Hey all! 
I’m Lilith.
I’ve been lurking through these threads for maybe a month or two now trying to figure out this Sub Club stuff- along with whether I was going to commit, and where exactly I wanted to take it.
Not gonna lie, it was confusing as hell at first but I think I get the gist of it now lol.
I’m for sureee going to experiment with Monarch once it drops,
but this is what I came up with for now, and this what I’d like to stick to for the next 2 to 3 months:
Ascension for Women x6
Aura x2
Power Can Corrupt x5
(…repeated throughout the night & day)
If The Commandant is unisex, then it’ll be added to my stack.
If anyone has any suggestions to this after I list my goals let me know! I’m appreciative of all the help I can get.
So a little about me…
I’m under 21, graduated highschool and I’m currently not doing anything in life besides working as a barista.
I do plan on furthering my education next year (had to wait another year because I fucked myself due to procrastination),
but for the mean time I’m focused on stacking my money up and bettering myself as a person.
My biggest faults are procrastination, I’ve never been the ambitious, go-getter type. The type who seeks to get things dealt with immediately. I’ve always had a stagnant attitude towards life, putting things on the back burner and drifting through life allowing whatever was to happen, happen. To be frank, I don’t care about a lot of things, I’m too easy going and carefree and although I could get away with that in my younger teenage years I’m growing up and I need to seek my independence. I want to step into being a woman. A strong, self-assured and powerful one at that.
Overly Nice. Goddamn has societal conditioning destroyed me. As a kid I was so big on expression. I was passionate about acting, dressing, being whoever you were despite what the world tells you to be. But somewhere down the line in my upbringing I really took on my mother’s views of life.
Like how my mother was shy and afraid of peoples’ opinions, I became anxious of people.
From middle school to now, I go out of my way to avoid confrontation, even if that means not defending myself. I struggle with saying no, and being assertive in general because I don’t want to be seen as a a “bitch”, I can’t express myself without sugar coating things to save others’ feelings, and what other people think of me haunts my thoughts.
It effects my behavior, appearance, the way I communicate…
I’ve become so self conscious and passive, and I feel like I’m living in a fucking box. I’m over it.
Today I decided that enough is enough, I’m not going to allow anything to stop me from becoming the badass version of me.
I want to be who I was when I was young.
I’ve changed myself so much over the years to comfort other people that I don’t even know who I am anymore. Since becoming someone else these past 10 years, I don’t even know who my “true self” is anymore.
Because I’ve allowed myself and others to convince me that who I am isn’t good enough, I struggle with serious self esteem. I feel powerless, I’m physically weak, I’m unmotivated, I constrain my self expression out of fear… I self sabotage and hold myself back so much.
If I continue on this path I’ll die without having lived a life to be proud of.
I hope to discover and fall in love with my authentic self, be someone who’s unphased by the judgement of others, rid myself of the illogical fears I hold on to. I’ll begin working out next week, finally working towards getting the physique and health that I deserve. Speaking it into existence, within these next few months I will utterly destroy my anxieties and procrastination, become serious about my life, learn to defend myself, and ultimately become one self assured bad bitch.
My journey begins now.
Join me.
