My Journey to Olympus

[Apollo]

Cycle 36th: Rest/Washout

It’s dark out, I’m parked, in my car listening to Sail on. My thoughts are revolving around my future, my past, and not about the present cause it bored me. I’m skipping that tonight in the buffet of thoughts in my mind.

I have decided to pick a title and, pretty much run it solo, or semi-solo for now, until at least I feel things are back on track.

The healing I got a glimpse of from my test run of nKST1, I wonder where it would lead if I let it run its course, undivided and gave it my full attention.

That being said, I’m eager for the new Sanguine or RoM and if one could supplement and offer support for this upcoming cycle, without taking away resources that Total Breakdown needs to accomplish its mission.

God knows I long for that inner peace.

Aside from a test run of KST1, I am pretty sure Stark Black was instrumental in many of these insights as well; a result of Fire and Saint’s genius teamwork.

Looking back into my sub journey, I always took into consideration finances or financial stability as my primary reason for picking a title or crafting a stack or custom.

Sure attraction is there, sex is there, health, relationship, charisma, appearance, intelligence, but finances is always number 1.

Thing is I’m tired doing that. There are titles I’m not running that I feel would make me happier but I have to set them aside because I am in the rat race.

Who built this damned race… I sure as hell didn’t.

Born to play in the rat race? Who decided that? I feel some anger thinking about it.

Recon? Maybe.

Presults from Khan, wanting to break free? Maybe.

I’m not in the mood to do a stack or pick a title for surviving. At least not at this time.

Sometimes I feel like I’m living just to patch cracks in the wall.

I don’t think I want to do that right now.

I’m resting wealth focused titles for now. At least this cycle.

I’ll focus on healing. My intuition is nudging me in that direction.

I have a few hesitations, some I didn’t write in my journal but I’m letting go and doing it.

Life is too short. Overthinking makes it shorter, and less fun.

I don’t like committing or making promises publicly, it feels like I’m not doing it for myself or doing it to impress. I don’t like that. So I’ll do my thing and try to stay out of my own way.

Here’s to the washout.

P.S.

Radio switched to midnight train to Georgia as I’m typing this. Huh. How about that.

[Apollo]

Rest/Washout

Done with the healing for now. Doing a washout and will strategize for my next stack.

I feel pretty good, that said not going with Khan for now.

Maybe when things are more stable but for now my focus is finances, learning, health and yes romance.

Romance for me makes life much more colorful, enjoyable, and I feel more motivated.

Anyway, recon right now, the past week has been busy so I’m taking it easy after my tasks. Will go see a movie later on.

[Apollo]

Rest/Washout

I’m planning to focus on only New Emperor at least for one cycle, plus a title to assist.

New Sanguine is the best candidate I’m leaning towards to, just based on my previous experience and reading my past journals.

I find when I’m on emperor my temper needs a bit more control.

Not sure if my vibe is off as well, didn’t see much on the romance department, and maybe that’s why I’m seeing a bit more hostility on this but New Sanguine and New Lovebomb should help me balance things out.

Didn’t see this off vibe on Chosen, KB and so far on Stark Black, however Emperor addresses a lot of areas I’d like to improve. That and it’s made a difference to many here. I remember being inspired by old chap, yardbird, hoppa etc.

If manifestation from the mind is true, and my own negativity is hindering me from changing my reality for a better and far more smoother one, then Sanguine will help get my mind on track, and my subconscious to be my ally.

Still thinking if I should do a full loop or my tried and tested 5-7 minutes. I need to reflect on that further.

[Apollo]

More thoughts

I have been noticing with these new upgrades and titles that I have been dreaming or at least remembering them more often.

I didn’t see this in ZPv1, 320 nor ZPv2’s but with NSE, it is remarkable.

I don’t usually talk about dreams, however the other day I dreamt of one of the loved ones I lost fairly recently, and this loved one was so alive, it was all so vivid, the conversations, the emotions, the laughter, it was all so clear that I felt sadness when I woke up when I realize this person is truly gone.

I admire this person, was on top of the world and was truly wealthy. Was a force of nature, wined and dined, mingled, and did business with some of the upper crust in my society, charming, quick witted, confident and very intelligent.

We could talk for hours and never run out of things to discuss.

Sadly some time before the end, this loved one lost it all. I never treated this loved one differently, my respect and admiration never wavered, regardless of finances or material wealth. Perhaps that’s one of the reasons why we were so close over the years.

