My Journey to Olympus

[Apollo]

Eh did you just give me the sign I’m looking for? Hahaha…!

Yeah so tempted to run Emperor once again. Saw your new stack, the first thought I had in mind is you’re going to have a great time.

One of my favorite stacks that bent my reality was Emperor and Primal Seduction. The S&S in PS was a boon to my charisma.

Running KB right now, and weighing if pairing it with Emperor might be too heavy.

Fitness check
Grounding check
Wealth check
Internal frame check
Competence check
Confidence check

I’m close… just waiting a couple of hours more in case there’s a surprise drop but I’m leaning towards these pairing.

[Apollo]

Cycle 31, Day 12: Rest

I’m enjoying Genesis Mogul. I feel abundant and positive and optimistic. I got another credit line increase. It’s not a large amount but I welcome it.

It’s the second increase in this cycle alone, and the effectivity of this title is undeniable. Somehow I’m getting glimpses of how it feels to be truly empowered to actively and positively influence my reality.

The new subliminal experience is a game changer. I purchased a couple of modules yesterday, and in the middle of constructing a custom that I should be able to run alongside major titles for a long time. I want something with physical changing, alpha, sexual performance, health and wealth. Something all around.

I tried Emperor for 3 minutes but like before, I was irritable for a day or two. Perhaps it’s not the right time for me, and I’m also recovering from the flu. So there’s that.

I’m more than fine with Genesis Mogul in the meantime at least until the new updates come or even a new title, hopefully there’s another all around alpha one that’s in store, or something alongside WB but designed to be okay with long term or conventional relationships.

[Apollo]

Cycle 31, Day 3 of Rest.

Busy day. Lots of pressures but the day itself was enjoyable for the most part.

Side note, no noticeable IOI’s though, oh well.

On one hand I’m looking forward to the next cycle on the other hand I’m not exactly sure what title to run.

Genesis Mogul is nice but I’m still looking for an all around alpha title that I’d like to have in my stack, like Emperor, Khan or Stark or something new that might gel better with me.

I wanted to make Emperor work for me but I get so irritable on it.

Perhaps at the back of my mind there is still something that I should do and my efforts are not enough, hence the recon, however, I’ve always been very harsh with myself, so I’m not sure if there’s ever a point I will be completely satisfied with whatever I do, and that is probably one of the areas where the recon is hitting me the most.

I felt good on Khan, Chosen and to an extent the original Wanted, but Emperor ZP is quite intense for me.

That said, perhaps after sometime my recon will mellow out if I just keep at it, or maybe if things aren’t too hectic over here.

I see a consensus with the reviews and that tells me this new Emperor is excellent. I’m certain the issue and where I hit a wall stems from me.

The holidays are coming. I remember back in the day it was my favorite season. Light, carefree, festive and joyous. I didn’t have to think much. Just party, chill, enjoy.

It’s a special ineffable feeling, something made distinct by years of family tradition, spirituality, with a sprinkle of childhood recollection.

It’s been a while since I felt the way I did then. I’m not sure if I’ll ever feel it again.

Be that as it may, the consecutive holidays mellows out my day to day. I have a few days without much pressure and worries, until “normalcy” says hello once again.

I’m tired of this.

Anyway there’s a few more days for me to think and reflect.

At this point Emperor is the front runner, but if there’s a new title or new upgrade, I’d like to try it. I hope I can find the title that truly fits me, and helps me truly change what “normalcy” is in my life.

[Apollo]

Cycle 32, Day 1: New Emperor (5 mins), HoM (3 mins)

Looking forward to this stack. My aim aside from wealth, opportunities and productivity is for HoM to also help me with my social abilities and desire to network.

Wish the ZPv2 Max with NSE was out but I’ll use that one as soon as it’s available.

EoG or Wanted might be my third, I’ll have to think it over.

Patience and emotional regulation. Medici’s are generally known to be pretty shrewd, reasonably charming (at least the successful ones) and clever so I’m guessing emotional intelligence, self control and high IQ is in there.

