That’s a good realization @myspace123
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Literally all I’ve been experiencing the past few days is fear fear fear for the future. I feel so weak and pathetic as a human being because I haven’t accomplished much and literally all chances I have had in life I’m pretty much fucking it up. Literally I’m breaking down in front of everybody, I even just spoke to my parents and couldn’t help but cry because my goals are so big but how tf am I ever even gonna reach 1% of my goals the way I currently am.
Out of the 9 stages of emotions I feel like I have come out of apathy after having that release with my parents and breaking down in front of them for my past, now I’m stuck with fear for the future and I can see how unprepared I am, and due to me being unprepared I see all my opportunities and chances just slipping out of my life, everything is slowly going away and I feel almost helpless to stop it. Honestly whoever created me fucked with me in the biggest way, he gave me all the talents and advantages but made it soooooo hard for me to take action that it’s almost sickening, it’s literally like I can’t do anything I’m almost like a paralysed patient and I keep looking for anything and everything that can do the work for me (spoiler alert nothing like this exists I looked hard enough.)
I know u might be expecting reading this that I might say ok now I’m gonna get my shit together. But I’m going to be honest from where I’m currently at, it looks almost impossible to do anything to move forward. The only way I can possibly see myself doing this is killing my old lazy self and almost being reborn again. I need a total breakdown and I need a new foundation, a new paradigm of living and I need to do it fast. Time is running out
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To anyone that feels I’m depressed or suicidal because of the way I might have worded the post above it’s not that at all. I just really wanna grow and I feel stuck, I need a change to help me grow, coz what scares me is the fact that I’m wasting my life and I have no goals, I haven’t accomplished anything and I’m not amounting to much, I just need to make sure this changes, and the old lazy me needs to be gone and be reborn into the successful me, just treat this post as a disclaimer warning before reading the above post because I can use strong language when talking to myself sometimes especially offline but it is nothing serious at all.
Thanks tho for whoever showed concern it was nice of u guys.
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For me, whenever a year nears its end, I take stock of what I’ve done and what I planned to do when the year started, and so far I’ve always ended up in dire need of a strong drink. But I’m nearing 40 and even though my mental age is still 28 I’m at the age where I’m allowed to buy a Ferrari, get a hair-transplant, date my secretary and dream of a hot-tub time machine so I could do it all over again and make better choices.
You, on the other hand, are 18. I’m quite certain you are very much not alone in being stuck in your life. What matters is what you do about it. I know that you traveled across the world to study abroad, very few do even that, but you have! I know that you are here, sharing this side of yourself, while most people keep it bottled up. I know you’re experimenting, trying new stuff, you are motivated to change. Not everybody is, but you are.
However, I do get the impression that you are looking for the magic pill. Unless you’re willing to backpack across the world in search of Shangri-La you probably won’t find it.
I think what you need is to find someone near you that is around your age and on the same journey you are, that can be your wingman as you are his. Because right now it seems you want to change, but there’s a part of you that wants everything to stay the same and it is just a little bit stronger, which is keeping you stuck right where you are. So you need to look for someone that will hold you accountable, someone that will pick you up by the collar and provide the little extra push that you need. The Internet cannot do that for you.
Constantly talking like that about yourself and to yourself is not helping you. It’s only creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. As difficult as it is, you need to take a physical action here. Otherwise that little snowball is never going to start rolling down the mountainside.
I’m no expert, this is the best advice I can give you.
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I can promise you that you’re far more resilient that you think. Right now you feel like it’s almost hopeless, but it’s temporary and the hope and optimism for change will return. We’d never have survived as a species if we didn’t possess deep reserves of strength and hope to sustain us when there’s nothing else. There have been many times in my life when I felt consumed by the darkness inside, but eventually it always passed. And you don’t necessarily need a total breakdown first. It may be the fastest way but as long as you keep aiming for something better and making some progress, however small, you’ll get there in the end. This is a long game you’re playing, it lasts your entire life.
Apologies if this sounds harsh, but this right here:
Kidding or not, this is part of the problem. You really need to stop that way of thinking. You’re adopting a victim mentality and blaming something else for your situation instead of taking responsibility for it. As long as you keep doing that you won’t progress, because the idea that your situation was in some way imposed on you makes you powerless over it. You need to fully own your problems before you can gain power over them - once you completely accept you created the situation (and make no excuses) you start to truly understand that you also have the ability to change it. That’s when the real progress begins. But it’s not enough to just say it, you need to fully believe it, which can take some time.
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Took a break for a week because I was listening to some brainwave entertainment and wasn’t sure if it might affect subs but I’m back and listening to it as I’m typing this.
Had some shit on Wednesday but don’t wanna go into too much detail as my journal is becoming like Hank moody on californication without all the fun stuff 
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Anyways past two or three days I find myself being really confident I was flying back home on Saturday and was bored so went to the air hostesses and asked them if I could go to jail for making an announcement and had a lot of banter with them like has anyone been caught banging on the plane, staff gossip etc, they found it really shocking but also really funny.today I was coming back from the gym and saw someone I know and usually instead Of just going away and both of us pretending like we don’t know each other I stopped her and spoke to her and she was really receptive.
I do notice tho that I’m feeling really really restless, I was listening to masked but stopped as the restlessness made me super uncomfortable to listen with headphones on so I’m using ultras even tho I’m back home let’s see how this goes.
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Good luck with the restard 
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I stood up to someone in a job I’m doing, it’s a group where I’m supposed to post stuff to keep engagement and he keeps attacking my posts so I gave him a taste of his medicine and now many people hate me and I’m sure I’m gonna have to hear stuff about this probably be fired who knows, but I’m happy I did that because I don’t want people to think they can get away with anything, I spoke to a friend recently and he told me no matter who the other person whatever power he has, never let anyone cross ur boundaries or do anything to anyone which crosses a line
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If you go through life without ever pissing somebody off, you’ve never really lived at all.
If he was crossing the line regularly, it’s okay to give him a tactful jab. Nobody likes a bully. Tactful being the word here. If it feels right to you, that’s important.
Should you get called on it and you have to defend your actions, take a deep breath first, collect yourself, then (as tempting as it is to say “he started it”) don’t place any blame anywhere. You may even admit that your counter may have had a bit more of a bite than you intended. But only if you believe it did.
Instead of placing blame, indicate that no reasonable person could be expected to accept constant harassment (once again, harassment in general, without pointing fingers), since it does nobody (including the job/group which is why you’re all there) any good. But you’d be really grateful for constructive criticism and advice on how to write better posts instead. You’re always willing to learn and improve. It would help you AND the job, it’s a win-win for everyone.
It’s not so much about the exact words I’ve used as it is about the mature attitude that is conveyed by them. Find the attitude and then find your words.
If you do it right, it’ll turn all that disapproval towards the other person and net you the sympathy. I’ve seen it happen.
And if not, accept it as a learning experience, another challenge on your path to growth.
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I’m finding it really hard to let go and keep getting distracted by the smallest of things. When I actually come close to letting go and going into trance my body literally jerks me back to consciousness, is there any solution for this in order for me to get the maximum effects from the superchargers
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One way to weed out women is by directly asking them out in which you did. If they make up a excuse why they cant hang with you even though it appears shes been flirty and interested with you means your likely dealing with a woman who just wanted attention. These women have no intention of going out with you but like having orbiters around probably to boost there ego
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