Perhaps this dream was brought about by the healing of New Khan ST1.

I still feel some guilt there and sadness. If only I had been what I aspired to be perhaps I could have helped this person and this person might still be alive today.

I miss a lot in my life dearly. Some memories that used to bring me joy are quite poignant now because some them feels like it happened in another timeline.

Thing is I see my own time getting shorter by the day. It’s the weight of Altlas on my shoulder and it’s getting too heavy.

Sometimes I find myself wondering if I’ll ever experience that joie de vivre again, or if the best has already passed.

[Apollo]

Cycle 38th, Day 2: Rest

Ran New Emperor (10 mins) and New Sanguine (5 mins) yesterday and I feel this combo is promising for me.

So far my interactions have been cordial, pleasant while I was productive, focused and the energy that anxiety, stress and negativity that depletes me feels like it’s being clamped down.

I’d like to focus on Emperor, while I’m reinforcing my weak areas (with Sanguine and maybe Lovebomb) to fully enjoy and utilize this title.

Right now anxiety and stress is slowly doing a number on me. I feel it, physically, mentally and perhaps even spiritually.

That said, I didn’t notice much attraction after my first few runs of New Emperor when it was first released, however yesterday a companion mentioned I was being eyed and flirted with at a restaurant. I didn’t notice it, but I’m noting that here in my journal.

One scenario though was when I was at a convenience store, a cute girl (maybe early 20’s) was ahead of me. She dropped a small item, I didn’t help her with it. I had a bit of a sprain, in any case she looked at me and that’s when I noticed she was cute.

Anyway she was done, and it was my turn, the moment I spoke it’s like all eyes on me in that small store. At the back of mind, Emperor or bloom from Stark Black.

The girl didn’t leave though, and as soon as I walked out of the store towards my car, she was looking at and walking behind me.

Could be nothing, could be something. Just noting it here in case I see more of this on this stack.

Rest day today, some news are being thrown at me but I’m keeping my composure.

If the mind can truly manifest, then a good mind will help me manifest good things.

[Apollo]

Washout

I don’t know if I’m in recon. I probably am.

Taking a break from New Emperor for now. It’s not clicking for me at this time. I feel New Emperor is better than ZPv1 and ZPv2 however the results I’m looking for is not as apparent to me, like wealth, romance, fitness etc.

Though I did sell a few items in the months prior, it is because of a necessity. A part of me is saddened because some of those items have a sentimental value to me. Buried up to my neck in bills and obligations and I had little choice.

A part of me wants to go back and try Stark once again and see if that would suit me better or even AM. KB is great but I’m not sure if that’s enough to supplement the romance and fitness department.

Khan is excellent, however I find the challenges I’m currently dealing with is overwhelming. I’m looking for steady growth in multiple areas in my life without actively adding more situations that has the potential to be the last straw that breaks the camel’s back.

It’s been too long and I need to be smarter, stronger, wiser, more ambitious, more productive and even luckier to get myself out of this dark cave once and for all.

[Apollo]

Washout Day 2:

A bit better today, just under the weather with some mild flu symptoms.

Strangely enough I’m more inclined to seriously practice retention recently. I don’t PMO, however I’m active and release from time to time.

Aside from physical energy benefits, this might also help in preparation for my next stack, because if it’s Stark or the like, it usually gives me some recon due to the cognitive benefits which is one of my weakness and yet a very important aspect that I need to improve exponentially no matter how I feel.

Not sure if this realization or inclination is bloom from KB when I ran it previously but deep inside I know my vitality is not as it should be. Something is not right.

I’m still enjoying intimacy, I’m not planning to be a monk; in-fact I want to be better and better at it. I enjoy it.

However I’m planning to retain longer than usual to see if this would have an effect on my personal energy, addressing my objectives and increasing my own mental (perhaps even spiritual) strength to influence my subconscious mind and boost my results.

[Apollo]

Washout Day 3:

Still feeling a bit under the weather but I’m getting ready to start my next cycle soon. Lots to fix this incoming week.

I’ll redo my naming from 39th into 1st ZP again due to the addition of NSE.

NSE is a breakthrough and it’s a whole new ball game. I love it.

I’m getting insights after insights while I’m resting. Not sure if these are presults from my next stack.

