Matt's Mixtape #1

Journals - Custom Subliminals
#1

Today I ordered my first custom mixtape.

Mixtape-Vinyl
Mixtape-Vinyl750×520 130 KB

StarkQ Core

Wanting to choose one major core only. The decision was difficult in the beginning: I was hopping around between Ascension, Mogul, Spartan and Alchemist. I liked my experiences with StarkU during the Ultima Test and with StarkQ T and Stark Q Standard before that. It is also the most chosen core in the Q store. So, why not? After a few months, I plan to stack it with a standard major subliminal. Also, with Ultima being here now I can supercharge it in many ways.

Stop Porn and Masturbation

This one was in the Custom from the beginning when it was still based on an Alchemist Core. At the moment I am listening to the audio book of „Your brain on porn“. There is the possibility that frequent porn use can cause all sorts of problems. From Anxiety, Depression to Erectile Dysfunction and on and on and on.

DEUS

DEUS should help the custom to evolve. Whatever is in the sauce, I just have to believe that and it seems a good to have module.

MOSAIC

A module for future stacking the custom with other customs or major programs.

Deep Sleep

Deep sleep at night sounds very nice. I was in the sleep laboratory in the past because of oversleeping. This was fixed for a while. At the moment it is not perfect, which is no problem because I am working from home. If this helps me to get better sleep, why not?

Emperor’s Voice

In the second draft of my custom I found this module (then with Ascension Core). I am working with my voice in my hobby projects and as probably everybody in life in general. Getting a better voice and the other features of this module can only be good.

Joie de Vivre

This module came late to the custom. In previous version I had Gratitude Embodiment in it. The reasoning for GrEmQ was that I know an exercise of writing down 5 things every evening you were grateful about during the day. This should help with feeling good. Instead, with JoDVQ I go directly after feeling good.

EGO ADSUM

This one I added and removed for a while. It’s „The Power of Now“ in subliminal form. One of my spiritual goals is to be more in the present. And during Ultima testing I could get that feeling for a while. Also, my best experience with StarkQ:T was on a rest day after a spiritual transmission when I was completely in the moment.

Carpe Diem Ascended

I have chosen this mainly for the motivation aspect of it, but it is also noticed that this is about „waking up happy and driven to conquer the day“ which is probably great as soon as it is installed.

Productivity Unleashed

A module against procrastination or better said for productivity. Ultima A/B Stage 1 made me very productive and I liked that. So, after discarding the Spiritual Alchemist Custom I began choosing productivity and motivation modules. This seems to me to be the most important of them.

–
In a few days I will start the mixtape journey.

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#2

Late at night somebody was knocking on the door. I got into my dressing gown and got outside.
It was a delivery boy with a thin square package for me. „It’s from the Saint. A little gift for your time and efforts“ the boy said.
I took the package and gave a tip, walked back into the house. Put the package on the table and went back to bed because I was exhausted.
In the morning I remembered the package. I showered and went downstairs to the table.
I opened it and there it was: “Matt’s Mixtape Volume 1”.
Put the masked version on the gramophone and began listening.

So, here I am listening to the first loop. Build Strength is Q.

7 days ago I stopped porn and masturbation. Then I had a relapse (masturbation without porn) on day 4.
So current statistic for this topic: No Porn (7 days), No Masturbation (3 days).
Currently, I am also on day 2 without nicotine use.

Happy, happy, joy, joy - 20 minutes in I am thinking about starting the day with a walk.

First feeling happy for no reason (40 minutes in). Then some sadness when reading that a guy I knew flightly died. Then a mixture of sadness and happiness. Fun, fun, fun.

Listening to music during the walk. The music sounds better than ever

Ate something and want to go somewhere to walk some more now. I feel physical energized, but I am missing direction at the moment. My calendar is empty until a social event in the evening. Plan is to walk and think for a while.

Now I am tired. Time to think. During the second walk I was mostly in the moment. Eye contact to women was sometimes there until I walk pass them. Should work on pushing me to the next step and say “Hi”. Btw results could be from running StarkQ in the past week and running Ultima based subliminals. Also I am working a bit on my energy system. Taking some rest now. Still not sure if I should do a second loop today.

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#3

Did 2 more loops of the mixtape.

Soon I will get out of the house.
Not sure how much social interaction there will be with corona measurements etc.

