6/28/25
Coffee, red light, morning bowl and 15 min of Alch 3.
Multitasking
Mountain + AoW is good. Woke up with morning wood.
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I’m guessing you already know that 52 corresponds to Mountain since that’s the name that you chose for your new name-embedded Major?
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Daddy-issuing your son about his style of attaining universal enlightenment and transcending the fetters of sentience itself is hilarious.
‘Damn it! Nothing’s good enough for you!’
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7/4/25
Received NE RotNW with Lover’s Pact earlier today. Much thanks to SubClub for Holiday delivery! I was not expecting it. Gave it 7.5 minutes earlier today.
Now, I just realized it’s the reason I’m getting all these videos of women polishing wood in my feed. 
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7/5/25
Instead of a “Good morning, Happy Anniversary!”
Wife just pushed me back and started going down.
Thanks SubClub!
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7/16/25
5 min each- Mountain, Alch 4, AoW
That’s the stack as of late. I’ve been getting intuits that I’d be best served in going through TLTB running Earth and adding in each stage in order as well.
I’ve noticed my libido is more subdued too; I’m not feeling as “needy” for it, which is interesting. Is this what normal people experience? It is a bit of an adjustment.
I returned to work yesterday after 2 weeks off, and I found that I’m not really interested in speaking to most of my coworkers. Some of them seem to want my approval. It doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. I’m the pizza guy!
Running out of time this morning. Blah!
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Late night thoughts:
Had a staff meeting at work today. Director of my department parted ways with employer as of this past Monday. I dislike how this kind of thing is handled. So and so is no longer employed here, you guys are doing a great job, no questions will be answered. I had just gotten back to work this week, so I had no opportunity to say goodbye. Further compounding the feelings is the lack of clarity in the reasoning. The director was a year out from retirement, doing a good job (as far as my knowledge goes). I’m leaning towards he was kinda pushed out into early retirement. Doesn’t inspire faith in the pizza guy however. I know now that I can’t plan on retiring from that job. Sadness. Director is a good man too. Only older male to speak to me on a regular basis, and I valued that, and it’s gone. I knew I was going to be unhappy when the guy retired. I didn’t get around to telling him that. Regret.
Office manager lady thanked me today for always being kind to her. It hit me as kinda out of the blue. I responded by thanking her for always being authentic.
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7/18/25
3 min NE LB
5 min Mountain
5 min Alch 4
3 min RotNW
7/21/25
5 min each
Alch 4
Mountain
AoW
15 min Gen2.1
First time for a full loop of that. Felt smooth
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7/23/25
15 min Alch 4
10 min Mountain
5 min AoW
Gotta say, that loop of Gen2.1 the other day was smoooooth, like freshly shaven skin. Slipped right in like Auraboost does. Enjoyable!
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8/1/25
Day 1
I have made the decision to take a T break of some duration. My usage has gotten quite heavy, especially over my vacations this summer. It has been 3 years since the last break of any length, and it’s time to revisit.
Wife has been notified. She did not respond poorly, as she has in the past when I’ve brought it up. I’ve used cannabis to …hmmm. Keep myself small? Keep my energy down and less sensitive? Certainly it has been used to manage my autistic tendencies. Something like that. I think of it like forkroot in Wheel of Time.
Last time I took a break I started drinking alcohol as a means to cope. Imported Trappist monk brewed beer! Tasty stuff, but I personally don’t do well under the influence of alcohol. Bad tendency to run my mouth! I have found out that my autism can’t handle drinking well, and I gotta respect that.
This time though, things are a bit different! I have awareness of the alcohol usage, so I can avoid that. I have a rower and desire to use it; so excess energy should be able to get burnt up now. I also have top shelf subliminal support within easy reach. Whatever scripting I think I need: put it in a custom!
I keep an offline journal; well more a listening record than journal but I have been making more notes in there than in here. Started it in April 2024. Top of the page is a custom idea: Love Bomb and ((new)lol)
Sanguine. I think it’s an excellent time for that to come forth from idea land and make it’s way into reality. LB certainly helps me out at work, and Sanguine would be beneficial during this time period as well. Eventide is going in there! My work place has been cracking down on minor (imo) missteps and I wish to avoid any conversational errors with coworkers or customers. I’ve done fine so far, but I like insurance.