That being said, the particular title gelling with my own personality, motivations and aspirations is a big factor.

Let’s go.

[Apollo]

Cycle 32, Day 1: Addendum

It’s a pretty good day. Far better than yesterday, that’s for sure.

The new wealth experience in the New Emperor shined through. I’ve had a few positive manifestations today and was able to fix a few more deadlines.

A few positive manifestations here and there, and some more substantial than the others. Got some vouchers and cash back too that I didn’t expect. I’m very pleased. A win is a win.

Money matters aside (today was progress) I noticed more IOI’s with the New Emperor; More than ZPv1 and ZPv2.

It’s very early but I’m noting it here for reference.

As for status and respect, it’s very early to tell. I’ll note scenarios that are out of ordinary.

And as for my mood, it’s been pretty stable. The positive manifestations definitely helped. I think HoM may have also played a role as I had hoped.

Day 1 is good.

I can’t wait for the new title drop some hours from now.

[Apollo]

Cycle 32, Day 3: New Emperor (7 mins) Wanted ZPv2 (5 mins)

I was mulling earlier if I should run Wanted Black instead of Wanted, however as much as I truly like WB and embodying the vision of Wingliss, the aura of I’m just here smash is not what I want as of the moment.

WB has a special use case, and there was a time in my life when I would have really wanted that effect, however I’m a bit mellow for now, a bit picky and conservative when choosing a romantic partner, and in all honesty I need stability in my life.

Being highly attractive and always having a choice is a great boost in one’s self esteem and self belief, that and being attractive and charming tends to open doors.

It’s a good perk to have while playing this role playing game of life.

Aside from Emperor which was my first SC title, OG Wanted holds a special charm for me, I was one of the lucky guessers of this title when it was first released, and with that, while I was running Stark which always reminds me how lucky, powerful and special Stark is.

——

Yesterday was alright, again very busy. Maybe a few IOI’s that I didn’t notice but the cute clinginess I definitely did.

Within reason, I find that enjoyable. It’s not in my nature to show my affections in this way, hence probably why I find this quality charming and enticing in women. I do not like coldness and laconic interactions in my romantic life. That warmth, charm, romance and affection makes the world much more colorful and enjoyable.

I’m having issues connecting to the main site, it’s a bit intermittent for me, but there’s a part in the New Emperor’s sales page that I truly like.

The part where it was mentioned that “the universe conspires in your favor” now that to me speaks volumes. That’s the kind of power that I want in the title I’m running and to have alongside me as I traverse this life.

To bend one’s reality. Cosmic lottery winning by choice. It offers fairness and a true equalizer to those that want it. An equal say to those that didn’t have much voice to begin with, and an equal control in their lives.

I’ve read the story of Vesper, and I know persons like his adversary, those that feel they are entitled to pull the strings of another human being.

With these tools, there is a way, and I can be free.

[Apollo]

Cycle 31, Day 5: New Emperor (7 mins), HoM (5 mins)

I’m doing an experimental listening pattern for this cycle until I feel the recon is distracting.

So far so good.

I want to increase my exposure to the New Emperor, within reason. Fire had mentioned this pattern recently and to be honest, I have been thinking of experimenting with this pattern since last year.

My best results from major ZPv1 titles was when I was running all three titles on the same day, every other day. Full loops.

ZPv2 max is more substantial so I’m probably not going to do that. Right now, in this cycle, two titles max in a day every other day seems alright for me. With regards to customs, I don’t know yet.

As for results, so far I have not noticed that aggressive vibe I seemed to have given off on Emperor ZPv2 from time to time, and my interactions have been okay for the most part.

I didn’t notice hostilities from men and aloofness from women. That being said this also didn’t happen all the time in ZPv2, only that when it did I took note of it because it was detrimental to what I wanted.

I don’t know if HoM has mitigated that or New Emperor is vibing better with me, my personality and own signature aura, but I’m quite patient right now, and my mood is stable, almost akin to Khan.

