I don’t know if it’s RoS doing, or EoG1 or something not related to subs.
But these last couple of days my thoughts drift more often towards my future. Something I’ve never considered so intensely before.
I’m questioning everything in my life.
How will it turn out?
What do I really want?
What am I willing to sacrifice?
What do I need to do if I don’t want to sacrifice it?
Am I to comfortable to really take action?
Am I to stressed to really change things?
And @curlygirl has the tendency to notice these unexpressed thoughts, perhaps unconsciously, and… What is it,… at times it feels like rubbing salt in a wound. But it’s good. Unpleasant but necessary.
I’m torn. Having to choose between past and future, origin and telos.
Am I willing to sacrifice our future to take care of my grandmother and mother because I’m stuck without finding a job?
Certainly not!
Am I willing to abandon my family to start my own? That sounds cruel as well.
I need to find a solution to this paradox.
My fiancee often remarks that my family would be lost without me. They are totally overstrained with technology. Phones, Internet, computers…
My mom would be the typical example of believing she deleted the Internet. My uncle on the other hand wouldn’t even be able to do that.
But while they can afford a holiday, we’re usually stuck at home because we don’t have the money for a trip, not to speak of a serious vacation.
Then there’s the house. Estate might be more fitting. Big house, big garden, remodeled barn.
I don’t see us taking care of all of this.
Do I even want to?
But what would be the alternative?
Selling it?
Problematic. At least as long as anyone lives in it. It’s one huge complex and it’s impossible to sell a part, or even rent a part of it.
But I know I need to find a solution.
Before it’s to late.
For me, my fiancee, for our future.
I’ll guess I’ll have to add Singularities Paradox to my upcoming EE custom.