Merlin's Rejoicing: Return of the Eleven


#1

New topic for a new custom.

Starting this journey on the 27th of July 2020, with Venus exactly square my midheaven, riding its way through my 1st house. I note with interest that the date when the breakup occurred was days after Venus entered my first house, and my ex foreshadowed online to me the potential breakup at a time where Venus and the Moon were directly bisected by my Ascendant. Mars is also directly opposite my Pluto.

The astrology suggests challenges to projects started approximately one year ago… an interesting way to put it. Indications caution against burnout, and also suggest keeping my personal thoughts to myself about what happened on Sunday the 19th for now. Suffice it to say that licking my wounds, I move forward and past the hurt towards a better future, whatever that future may be.

A summary of the modules in my custom:
CORES
Primal Seduction Q Core
StarkQ Core
ENHANCERS
Yggdrasil
Omnidimensional
Blue Skies
Carpe Diem Ascended
DEUS
Instant Spark
Negative Energy Transmutation
Energetic Development XI
Mosaic
Temptation
Potentiator
Information Releaser

Currently 42 minutes into loop 1. I feel like meditating with this for a while and seeing where it takes me. Synchronistically, I got the day off work due to the pandemic just hours before my custom finished compiling.

I’ll update this periodically as results or reconciliation unfolds.


Main Disc. Thread - 12
#2

Loop number two I lay down to listen to most of the loop. There were various images including a pink sunset-like sky with falling blossoms, and psychedelic patterns, that came and went, occasional bodily jolts, even occasional auditory hallucination as if flashing forward to tomorrow going to work. Loop number two made me pretty tired and when I finished the loop and went outside, things looked and felt difference, kind of trance like for a bit.

Tonight I started listening to a self development program which is designed to take ones abilities into the realms of the superhuman. It’s a 9 part series and each part has at least 4 hours worth of content to it, so I expect in conjunction with the exercises and time to practice each stage, we’re looking at an investment of at least two months. But worthwhile to assist in upgrading the brain’s software to the next level.

I also have a financial success program I have the option to work with which is similarly long (90 days) with ongoing maintenance after that. I’m not sure how seriously I’ll pursue that. But if I end up working from home in the next week, I may get a chance to pursue this angle as well.

My original goal prior to the spanner being thrown in the works by my ex, was based on a five month timeframe, check in around end December. Given the length of the courses I plan on studying in that time and the amount of time it took other members of the forum to start getting results with PSQ, I think this is still a reasonable time frame to be able to gauge effectiveness, and provides enough time for me to take action and to let the pandemic and lockdown run its course.

Maybe it is best to level the goals unstated on this thread for the moment, because they are big hairy audacious goals, to quote the CEO of one of the companies we used to work for, and no feedback is required as to their validity or likelihood of manifesting. That being said, the module list should give a pretty good idea of where it’s leading, particularly if you consider Stark’s love of technology and invention, and his superhero status.


#3

Just realized, listening to the introductory talk on self development program A, that it works much like Stark’s scripting. Specifically, in order to reach maximum superhuman potential it works by introducing the individual to their own unique patterns/character type or traits, drives and qualities and then allowing one to utilize the strengths of their unique drives to propel their evolution forward. So their are a lot of areas where the program seems to zero in on aspects of what Stark calls your “unique gift” and pushes you to use this to its fullest potential.

Now I’m realizing my addition of Carpe Diem Ascended to my subliminal was meant to ensure I stick with these parallel development programs I’m running with the custom sub and stick with them, and get each module completed on schedule. The program itself will take ten weeks to complete, which should see me completing the course in October. By that time I will have saved at least half of the money I knew I was going to save by working from home and be able to use my improved cognitive abilities to find the right place to invest that additional capital. That’s my initial plan, anyway.

EDITED to add: On closer review of the program I’m noticing elements of Omnidimensional, Energetic Mastery and some other modules in the same program, just in a conscious form. I don’t think it’s a coincidence I found this online the day before my custom dropped.