Lastly as a bonus, my sense of humor has been good as well.

——

I’m thinking if I should share this in my public journal or cut it and paste it in my private one. I respect this forum and it’s rules.

I was reading a thread on here where religion was mentioned. I almost wrote my own thoughts, however it’s probably not going to be helpful nor fruitful. Discussions like that rarely ends well.

I’ve always been and will always be respectful of other people’s spirituality and beliefs as long as I don’t see it harming other people, or fostering inequality, exploitation or prejudice.

I am still inside the religion that I was born to, although I may not agree with everything that this religion does or has done, I have my own mind, and my moral compass is my best guide if what I’m doing does not feel right.

Don’t steal, don’t take advantage of people, be kind, be generous and giving when I can, try my best not to be the cause of another person’s suffering etc.

I’m not perfect, far from it but these are the basics for me.

It’s the best I could hope for, admittedly spirituality is not my strong suit, and many others know more than I do, but I’d like to think my brief stay on this planet is of benefit not only to myself but to those I care for and not a detriment.

When I was young, I dreamed to be in politics, but now I accept that I don’t have what it takes. Best thing for me is to be financially capable and help those that I want to help directly, and move the mountains I want moved with my own resources.

It’s a terrible truth that I’ve realized through painful lessons in my life but money does make the world go round, and many times a person is judged by the weight of his wallet. In my years of plenty I’ve had many with me, when I was down and out, I was alone.

I do not write this with hatred or anger but it is what it is. I learned my lesson, and be that as it may, I still want many in my life, and to enjoy my journey with others.

I don’t think I’ve shared this here in my recollection but I do pray, and a big part of that prayer is guidance. I pray whatever I do (this includes subs) changes my life for the better and to help me be the best that I could be so I can be the hero in my odyssey that I always hoped I would become.

It’s a deeply personal thing, but prayer has been with me through the many ups and downs of my life, perhaps it’s my own form of meditation, or my way to reach out to a higher power that knows me infinitely better than I could know myself.

I remember when I was running RoM, I felt so good listening to this song. My mind was so busy and noisy at the time, and yet this peaceful melody penetrated that cacophony of noise and for a brief moment I had that connection, and I had no words. I was reminded of that Michelangelo painting where Adam has his hand outstretched to the divine.

Along with prayer and meditations, a positive mindset and disposition, courage, strength of character, education, marketable skills, tools like high quality subliminals to help my subconscious and conscious mind to be my friend and ally, so I do not inadvertently get in my own way or put up unnecessary challenges and difficuties, and live the good life I’ve always dreamed of and change my reality for the better.

[Apollo]

Cycle 32, Day 6: Rest

Welp there it is. I’m feeling the recon and it’s familiar emotions. Good thing it’s my rest day. I’ll have time to absorb, think and strategize what I’ll do with my listening pattern. I might pull back a little until I feel centered and grounded.

[Apollo]

Cycle 32, Day 14: Rest

Recon.

It’s my fault. Got reckless. Mea culpa.

Listening to music now, it’s been quite a day and I’m mellowing out a little.

I’m noting that though I’m in recon, I’m getting some insights now that I’ve taken steps to rest a bit.

Another point of interest is some of these insights are coming to me while listening to a few songs I like.

There’s a song stuck in my head after I took a shower and I decided to play it. It’s been a while since I heard this song.

With the lyrics and the beats, in comes the insights and a few realizations. Some good, some painful and poignant, but all mine and true.

Taking a few rest days. See you in a few, Emperor.

P.S.
Bloody hell, Spotify ads are annoying.

[Apollo]

Cycle 33, Day 4 of Washout:

Had some intense recon the past few days or so. Not sure which title contributed to that, could be New Primal, New Emperor, KB, or I simply overloaded, but I knew then I had to take a washout as it was reminiscent of the recon I felt on the later stages of the first Dragon Reborn. I’ve seen both its internal and external effects.