I realized perhaps due to poor diet, stress, smoking cigarettes, chemicals in my food or drink, or media or something, my core being and very masculinity took a hit, so that needs some reinforcements there from the subs and also from my lifestyle changes. Primal comes to mind, so I’ll see if I can revisit that.

I’ll probably do carnivore again, intermittent fasting, lift more regularly and extend my retention a bit further.

[Apollo]

I realized I have a long standing issue with self sabotage. I’m supposed to quit smoking and yet here I am again, back on square one.

I noticed when I have something big to do the next day, where I need my full mental faculties and alertness, I usually won’t be able to sleep the night before, and I’m hit with insomnia. I’m not nervous or agitated, I just couldn’t get to sleep for some reason.

This has happened several times and in different ways, that I’m pissed off at this part of my psyche. I wonder what sub would be best to tackle this self bullshit once and for all.

This self sabotage has affected many aspects of my life. Finances, romance, health etc. it’s one of the reasons why I ran Emperor but maybe I need an additional reinforcement from another title.

A juggernaut to unleash in my mind to beat the crap out of this defeatist, useless curse-like inner voice, that serves as if it’s there to simply punish.

I’m looking at Lovebomb, Phoenix and maybe DR again.

[Apollo]

Was writing my current thoughts but decided to cut and paste in my private journal instead. Too personal and it’s not nice anyway. I also like that the forum is going towards the positive and the empowering, sharing this here isn’t productive.

Nevertheless I’m experiencing recon and it’s best to regain equilibrium and keep to myself when this happens.

[Apollo]

Addendum;

Will take a washout after today, but I ran New Lovebomb for 3 minutes just now.

Perhaps my self sabotage stems from self dislike, perhaps even hatred? I didn’t see it that way before but perhaps that is a root cause.

I thought I could do many things, achieve many things, and I fell short. I guess I’m extremely disappointed with myself. I am my biggest critic.

Not sure how to proceed and evolve if I have this anger towards myself.

Perhaps subconsciously I’m self-flagellating and my negative manifestations are also influenced by that Trojan horse or virus of the mind.

As I understood, with ZP, the manifestations come from my core, and that core is well… not functioning optimally.

Maybe this realization is my subconscious nudging me in the right direction, or I’m simply rationalizing my irrationality.

In any case I’ll take it easy until Monday before I need to deal with life stuff once again.

Will take this weekend to recuperate, mentally, emotionally and physically.

[Apollo]

1st ZP cycle with NSE, Day 17: LoveBomb 15 mins.

I woke up around 2 am, i don’t usually recall my dreams but this one, I did. It’s a bit long but I remember seeing caged tigers.

I went back to sleep and then dreamt again. This time I was in a fist fight. I woke up around 3:30, then I remembered all my stress and things that bothered me, my obligations to the banks, frustrations and deadlines and I felt anxiety.

Decided now is the time to run the New Lovebomb and come what may.

Went back to sleep, woke up at around 5. This time I don’t recall anymore dreams. I felt relaxed. One thing of note is that I woke up with a hot coffee waiting for me. It’s been a while since someone did this for me, it’s small but it made me smile. I’m noting things out of the ordinary, and this hasn’t happened in months.

I drove, felt relaxed, even when it’s traffic I was just centered. I also noticed I didn’t have a very strong desire to smoke a cigarette.

[Apollo]

Washout.

Getting ready for the New Limitless in case it drops soon, but in case it needs more time, I understand. SC knows what they are doing.

I’m very curious what goodies the New Limitless have. I’ve always been torn if I should run Limitless or QL.

When it comes to improving my intelligence and learning abilities, I am more in need of one for long term than short or mid term.

I don’t know if I’m simply mentally lazy or just not that smart to learn the things I want to, easily.

Thing is, I feel QL might be a bit too heavy for most of the stacks I’m running. I find it more comfortable to keep one four stager in a stack rather than two or more.

Maybe that’s from my Q days and ZP with NSE is much more forgiving when it comes to the density of the stack. If so, I’m very glad.

That said I’m still hesitant and cautious with adding heavier titles at this time. Results matter the most; and if I need to take it a bit easier so that results would be more optimized, I certainly will.

[Apollo]

@Psiklou Brother, how’s the physical shifting in WB?

[Psiklou]

@Apollo

@Psiklou Brother, how’s the physical shifting in WB?

Well I did not see the differences, I did not become slimmer with a 6 pack, dick did not become bigger. I even put on weight as I stopped working out because of work.

