22.10.2025
Wednesday
Cycle 10
Listening Day 6
Regen 3:14
24.10.2025
Friday
Cycle 10
Listening Day 6
Regen 3:00
A few interesting things happened today.
As I said earlier, we went on a shopping trip.
In the car, suddenly I remembered a kids audiobook I used to listen at age 3-5.
I remembered that it was a traumatic story for my young self. It was about a boy exploring a cave and getting lost. He is then found and returned by his big elephant friend.
As a child this was deeply frightening to me. Especially when the elephant sang a song about loosing his friend.
When we heard it today, I felt the pain rising and then it was gone.
During the shopping trip I noticed I walk differently, more confident with a little swagger. I guess another effect from Wanted.
Afterwards I got us to weighted blankets. @CurlyGirl found them online in on e of our favorite stores. And surprise surprise, when we arrived we first couldn’t find them, only to notice that they were in the sales section. So we got two for 32€ in stead of one for 27€.
15 lbs is a bit to light for me, but it feels great nevertheless.
We also found a great Asian place that offers different styles, so she got ramen and I some Chinese. It’s close by, rather cheap and the food tastes great (didn’t expect that from a restaurant that offers Chinese, Japanese and Thai food).
And since I’m home I’m burping heavily. Something is being dissolved in me, and not only food. This is the kind of burping I experience after heavy inner processing.
Just had the strangest experience.
A few weeks back we bought a THC vape. Mainly for @curlygirl to stop the headfu*k but I tried it as well.
While eating some sweets I almost had an orgasm. Not a genital one, but more in the head.
Today she made me a toast fried in the pan with lots of butter. The insides were covered in tomato paste. It was filled with lots of cheese and salami.
And it was so delicious. I don’t know if I ever felt the deliciousness of something to eat so intensely (without THC).
It wasn’t as intense as back then with the sweets, but even though I slightly moaned while eating.
Is this thanks to Regen dissolving some trauma?
Blooming of RoS?
Probably not Wanted or Fire.
@SaintSovereign any Idea?
27.10.2025
Monday
38° C - Fever
According to GNM fever is part of the healing process after solving some serious shock moment.
Could it be my fear of being left alone that I tackles with that kids story I listened to on Friday?
The timing would be right.
Could also be the weighted blanket. I would imagine that the constant high pressure over night did something.
All in tandem with Regeneration.
Just so you understand me right. I don’t say Regen made me sick. I say Regen did some pretty deep healing and in the aftermath of this healing my body increases it’s temperature to better deal with the physical remnants of the trauma.
- Oktober 2025
Wednesday
30 seconds of Paragon yesterday
Fever is gone. I feel already much better.
I think tomorrow I might be quite well again already.
Now my grandma is sick. Same symptoms.
Very weak. Can’t even get up. She needs most of her strength to do that, and now this strength is reduced tremendously. So I lift her up when she needs to get up.
A part of me fears that shes not gonna make it.
Besides the emotional loss, it would be a huge financial loss as well.
But another part of me is rather unfazed by this. The financial aspect I mean. I’m looking optimistic towards the future, whatever it will bring, I’ll best all challenges.
Thursday
Short update
I feel much better already. Most annoying symptom is coughing during the night.
I’m still Easily exhausted, but that’s also much better already.
My grandma recovered a bit as well. This morning she still needed my help getting up, tonight she was able to do it on her own.
Tomorrow I’m gonna start subs again.
How is your grandma?
3/5/7 November 2025
Mon/Wed/Fri
Reg 3:00 PC 3:00
It was an interesting week. I felt much better already, but I was super fast extremely exhausted. Like I was driving for an hour went shopping for half an hour and then I needed 45 minutes with a coffee anda piece of cake to recharge my batteries. It felt like I couldn’t even drive because my fingers were shaking slightly.
@RVconsultant my grandma recovered fully pretty fast. Now it’s just the usual challenges.
This weekend I visited a prana healing seminar for basic techniques. Since I studied the techniques from the book already for a month (and had a very good basis from my coaching training), I was able start from a very high starting point. The seminar instructor was very good and was able to help me understand the nuances I couldn’t understand from the book.
When I asked him about ADHD, he said he remembers a case from a prana healer that was able to help someone to come off his meds (only in cooperation with and with the ok of the psychiatrist).
I’m still wanting to get medication, but this an interesting outlook.
For some bigger context, I started this prana healing journey about 4-6 weeks ago, when I feared my mother was slowly dying. She was lethargic for weeks, in the end she was only lying down all day long. Then she said she wants to go to a prana healing introduction event.
Despite having some doubts, I accompanied her and was astonished. There was no advertisement, no “Buy this course, only today for half the price”. Nothing.
Only “If you’re interested, there’s a table with information at the exit”.
