@AMASH I’m sure there are positive metaphors that I will possibly use in the future. I said what I did to accurately describe what is being dealt with and removed. I very much consider the build up of trauma and self sabotaging beliefs to be paramount to a mental and emotional hoarders paradise. I’m not feeling overly optimistic or positive at the moment. Which isnt a bad thing. Right now I’m just enjoying the fact that I am not stressing out over or focusing on stupid shit for probably the first time in my adult life.
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Total Breakdown Stage 9 - Not feeling the best today but doing ok. Just felt really antisocial most of yesterday and today. Actually felt really natural as there have been so many times in my life where I made myself be social or talkative out of insecurity. On the plus side I won’t say I am learning not to give a fuck about anything but I am learning the value of being very selective about the fucks I do give
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Total Breakdown Day 11 - If I can best describe the process so far with this sub it would be of letting go or learning to let go of what holds me back and isn’t relevant to my growth in any way. Fears , anxieties. distractions , and insecurities are all being rapidly eliminated. Yeah there are times I am not so much antisocial as just very ok with not talking. Being someone who has always let the drama or moods of others impact me mentally and emotionally this is very liberating.
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@James This seems to be the best subliminal for you and TB really seems to have much more effect on you than other subliminals
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Total Breakdown Day 14 - Similar to my time running Regeneration running Total Breakdown has had made me very aware of past mistakes or ways of thinking that could have very easily been avoided and that not just accepting responsibility but then adding accountability into it will keep anything like that from happening in the future. In the past I have taken a lot of things for granted and I will never allow that to happen again.
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Pretty cool that we’re both running Khan ST1 with similar progress (day 12 for me). How long do you plan to run it? I’m shooting for 350 hours right now, but I may do more.
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@SubliminalUser That I am not sure quite yet. No less than three months. It really comes down to when I feel I am at the point of diminishing returns. Once that happens I am leaning towards Quantum Limitless before moving onto Ecstasy of Gold. I sure as shit don’t want to ever find myself in the situation I am currently in and I want to do everything I can to get my financial life together so that doesn’t happen. I woke up this morning with the beginnings of the outline of what I want to accomplish over the next several months.
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Total Breakdown Day 15 - Feeling a bit anxious today. Mainly because my wife and I have a few errands to run and I really want to get them done and out of the way so we can spend some time together as it’s also her birthday . One of the things I have to do is get new earbuds as one side went out. I often push myself to get things done because I hate having things hanging over my head . I know this is a major source of anxiety for me and an obvious sign that I will be sticking with Total Breakdown for a while.
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Day 15 Continued - Got everything done and also got a decent pair of earbuds. Now hanging out with my wife before I have to get to bed so I can get up for work in the morning. Decided earlier I am going to run Total Breakdown for no less than six months but probably closer to a year. As much as I struggle mentally and emotionally at times I am rapidly learning to take a deep look at my values and what I choose to give or not give a fuck about. One of my biggest reasons for running Total Breakdown is to eliminate the mental and emotional clutter.
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How do you feel ST1 is working for you?
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@Michel It’s been fascinating so far. I find it amusing that being part of a program meant to make one more social has made me pull back from that and more than a tad misanthropic. Although to be fair it may not be misanthropy as much as the overwhelming desire to avoid drama at all costs.
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Not being able to look others in the eye because ST1 just unearthed another embarrassing/private/long held belief.
I hear ya.
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@Michel have mentioned in previous posts about feeling somewhat antisocial even misanthropic to an extent. I think I now understand where that came from. Unfortunately at this time I have to use public transportation and with that you can be subject to having to deal with all varieties of people and I feel now with running Total Breakdown that my eyes are opened more to how meaningless , hollow, and even shallow a lot of people’s lives are. I’m not saying I’m better than anyone or “woke” , I just don’t understand the obsession with trivial things like social media and celebrities.
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@James You and I are both experiencing antisocial effects right now! I haven’t been motivated to do my calling habit recently and instead and have become more interested in taking a closer look at myself. I have not been using social media very much recently.
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Total Breakdown Day 20 - Had a rough day yesterday feeling a bit depressed but I figure it’s part of the process. Definitely sticking with Total Breakdown for the long term because I keep getting mental and emotional reminders that there are far too many things I let myself focus on and get distracted by that in reality in my mind I would be far better off not giving a flying fuck about.
On the plus side I know I am making progress but it’s going to take time. Sometimes it’s easy to not be reactive and other times it’s difficult not to let something bother me or not want to tell someone to go fuck themselves. Eventually PCC is going to have to be a part of my subconscious because I hate giving other people power. But that is a ways away
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Total Breakdown Day 26 - Been in a bit of a funk the last few days. I have read other journals relating to Total Breakdown and it seems that at some point towards the end of the first month the user begins feeling a sense of calm. I realize that not everyone’s experience will be the same but right now I feel the exact opposite so often. It’s as if Total Breakdown has made me very aware of how much I need to work on before moving on to anything else. I really want to help test EmperorQ but I’m honestly not sure it’s the right choice for me at this time. I am always feeling like I have these subconscious blocks that keep me from having the mentally and emotionally mature response or outlook that I am looking to achieve. Obviously I’m not a mentally challenged person but there are so many times where I feel I’m not catching on to things like other folks do that would make me successful. It’s almost as if I’m determined to sabotage myself no matter what.
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How many hours have you listened so far?
Relatable. It’s why I’m shooting for 500 hours before ST2.
@SubliminalUser I haven’t been keeping track but given that I listen anywhere between two to six loops a day because of time availability or lack thereof if my math is right that is somewhere between 39 and 117 hours in the last 26 days
@SubliminalUser I think sometimes I get ridiculously impatient because I will be 52 in July and I always feel like I’m rapidly running out of time
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Though that impatience can be painful at times, it can serve you in keeping you on track when shinier subs and avenues appear. That’s a brave admission 
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