Merlin's Rejoicing: Return of the Eleven

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#68

I havenā€™t directly used it to manifest, although it may have had influence on some of my visualisations during Kleem and other mantra chanting sessions.

The reason the warnings were given about other external products is that not knowing what affirmations are in them, you donā€™t know whether theyā€™re gonna play nice with the SubClub modules, whether they contain any affirmations that will make other stuff youā€™re listening to ineffective. Its a trust based thing, what do you trust to help you make the changes in life you desire? And also about how you tell what is doing what as you say.

To be honest, while it would be nice to know ā€œoh Iā€™m quoting that scripting from Minds Eyeā€ or this or that other sub, on another level I donā€™t care what module does what as long as Iā€™m improving my chances in meeting my goals. And so far? It seems whatever the fuck (pun intended) is in my custom, itā€™s doing its job! Two or three women looking at me on this dating site (Spiritual Singles) and the Cupid song manifesting in my reality, etc, thats pretty good indication that things are starting to move. The Ego Adsum experiences too.

I think we should be honest here. Thereā€™s plenty of people on this forum that donā€™t just use SubClub products to get their results. Experimentation is encouraged, as Saint has pointed out. Iā€™m not going say say directly (unless someone messages me and wants to know) what other products Iā€™ve used, this isnā€™t a place to market someone elseā€™s subliminals. But I know other people who have had positive experiences with other products, and so far adding the thing I bought into the rotation hasnā€™t hurt my results, if anything it may have helped them. With this new product, I intend to run it for at least 3 weeks before reviewing how well its working, thats till 2nd September. It takes at least 12 weeks use of the product for its results to be somewhat permanent. So Iā€™d be looking at November before moving on. I should have my new beads by then.

Iā€™m not going to be adding much new into my rotation from this point on or at least from tomorrow, for several months. So Iā€™ll be able to tell more clearly whats working from here on out.

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#69

16th August 2020

Iā€™m recognizing this represents the end of only the third week of using my custom, and indeed only just on 4 weeks since the breakup.

Tonightā€™s practice: 1 mala kamadev gayatri, 1 round of kleem, 1 round of special vashikaran mantra. Earlier in the day practice: Two rounds kleem at least.

Itā€™s a little hard to believe how much has happened in just four weeks (and in just three weeks of my custom):

  • Restarting my mantra practice
  • Purchase of an expensive program (around the same cost as an Ultima) for pheromones and alpha male purposes to complement my subliminal
  • Experimentation with listening patterns and download of additional tools culminating in something primed to awaken my abilities at an accelerated rate.
  • Becoming more in the moment and having a push towards more intensely living especially in living my spiritual practice.
  • Reconnected with the girl who initially clued me into the fact that my understanding of kino and escalation was way limited and clouded by my rational mind, who for some time back in the day I had had a crush on.
  • Had two girls checking me out on a dating site I normally get zero hits on.
  • Purchased an object of great spiritual significance (mala with a 13 mukhi guru bead to show devotion to Lord Kamadeva)
  • Started watching videos to develop my abilities in reframing and in storytelling, and in pickup in general, albeit at a slow pace compared to the rest of my practice
  • Manifested a pretty hilarious wink/nudge from Kamadeva on the radio

Thatā€™s just to start with.

#70

I was listening to an old satsang by one of the masters I respect (at least their earlier material). The talk was about non-dual consciousness, with emphasis on ā€œGod is not one, but onenessā€. During the talk he speaks about how many people die regularly from overeating. Psychically, this is about the process of eating becoming more important in the consciousness than ones own nature, or that force which breaks down the food and forms the body. Its possible to see here how a form of self hatred fueled by trauma can lead to eating disorders, or other disorders, by putting the focus of consciousness on something other than the self - a self which is present ordinarily within the body. There is a difference between the self enjoying some physical pleasure with full knowledge that it is the self doing this, versus just focusing on the pleasure of the experience. This is the difference - one is localised, the other is unitive.

If I am enjoying a cigarette, or a coffee, there is the me that is experiencing this. But when it becomes a habit, and it becomes just the act of smoking, or the act of consuming, with no emphasis on the continuity of the self, the harm of addiction raises its head. So integrative techniques like tai chi or other martial arts which focus on keeping that awareness while performing movements accomplish this task by making this type of integrative modality the default.

It seems like this way of approaching things has its application to attraction as well. Once the self begins identifying with a relationship or another person more than the self, the problem of dualistic consciousness begins to cause problems in the relationship, because the self which can resolve those problems is no longer being emphasized and co-dependence arises, along with projection. I feel this is worthwhile to point out.

#71

One mala of kleem and one mala of kamadev gayatri tonight while listening to Libertine, followed by my pheromone subliminal.

