My Total Breakdown

Journals - Major Programs
#45

I’ve been there. Yeah, many times in life. Comparing myself to other’s success has been a increasingly demotivating experience for me. I wanted their (histories, childhoods, parents, wealth, mates, houses, anything), and at the very same time, I saw NO way it’d happen for me.

TB is one of the best subs that exists for demolishing shit thinking. I was on it 1.5 months myself. I’m on EOG ST1 now, and it’s still demolishing old thinking patterns.

I’ll take a guess, and coupled with @SubliminalUser’s points in his edit, I’d say if you do more hours of listening, you’ll quickly see some results. They might not be comfortable results, but that means ST1 is definitely working on your mind. I’m making such strides myself because I’m listening during the day on my phone (ultrasonic), even in loud environments, plus listening at home when I get home. 12-14 hours/day. I listened the last 2 nights while sleeping, hoping to break through some inner turmoils surfacing. And I did some releasing today (I cried a bit. Been holding on to some shit a very long time)

Also, I’ll pull on something @Simon pointed me to do. Do you have specific goals? I was instructed to write them down on paper. I typed mine, but my sheet sits in front of me here. It’s a tangible reminder that I’m actually doing this for a reason. And my EOG results have been much more prominent then when I did Kahn ST1. I was scared as hell in my first couple of weeks doing TB. Like you, I thought "when am I going to get there? (“there” being not so afraid of personal power…and girls :face_with_raised_eyebrow:) I’m realizing now I’ve held to some pretty unrealistic “truths” about women, stemming from an emotionally absent mom.

But for where you’re at presently, let’s keep directions simple: find ways to listen more. 2-6 hours would definitely have given me room for early derailment. Most definitely. It sounds like you’re wrestling presently, so…what do you want?

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#46

I remember hearing that in his YT video. I thought “damn, that’s wisdom”. In the comparison game, it leaves all responsibility on my lap, not theirs.

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#47

@subliminalguy I took your advice and ran Total Breakdown through my phone speaker all night while I slept. I’m going to continue that as well as getting as much exposure during the day as possible. As far as what I want it’s really very simple. I want to be able to live my life without the mental and emotional hangups and blocks that have hindered me in the past. Basically mental and emotional self reliance.

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#48

That’s awesome–you took action! :slight_smile: . I look forward to hearing the effects you experience.

Great job!

And regarding this,

Me too!

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#50

Were you able to sleep with the subliminal running on your phone speaker?

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#51

@King Yes I was

#52

Total Breakdown Day 27 - As I said in a previous post I had Total Breakdown ultrasonic playing the entire night on my phone while I slept. I have also gotten a couple of hours in already this morning. A couple of things I wasn’t open about that I probably should mention is that a major part of my bad mood the last couple of days is because for whatever reason I decided to run Regeneration once a day along with Total Breakdown. I’m not sure why but Regeneration always seems to trigger anxiety or extreme nervousness to borderline paranoia in me. Total Breakdown has yet to do that even in the limited time I have run it every day. The other part of my not feeling the best is because right now I am at a very rigorous job where I have been on my feet for nine plus hours a day doing physical labor that has left me very sore at the end of the day. Until I can get together enough money so I have some savings that can cover rent and food I am unable to spend the time I want looking for a better paying job that will also offer health insurance and other benefits for myself and my wife.
Going back to what @subliminalguy had said about asking me what I want, that question has been on my mind constantly all morning. I’m not sure how to word it but I think more than anything is to figure out how to solve problems that seem impossible.For myself any way at this time. Remove the mental blocks that keep me from seeing possibilities or options. Mark Manson in his book " The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck " talks about how life and happiness is about solving problems and that to be happy it comes down to having solving better problems. To me that means having better values and priorities. On the other side of what I said about comparing myself to others I will say that seeing folks on public transportation or wherever, I am often blown away by the things people focus on and seem to care about. It doesn’t make sense to me at all because it doesn’t seem to be something that would add value to their’s or anyone else’s lives. That makes me realize that even though I’m not always aware of it I am growing and maturing. Does it make me better than anyone? No. Just that my values, priorities, and situation is different. Not special just different. Which is why I get mad at myself for comparing myself to anyone else. I want to get away from thinking of or solving problems only by analogy. It’s so limiting

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#53

The more interesting question would be if you notice any difference in your sleep? More vivid dreams about traumatic events or sleeping longer, or feeling less or more tired?

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#54

I’ll share my experience using Regeneration with EOG ST1. Your share sounded similar to my own experiences.

When I first began ST1 less than two months back, I tried looping in Regeneration a few times in the first and second week. And I felt a tension between the two. It wasn’t comfortable for me.

I remembered when Kahn came out, Saint said TB and Regeneration do 2 completely different things. Regeneration tries to revitalize the building (his analogy), while TB tears the whole structure down so a brand new, stronger structure can stand in the same spot.

I felt uncomfortable running both, so I stopped Regeneration. When I was running Regeneration with Emperor 4, it went very smooth. But some collision happened when running it with EOG ST1. I also remember @DarkPhilosopher advising someone who asked about stacking TB with some other major program, and he said that TB will overpower the other sub. It was further confirmation for me. And ST1 has been very active in my thinking. Chronic negative stress does not happen for me on ST1, though feelings come and go. But that ungrounded, unrelenting mental tension does not happen running it alone.

It was quite the same experience running TB by itself. And I looped TB 24/7.

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#55

@subliminalguy Very Similar. Before I started running TB by itself for a few days I ran it in a stack with PCC and there were a few moments with that where I just felt almost apathetic. The funny thing is that when I started out running TB by itself I rapidly noticed how little I cared about interacting or talking to people when it wasn’t necessary. I remember reading the review @Michel wrote for PCC and how that audio is great for the recovering " Nice Guy" . I wouldn’t call myself that but I do know I have been someone who has always sought approval or been a people pleaser which probably falls into that category. I have always had a hard time of just being able to let go and relax , not care, and just do my own thing. I worry about the dumbest shit . Especially shit that is always ok and works out. I often think that those traits I mentioned come from growing up and always thinking I was going to be in trouble for something because of how and who I was raised by pounding that in to me.

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#56

That’s an honest share. I grew up with that “I’m going to be in trouble soon” mentality too. And trying to squish that out of existence by pushing it down repeatedly…made me really sick emotionally and relationally. It controlled me constantly.

I read your first post above about doing TB 3 months at least, and that’s an admirable commitment. On TB, I felt driven to improve myself, and since I’ve used so many methods over the years, I’ve learned subliminals get right past my self-sabotage successfully. So that timeframe sounds really, really good to me. That’s where I am though, and letting go of this stuff is life-changing.

I’ve been watching some Fearless Man videos today (thefearlessman.com) on releasing, I’m running EOG solo right now, and I’ve been crying some. I welcome the tears more now, and I just heard “you can only get the emotions out of your body that you can feel”.

It’s gotta start somewhere. I’m learning and releasing some, today. I’ll pass these on; I’m still watching the second one.

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#57

I am curious about what sort of releasing technique you are using? I’ll need to check out that Fearless Man videos.

I’ve used quite a few methods I would consider releasing (Sedona Method, Release Technique, Access Consciousnes Clearing Statement, Avatar, EFT) and while I may have noticed a shift in the moment, long term results seemed lacking. Have you felt yourself to have success with the techniques you are using?

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#58

In the first video he mentions The Sedona Method and Lester Levinson. I tried that almost twenty years ago and it didnt do anything for me personally other than feeling like an idiot for asking myself those questions. But not everything works for everyone. @subliminalguy Yes I am going to run Total Breakdown for no less than three months. Probably double that.

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#59

I paid a pretty significant amount of money in 2001 for the Sedona Method cassettes and ran them and responded to the questions as much as I could for about two months. My father was dying of cancer and I could not stand how I was feeling at the time. While I was doing it it felt useful, but I think it was mostly placebo. I have tried a bunch of related stuff, but it didn’t necessarily seem any more effective. I can recall people on PUA boards maybe 10 to 15 years ago talking up Sedona Method and its effectiveness. I suppose it may work great for some people.

I do periodically return to Sedona Method, EFT, etc to see if maybe I can get them to work but so far no go. I want to believe, though.

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#60

Aren’t the Sedona Method and Release Technique the same thing?

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#61

They are slightly different in technique, but both creators claim to have gotten what they do from Lester Levenson.

I am forgetting the full protocol but there is the draining of energy/anxiety/charge through an imaginary tube in Larry Crane’s Release Technique.

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#62

Imaginary tube? Nothing about that sounds creepy

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#63

I found it less appealing than Sedona Method.

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#64

@subliminalguy You mentioned how @DarkPhilosopher advised against stacking anything with Total Breakdown. Does that include Sanguine? I have been debating adding that to get rid of my anxiety.

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#65

If I recall correctly, someone was wanting to stack UA with TB, and @DarkPhilosopher pre-warned him of missing out on a lot of the UA script due to TB’s dominance.

And Sanguine, apart from me getting wordy here, has not had any conflicts at all, mentally or physically. I see no conflict if you added it.

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