#4

Here’s my set for the evening. Just to give you a bit of an idea of an average stack (I tweak it occasionally as required).

image


#5

Morning, a bit of a headache upon getting up, possibly due to not enough water beforehand. First time that’s happened in a while. Headache vanished pretty quickly without the headphones on. Katy Perry’s Dark Horse and the scene from The Expanse where Maneo attempts his ring flight and got pancaked were the things thrown up by my subconscious during morning smoke. Makes sense, my subconscious is reminding me not to get pancaked pulling off what I intend to do :stuck_out_tongue:

Thought of doing another run of Libertine, but settled on taking some action instead… my plan this morning before work is to listen to the first part of self development program A, and finish what I don’t complete this morning tonight. That would be part zero of 9, one hour long. Workbook I can look at tonight when there is no time pressure.


#6

What’s the program your working on?
Feel free to PM me if you think it’s more appropriate than posting here

Also curious to how the Potentiator will play out


#7

My ex had been noticing all the changes I’d been making for a while like giving up alcohol and weed cold, and listening to these subliminals. She kept saying “don’t change too much!” and “I’m worried by the next time we get together you won’t like me anymore”. She continued her own habit of drinking box wine almost every night and smoking, noticed my strong push for self improvement, and it scared her, and I could never understand why someone trying to improve themselves would make someone worried. It was almost like she was trying to create a self fulfilling prophecy of her own fear.

Eventually what caused me to have my reaction to her break-up threat (“I can’t do us anymore”) was not the breakup itself. What got to me was the weakness of her not reaching out and being vulnerable and asking for help, either in dealing with her reaction to our arguments, or in the problems she was having with her family situation, or any one of the other factors. What got to me was going the easy route of cutting off the relationship so the intensity of the situation and the growth required wasn’t in her face. She said “I don’t want to break your heart” but then went ahead and tried to do it anyway. And it was the lack of communication of clear information about the reasons she was doing this, deliberately avoiding giving me any personal information about the evolving family situation which previously she had been very open and sharing about.

To do something in this way after an investment of over a year showed me a lack of maturity in dealing with the situation and a degree of instability. I saw that had I moved to another state to be with her, had something like this happened again, I would have been up poo creek without a paddle. Ultimately that lack of regard for the investment of time and effort and money I’d put in was what did it for me.

Saint, I totally get what you’re saying on that thread. Part of kinda wishes I didn’t, but you get that :stuck_out_tongue:. Good post man.


#8

“The Potentiator is about stopping you from repressing your power and potential, and instead allowing yourself to express and enjoy the endless possibilities that lie before you. You will not only become aware of all these possibilities you have, but also have ideas on how to best make use of them.”

I’m interested in seeing how this turns out too. One of the difficulties I see with these custom subliminals, having read other people’s journals, is that with so many results improvement modules in each custom, in addition to cores that have similar goals, it is difficult to clearly observe what effects relate to specific modules. Also because they are all layered into a single hour long subliminal, the results may take longer to appear because your subconscious is working on developing or manifesting multiple different things at once.

I added this module because in the past I’ve recognized the power of my own gaze for example, or the power of my words when I say exactly what I think. Or the power to change reality through magic. Using that full power comes with huge levels of responsibility. Having seen misus of power and its consequences in the past, part of me was concerned about what would happen if I used my abilities for personal gain without considering the full consequences. It’s worthwhile mentioning I have Sun square Saturn in my natal chart, which is essentially that exact challenge.


#9

Listened to one loop of my custom tonight after work. I was feeling some sadness over events from the past which are now over… memories of positive events mixed with knowledge that these events are in the past in relationships or friendships that are over, and a sense of nostalgia. Also a great deal of physical tiredness which could be just as much about the fact that I had to spend 8 hours+ wearing a mask today while talking and doing my job.

I’ve also had the same audio hallucination several times when playing my custom of thinking I hear the intercom at the train station about to announce an arriving train.

Tonight due to the tiredness I lay down with my custom followed by Libertine Ultima in the stack and promptly fell into a trance. I was shocked after coming out of trance to see that less than two hours had passed, yet feeling like much more time had passed internally. My custom is not a Terminus build, I’m wondering if the density of the information I’m absorbing and the techniques I’m using to improve my receptivity while listening may be contributing. I’ll have to see if this repeats again.

