I had two interesting dreams last night which I can remember. One where I, for whatever reason, found myself scrolling through porn online. However, to the best of my recollection, even in my dream I didn’t succumb. I can only interpret this as a sign that my resilience is cementing, which was further backed up events which happened today. The second dream is hazier. I was with my first girlfriend, she had purple hair (which she never had while we dated, or ever as far as I know) and we had to give a pitch to a nonprofit using a joke that I knew, but couldn’t remember in the dream (or after waking up ). While we were delivering the pitch, the person we were pitching to was on the phone with my old store manager from Walmart. He is someone that I always recognized as an alpha type. He is tall, good looking, successful, charming, and seemingly always in control. Not sure if that’s wholly relevant but it’s worth mentioning. The person he was on the phone with (the one we were pitching) was telling him that he messed up and she wasn’t going to help him get out of the situation he caused.
When I woke up to my alarm I, again, went back to sleep for another few hours. I did my HIIT routine for 2 rounds again, but doing 2 rounds felt not as tiresome as usual. I was able to take less time in between each of the 6 exercises which is contained in one round. I was supposed to go and run some errands but didn’t end up getting anything done outside the house. Yesterday I was having some trouble logging into the account which I use to manage/monitor my client’s investments so I called them today and after about a half hour on the phone with them managed to get it all sorted out. This will help for doing business later in the week.
I finished reading Psycho-Cybernetics which gave me real good insight on how and why I should go out and start taking action. As long as I can hold onto the concepts from the book and feeling of wanting to improve myself then I know that I will be able to go out tomorrow and take action. I’m also proud of myself for finishing the book as that means I read a 300 page book in 3 days. If I can continue this pace of reading/absorbing knowledge I will be quite pleased.
A girl I’ve been friends with for awhile messaged me at random today asking me if I was free at all this week. We’ve flirted a bit in the past and went on one date together where things went pretty well: lots of dancing, groping, making out - but no sex. She’s been pretty dodgy/hard to make plans with so it was interesting to have her contact me. I told her I was free tomorrow night and Friday night but never got a response back. Going to message her tomorrow morning and see if we can make plans for tomorrow night.
I had strong urge to relapse and watch porn while I was at home today but managed to stick to my guns and get through day 4. Proud of myself for managing to conquer my demons when I could have easily given in to weakness. Tomorrow I should be out of the house most of the day so that will help if urges persist.
Also decided that I’m going to start setting time aside every day or every other day to work on music production again and get into making tunes. A few months back a girl I was seeing challenged me to write a song in C minor. I was looking up songs that are already in that key today with the idea of remixing an existing song. I decided to go with Eye of the Tiger by Survivor. I think I’ll have a lot of fun with that.
All in all a pretty decent day, despite not having gone out to network, But the push to get it done is building. It is now no longer a matter of if, but a matter of when.