Yourself.
You’re just dealing with yourself.
You’re always just dealing with yourself.
And the circle around you.
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proactive, not reactive
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Woke up today with lowered focus, lowered determination.
Got the ‘duty’ things done. Helped son to get ready for school.
After that, moved pretty slowly.
I can recognize enough to see that this may be that ‘energetic inhale’ that happens sometimes.
Either way, my job stays the same.
Ended up doing a much later meditation: 1:50 pm to 2:50 pm.
Observe Existence. What is Existence?
What is Consciousness?
BE WITH
Finished about 10 minutes ago.
Grateful.
Evening meeting today. Outside. 7:30 pm to 9 pm or so.
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Okay.
Ordered Naissance ZP.
On 7 September, it will be added to my stack.
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Love is a force like any other.
It can be harnessed for good or ill; for healing or for harm.
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Hi Malkuth,
Out of curiosity - What type of work do you do? Where do you want to be in a year or two?
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Hi @aaa,
I tend to keep it a little bit vague due to the desire for privacy (nothing dramatic), but suffice to say:
I work as a professionally-trained specialist in a (semi-)public-facing organization. My work role is that of a trainer of specialists.
The nature of my work is such that, on a normal day, I am much more likely to end up talking about what I was trained to do and guiding others in it, than I am to actually be doing it and practicing it.
I find it interesting and gratifying to observe people and to facilitate them and their development, but the ratios are off. This role is taking up almost all of my work, whereas ideally I think it should really only be taking up about 25%.
This situation has been maintained by factors like:
- Job and income security/stability (have been raising two children)
- Risk aversion
- Self-doubt
- Gaps in my practical imagination
- Need for greater initiative
It took blood, sweat, tears, and effort for me to even get as far as I have. And when I got there, it felt a bit like:
Anyway.
In 1 to 2 years, my goal is to shift and reconfigure my work so that the ratio is closer to:
-
Training and supervising others: 25-30%
-
Applied practice: 40%
And what of the remaining 30-35%?
My goal is to develop my businesses offering beneficial products and services related to my field and in line with my own unique vision.
My timeline for that larger goal is 2-5 years.
The first goal (increasing practice, decreasing training) is a launch pad towards the larger goal.
The above time-frames will be shifted and adjusted based on the opinions and demands of my working partner, aka Reality. Good dude, but I’ll admit that we’ve fought a lot. Sometimes Reality has different priorities, and can be quite convincing (read: demanding). But our relationship has been improving, and I’m confident that we’ll work things out between us.
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One subtle but definite development that I’m noticing from Emperor (it is in my custom) is that I am communicating in a more frank and straightforward manner.
Actually, it’s more that I’m thinking and perceiving in a direct and specific manner. It’s that underlying thinking that is being expressed through my speech and interaction.
I’m on day 2 of my washout now.
Finished three weeks with Sapiens ZP Terminus2 this past Thursday. On the coming Wednesday, I’ll be bringing in Naissance ZP Terminus2 and expanding my stack to 2 programs.
I’m planning to slightly revise my listening schedule.
- I’ll listen on Tuesdays and Saturdays for 3 weeks.
- I’ll take one week for processing between listening phases.
So, it’ll look like this:
- Tu, Sat,Tu,Sat,Tu,Sat
- rest for a week
- Sat, Tu, Sat, Tu, Sat, Tu
- rest for a week
- (repeat)
I like the idea of having specific listening days that remain constant. And those two days seems to be ones that will work well for me in the coming months.
My next custom is built around The Alchemist (i.e., Alchemist Stage 4) and Sage Immortal.
The last time I ran The Alchemist was April 2022, and that was at the same time as Dragon Reborn. The last time I ran The Alchemist without Dragon Reborn was June 2021.
So, I’m curious and eager to feel the response to Alchemist this time around. Up to now, The Alchemist has been the program most aligned with my nature and who I am. Will be good to reunite.
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Tools, Practices, and Resources of Phenomenological Engagement and Exploration
?
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If I were restarting my Subliminal Club journey, I would start with Alchemist.
Alchemist was the program that first drew me to Subliminal Club.
But when I arrived I started with Ecstasy of Gold because I wanted (and still want) the freedom from financial bondage.
The irony is that the fact that I am now saying that I would start from Alchemist is a sign that the programs I have run so far have worked.
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Before you pray for more time, first pray for greater vision.
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For most of us, happiness will not happen automatically.
This is not because happiness is necessarily so unattainable or impossible, but rather for a much more prosaic reason: We have simply never developed the habit.
You have to choose happiness. And then you must continually remind yourself to keep choosing it.
Your default habits (which you did not, in the main, choose) will pull you in other directions.
The same goes for Ease.
Choose to make things easy.
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I’ve been working with some of my internal limitations and unhelpful patterns today.
The one where due to discomfort and fear of being overwhelmed, you discourage yourself inside of your imagination before you have even tried to do anything. Then you pretend that you have failed, when the truth is you never even gave yourself the chance to fail.
So I was working in that internal distortion zone, and working with self-compassion.
I found that, with time, I could come back to the task and work on doing a little bit, step by step.
Trying not to either 1) push too hard (thereby triggering more overwhelm and anxiety response) or 2) allow myself to use avoidance to disengage and to get lost in imagination-based narratives about how supposedly bad everything is.
