New here - need advice on healing

[laozi]

So I am back a little over a year later.

Alternated LBFH with Wanted and Ascension for quite some time, then added in rounds of Libertine and Wanted.

Got more attention from women, and was able to lose some weight. Finally went on a pickup course in another city, that was eye opening, I was able to open much younger women, and probably build some attraction.

Had some interest from someone I know a little bit that was only 19 at the time, but I was very unsure on how to proceed with that and if I wanted… I guess a part of me had a hard time believing she could actually find me attractive. Also extremely hard to read at times.

Anyway, even though it is hard as hell, for the first time in my life I have at some times actually been able to talk to women when I am out at a bar. Usually drunk, but still, it’s a huge thing for me. But it’s not consistent, and I find excuses not to… Self esteem is low.

Also started running microloops of Wanted Black.

A few rounds also of Diamond and Sex Mastery X2.

I have gotten some kisses from girls and now a date. I kissed this girl drunk, but even then I had a hard time to build up to it. Date for food here at my place, sober. Tried to get the courage up to kiss her, but couldn’t. She had to leave, and it felt like she wanted a kiss when she left, but as I also kissed her last minute the first time my ego said I would look stupid “forcing” in a kiss at the last minute. But I felt she was waiting for it…

So I kicked myself after, and she came up with an excuse when I asked for another date.

I feel like I have a very hard time going from talking to a girl, even feeling she laughs and I can get her number, from escalating to touching, a kiss and how to go from there to perhaps a sexual thing (one night stand).

Since I haven’t slept with a girl in four years I tried to see my ex from like 20 years back this summer, and it was nice. I had planned to just have sex with her to get it “over with”, and I felt turned on when she hugged me tight when I went to leave, then we started kissing, but then I didn’t really know if I wanted to or if I was taking advantage of her and I couldn’t get an erection. Generally I tend overthink everything with sex, many times in my life I have not slept with girls who wanted to even though I wanted, as I felt they had more intense feelings for me than I did for them, and I didn’t want to hurt them…

I mean, empathy is one thing, but this seems excessive and almost like an excuse perhaps? Like I am afraid of sex?

Even had erection problems at the start of serious relationships, lots of stress and things around sex. Had to feel very safe to be able to express it.

Also premature ejaculation has been a problem all my life.

Had a tight foreskin which also lead to me not being able to wear condoms and fear and shame around sex. Just had it finally circumcised a few years back, then corrected, and it’s still a bit tight, but after three surgeries I am now just trying to stretch it…

I think I have a lot of shame around sex, and I feel like doing Khan Black might be necessary for me to heal. Also to free up sexual energy to help my health, it feels like the logical next step.

Any thoughts?

[Sungaze]

@laozi

I think I have a lot of shame around sex, and I feel like doing Khan Black might be necessary for me to heal. Also to free up sexual energy to help my health, it feels like the logical next step.

Any thoughts?

Just one, try KB

[Grimm1390]

Reading the description for khan ST1 total breakdown then reading ur post it sounds like it’s exactly what u need. Shame around sex, repressed sexuality, etc total breakdown will destroy all those inner walls for you and more. Or primal or sex mastery could do just that as well maybe

[wrussell001]

I’d highly recommend everyone try “A Love Bomb for Humanity,” in this case, especially since your intuition seems to point you in that direction. It’s free, so you can’t go wrong.

Always use the masked version, be sure to follow the exact listening instructions. Use the best headphones you have, if not, then the highest quality speakers you have.

I’ll let anyone correct me if I’m wrong, but there’s probably not a reason most would ever want to use the ultrasound version. It’ll make it more difficult to be aware of what you’re listening to. The advantage of this feature is the ability to have an audio playing “silently” in the background while listening to or doing other stuff, important in the case of typical subliminals, you’re supposed to listen to as much as possible throughout the day, but since ZP subliminals are meant to be listened to for a max of a 15 minute loop every other day, I think you’re much better off just devoting the time listening to it while relaxing.