I got more of an identity shift about my appearance powered by the NSE and maybe because of the maxed out aura:

• I had countless women telling me I am handsome
• I felt handsome, really handsome, as if I was walking on a red carpet most of the time.
• On my pictures during this time, I am handsome, so photogenic.
• In all my interactions I know am a 10 physically.
• Things that bothered me about my appearance (my nose) stop bothering me full stop.
• I always wanted to have a mesomorphic body type, but since then I embraced my endomorphic physique.

[Apollo]

Ah same here. Hoping new Wanted’s physical shifting affects me more. Gained a bit of weight as well and I’d like to look the best I could be. I’m kind of vain… haha…

@Psiklou

I got more of an identity shift about my appearance powered by the NSE and maybe because of the maxed out aura:

• I had countless women telling me I am handsome
• I felt handsome, really handsome, as if I was walking on a red carpet most of the time.
• On my pictures during this time, I am handsome, so photogenic.
• In all my interactions I know am a 10 physically.
• Things that bothered me about my appearance (my nose) stop bothering me full stop.

I love this. I’m tempted to run WB in my next cycle.

Thanks for sharing amigo

[Apollo]

Cycle 2(NSE), Day 9: Rest

Yesterday was hectic, lots of deadlines and things to attend to. At the end of the day had a meeting and a negotiation. I felt the resilience scripting in Stark Black.

Although I needed the deal to go through more than the other party, I was more than willing to walk away when they asked for something that would be quite unfair to me.

I wanted a win win scenario, I don’t take advantage of people and I don’t like being taken advantaged of.

In the end after a bit of heated conversation and I wasn’t going to back down, I was able to stand my ground.

Deal went through and it’s a win win, it’s not a big of a deal and nothing life changing in terms of monetary benefits, however I was surprised by my instinctual reaction. I liked it.

The more I go through life the more I’m missing that inner strength. Why? Stress, negativity etc. They are killers of the body and killer of dreams.

I was surprised that strength was there when I needed it, and I want to cultivate more of it. I want to ooze with energy and love for life. That exuberance.

I’m not getting any younger and the only true limit that can be imposed upon me and my dreams is death. Why shouldn’t I feel the same exuberance I felt when I was young? Who made the rules that this cannot be?

I’m liking the new titles from SC, the inclusion of resilience and inner strength in many of the new titles are so beneficial in many respects. I’ve said it before but the new titles feel so inspired, and I’m excited for SC and for all here in the playground of the gods.

I hope to see more reality bending, good manifestations and more powerful physical shifting in the upcoming titles and Unity. Unity in both long lasting and true inner growth and jaw dropping external manifestations.

Looking forward to trying Daredevil. I like the adventure part and I like to look forward and be excited by life again and not to dread it.

[Apollo]

Cycle 3, (NSE): Rest

Cut my previous cycle short to get ready for new Limitless. I’ve always wanted to improve my cognitive abilities, as I know if my cognition, productivity and intelligence improves, it can certainly help my trajectory.

However I’m not sure if it’s due to anxiety or a hidden trauma but I tend to overthink some interactions. I noticed this from time to time on LE in my customs.

QL has this feature about intrusive thoughts, but hoping Limitless has this as well even in some form as I understand QL is much more encompassing.

About my life right now, it’s stable, I feel a bit more energized specially yesterday.

[Apollo]

Cycle 4, Day 2: Rest

Wrote a long entry but cut and pasted it in my private journal. It’s just mostly personal venting and not going to help anyone reading that.

Gist is sometimes I wish I was less empathetic. This world is rarely kind to conscientious fools.

That is probably what I need. A title to feel less and do more.

I’ve also noticed a phenomena within myself. Whenever I talk about something that’s working well for me, more often than not recon comes the next day or sooner, and with that the results and momentum dwindle.

This tells me that self sabotage is deeply rooted. I’ve got to fix that cause it’s holding me back from truly living.

[Apollo]

Cycle 4, Day 4: Rest

Textbook recon. I might have went overboard with my playtime yesterday, but I know it’s not only that. Life is still going on, on the outside world.

That cry of the soul I read about, yeah that. Though I have many people around me, I feel alone. I guess it’s why I crave more freedom in regards to many things like finances, health and whatnot.

A part of that of that is so I have more options on the table when I’m feeling this way. This party of me, myself and I is a shindig I don’t want to partake in.