Two positive events today: #1 my beads shipped from India! One step closer to having my devotional mala for praying on and wearing. #2, good progress with A who said our chats about unity consciousness were invoking/stirring passions, that they may have met me before, and potential to meet up over a bottle of wine when lock-down ends. So now I have two potential meet-ups once lock-down is over, both of them strong spiritual women (my favorite type) who are single mothers, one a healer and more directly looking for someone to connect with for a LTR, the other who is just a fun friend who shares the same passions for self development I do. Two high quality people who I will get to see the outcome of my inner work with when I meet with them in person.

3 more views on my profile tonight, one of them from my local city. This number of views within days of one another is not normal for me with this site, so I reckon Kleem is what is making the difference (could just as easily be my new profile pic and being more active though)

#72

19/08/2020 Day 23 updated after the fact

3 malas of Kleem back to back, New mala still on its way to courier.

Not a lot to update. More views on my profile. Absorption in the mantra was good, I tried to focus on making the dhyana better. No work on novel or messages to girls last night. Instead Im in the process of experimenting with my listening pattern seeing if I can boost the Libertine aura for the morning shopping center trip :wink: more later.

#73

image

Just so I could test out my limits :grin: This was my little experiment last night. The scrubbed title was moved around a bit but the main meat of the loop was repeated Libertine and Aura relieved by my custom and minds eye q once. Part of the idea was to see when the aura heat would start manifesting. Iā€™ve had it before but during the evening runs during the chanting not so much, so Iā€™ve been thinking I need to run this a bit more to get my subconscious trained on it.

Woke up this morning earlier on feeling the heat in my hands and feet It could be worthwhile to run this stack slightly modified over the next couple of days as an experiment as an experiment. The only change Iā€™d add at the momernt is interleaving my pheromone mp3 in there somewhere for added effect.

Main Disc. Thread - Libertine Ultima
#74

My beads have reached New Delhi! So far they have travelled roughly 105km of the 10,000 km or so they must travel to reach me. But the journey of 10,000 miles begins with a single step :sunglasses::joy:

#75

Iā€™m surprised that you havenā€™t renamed the audio file for your custom to a custom title!

#76

I have, but the internal title seems to remain. Could always edit the mp3 tags I guess :stuck_out_tongue:

EDIT: huh, never realized VLC has in program editing of metadata! Very handy.

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#77

I would expect VLC of all programs to have this capability. I was able to do this easily in iTunes :slight_smile:

#78

Day 24.

Three malas of Kleem, one mala of Kamdev Gayatri, while listening to Libertine.

Almost lost the connection with A today, who felt that I was a little reserved and guarded, I was able to reframe that easily to the truth of trying to present a lack of expectation or build up during the lock-down period and go with the flow until weā€™ve had a chance to meet up in person. Crisis averted. It also turned out she had had a kind of physical manifestation of Kamadeva come to her in the form of a nature phenomenon, which was really touching. Continuing the process of opening and sharing my creative work and finding commonalities, etc., but all in a very effortless way which probably shows me that Primal is beginning to work the more I apply myself to the process of working this path.

Really excited about the quality of the conversation Iā€™m having with this person. I hope we can keep this up.

#79

Day 27

1 mala Kamdev Gayatri, 1-2 mala Kleem

There were at least 3 maybe 4 sessions this weekend of a quaint kind of meditation going within while listening to my subliminals at reasonably high volume, culminating in me trancing out or falling asleep and waking up after a loop finishes. Over the last several days I kept up the getting to know you process with A, reaching the point of obtaining contact details outside the dating site. Despite the huge progress, a lot of this process of getting to know A along with deepening conversations with J and ā€œThe Herbalistā€ has revealed to me Iā€™m deeper into the mystery of it all than when this all started and Iā€™m starting to see hints of divine planning, yet at the same time a sense of confusion as to how all the pieces are meant to fit together. I know as yet Iā€™m not meant to understand them, and things will become clearer in time.

Ultimately I just have to continue the process of listening to my stack. I took time off from that this weekend to reduce the density of the stack somewhat. Iā€™m rotating a lot of material but there is certain factors that remain constant: My custom, LU, LU equivalent from external site, and one other non SC mp3. MET2 makes its way into the rotation too and of course Aura Q, all the products Iā€™m working with Iā€™m trying to use to reinforce one another.

Back to work tomorrow and crossing fingers in the next few days I see notification that my beads are on a plane. So far they/re stuck waiting in the sack/container awaiting transport

I feel like progress has slowed down a little or shifted to different levels. Today at the grocery shop though I did see enough head turns and side glances though to suspect the work from LU and its equivalent + Aura are starting to show up, but I suspect it will be at least Thursday before external product is fully integrated with LU and custom thanks to Mosaic.