Not completely out of it yet, as I still feel some recon and this entry is probably influenced by that but for some reason I wanted to write my thoughts, perhaps it would relieve the pressure inside.

I’d like to stick with the New Emperor because it’s very comprehensive and touches on many of my shortcomings and things I would like to have more of. Money, Fitness, Status, Romance, Productivity, Respect, Competence, Courage, Resilience and Intelligence. My value as a man.

Right now New Emperor is still high up on my priority for my next cycle, but I’m also looking forward to the new titles and/or upgrades and see which ones resonates the most with me, my aspirations, my personality, what moves me and my current life situation.

Some people are motivated by a certain stimuli and some simply shuts down. I’d like to find my ideal fuel. Can’t put gasoline on a diesel engine and vice versa.

I’m glad SC understood this hence there are many titles to reach the success one dreams of using different avenues. The NSE sounds exciting as well, perhaps this is the key for my stubborn mind. More positive experiences left and right. Sign me right up.

I enjoyed the New Primal, and somehow it reminded me of how I felt on Chosen. Positive, social and I also noticed the boost in respect and status. It probably kept some aggro vibes at bay when I paired it with Emperor. My cycle with New Emperor paired with Primal was enjoyable.

However I’m not sure if it’s the right time for me to include it in my limited stack, as of now I’d like to keep it at two until I gain more stability in my life. (Will be hard to do but I’ll try)

It’s almost a first world problem having all these wonderful titles available to me. Who doesn’t want to be the guy who has plenty of joie de vivre, and yet all the issues arising in my reality takes out the enjoyment.

For example my previous cycles. I would have wanted to stay with Khan, however my reality demanded more money, more energy, more status, more influence, more courage, more intelligence and more productivity. And more good luck if being honest.

Simply more of everything than I had at the time.

There’s so many unresolved issues popping up in my life at the time and the constant barrage of that kicked me out of my zen and forward trajectory.

I could have handled the recon but my world outside won’t let me be. I had to run another title to try to address its more immediate demands. Money was number one, and with the lack of that are some unsavory people that has caused me and my loved ones immense pain, stress and humiliation.

If there’s one title I’d like to master, and made me feel the best, it’s Khan. Though I was a tad bit too sexual on it. My eyes went a-roving. It’s something I’d like to rectify within myself.

Perhaps it’s a personal limitation but it’s not the best look for a guy my age or finances. I prefer the subtle yet profound magnetism of KB in that regard.

The energy boost also gave me the fuel to put my attention elsewhere and hence I was attracting left and right without me even thinking about it, but I pounced when I wanted to. I felt very wanted and desired on KB.

If only I had these tools way before when my reality was far more stable and agreeable. I’d have been able to enjoy so many of the genius titles here exponentially. Perhaps my world now would be far different as well. It’s one of those what ifs in my head. It would have been a blast.

I still have a day or two to think and reflect. I truly want this year to be the year my life takes a turn for the extremely better. A great comeback so to speak, because the older I get, the more pressure is weighing in on me.

I’ve always been ambitious, and that is a double edged sword. On one hand it can motivate and on the other hand the lack of satisfaction and the feeling of nothing is enough, or what I achieved is far from what I thought I could do when I was young stresses and torments me tenfold.

Addendum:

One more thing, I’d like to be more positive in the way I speak both with others and my own. Perhaps if I change that small thing, it will help my mental alchemy immensely. This will be something I’ll try to be cognizant of going forward.

[Apollo]

Cycle 34, Day 1: KB ST1 (7 mins)

Had an enjoyable day. Plenty of tasks taken care of, and the day went by very smoothly. A far cry from perhaps my perception in the thick of my recon a few days prior. I noticed several signs of attraction and flirting, IOI’s and whatnot. Folks both males and females seemed nicer and more helpful.

As I was driving, my companion commented “why are you so handsome” and “you’re always being stared at” much less to say I noticed a bit of jealousy that I found cute on females since I was young. (Within reason, I’ve seen some crazy stuff too. Not cute.)

That being said I don’t feel I look my best, there’s so much to improve upon, and not only that I’ll feel a whole lot better once I’m more stable and capable financially and to have a fulfilling career that I truly enjoy and excel at.

This is just the first day, but KB felt like I was rejuvenated once again. Bad thoughts seem to fade away without much difficulties. I was focused on what I needed to do and enjoy the downtime.

I’m running KB alone on my run day, and the other two after my rest day tomorrow. I was thinking of Stark and Wanted, but Stark Black is very compelling.

[Apollo]

Cycle 34, Day 2: Rest

Here I go again scrambling for my next stack. Stark Black is very tempting but that fame part as always is giving me pause. I’m wondering if I could pair that with Wanted or Primal.

On that same vein also thinking about OG Stark and New Primal pairing. I’d like to be smarter, and more productive and definitely more savvy.

HoM is up there but I’m not trading as of the moment so not sure if I can utilize this title fully.

Stark seems to be more open ended. Innovation, perhaps I can innovate my life altogether. Reinvent Apollo so to speak.

New Khan sounds quite the Titan but also a bit intense. Probably when I’m in a more stable situation and out of the woods, then I can restart my Khan journey. There are people relying on me right now and I and I need to take that into consideration.

Aside from Emperor, I’ve read journals where lives changed for the better while running Stark.

Man… I wish I was more naturally extroverted. I think my recon and hesitation stems from that. I am comfortable with the of idea of being popular. It’s nice to be appreciated for your best qualities and competence.

That said, I’d still like to keep my distance and privacy, and not be hassled so that is something I need to figure out what pairing works best for me at this time.

Thinking of pairing with Primal for the inner game and many other perks in the romance department. The social anxiety bit stuck with me while reading Primal. That resonates with me very well.

I have more time to think, but what matters most is consistency. Whatever I pick, I must stick with it one cycle at a time.

On another note, my energy levels today aren’t as high as yesterday. A deadline tomorrow is troubling me, so resilience and courage is definitely appreciated.

[Apollo]

Cycle 34, Day 7:

Will cut this cycle short. Recon and I feel a bit down. A bit numb. Some stuff happened and I don’t have the energy. I’ll refrain from talking about negative stuff, as I want to change my mental alchemy. It’s hard specially when you’re essentially talking to yourself when you’re journaling, but it’s insanity to keep repeating the same thing and expecting a different result. I used to be positive, I’d like to be that again.

So Apollo, take heart. Dust yourself off and keep moving.

Will take it easy for a few days and start my next cycle with renewed strength and spirit.

2024 must be the year. It has to be. Avt Caesar avt nihil.

[Apollo]

Rest.

I’d like to dedicate a slot and run QL in the long term. As far as I know, I am my mind, the one that controls this body, troubled about its past, and decides what the future is going to be.

I should improve and nourish what I feel makes me who I am, and who I will be.

I don’t know if this is a presult but I’m getting insights why I am the way I am, and why things are the way they are.

I realize, deep inside I am nervous and I am afraid. I worry too much.

I don’t wish to stop caring, instead I’d like to be more effective in how I show that care.

This almost automatic fear and nervousness is probably due to some trauma in the past, perhaps some from memories that I have repressed, or learned from some people close to me, but I have observed myself, I feel the very real physical manifestation of fear, and many times I don’t even know why if I rationalized the situation.

It’s just there. A learned behavior, an automatic response which seldom served me well.

A self torture of a sort, a self-flagellation for a fault that if I used my logic I did not commit.

I’m no coward, I faced head on what I needed to, every monster, every shame, but did it feel uncomfortable.

I’d like to tackle that at the core. Surely I can be improved upon. Harder, better, stronger, faster.

I can’t live my life this way. Always pushing. If something needs conquering, I’d like to do it with a calm smile on my face.

This is probably why I feel good with more primal centric titles like Khan, Primal, Primal Seduction. It speaks to my primal inner core, inside the shell where the muck of both experiences and trauma cannot corrupt.

Chosen is a special title, though I don’t think it’s the same as a Primal title, the self esteem, it’s brightness and light was powerful enough to rub that shell clean.

Still I’m not ready for Chosen. Not yet. I need more healing and growth.

That said, though I am not in the best financial position to do so at this time, I’m inspired to also make a custom to run alongside QL, something that should be able to take care of everything else in my priority, so I can keep only 2 in my stack.

I’m not yet comfortable with 3 cores, but it might be worth the experiment. I’d like to add Sanguine.

[Apollo]

Will rest till this arrives.

Huge bill paid for this month, and custom made.

Hooah! (Scent of a woman reference cause Pacino)

[Apollo]

35th Cycle: Exuberance (ZPv2 Max custom) 15 mins, nQL ST1 (3 mins)

Custom arrived.

This custom has been on my mind for quite sometime, and it’s finally here. I’m very happy.

Will run a full loop and get a feel for things. If recon happens, I’ll decrease the next run time.

[Apollo]

35th cycle, Day 2: Rest

After a bit of recon yesterday, today was pretty mellow.

A part of me is thinking maybe some of that is from QL, and RoM might be more compatible with me.

Anyway could be recon still.

Woke up very early in the morning. Did a few tasks, some deliveries and setup some equipments. That’s pretty much it.

Ordered pizza and re-watched Rocky II. Love it.

[Apollo]

36th Cycle: Rest

Ran SB yesterday and though I’m feeling some sort of recon, I think I’m enjoying it.

Aside from feeling abundant, the day was productive, solved some problems, also extended kindness to a loved one, and my sense of humor is more alive.

The strength, frame of mind, bravery and resilience that reminded me of New Emperor is there but this one has some different facets or “color” if that makes sense. Almost the kind I’ve seen and immensely enjoyed in the previous iteration of Khan. (Haven’t tried New Khan)

I also found myself singing along to some music on the radio while I was driving. Something I always did for years before but not much lately.

Perhaps I’m finding my enjoyment of music returning again and I appreciate that. Not QL or RoM level yet but hopefully I get there with SB as well.

Also bit of luck today. Parking spot just when I need it, someone letting me through in heavy traffic, stuff I need and it’s there etc.

There is also a glimmer of good news that might finally bring me back my peace of mind, and true progress in my life.

I’m back on KB ST1 as well. Whenever I reach ST4 I feel I’m not there yet. It’s ST1 that truly does it for me and I’m happy with it.

Thing is, I’m not sure how to let go of ST1. A part of me wants to run SB alone to truly get a feel for it, but then again what stops me from enjoying both. If it works it works. If it helps me improve my life, that’s what matters.

The IOI’s on KB ST1 makes me feel very wanted and desired as well. Love it.

The fame part gave me pause. I suppose I had some traumas about it, and it’s not something I’m ready to talk about, but as well as my natural inclination for introversion.

I also have an old custom here I named Ocean that I’m thinking if I should include in my stack or just run these two for now until I’m settled.

It’s like going in on a nice hot spring, a bit too hot at first, and then ahh. Bliss.

[Apollo]

36th cycle, Day 5: SB (3 mins), New Khan ST1 (7 mins)

Tested New Khan, although not really planning to continue with it at this time, I had to say hello to an old friend. I’d love to have glimpses of that Khan mindset. I still have some hesitations but perhaps that will go away in time.

Back to the star of this entry. I’ve always wanted to make Stark work for me, ever since I’ve been in this forum, and maybe this time with the creation of Stark Black, it’s finally going to happen.

Emperor as of right now, mixed with my personality has a tendency to make me a bit more intense. Charisma isn’t that high, and at times I’ve noticed a palpable dislike, even from someone that didn’t know me.

