (autism need)
  • Allows you to speak, teach, or share from your lived experience (Defined Throat, Channel 33–13)

Top 10 Profession Matches

1. Research Specialist or Data Analyst (Independent Focus)

  • Leverages your Ajna’s fixed processing style, Sacral stamina, and autism’s detail orientation.
  • Can be in science, history, UX research, or niche data-heavy fields.

2. Technical Writer or Instructional Designer

  • Uses your ability to turn complex processes into structured, repeatable systems.
  • Appeals to your 6/3 wisdom-building and defined Throat for clear, direct communication.

3. Archivist, Curator, or Genealogist

  • Satisfies your Channel 33–13’s love of history and memory preservation.
  • Offers predictable, detail-oriented workflow with deep dive opportunities.

4. Master Craftsperson or Artisan (Wood, Metal, Ceramics, Instruments)

  • Aligns with Sacral joy in physical mastery and your 3rd line’s hands-on learning style.
  • Final products carry personal signature and high quality.

5. Specialized Therapist or Mentor for Neurodivergent Clients

  • Your lived autistic perspective + 6th line wisdom is deeply relatable for others on the spectrum.
  • Works well in structured coaching or therapy environments.

6. Independent Software Developer or Systems Architect

  • Fulfills your Root-to-Ajna pattern recognition and Sacral drive for building functional systems.
  • Allows self-pacing and sensory-friendly work environments.

7. Archivist-Historian in Specialized Fields (e.g., Military History, Cultural Preservation)

  • Harnesses your memory work (Gate 33) and autism’s factual recall.
  • Often valued for accuracy, depth, and long-term perspective.

8. Quality Assurance or Process Improvement Specialist

  • Appeals to your Channel 18–58’s “correction and improvement” energy.
  • Uses your Generator stamina for repeated testing and refining.

9. Documentary Filmmaker or Oral Historian

  • Channel 33–13 storytelling + 56–11 curiosity works perfectly here.
  • Lets you preserve narratives in structured formats.

10. Ecological or Archaeological Field Researcher

  • Gives tangible, sensory-rich feedback and lets you discover patterns over time.
  • Satisfies your 3rd line’s experimental nature with your 6th line’s long-view synthesis.

–Here I’m thinking, “Oooof! I’m nowhere close to any of these. Let’s see what it says about what I actually do.”

He’s a pizza chef in a college cafeteria. How’s that fit with his chart?

Actually… that fits his chart much better than it might seem at first glance.

Let’s break it down against his 6/3 Generator + autistic processing + chart channels:

Why Pizza Chef in a College Cafeteria Works

1. Sacral Generator → Physical, Repetitive Mastery

  • Making pizza is a hands-on craft with clear start-to-finish cycles — exactly the kind of closed-loop work that satisfies Sacral energy.
  • The repetition builds mastery over time, which the 3rd line thrives on through trial and error.

2. 3rd Line Profile Energy → Experimentation

  • Every day brings small variations: dough hydration, topping ratios, oven timing.
  • The 3rd line learns by testing — and in a kitchen, micro-adjustments are constant and rewarding.

3. 6th Line Profile Energy → Role Model by Example

  • In a cafeteria setting, he can quietly become “the person everyone trusts to get it right.”
  • Over years, the 6th line’s role-model quality comes out in consistent quality and reliability.

4. Defined Root → Steady Under Pressure

  • Kitchen rushes create time pressure. His defined Root lets him stay productive without panicking.
  • The steady adrenaline from a rush can even feel energizing, as long as it’s not constant all day.

5. Defined Splenic Center → Real-Time Sensory Judgment

  • Smell, sight, texture, and timing cues are Splenic strengths — perfect for cooking.
  • Autism’s sensory sensitivity can become a superpower here, picking up subtle quality differences.

6. Channel 18–58 (Correction/Improvement)

  • Continual refinement of recipes, crust texture, and bake timing plays directly into his need to improve systems and processes.