#80

Update: so A disqualified herself by trying without success to psychoanalyze me without invitation to. Back to the drawing board on that front. Plenty more fish in the sea.

#81

Day 29.

Last nightā€™s dream environment kicked up a notch or two with remembered dreams. I woke up in a smooth transition from a dream which must have been trying to teach me the perils of having porn available on unlocked devices in public places connected to large speakers :stuck_out_tongue: in the dream, there were several markers which could have caused me to become lucid but I missed them. First, I havenā€™t used speakers with my computers in years. Second, if I watch porn I donā€™t download it using a download manager in which it appears with neat little icons that you can click to accidentally start it playing. Finally, when the file started playing in the dream, my body was languid and unable to move my hands and legs to get up and turn it off, so I just sat there listening to the music playing waiting to hear all sorts of embarassing stuff be called out. I believe the attempts to get up in the dream ended up waking me up in my physical body.

Gradually, as my physical body made its way back to full consciousness, laying on my side with headphones on, I realized I had an erection. Then, listening to the sound coming through the headphones, I recognized the sound of rushing water. Although I had two SubClub programs in my rotation, I knew which one it was immediately. ā€œLibertine!ā€ I said to myself, and once I got up and checked my PC, indeed Libertine had just started playing barely 10 minutes earlier.

My night was basically: from early to 2am: fell asleep with superpowers subliminal running on repeat (this sounds like a formula for a TV show :smile:), next period to just after five finished the superpowers loops, continued into my pheremone mp3, then my custom, then Libertine. Now running one more loop of my custom before an early day of work.

Trying to get more loops of my custom in. Iā€™ve been pretty light on it so far.

#82

Last night ran Spartan over PC speaker (no headphones) for a good six hours or so. Pre-bed I had dental pain I had been breathing through, a single beer as well (my first alcohol since February). Had the last one of my combined ibuprofen/paracetamol tabs. No pain upon waking, felt pretty solid and virtually bounced out of bed.

Iā€™m tempted today to take a run to Officeworks to pick up a pair of speakers to run these subs on at night. Iā€™ve been finding the headphones, quality though they are, pinch the nerves beside my ear and inhibit drainage of lymph which is a bad thing ā„¢ when sleeping. I was able to sleep a solid 6 or 7 hours with only one break. I like the idea of ultrasonic over decent speakers since then I can avoid the lost exposure time when I take off the headphones in the night or try to shrink away from the sound.

#83

I didnā€™t buy the speakers today. Not because I didnā€™t want to, but because none of the sound technology shops were open today due to lock-down. My PC speaker still seems to do a decent job of capturing the nuances of sound that the headphones do, so I I think Iā€™ll be using that as an alternative for those nights I donā€™t feel like sleeping with headphones on.

I used to get really bad anxiety when I wrote something that was likely to upset a girl I was corresponding with on a dating site, and avoid going back to read the response out of fear of what it would be. The change in my behavior since running the subs I have been using is interesting.

I still delayed reviewing the responses from A, but the delay was much shorter and also I really didnā€™t care about what the response was. I recognized very quickly my own self worth and the value of my perspective, and let the bullshit of the over-reaction from A just slide right off me, and continued my own learning and development processes without continuing the conversation with them. I could see transparently what was projection on behalf of the other person and what was assumption. I actually felt like laughing at the response I received, I can see my expectations of emotional maturity in a partner have grown since my earlier years.

My goals tomorrow are to get a coherent narrative written down based on some exercises Iā€™ve learned about from the pickup communityā€¦ perspectives on who I am and what kind of women Iā€™m seeking to allow into my circle, my long term goals and what Iā€™m doing about them (and where I can improve). Then hopefully look again at doing some work on Book Two of my novel series.

#84

Its still early morning here, but two things of note I had insight on I wanted to journal on.

First, Facebook showed me my memories of this day 7 years ago during my time with ex #1. I was in a very bad state. My ex had been invited out to yet another night of drinking and cavorting with workmates, and I had been left alone at home because as I believed at the time, people did not perceive me as the fun party guy who was worth inviting to gigs. I later found out that she withheld invitations I had been given from me because she didnā€™t want me to be cramping her style when she was out socialising, because my Aspyā€™s like syndromes would often cause me great discomfort when I was out at a social event, especially seeing other people having a great time or getting into flirty or fun conversations and not being able to initiate those myself.

As a result, at the time, I grew to resent her for her mastery of texting and socializing and being liked by everyone (she was a Libra, so mastery of that came naturally to her in some ways). Weā€™ve since mended our connection, but the memory of that withholding of invitations from my own workmates, who didnā€™t feel comfortable approaching me themselves to invite me out and would defer to her who also got a job at the company we both worked for first because she worked the popularity angle, that still remains as a lesson to me never again to get into a situation like that.