I had the experience of being very happy to put the headphones on at an above average volume and be absorbed into the listening to the custom. I suspect the sadness tonight and the moody funk I was in for a short period is reconciliation my mind is working through.


#10

Just woke up from a dream which involved seeing our local train station (which looked different in the dream) up in flames due to violent rebels.

The dream also included being at a coffee shop with my family and shooting starting in the street, at which point we began to run down the main street towards the main station in our city, all the while considering ducking down an allyway for escape. Eventually somehow the dream of running transformed into the 3 or 4 of us in a taxi, and then later our own car which we parked on a grassy hillock.

The dream transformed into me searching for a new apartment and opening the door to one I’d been given the option to view to find it dark, with constant noise through the wall. I then opened one of the doors to find the bathroom. There was a cockroach. As I’m taking a piss, or preparing to, someone starts speaking to me and indicates they’re the landlord. They have fake tanned skin and blonde or whitish hair. I also notice I have whitish hair in the mirror. They tell me the price for the apartment is coming down soon.

Four more people show up including one that looks like an old poly friend from San Francisco, wearing his signature Aussie hat. Every one of them is introducing themselves, and one of them introduces one of their companions as “the resident male pop star”, the phrase in the dream meaning boy band material or Asian pop lol. I start introducing myself as the writer, realizing this does not adequately describe me and trying to think how to best do so, and wake up while thinking about this. Half a subliminal loop has finished (I have a much simplified 4 hour stack tonight). So another 2 hour session.


#11

After smoke this morning, making first coffee, thinking about comments about dopamine on the Libertine Ultima thread, I moved to thinking about the type of person I’ve tended to attract in the past without trying, as well as how to move past that dynamic. My deeper mind was firing all sorts of interesting ideas at me, things about factors of (people who crave) heat/fire vs cold and connections of past abuse history and shared deeply rooted personal fears prior partners have in common, and why that could be in terms of what attracts me about them initially or what is in me that makes them attracted to me, and so on.

Also listened to a song this morning “Sadder Badder Cooler”. Typical trash pop, but found part of the lyrics speaking to me. I suppose thats part of the healing process. The line that hit home most: “Heartbreak pays the bills, you lose, I win”. Affirming to myself that I will never let any potential or actual partner control the way I manage or spend my money (which was the root of the argument I had with my ex prior to her breaking up with me).

I feel like the custom has been working despite the outer world not showing any signs yet due to it being too early in the process. One reason for this is that I have been tempted to get either PS or SS standalone, before reminding myself that I have plenty to work with at the moment without adding more variety to the mix, and that I could spend money saved on subliminals on other things around taking action such as personal grooming or wardrobe. The point being, the drive to take appropriate action to reach goals in less time is there, it just needs to be focused. (That being said, I probably will eventually get the S&S or PS module standalone just so I can have a non name embedded copy that is focused on the specific goals. Or maybe Iron Throne)


#12

Felt the Primal component of the PS core kick in this morning finally, listening to Libertine and trying to get some release, I was able to shift my fantasies from those I traditionally focus on which aren’t that productive for me as a man towards a fantasy in which I had the power and was in control. There was a large dominance component to it, I won’t go into specifics, but I was pleasantly surprised to learn what I had within me, and then the thoughts that came up afterwards while smoking and making a coffee. Looking forward to seeing where this leads.


#13

Found this on my feed this morning :wink:


#14

More incredibly vivid or detailed dreams tonight. Key moments: Just before I woke up someone was talking about Tony Stark in my dream. They were talking about an act of heroism he supposedly undertook (but at least in canon did not): driving, in a large tech enhanced (I assume) truck onto a bridge, on top of what in the dream was described as a “motorcycle overpass”. There was a graphical depiction of this in the dream too, the implication was the vehicle was driving on a surface too small for the truck where any ordinary person would have flipped or crashed and fallen off the bridge, but not Stark, he just drives straight over it like the impossible was ordinary. Yggdrasil themes making their way into my dream?