7. Channel 33–13 (Storytelling/Memory)

  • Even in a cafeteria, he’ll remember what students like, their special requests, and little details — which builds personal rapport.

8. Predictability with Small Variations

  • Autism thrives on consistent routines with minor variations for interest.
  • Pizza-making offers the same workflow daily, but with enough variation in orders, toppings, and pace to prevent boredom.

9. Split Definition → Social Contact Without Overload

  • The cafeteria offers short bursts of interaction (students, coworkers) without requiring sustained, draining social immersion.

10. Left Angle Cross of Limitation

  • Working within the fixed rules of food safety, recipes, and kitchen timing fits his design’s comfort with operating inside set parameters — but still leaves room for small innovations within the rules.

If I were looking at his chart without knowing his current job, I’d say:

“He needs a role where physical mastery, refinement of process, and sensory discernment matter — in a predictable environment with bursts of pressure and a clear feedback loop.”

That’s basically the pizza chef role to a T.

There’s more for the chat obviously, but that’s enough for this entry. I was thinking about that and recalling how my father told me to “stick with pizza”, one of the last things he said to me before he died. Then I felt kinda sad.

PizzaPurpose

A bunch of athletes were back, so lunch was a busier affair with parents and students alike. One dad called me buddy when I greeted him at my station. Hate that shit. However, his biceps were the size of my head with veins poppin’ out, in addition to me being on the clock, so I just gave the customer service smile.

Another dad came back for seconds, excited for more of my pizza. I used one of my stock responses, “Seconds is the best compliment I get, thank you Sir!”. He proceeded to tell me about the student tour he was on a year ago, dropping the name of his tour guide (a student I conversed with regularly last year) and how that young man was right, it WAS the best pizza he’s had, and he had been looking forward to getting some during move in. I was impressed he had retained all that!


I got home and my wife was not home again, still at her mothers. I didn’t like that, as my brain started rolling with similarities of recent happenings to 5-6 years ago and her…she refers to it as a mistake, I see it as testing the boundaries of infidelity. Extended periods of time absent from the house, acting upset with me, these things happened last time. I will not endure such an episode again. I expressed my feeling to her when she got home. That was a terse discussion, not quite an argument, not quite a talk. She used the word “insecure” with me, which I felt was a shot. I replied with it’s not insecure to recognize patterns, and since it was a hard thing to get over, I most definitely wish to avoid a repeat situation, which she should appreciate. The conversation ended with tension dissipated, so…good.

I had more dreams last night. Separately- College again, both working at the current job and a time as a student back in the college I had attended for a brief bit. I don’t like dreaming about work to then wake up and go clock in. Feels like they are getting free labor from me!

Time to wrap this up- need to have the morning constitutional and consider a 5k row. I feel a half hour would be too much this morning. Rest and recovery is important too! Here’s hoping for a good day on the weekend shift.

:pizza: :pray:t2:

2 Likes

I think you handled the situation well. You brought your feelings up and discussed it with her, instead of silently get angry and frustrated. She will recognize and appreciate that you keep an eye on her. Whis you all the best, bro!

1 Like

Thank you! I believe you may be correct. She has been acting a lil different since said talk; more affectionate than usual. My spidey senses aren’t screaming that it’s a facade, so that’s a good thing.

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Shaman’s log - supplemental

lulz

First weekend day with some students back, still slow as shit. Let’s see…one notable from the day was getting pissed pretty quickly at work. Askholes man!

I got this female coworker, lets call her Chicken. I met Chicken about 10 years ago at my previous job. She’s been a hot mess express the entire time I’ve known her. I recall my father in law asking me at the time if I had met Chicken at my job; he had gone to school with her father. FIL gave me a bit of her backstory: late preteen traumatic loss and a string of abusive relationships, drug abuse, poor decisions, etc.