I miss nicotine a bit but it’s less problematic than I thought. The sex drive on the other hand is up which could cause some frustration.

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#4

Hold on, did you get your Custom on a vinyl track?

#5

Sorry, now I feel bad about my phantasy. It was more like a joke. Ehem

#6

Social event sucked 40% of the time . Instead of taking initiative I was bored out of my mind.
Damn. But I resisted smoking. Maybe I was to occupied with resisting to smoke. Hope my mental state will get better in such situations after a while.

#7

Sunday. Thinking about yesterday.
I want to stop doing the energetic exercises for a while. I am not sure if I am doing them right. In retrospect it seems like I was doing them too much which put me in an inwardly focused trance state.

I did masturbate and watch porn again. Before that I felt bad about myself and life in general. Probably because I feel disconnected from other people. After p and m I didn’t feel better but this morning when I woke up I felt clearer.

Had a dream about friends from school and drugs. Could be connected to my nicotine withdrawal.

I have some ideas about me going crazy when stopping porn and masturbation. Could be because the dopamine level does go higher. In the past when I did stop it I became full of anger for no reason. Maybe I am thinking about this too much. Better watch what happens after a few more days.

#8

Slept a lot during the day. Now I am listening to the second custom loop.

Have to plan a rest day. Maybe tomorrow? Why not.

0 subliminals tomorrow.

Can’t wait for the rest day.

#9

Okay. So now I am back on nicotine. Sad.
On the other hand I seemed to gain some mental clarity again. Hooray. A tad of being in the now while going outside to buy nicotine pouches.
I see clearer and the mental noise is reduced.

Yesterday at the social event I felt isolated although I knew many people and the DJ. I guess what I can take away from that is that for me to feel lonely I have to go out of the house. Home alone there is less mental noise about being alone.

At the moment I feel like doing nothing but there is also a sense of self love. Tomorrow there will be another day at the home office and then a one to one meeting with a friend. I like one on one meetings more than events with large groups of people. At events with many people I seem to tune out.

Yesterday I felt like being in my own bubble. There were women who I was interested in in the past but I no longer felt attracted to them. Might be the result of this month long isolation. I have to get used to being social again. Open myself up first.

Let’s see what the break day tomorrow will bring. In the evening I will go outside with some friends. That reminds me that I have some work todo for our hobby project. A bit of writing. Feeling exhausted at the moment. Relax a bit for now.

#10

Rest day is best day!

At night I dreamed a movie like dream. I have the suspicion that my dreamer is a better storyteller than I am. Or it’s just the immersion and the ability to connect story parts together which would not be connected in a story. Took some notes. It had suspension, mystery, action and comedy. Even a historic family history of one of the dream characters to explain why he acts like he acts. Could see this as a graphic novel.

#11

Today I am listening to just one loop of my custom. Plus one loop of Beyond Limitless Ultima.
I want to see what happens when I listen to fewer loops.
I begin with one loop daily and later will do two loops. In the past few days with my custom I think I overdid it and listened to three or more loops every day.

Monday I got a compliment on my voice or more specific my pronunciation. Could be a result of Emperor’s voice already.

Currently, I am reading a book on mental models. My goal for that is to make better decisions on what I spend my time with. I already decided to stop doing energetic exercises and focus on natural energy leaks first like getting a better sleep pattern. My guess is that this will be more helpful. Less screen time in the evening.

About nofap I decided to first try to stop masturbation with a weekly cheat day. On the cheat day masturbation or sex is allowed but no porn. As long as I cannot really channel the up building sexual energy this seems to be a good solution.

On the social side my current goal is to open myself up first. And begin socializing without a specific outcome. Or the goal is to get out of my head and into the social situation here and now.

#12

Depression hits at the moment.
Let’s take a day off tomorrow and see what happens.

Today I listened to two loops of the custom.
And to one loop of blu.

I am lacking self control. Not following my own plans. Asking myself why I am even making them. I could stop planning and see where this takes me. Argh.

Maybe I need a holiday from self improvement. I seem to not be very good at it.

#13

I am starting the day with one loop of sanguine Ultima.
Already feeling better. Slept the whole day after work yesterday.
I am thinking about getting a little fitness routine up. As I do not want to add another sub to my stack yet, I will add a supercharger to my routine. Later I have to decide between Spartan and Emperor fitness. As I currently only own Spartan and I read that this is better for motivation I might begin the journey with that. First I want to see how far I can get without a subliminal for that purpose.

