Matt's Subliminal Journey (currently Khan)

Journals - Major Programs
#261

This is my second rest day. And my third nofap day. I am already beginning to get horny when I see a woman I am interested in. To not walk around with a boner all the time, I am channeling the energy into the head. So far, so good.

Yesterday I didn’t oversleep, and today I also rose early. In the morning, I did some Feldenkrais exercise, which brought me into that 50:50 state. 50% in the body, 50% in the outside world. This is a nice state to be in. When I had negative thoughts yesterday, they were gone after Feldenkrais exercises.

Although I think I am on the way to feel better, I have to continue my self-care practices. Journaling didn’t flow so well this morning because not much happened overnight, and I was still processing the intense dreams from that night.

Later I will go outside for a little walk, but now I have to work.

2 Likes
#262

Was outside. Feeling alive again. Thanks to nofap. Sometimes visions of sex in my mind, but sending the sexual energy into my upper brain. So far so good. It’s hot outside and I am sweating like a beast. But I just imagine it’s a sexy smell, lol.

Later a friend is coming. Time to train being social again without giving away energy. To consciously be aware and not become the chameleon. I think he is okay. I have a very egotistic friend who has borderline disorder and every time I meet him I have to recover afterwards. Thankfully the friend today is more chill. I will still be aware but it’s an easy training subject (for being social again after weeks of less social activities).

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#263

I think this might be a Taoist practice, but I thought someone told me the energy had to be “cooled” in some way. @Malkuth @Lion @Grasping_infinity do any of you know what I might be referring to?

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#264

Yes you can circle it in the head and put it into the belly

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#265

would it be the microcosmic orbit?

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#266

Yes, you are right - The Microcosmic Orbit. I learned it many years ago from Mantak Chias " The Multi-Orgasmic Man".

Today is another rest day. I overslept and felt very depressed the first hours of the day. The nagging, self-hating monologue in my head pushed me down. I even thought about fapping for feeling better, but then thought: Nah, that doesn’t work at all. Day 5 of nofap and staying with it.

I need to get back to a clear mind. I tried doing Feldenkrais this noon, but didn’t have the focus to do it. I am still a bit angry, which I notice with hateful thoughts about my work. I want to avoid working at the moment. Or that’s what my internal monologue is telling me. It isn’t easy to get shit done, when there is so much resistance to it.

On the bright side: I am keeping up with nofap. I think reading the EasyPeasy Method book helped.

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#267

There are so many ways to work with energy. I’ve done some in the past.

Now, though, my practice is just sitting. I don’t think much about energy, at the moment. Just consciousness. I’m not that energy-sensitive.

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#268

I’ve thought of buying his books many times. But what discourages me is their disclaimer in the beginning of all of his books. The bit about how you have to learn from an actual practitioner, and that learning from a book could be dangerous.

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#269

I don’t remember that disclaimer, but when I first learned and used the technique I was very much overwhelmed by the energy I got. I was looking for a Taoist healer in my area at the time, but didn’t find one.
Later I found out that the mother of my now ex-girlfriend is a registered practitioner of Mantak chias taoist school. It would have been odd to ask her for help.

Nowadays I don’t practice it actively to gain energy but just when sexual energy is present, I sent it into the brain over the spine, circle it counter clockwise and clockwise a few times and send it over the tongue into the belly.

In the past I actively generated the energy by masturbating. That was probably too much energy. I got very angry some times. And the sexual energy is neutral per se, but enhances the emotions you feel. That’s why it’s recommend to practice the inner smile probably, to let the neutral chi become enhanced positive energy.

I sometimes was so full of energy that I could not sleep. And this brought me the bipolar diagnosis. If it was something already inside of me which got activated by these practices or if it was a result of the practices I don’t know.

Maybe I should not do these practices now. I also know a different modality to handle sexual energy but that wasn’t that helpful in the past either. I also got very angry after a few days of cultivating sexual energy actively.

There is also a technique in mantak chias book to channel the energy out of the body when it becomes too much.

I have to be cautious about what I am doing. Especially how I am feeling. So far there was just anger directed at my work and myself, but that was probably connected to reconciliation or depression after oversleeping.

1 Like
#270

Hey, thanks for the write-up.

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#271

I have no clue what I am doing. Social interactions don’t seem to go in directions that I am interested in. I would rather avoid those. Yesterday at one table with couple of friends of a friend I felt bored. The topics were boring. I sticked to drinking beer and smoking cigarettes.

It dawns on me that I probably always be an outsider. I miss certain traits that make me interested in socialising in groups. One on one’s are a bit better, but also a bit boring.

Stay tuned on my anti-social life.

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#272

You do, you just haven’t realised it yet.

What do you want to achieve?

You want other people to socialise with you. You may phrase it differently, but thats what it boils down to.

So, in order to get others to socialise with you you have to spend (at least some) time on subjects that they want to talk about but you find boring.

So what if you find it boring, turn it into a game and turn your personality on.

Start asking questions.

With men, “How would you solve this?”

With women “How do you feel about this”.

If you only have interactions that you personally find interesting then be prepared to have fewer of them because other people don’t exist for your benefit. (And that is something I have to frequently remind myself of).

5 Likes
#273

I think so, but I’m not sure. I don’t know much about such things.

#274

Short update.

After thinking a lot of changing my stack, I came to the conclusion to stick with Khan Stage 2. As a listening pattern, I will try the recommended one day on, one day off.

Nofap is not going so well. Have to restart it today, maybe read the easy-peasy method again.

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#275

That’s a good schedule to be on. If shit comes up, just change it to a 1/2 or 1/3 listening . schedule. Good luck in finding your sweet spot. That was the challenge for me for QV2. Stage 1 Khan. For me it’s a 1/2 listening schedule. That’s my sweet spot for now. No more fatigue or headaches…

#276

If you want to make a nofap custom, just post with some ideas.

#277

I already have a nofap Ultima.
It was suggested by you :thinking::slightly_smiling_face:

#278

Thank you for reminding me. How is it working, and how often are you running it?

#279

There was a streak of 7 days or so of nofap in the beginning of using the sub and reading the easy peasy book. Sadly I am back to old patterns.

My listening schedule is currently one day on, one day off. My stack is the habit Ultima, Khan Stage 2 and probably Ultimate Artist.

About Ultimate Artist I am not sure yet. This morning I listened to my first loop of the QV2 version of it. A few hours later I listened to the habit Ultima and now another few hours later I am listening to Khan Stage 2.

Ultimate artist should help with my writing and creativity, but I am not sure yet if it mixes well with Khan. So I am thinking about waiting a few months before starting UA fully. Perhaps even in a custom with ultimate writer and other useful modules like inner circle.

I am thinking too much about changing subs at the moment. I even thought about starting with ascension to get to ascended mogul and dropping Khan completely.

But in clear moments I want to be a minimalist and just run Khan and the habit Ultima. Especially after I read that Khan Stage 2 changes body language and according to my therapist my body language could use an upgrade.

Not sticking to Khan solo is probably reconciliation because I don’t see new results at the moment.

#280

Have you ever thought of running Regeneration or dragon reborn for awhile to help get in a much better state of mind in time?

You could probably use some emotional healing in your life. Sanguine Ultima could also help boost your mood daily and make you a bit more positive mindset.

I am no expert but maybe starting back with Ascension for a month or 2 would help kick start your alphaness again, maybe even a week or 2 washout could help kick whatever recon you got going on… the sub switching is usually recon, the depression is probably a bit of recon too especially with what stage 2 of khan does.

1 Like