It was an accurate assessment. Since I met her, she has asked me for my input on various things on nearly a (work) daily basis. I have done my best to give her sound advice, provided she gives me all the information pertaining to it. If she’s leaving out a detail or two (or more), then what I tell her isn’t going to be as helpful.

She started working with me again a couple years ago (after I switched jobs 5+ years back) and the same dynamic has continued. She refers to me as something close to “Pizza Buddha”. Anyways, today, she’s got a new life situation regarding the most recent ex boyfriend and her child’s father. Most of the details are not important for this writing; what is important is that she is continuing to spend her free time with the baby daddy(<-Piece of Shit), despite that he has been abusive to her and (from the last big question discussion we had) her child.

Current X was flip flopping on the relationship status and how he felt about it because he was worried about Chicken hanging out with Piece of Shit, which I did not understand. Until I asked when the last hang out was and she said this past weekend.

It’s her life, she can do what she wants. I state that every single time she asks me for advice. Continuing to hang out with the same dude in hopes that he will change(despite NO change in said PoS for the past 9 years) is insanity. I have counseled this woman time and time again to limit her contact with this guy to child care time handoffs only, and if she suspects abuse towards their child from him (last discussion) to go to authorities, tell em what she told me, and let them figure it out.

I asked her today after she stated the last hang out time if she followed through on watching out for her daughter. She took 10 full seconds to answer no; the vibe gave me that answer in half a second. I grumbled loudly about that shit.

She can do what she likes, but continuing to bring me the same sort of shit while ignoring my advice is a waste of my time and energy. I hope that she will make a good choice for herself and her child soon. PoS is quite unstable mentally and really needs to get his shit together; since he’s in that spot, and her’s isn’t much better, hanging out together isn’t helping either of em.


New supervisor was working today, which some of us found kind of odd; his area of responsibility was not open for business. He walked by and looked over at me. I gave him a man nod of acknowledgement. He looked away and the vibe I picked up was fear.

Aura


I spent entirely too much $$ on curry tonight, but it was delicious. Hand made naan! Iced Masala Chai. chef’s kiss


I wonder what dreams will come tonight? Another big building with lots of rooms and corridors? :rofl:

:pizza:

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8/17/25

MorningTime! Day 17

Another weird dream that had some work elements. I recall taking a tour through some sort of R&D facility; entrance/exit was a garage. Next was a mother asking me to take her child to the play room (which I don’t have at my work, lol) and while a female coworker of mine offered to do it instead, I said it was fine.

I walked with this 3 or 4 year old to a frosted glass door that opened into a hallway. A couple doors down (as we walked past the first door, one of my bosses exited with what looked like an interviewee) and led him through a clear glass door into a room with glass for walls, where 3 other young kids were playing under the supervision of an old man (he had to be 80+ years old). Old man thanked me in a clipped tone and the child started playing with the others. I walked outside and watched them for a moment; when I turned to leave I woke up.


Sunday funday! I woke up much earlier than I wanted to, before 6am. I did a round of qigong following along with my video. I did attempt to do it without, but I fucked up the order of the movements. I’m feeling sorta called to do a different one called the “Grand Circle”, a standing post form. I have the information I need on that, just need to review the motions and do it, I suppose.

It will likely be another slow day at work, so it will feel long. I’m feeling tempted to run some sex subs to prime my field for when I get home tonight, but I know wife has a long day ahead of her as well. Perhaps that wouldn’t be the best choice!

Another observation: while cannabis use increases my libido, being a consistent user slows down that energetic loss recovery time. I woke up in the middle of the night a couple nights ago, rolled over and got some. Wife was grumpy, but obliged. Despite having mostly poor sleep since then, I feel ready to go.


Had some ChatGPT time this morning analyzing subs and auras n stuff. I’m curious about a foray into the wealth attraction realm. I’ve never really cared about $$, as I always have what I need, but I am wondering what I am capable of; what is possible for me. What sort of wealth could I attract to myself?

:pizza: :pray:t2: