I ran 5mins of my stack today.
Embrace the Suffering. Embrace the Suck.
The thought has been on my mine the past few days.
Listen to stack for 5min today
Things that happened since last post:
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credit score went up by 61 points
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girl coworker approached me to talk to me. Didn’t expect this to happen from this coworker. She talks talking to me about her afternoon plans since she was leaving work early.
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my mother keeps wanting to talk to me. Not in the normal everyday way, but she’s keeps asking me if I’m okay and that I can talk to her about anything. Therapist-like. She mentioned betterhelp and says the whole family maybe needs someone to talk to
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I finally got myself to do the first two days of a 21 day journal exercise I’ve been procrastinating on. A lot of it was putting the bullshit that’s on my mind onto paper. It’s some really dark shit on those pages. I could probably on the forum write daily about all the shit that’s on my mind.
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my weight’s been holding steady
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Listen to stack for 7mins
I wrote some mental/emotional state goals in my private journal. Here are a few of them:
- My mind is calm, relaxed, and content. I feel elated every day
- My mind is rumination-free. No longer do I dwell on the past. I take the lessons from my mistakes, let go, and move on.
- Negative self-talk is completely eradicated. My self-talk is full of positivity, self-love, and self-compassion. My self-talk lifts me up in times of turmoil. Instead of harshly criticizing myself, I tell myself it’s okay and look to improve.
- My mind is free perfectionism. I don’t wait for the perfect moment to take action. Good enough is good enough. From there, I would look to improve.
- I no longer feel anxious or depressed. I’m living in the present and appreciating every moment. My mind is in peaceful bliss.
- I have clarity about where I’m going and I believe in myself. I can clearly see how each day is contributing to my goals.
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Last day of a washout. I’m gonna run one more cycle of this stack and then I’ll be switching to Genesis.
5 mins of stack
Survival mode sucks.
Rest Day
I was throwing boxes at work and my manager came over to help. She started talking to me(for the first time) and mentions that I’m very quiet. I told her that I like to keep to myself and she say she respects that. She then says she likes that I work hard and asks if I’m interested in moving up. I told her that I wasn’t. She was persistent about it like she was tryna sell me on the position. I told her I’d think about it.
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Listened to 3min of my stack
I pick up a shift for today on Tuesday. I work at Amazon and we pick up shifts through an app. Sometimes there’s a premium surge shift which means that the pay is your work wage plus $2, $3, or even $4 dollars. When I initially pick up the shift, it wasn’t a premium, just overtime. Today, I looked at my scheduled work hours and there was a premium of $7 added to the shift. For as long as worked here, I have never seen a premium of $7. So for today’s work, I got seven hours of overtime pay plus that $7 per hour.
I worked on the line today and this girl worked across from me. I gotta sense that she was attracted to me. She’s cute, but I don’t really find her all that attractive. She’s worked here for a min and she’s never said a word to me. Today, she opened me by asking if she could guess my star sign. She asked some questions and then correctly guessed I was a Scorpio. She’s says I give out mysterious vibes and something about my eyes that don’t remember. And no, I haven’t run Wanted, yet.
She was really active in wanting to get to know me. She asked about my favorite movie, favorite foods, etc. I didn’t have to say much. Even when the silences came, she initiated most of the time. I’ve had women initiate conversations with me before, but not to this extent.
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I listened to 3 mins of my stack
I got some unexpected results when running this stack, but ultimately I didn’t get the results I desired. A lot of those results were external. I didn’t get much internal.
This stack did lead to increased anxiety and depression as well as it lead to questioning myself and my interaction with others.
Semen retention and NoFap still going strong. I didn’t have the desire to watch porn or masturbate while running this stack, but I still found myself in other forms of escapism.
This is the last loop for this cycle and stack. The next time I focus on healing, it will be through DR and I’m not ready for that right now. 2-week washout starts tomorrow and then I start on Genesis.
Edit: Forgot to mention that I’ve been frequently seeing repeating numbers such as:
1111 222 333 777 with 1111 appearing the most. I’ve seen people mention seeing the same in other threads
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I’m starting a stack of Genesis + DR:LD tomorrow. Hopefully, this stack will nudge me to start taking action.
My goals for this stack:
- To develop a sense of courage to act towards what I want most. I’ve been living a safe life for the last 10 years. I really need help getting out of my comfort zone. I’m not living. I’m just dying slowly.
- To find purpose or at least assist in that process.
- To destroy the limits that hold me back from becoming my true self.
- Keep going strong with NoFap and Semen Retention
- Develop a sense of self-confidence, self-respect, and self-love
I’ll stop here for now. It’s discouraging when I write down goals and fail to take action toward them.
The plan right now is to run this stack for 3 cycles. Let’s see how this goes.
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Rest.
I ran Genesis for 3 min and DR:LD for 2 min yesterday.
I was a bit more talkative today. Not too much.
I grabbed a different kind of drink today during my work break. I usually get the same thing everyday.
I’ve been following the every other day listening schedule since I’ve started subclub. Seeing others get more results with less has inspired me to start experimenting with less exposure.
I’m gonna listen to 2 loops of 2-3 min each per week for this cycle and see how that goes.
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Listened to 3min of stack.
While working on the dock today, I worked with 2 other men and they were looking for me to make the decisions on a particular project. I made those decisions quickly without hesitation
I getting a nudge to run KB earlier than planned, meaning next cycle. I’m not sure if that’s recon or Genesis guiding me. I’m getting these “Why wait?” questions in my mind.
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I also called a potential therapist. They didn’t pick up, but I did leave a message.
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Listen to 3 mins of stack.
This stack is helping me to try therapy again. I think the last time I tried was 4 years ago and I only went once before I quit. I’m looking to at least try this time.
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I just relapsed. I feel sick. I’m gonna start KB next cycle.
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Listened to 1min of my stack.
I think I may be on the spectrum. This has been on my mind the whole day. It would explain a lot.
I had some positive interactions today that were unexpected.
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Listen to 3 mins of the stack.
This is the end of the cycle and this stack for now. Not sure when I will pick it up again.
I will begin Khan Black on the 13th.
I’m starting my run of Khan Black tomorrow. I’m going to run ST1 solo for now. As far as stacking, I only have an interest in running Quantum Limitless alongside it in the near future.
What do I want to achieve with Khan Black?
- Healing my sexuality/sexual energy
- Freeing myself from porn
- Transmuting that sexual energy into creative and productive energy
Looking forward to seeing what results KB will bring.
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Hey Pharaoh, have you considered hypnotherapy? I’ve been doing it this past year, and it has helped a ton. I also went the traditional therpaist route but i never stuck to it. I like hypnotherapy since they work with the subconscious.
Yes. I’ve have tried hypnotherapy over FaceTime before. I did six sessions for porn addiction. It didn’t work for me, yet I still believe it can work, and I’m looking to try again.
Some hypnotherapists I’m looking at right now are Micheal from PanicFree.TV and Ryan from hypnosisformen.com
Do you have any recommendations?
I see, I used it for “problem feelings” mainly. Not for habits or addiction but I think what I’m about to suggest has audio tracks for addiction.
I recommend PSTEC but I think the founder has recently rebranded to https://orpheusmindtechnologies.com/
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