So I continue with StarkQ custom and an occasional Ultima subliminal. Sanguine seems to be a good one to continue with as I feel better with it. Also it should help with reconciliation.

Legacy and the beast line of supercharger I want to try also.

#14

Just here to acknowledge that ‘The Mixtape’ is a great name for a Custom subliminal (or really, a series of Customs)

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#15

Thanks @Malkuth - I choose this title because I mixed modules with different goals which might not be synergetic per se.

Two hours ago I ran one loop of Libertine Ultima. Then I went for a walk. Sadly the weather shifted to rain. What I noticed was some women looking at me from a distance. Even turning around for eye contact. This was not an ideal testing situation. It would be more interesting to test it in a social situation or with better weather. Also it is Sunday and not so many people were outside.

Let’s see what else is possible in better conditions.

#16

I am starting the day with one loop of Libertine Ultima. Weather seems better today, will go for a walk later.

I read about the chameleon effect with StarkQ. I disliked being a chameleon in social situations in the past. But the problem is probably not being the chameleon itself. Let’s say there is a core to my personality and there are parts which go with the flow. What’s important to me is that I am not too much hiding the core. I guess this is possible while being attuned to the social situation in some parts. So I will embrace the effect for now.

Reading about the chameleon effect made me think about having chosen the wrong subliminal. I classify that as reconciliation and keep going with my custom.

Yesterday I listened to the first ultrasonic loop of the custom. I like masked better but I thought about trying it for some variation.

I am also thinking about the usefulness of this journal. It’s too much talking for me, too little observing my behavior or that of the surrounding people. To change the journal, I have to make a shift towards more behavior observing. Philosophy is rumination for me. I want more signal less noise.

#17

Yesterday on my walk I met a funny guy. Who was talking bullshit about sex. He first wanted to just get a cigarette, when I said I do not have one he began talking. He was probably out of his mind or stupid. But he had no fear when approaching passing by women. They rejected him but he did not care.
Could be some kind of manifestation to meet a guy like this.

When he left I walked back home and on my way I see a cute girl coming into my direction who was playing with her hair. When we passed by and I looked her in the eyes, and she looked intrigued. Sadly I did not say “Hi” or something.

These events happened a couple of hours after listening to Ultima Libertine.

My schedule today:

  • In the morning - 1 loop of StarkQ custom
  • now - 1 loop of Ultima Libertine
  • later - 2 more masked loops of StarkQ custom and one ultrasonic

My productivity is not as good at the moment. I started a software project last week which would be nice to have but is not directly paid for by clients. I am procrastinating on that. Because I do not see urgency. Maybe I should postpone my testing of Ultima Libertine and begin with some productivity enhancing Ultima title. I did some micro actions today but still I am not able to push myself into this project.

#18

9:20 am - Ultima A

30 minutes in I am already in activity mode. Cleaning up my apartment before work. I hope this activity will continue in work.

I decided to stop using Ultima Libertine for the workdays and try it again before socializing. Ultima A made me very productive in the past, so I am listening to that.

Later there will be 3 loops of my custom (masked) and one loop of my custom (ultrasonic).

Ready to begin the day!

#19

My input so far:

09:20 am - Ultima A
11:00 am - Stark Q custom
02:00 pm - Stark Q custom ultrasonic

This has been a productive day so far. I got some interesting work to do and was totally focused on it.

3:40 pm - I am listening to one loop of Libertine Ultima. Let’s call that behavior reconciliation. :smiley:
It would be better for me to stick to Ultima A and my custom. The first helps me to be productive and the second one would be for future improvements. What I think and what I do are two different things.

I need to go grocery shopping later. Looking for signs of Libertine Ultima working without being too needy while looking. Hahaha. So, probably no looking for signs at all during my trip to the “outside world”, but reviewing the situation later. Looking for signs of a sub working too much would be being in the head and not in the now. It could also be interpreted as lusting for results. Which in magick is not useful. The best results I get when not thinking about that I should see results.

I am in a writing mood right now. Will use this productively for the rest of the current subliminal loop.

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#20

Today I have little time for listening to Subliminals. I take a rest day.