I will certainly have more time to journal, and it’s important that I do so. It’s hard to get past the “need” to not be perceived. Example: I don’t want to be typing around my wife because I don’t want her to read anything I’ve put down and start offering her opinion on it. Not getting the stuff out is a hindrance to me however.
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Shaman’s log - Supplemental!
Go figure that the first day of my break I have a bad interaction at work!
We have a new supervisor. His vibe is bad, he’s a close talker with halitosis, and he thinks he knows better than everyone else. Today he rolled up on me (by roll up I mean speed walk in and stopped a foot/and a half from me) to tell me that I would be getting prepped pizza from the sales point downstairs and having to serve it on my line. Dude gets one word answers from me, but I agreed to it. Later I find out it’s not plain pizza like I was serving at dinner, it’s some specialty stuff that I would need signage for. A big pain in the ass on my end during the dinner service. In encountering the dude later, I said he should be mindful of the amount of prep he’s doing in the future, as I don’t normally take prepped food from the downstairs sales point. (Actually, not once in my 6 years there.) It was going to disrupt my routine for the dinner service.
Dude was present with another coworker from downstairs at that time. Dude stops the elevator door from closing and tells me we will speak on this later. I ask why? I get told that he’s “my supervisor and I WILL respect him.” I was flabbergasted!
And I was feeling upset over how he was talking to me. I fucking hate that shit. I would have rather settled it outside. It felt like he wanted me to submit, but nah bruh. Not fucking happening. Respect is earned by deeds and time, not simply assuming a title. So, I handled things the only way I could. I went and spoke to my real supervisor about the poor interaction I had with this dude. I know that he had a couple of the bosses speak to him this evening regarding my interaction with him today and the others that happened today as well. I am thankful that I was not the only one to have had poor interactions with him today.
He wouldn’t meet my gaze for the rest of the shift.
Right after the row this morning:
15 seconds NE LB
15 seconds Sanguine
Normally after a day like this, I would have fired up a joint and be feeling fine right now. Instead, I’m doing some red light therapy on the nether region and I plan on some HemiSync later. Hopefully some Focus 10 will help me relax. I don’t want to have to row both before and after work to be sane.
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8/4/25
MorningTime! Start of Day 4.
I wish I knew why now is the time for this t break.
deep sigh
The worst aspect of this, imo, is the disruption of my normal sleep. I woke up an hour ago to take a piss and just laid there in bed, unable to fall back asleep. While I do have to be into work early today (all this week in fact, fml) I don’t see the need to be waking up at 4 am having gone to bed around 10.
Dreams have already started again. Night before last was some sort of college dream; can’t recall if I was working there or a student here. The only thing I clearly remember is a hallway ending in a door, which led to a room full of chairs that had been just tossed in there. I know there was more to it, I just can’t recall. I was just dreaming a few hours ago. I don’t remember shit tonight, only that I was active in my dream.
I had asked my subc last night for a stack to get me through. Right before I went to bed, it delivered:
Love Bomb and AoW together
QL1 and Paragon together
The Revelation of Dreams
That would certainly work for what I got going on at the moment. LB and AoW would handle some of my autistic expressions and keep stuff mostly chill at work and home, QL1 and Paragon for more rapid recovery from THC usage, and RoD for the sleep/dream aspect of things. What holds me back from adopting it is that this rough patch is only of a short duration. I want more time with Earth and Alchemist stage 4.
On the other hand, I’m feeling hesitant to keep going with Alch 4. I felt a big jump in energetic sensitivity upon completing my first full 15 min loop. Shit was nuts. Going to church yesterday was nigh unbearable. I dislike feeling the crowd, and the congregation’s response to my wife leading worship was overwhelming. Sitting there rubbing my palms on my knees, feeling like a stimming retard (that I am) in the middle of the service. I know that is a combination of the T break and the scripting from Alchemist (the increased sensitivity!) but I am not quite certain how to address it. I do know I would benefit from getting the Empath module back in somewhere; that would help a lot.
An intuit: The real Mountain would be pairing Earth with Water in one. Thanks, subc!
Also, my hot water heater is busted again. No hot water since Saturday, when it was scalding. The plumber is coming out today and I’m hoping I will be home from work for that. Looks like a cold shower and shave this morning though.