We bought the book on the basics and I read it in two days. Then I took my mother to a very energetic place in the Forrest and did some first cleansing and energizing.
The next day she was so much more energetic already.
The following weeks, we worked a few times a week, especially when she had troubles breathing or pain in the heart area (she sees multiple medical professionals regularly about this). And I was able to help her ease the pain and breathe more lightly.
So I made big progress alone, but the seminar pushed it to another level.
A part of me is wondering which sub would help best with prana healing. An energetic one like alchemist? Minds Eyes for visualization?
And I was told that I have a very developed crown chakra, but the lower chakra are lacking in development. So I need to build these up.
The part with well developed crown chakra I’ve heard often with different wordings from sensitive persons from different traditions. The part with the underdeveloped lower chakras I already knew from reflecting my life.
First day of work after two weeks of illness.
Not much going on, but as I’ve thought, the illness was the result of solving a deep issue.
I moved with more swagger more firmness through the shop. Also my voice got deeper.
And something interesting happened. I got talking with a guy today I’ve seen once or twice before. He mentioned that he’s a shaman so I asked him about it so we got talking. Then he mentioned that his business is finally starting to run real good. I expressed my joy for him, mentioning that I had excessive coaching training myself but never made it so far. So I’m really happy that he made it. He said then that hes looking for support in his team, if I would be interested. As you can imagine I’m interested. But a bit scared and overwhelmed at the same time. So we exchanged Insta contacts.
I don’t know if this will lead to anything, but I’m kinda thrilled.
- November 2025
GB/ RoS/ Wanted 3:08
Felt like refreshing those.
A lot is going on, especially spiritually.
I didn’t feel like Wanted, but it maybe recon, so I decided to run it. Simply because I felt a resistance to run it.
29.11.2025
Reg/Wanted/RoS 8:00
15.12.2025
Regen 4:15
A lot is going on atm. Inside, outside, everything.
I had a 3-4 listening days in the meantime.
Mostly Regen/Wanted/RoS, sometimes only Regen.
Today I felt like my fiancee seems when she has PMS. It started this evening. High intensity emotions. Sometimes switching with the minute. Anger, Sadness, Confusion. I even took time to understand what’s going on in me. But no chance. No clue. The moment I got closer to one feeling it was already replaced by something elsewhich felt completely unrelated
Edit
Later, I just lay down and closed my eyes. I just let the emotions be in my body and simply observed. I lastet perhaps 15-20 minutes then the emotions were gone as well the the feelings.
2025 passed, so it’s time for a new journal.
But until I create a new one this has to suffice.
06.01.2026
Tuesday
5:00 of KB1, QL1, Ascendet Love (AL)
Recon was just to real. I was edgy and irritated.
I’m not used to recon anymore after running anti recon titles most of the time last year.
I’m even considering running Regen as a fourth title. I’ll probably upgrade AL once Genesis: Ascension is released. Then I’ll integrate Anti Recon additionally to its own Anti Recon.
09.01.2026
Friday
3:00 of KB1, QL1, Ascendet Love (AL)
Decided to reduce the length due to the strong recon I experienced the last couple of days.
10.01.2026
Saturday
3:00 of KB1, QL1, Ascendet Love (AL)
Speaking of recon, I thought I listened on Thursday not Friday.
But the recon yesterday was much better.
I have to say, I love my custom Ascendet Love. Especially the combination of Emotions Unfettered, I AM ATMAN and Way of Understanding delivers immediate hits.
I felt exhausted the last couple of weeks, but only now I start to understand everything, me being overwhelmed with taking care of everything, keeping the house working and alive.
It finally gives me the possibility to start taking care of myself as well.
13.01.2026
Tuesday
3:00 of KB1, QL1, Ascendet Love (AL)
Oh, my, what a ride.
It’s Wednesday morning.
Woke up at 5:30. Now it’s an hour later.
Had a dream.
Now, so much clicked.
Ascendet Love kicks ass.
I feel like all human love is transactional, conditinal.
I had the impulse to simply grab my bag and join the Carthusians. God is the only source of unconditional love.
Everyone else wants, demands something in exchange for their love.
I need to be functional for them.
If I can’t be functional I feel rejected. Like No one loves me for who I am.
And I don’t think this is recon. This is finally a deeper understanding of what’s going on in me.
And whatever I do for dopamine (gaming, tv shows, social media, even porn) is doing something where I don’t feel rejected.
Fucking Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria.
.
.
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Interesting observation
The last couple of days my fingers seemed unable to hit the right letters on my phone.
My spelling was so off, that often even autocorrect was overtaxed and didn’t know what I meant. And often I didn’t neither when I checked what I wrote.
This morning it’s gone back to normal.
15.01.2026
Thursday
3:00 of KB1, QL1, Ascendet Love (AL)
Today I realized that I feel quite taxed in the mornings when I wake up.