- Be kind to myself
- Try to settle down
- Engage realistically and with action
Still moving with this.
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Also, something is happening.
I’m noticing internal shifts that seem to be related to the productivity modules in my Sapiens ZP custom: Emperor, Carpe Diem Ascended, Productivity Unleashed, Victory’s Call, and, to some extent, Quantum Limitless.
It’s still in a subtle, gradual place; but I am noticing.
On an even subtler level, I’m noticing a faint, subterranean sensation of openness, freshness, and bliss.
It feels tenuous and far-away; almost like the memory of a remote memory.
But it’s there.
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Started with a (somewhat) early morning meditation session: 5:59 am to 6:59 am.
Tomorrow is the day I add Naissance ZP to my stack. (Received it on Sunday.)
I’m looking forward to it.
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And so, it has begun.
Did my first loop of my integrated stack: Naissance ZP Terminus2 and SAPIENS ZP Terminus2.
A couple of interesting points:
Sometimes my eating schedule spontaneously goes into one meal a day territory. I don’t usually eat before 1 or 2 pm these days.
Yesterday, I ate a slightly larger meal for lunch and it included white rice which I usually avoid. So, I didn’t eat much last night. An apple. A bowl of home-popped popcorn.
This morning I felt more hunger sensations. But it was 10:45 am and I wanted to do my practices first.
Also, last night I probably fell asleep around 1 am or so. Maybe a little later. Woke up this morning at 6:30 am. Stayed up to wake up son and to be available while he was getting ready for school. He’s old enough now that he takes care of most of it by himself.
The point is that by 10:45, I was a bit hungry and a bit tired. I knew my wife was heading out at around 10, so I chose to wait until after that to meditate, just in case. And she did need a little help with something, so I think that worked out.
The hour itself was interesting.
This day feels and felt special to me. I have patiently waited to combine these two programs since the late spring/early summer when I first conceptualized them. It’s a satisfying feeling to have watched the awaited Future gradually mature into the experienced Present.
I chose to do a few rituals before sitting down to the actual meditation. That probably took another 15 or 20 minutes. Was worth it.
I chose to play the two subliminal tracks back to back. I don’t usually do that. But I’m trying it now. So they occupied the first 30 minutes of my meditation hour. The second half was silent meditation. With the auditory stimulation of the subliminals, the first half went by pretty quickly. I had some internal visual imagery. (Kind of special for me. I tend to be aphantasic. But it varies.)
The second half of the meditation was spacious and felt long. By the time the bell chimed, I wondered if I’d been sitting in silence for longer than 30 minutes.
I noticed a kind of heaviness to my mind state. It’s still lingering now. But I think that’s partly attributable to the subliminal stimulation, and partly to my tiredness.
Got up, gradually. Showered.
Now it’s 1:15 pm, and I’m going to cook a little for myself.
I’ll have a bit of bone broth first just to assuage the demands of my stomach.
Then I’ll go through my veggies in the fridge and see what’s good.
Not at all sure how coherent this summary was. But either way, that’s some version of what happened.
Time to cook.
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I just remembered that as I was running my subs today in meditation, I had a couple of flashbacks to points in my life that I usually haven’t thought about very much. Nothing dramatic. Just rooms in the House of Memory that I have not visited in a while.
I actually don’t remember right now what the memories were. But I guess they’ll pop back at some later point.
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As I’ve mentioned before somewhere, I chose in my subliminals up to now, to play a very long game.
I won’t describe all of the details again, but suffice to say, in most of my previous times of listening, I was using a future-focused strategy. Building up foundations within myself and within my subliminal-approach that would prepare me for a time in the future when I could begin applying my efforts to the now in a more effective way.
One practical expression of this was that over the last 2.5 to 3 years, I have almost always been involved with multi-stage subliminals.
Another practical expression was that most of the focus of the past 2 years was on internal development and rebuilding.
So I ran Alchemist stages 1-4, Quantum Limitless stages 1-4, and Dragon Reborn stages 1-4.
One thing I feel really excited about right now is that things have moved to a definitively different stage and focus.
As of August/September 2022, my subliminals are single-stage customs and they are NOW-focused.
This is a really important step for me.
It’s not the final step yet. I’m still running a heavy stack. And the ultimate goal is to get yourself, your life, and your subliminals to the point where things are agile, responsive, and relatively quick. But before I do that, there’s still some heavy-lifting to be done.
What makes me happy is that that heavy-lifting has become NOW-focused heavy-lifting.
(In the past 2 years, it has been more future-focused heavy-lifting.)
For example,
I’ve now gotten to the point where my Sapiens ZP custom supports excelling in my current job as much as it supports gradually transcending and/or pivoting out of that job into whatever my next situation will be.
I’m not in a desperate rush for that transition to happen. I may stay in this job for another 1-3 years. But now, all the while, I’ll know that I’m building up the vision, strengths, skills in this job that I’ll be using beyond it.
Another very cool thing is that while running Dragon Reborn in 2021 to 2022, I already saw this process getting started, even without my direct initiation. People in the current organization started offering me options and opportunities that were better aligned with where I want to take my career in the future.
These usually came as surprises.
And that was mainly just from Dragon Reborn (though with some additional help from Ascended Mogul and my past runs of Stark, Ecstasy of Gold, and R.I.C.H.).
I’m a methodical, gradual mover. It feels good to know that progress is happening nonetheless.
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