Actually yeah, and I find it difficult to just chill. It’s kinda slow at work but I feel like I should be productive.
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That’s good. Is it pushing you to be a little more assertive then?
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Too soon to say. But I do feel it working. I got a lot of limits to get past, especially socially and dating.
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My failures are my fault and my lack of results are my fault as well. I can’t handle the reconciliation. I have been going from sub to sub and I even made a post yesterday trying to pretend like I was still using the same ascension which I deleted. Not knowing what I want is one problem, wanting a lot is another and of course there is impatience. I was reluctant to to even post because I didn’t want to give you all the impression of “here we go again” but yeah.
I just realized its my journey and I’m only hurting myself and preventing my progress. I’m thinking maybe I should just focus on healing right now but instead of spending more money on Regeneration I’m just using Khan TB since I bought it long ago and it is the most expensive one that I am not using. I just realized how much I’m trying to impress all of you and how much I don’t want to be a disappointment. Makes me wonder how much of this is even for the right reasons. Damn
So yeah that’s whats going on. Been using TB from the weekend been having lots of dreams that I can’t really remember and nothing else. Like I said just focusing on healing right now.
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Results take time. Your sabotaging your results by jumping around. If you are switching between subs every couple weeks because you don’t see results you are switching for the wrong reasons. That doesn’t necessarily come right away. A lot of the subs have similarities. So if your not sure exactly what you want isn’t a reason to jump around unless your trying to fine tune your results. You want success? You want confidence? Pretty much every single title will do that here if you allow it to. These are major things that they all do. Stick with Khan then. Your right about healing. I don’t want you to keep jumping around between subs. If you want to experiment and jump between the different stages that’s fine, but don’t keep bouncing back and forth between products. Run stage 1 for at least a nother month before adding in another stage then. Total breakdown seems like a great choice. If you are having too much anxiety then less loops in a day. Start with 2 loops every day and see how that goes. When the reconciliation wears off from that move it to three, wait for reconciliation to subside, then 4 loops and so on. This way your going forward. Baby steps dude. Hang in there. Success lies at the end of your path. But inorder to reach it you have to set small little goals that build on top of each other. Start with your main big goal then break it down into a flow chart. Similar to how they build computer programs. The first thing is the map or flowchart.
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I have been in your ship jumping around from subs to subs! I purchased 8 Subs already (I’m not even in 2 months into my journey). It’s not your fault, It’s the survival instincts that want everything. Your conscious mind has a tough time to control this.
First step is to realise that the reason for jumping is because your subconsoius mind wants everything and it wants it now! However, you also realise that nothing is possible if you don’t take it one step at a time and eventually climb the mountain. After realising this myself, I have just moved into a consistent mode of listening.
First thing I did was note everything in my mind on a piece of paper!
Secnd, Circle All of the thoguts that relate to changes i want in my life
Third, Number all my wants according to priority
Viola, you have a roadmap for what sub you want now!
You can do it! I believe in you! You are here only because you were ready for this change!
If you don’t feel like waiting for results, Use a light Sub initially to see faster results. This will reinforce your confidence in this journey.
ie. Sex Mastery, Ascension
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I got to the office this morning and within 10 to 20 minutes things got hectic. Father was out of the country and he has construction happening on a farm in the country side. The workers were messing up and I had to be the go between because the worker couldn’t use Whatsapp. I was talking to my Father then relaying the message then talking to the worker then relaying the message. My Dad was pissed and his temper is scary. All I could think is don’t focus that on me please. But he didn’t and everything worked out and the relief was good, almost too good. I believe that was Khan TB working.
I’ve been have a lot of dreams that I can’t remember a lot about. I remember 2 small details one from each dream. The first detail involved Daredevil (Who was Stephen Amell from Arrow for some reason) and his rogues gallery. The second detail is kinda freaky. It involved this game where if you lose you die but if you win you have a chance to live with a 7 minute head start to escape from think the other players or maybe a cult…Can’t remember. The game came from this twisted box that looked red with bones both decorating it and locking it. The name of the game began with “C.” I don’t think I want to remember the name though.
Thats all for now.
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Good job. Handling shit and getting things done! That is what Khan’s do!
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Thanks, means a lot
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After having coffee this morning, I felt a mixture of either peace, power or something trying to break loose. Not sure which but I like the direction I’m going. Last night I had a dream of a manga that I’m ready. Can’t remember anything else other than that.
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I’m not sure how to describe what I’ve been feeling the last few days but I’ll try. I feel different yet the same, I feel anxious yet calm, I feel nervous but also like everything will workout, I feel like change is happening and not happening. I think I’m trying to get used to something or come to terms with something but I’m not sure what that is.
I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before but I used to love music, Hip-Hop mostly but I haven’t been listening to it as much as I usually do. Its been like this for months. I thought it was because my love for music was dying but I know now that it is just changing. Music was something I would always go to hide, it was my safe space where I would avoid things that would make me uncomfortable and stop myself from taking risks. I’m not at the social risk taking stage yet, far from it but I’m starting to get fed up with hiding.
I’m not ready to take the plunge though.
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Years ago when I was 19, I got into an argument that I lost and the shame and embarrassment was real. I thought about this a while ago and a bunch of other things came flooding in of the most embarrassing moments that I don’t want to talk about. When I started typing this up it felt like something was being let go. Quite a few of these experiences resulted from when I was not being myself and acting in ways that I thought would let me fit in. Other times it was just laziness and poor judgement. I don’t know why but I just consciously thought of a bad experience and other bad experiences started popping. Don’t know why I did it.
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Woke up this morning feeling like a weight that I didn’t even realize I was carrying has gotten a bit lighter. Felt this yesterday morning as well, like I’m becoming more free. Last night I had a weird dream though.
It started out like one of those shows that would come on TV late at night about haunted places mixed with a documentary about a celebrity who died. The celebrity in this case was XXXtentacion. For some reason I found myself at that house only to look outside the window and see people who were cannibals eating. Immediately after that I was outside the house and the cannibals were inside and someone went in to investigate. Immediately after that I found myself in the middle of a court that was in session on a private jet with the judge/prosecutor being the actress who played a lawyer on Law and Order SVU.
Then I woke up.
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Had a dream last night and wow. First I was at a pool party like what you saw in hip hop videos during the 90s and early 2,000s. A young cousin came by with his final project in hand and accidentally dropped it in the pool. That was one dream.
The next dream was full on survival horror with me and my friends being chased down and killed by something that looked like The Nemesis from Resident Evil mixed with Mr X from the same game and it spoke with proper English. So it was brutally killing and condescending to us at the same time. I got away by climbing up the mesh side of an elevator at a construction site. Then I woke up.
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What just cleared for you?
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I don’t know, I’ll have to wait and see.
What I will say though is that I have my very last exam ever today which I couldn’t really study for because our lecture never really told us what we were to prepare for yet I feel okay about everything. Plus only needing 30% to pass and move on helps too.
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Nothing to report, had a dream but can’t remember any of it. Decided to add Power Can Corrupt and will be reading 48 Laws of Power with it.
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Added Sanguine to the stack because even though I know I should pass my final course I’m panicking a little. So it Khan TB, PCC and Sanguine temporarily.
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Nothing to report, but I did try a loop of Emperor V4 yesterday, it is powerful.
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Okay small update, today my father who is also my boss got annoyed at a mistake I made. He was right to but it got to me more than I think it should. I’ve always been too sensitive and that is what bothers me that it is so easy for me to get shook. Starting to feel a little better though and I noticed it was when TB was playing. Thinking I might just focus on that but haven’t made up my mind yet.
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