Itā€™s not a fun period of my life to revisit, but its important to give me perspective of what I donā€™t want to have repeat, and what should come in its place, as well as lessons of what I did wrong myself at the time that exacerbated the situation.

Secondly, Iā€™ve started reading a book of stories about Kamadeva by Catherine Benton. I already hungrily devoured several years ago the work of Anuja Chandramouli, ā€œKamadeva: The God of Desireā€; Benton comes at the problem from a more scholarly, comprehensive viewpoint while Chandramouli is the godā€™s own passionate viewpoint. I recognized today contemplating the introduction to Bentonā€™s work, the prediction by spirit to me of achieving unity consciousness through ā€œThe Path of the Arrowā€ has a lot to do with how kama is portrayed in Indian literature, also with links back to the mala/rosary, and the process of dhyana. There is a certain place where the nature of desire and the path to samyama unite which is impossible for me to describe here right now without going into essay length discussion. So I am very much looking forward to the devotional aspect of this reading of the stories of my Ishta, Kamadeva.

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#85

Reconciliation symptoms are afoot. Yesterday morning was the irritation at how slowly things were moving and constant checking of forums and mail and regular sites hoping for something new and shiny to take away the lock-down feels. It was the knowing that I could work on my novel or on my review of what Iā€™m looking to manifest or how I perceive myself from a marketeers perspective, but having resistance against it - ā€œits not the right time! I donā€™t feel the inspiration! It will take too long and mean I donā€™t get to do other thing X!ā€ etc.

This morning was the sadness experienced from positive memories of times that are now just a memory. A flash of a moment walking down a street in our local city 13 years ago, holding hands with my partner Iā€™d just met in person days earlier, and feeling that giddiness of being out in public together displaying that closeness. Memories of road trips weā€™d taken, or a memory of some sweet smelling blossoms from a time in my childhoodā€¦ nostalgia overload. There are positives there ā€“ it lets me know what I want to re-attract into my life, and what I want to experience more of. The movie premieres we attended together all dressed up, the conferences/expos, the parks we strolled through, and memoryā€™s deep vulva yawns pleasant and perfumed, inviting me inside. ā€œYou wonā€™t miss the current world! Youā€™ll be back in time for tea! Come for a trip in the TARDIS of memory!ā€

All the while I crave a return to normalcy of not having to wear face masks out in public, or being able to travel more than five kilometres from your home. To be able to go to the Botanic Gardens just because fuck it I like nature, rather than having some bullshit excuse like exercise to be out to tell mr police officer. I crave my beads arriving from overseas, for them to move on from Germany where theyā€™ve spent the last 11 days waiting in a crate somewhere and head towards Australia.

#86

Today while still in lock-down (another 10 days at least before they relax restrictions) I bought a Kindle book. ā€œMy Little Book of Vashikaran Mantrasā€ (just kidding). A work on Vashikaran by someone who has practiced it successfully. I was particularly pleased by the very simple vashikaran mantra for putting cruel or vicious people under control. It would have been devilishly helpful back in 2018 when I was first working with Kama full time and I had a certain guitar player who went full on psycho. Lessons learned I guessā€¦ Kama seems to want me to learn some of these practices, which makes sense given his connection with desire and fascination.

There is a good reason I keep going with this practice, even if I have lapsed recently. Itā€™s because Iā€™ve seen the Kleem mantra start to work, twice, even once when I was just doing it internally. and then I stopped twice before reaching siddhi of it. I was a good portion of the way there in December 2018 when I fled one of my old residences to escape a psycho, perhaps I just needed more willpower to practice for a longer more protracted session. I saw actual physical changes in my appearance - my skin got smooth and my eyes shiny, and my hair was fuller than it is now. Kama brought me some choice women in hostels I could have made a move on too, and Iā€™m not just thinking of the typical pretty ones but ones who initiated conversation with me rather than the other way around. And that was nowhere near 100 malas continuously. The siddhi has been considered variously as either 100 mala or 12 lakh. The latter is 111,111.11 mala (that goal would be crazy, at 10 mala a day it would take just over 3 years to obtain the siddhi). But totally worth it,

#87

I just did a count of playback time in my SubClub folder: 43 hours 11 mins 20 seconds play time across 51 files. That makes 25 separate titles masked and ultrasonic (the additional one is Emperor V4 masked which I managed to download before it was removed) including Q, Terminus, Terminus Squared and Ultima. Thatā€™s pretty impressive! I could rotate modules constantly over almost two complete 24 hour periods non stop without having to repeat a title.

Technically some titles have 3 files because theres ultrasonic masked and ultima, so its not 25 in total, but itā€™ll be getting close to that.