This is similar to two years ago when I started Khan Black 1, but in a much smaller scale. The last time, I felt like a truck hit me and my feet aches so much that I feared falling down the stairs. Now it’s just a bit of grogginess and needing longer to become fully awake.
Two years ago this feeling vanished after 2.5 cycles.
So I guess KB is working on some energetic limitations again. This time deeper and the limitations aren’t that strong.
I also had longer conversation with Gemini about my stack and my goals and if it would be better to switch out KB for Regeneration.
According to Gemini at least, Ascendet Love is already covering most angles I’d like Regeneration to work on.
As I mentioned in a post above, I came to believe that one of my biggest hindrances is my RSD. Firstly what it does to me socially but also because it’s the main reason I need dopamine to cope with the RSD generated pain.
Lovebomb, Pride Unbroken, Divine Self image, Emotions Unfettered and Way of Understanding (in Ascendet Love) should handle this, though without anti recon scripting.
But I plan to update AL once Genesis: Ascension is released. Then it will include Anti Recon Scripting, Regneration or Essence: Inner Spa and some other modules.
I don’t know what this is.
Emotions unfettered probably.
I feel overwhelmed.
I was walking on my gums, as we say in German.
For months now.
But I only realized how bad it was last week.
After taking up Ascendet Love again.
Now, I realize at a bigger scale what’s going on in me. I can’t keep it deep down anymore.
I feel very emotional.
But not only that. Suddenly I have this brain fuck my fiancee talks about all the time. When I try to sleep, my thoughts wander around. All things I kept off my thoughts for years suddenly pop up. Things I was easily able to ignore for years.
Also, I was just smoking a cigarette at the open window. And it was devastating. All the noise. Cars, honking, a chainsaw, a tractor, everything at once. That too, I never noticed before. I was able to hear it consciously, but now it streams unfiltered into my mind. It’s tiring.
Since I work at the gas station, I regularly bring leftovers like bread rolls, donuts, sandwiches, etc. Mostly for our chickens, but I also eat the stuff I like that is still good to eat. The stuff we don’t like, I place next to the stairs so my uncle can feed it to the chickens.
Yesterday, there were great things left, stuff I really like. Like an italian Chickenburger, Tramezzini, a few Burgers…
I placed it where I always place it. It it never got taken. But when I wanted to grab the chickenburger today, the whole bag was missing.
After searching everywhere, I asked my uncle, for whom I’ve just cooked lunch, where it is. He fed it all to the chickens. There are five bags still in the basement, waiting to get fed. But he feeds them the fresh stuff I didn’t place next to the stairs.
Something exploded in me.
I was angry, pissed, annoyed.
This was the first time, I consciously came aware of the pain I was feeling. How I needed Dopamin to ease the pain. I wanted a sexual release for the Dopamin. But being close, I realized that it would do nothing.
It’s crazy what is going on in me since I started AL again.
17, 19, 22, 24 January 2026
3mins of KB1, QL1 and AL
Things got better.
The hypersensitivity is gone.
And I can talk more openly about my emotions.
That gave more depth to my relationship as well.
Seems like, both my fiancee and I, made the same mistake: Keeping our struggles to ourselves because we see the other has already enough to carry. Not seeing that the other is already carrying our burden with us, even when we keep it inside. The other can still feel it. And not speaking about it adds to the burden.
So we took half a day off and just spent it talking in a nice cafe.
I can still feel the corporal recon from KB1. It’s similar to two years ago, only lighter and maybe changed by QL1. I’m not sure if QL1 produces corporal recon since I’ve never ran it alone.
Nights are kinda hard. I wake up often, sweat a lot. I need around an hour to be fully awake. And I’m phlegmy right after getting up.
This morning I woke up with wood. Didn’t happen in a few weeks. Did KB1 break a certain barrier?
Wednesday after work, 11pm, I witnessed a car crash. The driver probably fell asleep, drifted to the other side of the road, woke up, panicking pulled right, but much to strong. Hit the guard rail where it went into the ground. That sent him flying like a corkscrew.
I was shocked. Wanted to call 911 only to realize that we have a different emergency number. While talking to the police, another rlpoloce car arrived and took over. Thankfully he was on his way to our gas station where we have troubles with the alarm system.
Barely slept that night. Even now, I still feel my heartbeat rising when I pass the crash site.
But it’s getting better.
Oh, and I started to use 10 seconds of EE in the mornings irregularly.
01.27.2026
Tuesday
Listening day 10
4 minutes of QL1, KB1 and AL
I aimed for 3:30 but ended up with 4 minutes.
Got a bit recon, if this is recon.
I felt incredibly stressed at a point.
Lot of worries coming up.
Will go down to 3:30 next listening day.
And I just realized that I’m using old titles, so the old listening pattern still applies.
So one more listening day before 5 day mini washout.