I suppose a budding emperor shouldn’t care. Maybe in time with more wisdom, frame, a balanced stack and a different reality, I could make it work.

I’d love to stick with one or two title for the long haul, and Emperor is jam packed with so much of what I wanted . Intelligence, wealth, productivity, romance, physical shifting, powerful mindset, status etc.

Before SB I was planning to stick with New Emperor paired with either True Sell, Chosen, Genesis or Lovebomb.

The less than stellar interactions are minimal but noticeable. The small cuts, as little as they may does accumulate and it does get to me eventually.

Back to the present.

I experienced quite the recon in the morning, but I was not that surprised when it happened. I just kept my interactions as minimal as possible and just focused on myself.

Recon dwindled pretty much after I had a good meal. Shrimp and steak and after I enjoyed that, I drank tea and plenty of water.

As for Stark Black effects, I still noticed the luck factor. Again, parking spots in a packed place just when I need it and what not.

I was also surprised I had a bit of extra cash somewhere; and the more the merrier.

I don’t usually talk about the details of my intimate life, but I noticed an increased enthusiasm. I was also slightly surprised by the quicker climax (not mine) than what I expected. Very nice.

Maybe some stars have this privilege? Hmm? What a perk.

As I was outside, enjoying the breeze while smoking a cigarette (will quit this), some thoughts and insights entered my mind.

I remember when I was in my teens. I didn’t have game per se. It wasn’t that readily available at the time, I was just being myself.

I’m not too smart nor talented but one thing I did have in my youth was conviction in my beliefs, a high self esteem and ambition. It’s something I held dearly and at times would share with the girl I was with when it was just us.

It didn’t matter what I had at the time, the amount in my wallet, who I was, but the girl saw the possibilities of what I could be. It was I suppose, charming.

I had ups and downs in my life and that “charm” has always been there.

That’s what dwindled in me as time went by.

The somedays of my teens is much more powerful than my somedays now.

If a sub could bring that back, that enthusiasm, that energy, that exuberance and disregard for time and her increasingly louder footsteps then perhaps I can have that powerful somedays once again.

Maybe it’s what Stark Black is triggering as well, hence the increased intimate enthusiasm. An internal mindset and the aura of this guy is probably going to be someone, someday.

Will take a break, perhaps two days. Will run Khan Black and LoTS on my next play day.

[Apollo]

Cycle 36th, Day 8: Rest

When I woke up, my first thought is that though I have always made the effort to make myself and my life better, there’s quite a bit of self-sabotage going on.

It’s like there’s a part of me that’s punishing myself and preventing me to become the best version of myself, or at least a version of me that I’d truly be happy with, and just a compromise.

It’s been going on for sometime that a significant part of my writing here points to the time I’ve lost and still losing.

I knew the problem is there but I suddenly have this feeling of urgency. It’s akin to realizing there’s a substantial leak on the roof, and I cannot ignore that les it causes more damage, or worst it becomes too late.

This is probably another insight from Stark Black and I realize, I need to tackle this once and for all.

Many times I am my worst enemy, and I cannot have that if I aim to truly change my life and be that high caliber man I aspire to be.

The feeling is so strong that right now I’m willing to focus on finally removing that.

I have bills to pay, things to learn, a business to manage, people to talk to, but I’m willing to truly focus on healing for the first time in a long time.

Thing is, aside from Stark Black, there’s another dark horse in the arena of subliminals in my mind.

New Khan can also be acting here. I ran it this cycle, and perhaps this epiphany came from the combination of both.

I’m surprised if that’s the case. I ran Khan in Q, Qv2, ZPv1, ZPv2, and yet early in this cycle New Khan ST1 is demonstrating its caliber and capability.

I might drop my playlist into two this cycle, and continue with New Kahn’s total breakdown, alongside Stark Black, or put SB on hold altogether for this cycle and tackle these internal issues head on.

Depends on the recon.

Phoenix also came to mind but I’ll let the New Khan point me to wisdom with the insights and intelligence of SB.