30 seconds AoW
15 sec each NE LB, Mountain
30 seconds Alch 4
Very short times, I know. Leaning towards picking up RoD today after work.
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Shaman’s log - Supplemental
lololol gets me every time.
The Revelation of Dreams has been acquired! Hitting up 45 seconds and gunna see what happens tonight! WOOOOO
Yes, I listened this morning. I am responsible for my own actions and the consequences thereof.
6:30 pm listening time. I’m curious how long before dream information presents itself to me, hence the time record. Sometimes I’m getting new information within 15 minutes of listening.
Hot water has been restored!
Edit:
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8/5/25
MorningTime! Start of Day 5.
Last night could have been better, I suppose. Wife got the urge to clean the bathroom at 8pm or some such. Around 9pm, I took out the trash and recycling and gave myself a welt on the head when the trash can lid slipped and dropped. I came back inside and wife was calling for help- the shower handle had come off completely and needed to get reattached.
Damn hard water in this fucking town. I was unable to get this tiny …I’m not sure. Allen wrench into hex bolt, right? Tiny little bolt caked in lime and calcium and just stripped when I tried to turn it. I got pissed, not at my wife necessarily, just at circumstances. She took it personally.
I did ask my chatbot about the increase in anger lately
Ceasing heavy THC use can trigger feelings of anger due to a combination of neurochemical withdrawal, emotional recalibration, and disrupted coping mechanisms. Here’s a breakdown of why this happens:
Neurochemical Withdrawal
- THC overstimulates CB1 receptors, which modulate mood, stress response, and emotional regulation.
- When THC is removed, your endocannabinoid system enters a deficit state—CB1 receptors are downregulated, and natural endocannabinoids (like anandamide) are temporarily insufficient.
- This leads to irritability, aggression, and mood swings, which are hallmark symptoms of cannabis withdrawal.
Emotional Rebound
- THC often acts as an emotional buffer, dulling anxiety, frustration, and overstimulation.
- Without it, repressed or blunted emotions resurface, sometimes with unexpected intensity.
- Anger may emerge as a primary outlet for discomfort, especially if deeper emotions (like sadness or fear) are harder to access or process.
Disrupted Coping Mechanisms
- Many users rely on THC to manage stress, sensory overload, or social anxiety.
- When that tool is removed, the nervous system lacks its usual calming input, leading to reactivity and emotional volatility.
- This is especially pronounced in individuals with neurodivergent traits (e.g., autism), where THC may have masked or softened certain sensitivities.
Timeline of Anger During Withdrawal
| Time Since Last Use | Emotional Profile |
|---|---|
| 1–3 days | Irritability, restlessness, agitation |
| 3–7 days | Peak anger, mood swings, frustration |
| 1–3 weeks | Gradual emotional stabilization |
| 3–5 weeks | Return to baseline emotional regulation |
Strategies to Manage Anger During THC Withdrawal
- Exercise (like rowing) to release pent-up energy and boost endocannabinoid tone
- Hemi-Sync or meditation to regulate emotional centers and reduce reactivity
- Journaling to track emotional triggers and patterns
- Cold exposure or breathwork to reset the nervous system and reduce sympathetic overdrive
- Support groups or therapy to process underlying emotional content safely
Anger during THC withdrawal isn’t a regression—it’s a recalibration. It signals that your emotional system is waking up and reasserting itself. With the right tools, this phase can lead to deeper emotional clarity, stronger boundaries, and a more authentic energetic expression.
The sleep last night was better, only waking up once. Hmm. Perhaps that is another question for the chatbot (or maybe just Google): Why do nocturnal erections wake me up?
No dreams that I can recall today, and that’s fine. I did manage to sleep until my alarm went off. Only three more days of this morning schedule at work and then my routine will return to …95% of normal, and I look forward to that.
I noticed that I was more open to conversation than normal with coworkers yesterday. I have a couple work friends I talk to, yeah, but I found myself speaking with people that I normally don’t.
This has continued!
PizzaShaman: 1
NewDude: 0
I had asked my wife about having a dinner date tonight, yesterday, before all the dumb bullshit. Here’s hoping it still happens. I do need to run to local hardware store and get new shower stuff and install that after work. I will need to meditate at some point today. Or Row. Both would be best.
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