New to Subclub and need help

[SaintSovereign]

@mmmcheckplease

1 year and you can only take 30 seconds?? Holy shit

Wanted Black is an Artisan Title. Much more difficult to use.

[William]

Ah yeah, I should have added that clarification, lol.

[Gabby]

@SaintSovereign

That being said, these two titles have very light scripts – if this much recon is being triggered and you can’t quite determine which feature it’s directly associated with, yes – it’s the theme itself. What we’ve observed (and your experience may be different, honor that) is that these situations are linked with deeply buried trauma, sometimes even suppressed trauma (from childhood, for example).

Hey! Sorry for my late response.
I think you are right. I definitely have had a lot of trauma in my life sadly.

[Gabby]

@SaintSovereign

In these situations, going straight for the trauma may not be the best idea, and the good news is that you have seem to intuitively picked this up:

@Gabby

I am interested in trying Summertime or Dragon Reborn: Regeneration when I have more money.

I wish I could take credit but I remember this being one of the titles you recommended to me a little bit ago and I am definitely interested when I have more money after my extended “break” is over.

[Gabby]

Thank you for your encouragement! I really appreciate it!

[Gabby]

@SaintSovereign

Nonetheless, proceed slow (like, one microloop a week) and potentially consider traditional therapy as well to help. When using titles that go deep, having someone to co-process with you is such a results accelerator. While a lot of people look down on therapy, Subliminal Club’s position is the opposite, especially in situations like this.

I am all for therapy. Sadly some of my trauma actually comes from therapy, which makes it harder to use therapy overall but I just started with a new therapist a little bit ago. I got my insurance back. Hopefully it works out. It would be helpful to have someone to process things with.

[Gabby]

@SaintSovereign

Given that you are already journaling and doing a lot of inner work, this will help A LOT. During my own Dragon Reborn: Regeneration run, I described this feature as a “glass wall,” in which I could observe my emotions without the intense charge that is normally carried. This is a deep excavation title, designed to help people discover these hidden traumas.

I think this could be helpful for me

[Gabby]

Okay here is my journal style dump of my thoughts coming. I am not sure about opening an actual journal since I am not listening to anything right now, but here are my thoughts:

I have so many thoughts I am not really quite sure where to begin or what to say.

My headaches, head pressure and brain fog have stopped. I really hope it’s gone for good. In some ways I shouldn’t be surprised I had such an intense experience because I am just a very sensitive person in general.

I had the most bizarre nightmare one night and then afterwards some of the head stuff started to fade. I was recording all of my dreams each night but then I stopped because I thought maybe by recording them I was making them worse. Maybe my subconscious was trying to put on a show for me with all my wild dreams.

This has been a different kind of experience for me that is hard for me to quite articulate and wrap my head around. I am still processing it. Even saying that I feel kind of silly because these are seconds long audio clips of water running. Sometimes I wonder if this is the placebo effect but with the intensity of the head pressure and brain fog I experienced I doubt that. A small part of me wants to test it by listening to 15 minute loops on repeat but based on my current experiences that would probably really mess me up for a while and I would only have myself to blame

I think that this experience has been alot more “interactive” than what I thought it would be and that is a good thing. It should be interactive. I have been doing alot of journaling and reflecting. I am a little worried that my journaling will turn into rumination and dwelling on things but I am trying to watch out for that so it doesn’t make things worse for me.

I have been reading some of you guys journals here and I am impressed with the level of insight and depth of inner work done here. It’s almost intimidating. You all are on a whole other level.

Even though I wasn’t able to listen to much of the audio I feel like I have been putting more of an effort into growing as a person and being more aware of things even though using this series didn’t work out for me for now. I am sad my short journey with LBFH and Genesis: Art of Happiness had to come to an end but I don’t want to push it if this isn’t the time for me with all the head pressure and brain fog. I have taken Saint’s advice and stopped those.

I do have alot of issues and challenges in my life I am trying to work on right now and am desperate to fix. I also struggle with depression, anxiety, OCD, ADHD and extensive personal and intergenerational trauma

I am interested in trying the Dragon Reborn Regeneration one when I have more money. I do have alot of dumpster fires to put out in my life and I am a little bit worried that this might impact my motivation and sense of urgency to work on them- but maybe not. I could try and see.

I am glad that I have a new morning routine and have been able to see what it’s like to get up earlier than what I “need” to in the morning. I am still figuring out a rhythm because getting up earlier has been making me more tired. I didn’t understand at first what was meant by “adaptive scripting” but now I can intuitively feel it for myself. Things can be adjusted and modified. I am still working it out. I am really not much of a morning person but I have noticed because I am getting up earlier I am not as late to everything throughout my day and in some ways dont feel as stressed because I am not rushing to everything. I didn’t think it was possible for me to be early to anything. I did read the whole description of Genesis Art of Happiness but sometimes I skim over things that I think definitely don’t apply to me. It’s like it doesn’t even register in my mind because it just doesn’t seem applicable to me. I don’t think I have ever gotten up early in my entire life unless it was for work or school and I have never gotten up a minute earlier than what I needed to. It was interesting to see that something that I took for granted as a fixed, set in stone given was something that could actually be changed. I didn’t even know that it could and I never thought about it.

I have alot of different feelings about it. Part of me feels like that is kind of neat and gives me hope that even more things in my life can change and I can get more insights.

And even though this is a very small thing another part of me is honestly a little freaked out. I have the full knowledge that if someone told me 6 months ago that I would be getting up early in the morning to journal and read, with no cell phone involved I would have spit my coffee out and said absolutely not.

But, then again, I am also seeing that what I was doing before wasn’t working out very well either because sleeping in late was causing me at times to be really late to stuff as well as making the day feel really short. I would wake up and then by the time I got ready I would wonder where half the day went. This is not good as a grown woman when I have alot of life issues and problems to tackle.

I don’t know if it is sustainable for me to continue to get up early because I am so tired all the time but I really enjoy having more of a routine and feeling like I have more time. In a way it feels empowering. I also like shocking people by showing up to things early. I also like not having to immediately pick up my phone right when I wake up. I am addicted to my cell phone but didn’t realize how stressful it was to start feeding into the demands of people messaging me right away. It’s nice to not have to look at it right away and have some time to my self before starting all of that noise up.

I see these conflicting thoughts could be considered a form of recon.

1 down? 99 more to go!