Other moments in the dream, supposedly making my way to the office in the dream, in a shop and realising I left my wallet at home and having to backtrack to pick the wallet up and worrying that I would be late. I could see details of the route back home which included a shopping center near a busy intersection. This route “home” to wherever I lived in the dream was incredibly detailed but in no way related to where I currently live. As I saw the shopping centre I considered getting off the public transport to walk home via an alternative route (Omnidimensional theme entering my dream?? Examining things from multiple angles or routes?)

Other sections were just as detailed, although are fading fast from my mind.


#15

Listened to part 1 of a talk this morning about chemistry, which defined it in terms of three factors: social comfort, attraction and “likeness” (or commonalities).

In considering the exercise at the end of this talk, I cast my mind back over examples of where I had success with women, whether or not it led to sex. The formula was definitely validated and gave me confidence in my current plans on field testing once the pandemic is over.

Woman 1: Met through an online journal site. The decision for us to meet up came when she realized I was traveling to the area from overseas, and she had come to respect my spirituality and competence in certain aspects of magic and my interest in alchemy. This was only possible through my journaling and involvement on various online groups at the time which discussed the topics, as well as my writing of papers on their topics of interest (in this case, about OTO sex magick and its history, and connection with alchemical concepts). It was a short term connection but I can clearly see the commonalities which made the connection possible… mutual interest in healing from trauma, common interest in specific magickal doctrines, etc. Social comfort was established through knowing common friends who lived in the area I met them as well as the online community where we had the initial “getting to know you” phase. Length of initial physical connection: one week to two weeks (planned).

Woman number two: met through #1’s journal as well as Tribe which I was a part of at the time. Connected on similar topics of spirituality and magic as well as Firedance, a local festival in the area they lived, and Burning Man, which I had been to but they hadn’t. Concepts of radical self expression and “being different, alternative” were key commonalities. With this woman I can still keep a conversation going for hours online and have them interested in what I’m saying. The physical connection ended up lasting for eight years, also with a “last hurrah” moment some years later. Again, the shared passion for topics we were interested in generated positive energy. The in person connection involved visiting new age stores together, going to restaurants and movies we liked, and so on.

Woman #3: I used to go to high school with them before we reconnected on Facebook. Common connections obviously through this including the death of my muse for the novels, and their admiration for my intelligence which they had seen in high school and continued to witness in our conversations, and their desire to get more of that “interesting” or different vibe. Length of physical connection: one year with interruptions.

Going over others, I can clearly see my approach in the past has focused on spiritual women, intelligent ones with whom I can have a conversation about mutual interest topics without either of us floundering. Unfortunately during the pandemic, a lot of these mutual interest groups are on hold during stage 3 restrictions, but that’s not to say they won’t reopen in the future. Organizations I’m considering: OTO, AMORC, and writers groups. Probably not BOTA, I’ve met too many people from that group who were very stuck up and Victorian in their views. The first two I have been a dues paying member of in the past though. These groups provide easy establishment of social comfort as well as commonalities.

Reviewing all this material this morning showed me where my strengths and weaknesses are as far as inner game too, though I won’t go into that here. Overall I feel like the talk presented me with some very practical ways of improving chances once lockdown lifts.


#16

There is a very interesting kind of cycle I seem to go through with my subliminals and my desire for action/meditations. I am recognizing a strong… will? power? belief? knowing? It’s hard to come up with the right word for it. The conviction or knowing/willing at the same time is based on the idea that, through correct means of directing my awareness, my energy, and through appropriate union of “inner” and “outer” (although this verbal description is only approximate) I can directly affect my own reality with minimal physical work, and it is this level of reality that I should be looking at mastering.

It’s not merely something that the subliminals are awakening in me, this is something I “knew” at some level before even starting Emperor. That being said, I feel like the work with the subliminals is pushing the limits of this level of development, or rather pushing me towards working with it.

What I’m talking about here has commonality with yogic discipline, but goes beyond it. I should try to explain what I mean by that.

Back in the days of internet relay chat, due to my abilities and smarts at the time, I came to know a 33 degree Mason that took a shine to me. At some stage on one of the lesser known IRC networks, he took it upon himself to tell me his understanding of that higher degree. He explained that essentially through alchemical processes - “solve et coagula” for example - the goal was to create a fusion of the different bodies into one which had properties something like mercury, or flowing wax. Of course, people like Maria Prophetessa and other alchemists would use these terminologies of fixing the volatile and making subtle the fixed body, they would say to spiritualize the body or fix the spirit. The eventual goal was for consciousness to have direct access and control over physical reality by creating the alchemical ladder or bridge.

At the time I dismissed his words due to considering his view too simplistic. As I evolved my own perspective and research, I started to understand how what he said could actually work.

In Hindu cosmology, Akasha is viewed as the element from which all others emerge, and that with which consciousness or spirit unites in order to create the universe. The quintessence in Alchemy is that which unites in harmony the four elements and is the Western equivalent of this Akasha. Akasha can have two forms, atomic (associated with the ahamkara) and non-atomic (associated with the ground of all being), much like particle and wave in quantum physics. In Tibetan Bon, it is called kunzhi and is both empty and “pure, luminous awareness”. In alchemy they describe the “light that shines in darkness”. We have Fulcanelli describe the active phase of spirit as “heat, light” etc.

Meditating on these ideas and the association of the visual metaphor of light with spirit, we begin to move towards an understanding of this one thing, this force of all forces which “vanquishes/masters all subtle things and penetrates all solid things”. Patanjali says by samyama on it, one gains the ability to “move through the air at will”. My old master used to say that this meant teleportation, and that by performing this activity a certain number of times you came into full alignment with that element, and as a result obtained perfect memory and lost the fear of death completely.

Speaking to one of my friends about it tonight, they ironically brought up Yggdrasil, the world tree, and I laughed my ass off for obvious reasons (the module in my custom). I could see exactly what they meant.

Mastery of this element is the key to mastery of the lower elements, and its self luminous nature is that of consciousness itself. I continue to be drawn towards this meditation and to its eventual mastery as the means by which other things can be accomplished (such as rapid integration of subliminals, or perfection of health whose key is the quintessence).

I don’t know which module or modules has been pushing me more towards this recently, but its something I’ve observed and I’m gathering my will towards making this meditation stronger and more profound, feeling it will eventually bear fruit in me.


#17

Dream recall: Getting on a bus after having been staying at a dormitory like situation. there was some kind of connection to infectious diseases in the dormitory section I’m not fully remembering. My sister is on the bus. It turns out the bus driver has walked away from the drivers seat and the bus starts going downhill, and somehow I am in the drivers seat and press the break to avoid us crashing when she points this out. From this point, we stop some distance behind the flashing lights of police vehicles and I am forced to make a decision to drive the bus on my own – successfully! – onto or toward a great freeway onramp (again the freeway onramp and driving metaphor – what is this?) in order to as it turns out, get a celebrity to the airport! Who thanks us for getting him there so he can meet up with his sweetheart. The celebrity aspect seems to be a clear reference to Stark. My custom had just started playing not long before I woke up.


#18

Destroy another of your preconceptions today! It’s hip! It’s fun!


#19

Ran a loop of Libertine Ultima just before waking up, then a second just before going out. On the surface, no major results. No real head turning at the supermarket or people acting super friendly. I was curious whether the mask would affect the result… verdict, it sure does.

Alternative results: with ex #1 this morning, who I still stay in contact with regularly, I got a comment with a little winky face saying that “Your profile picture shows all your efforts” (the picture had been taken during a previous run of LU). I sent a new selfie from this morning to which the response was “a little sleepy but still have that nice energy” (we have that kind of open honest communication :wink: ). Also positive reaction from a local regular who is off limits who took the time to ask my name and ask if I sang and gave a very playful positive energy response to me saying not any more. Both of these reactions were sans mask. Mixed positive and neutral results. I will keep experimenting.

I suspect the mask changes not just the visibility of the smile but also body language (since there’s a slight sense of asphyxiation). That being said, internally I have noticed on other supermarket trips after running Libertine a distinct surge of physical energy which I can’t yet ascribe to the sub.


#20

@emperor_obewan PM me too, or if you would like me to do so let me know. I would like to know about this program too.