On point. I also had another realisation today.
The Realisation
In trying to be too smart, too intelligent, too logical, I barely believed.
The spark. The stuff of life. The drive.
The raw irrational belief in oneself, mentors, resources, book, subliminals, anything!
I was moving, but I was overly analytical and overly critical.
Belief is either 100% there or 0%.
The first. I missed. I had this massive hunger and drive for music, but barely for what I’m currently doing.
I tried to sell myself everything, that I’m doing what I’m doing today so that ONE day I can make music all my life. So that ONE day I can live an extraordinarily luxurious life.
I do want those things, but it isn’t the same as the RAW drive.
Do I love what I do now? Actually, YEAH
Have I been scared to go ALL IN? Definitely
The roadblock has been that ‘I could be cheated if I learn from others’ - because I hated teachers growing up. I still took up so many courses, and learnt but sabotaged myself over and over again - because I believed these are all dumb people sitting behind a desk thinking they can teach! (I’m talking not of my mentors, but courses by Traditional Professors).
Because I was bullied and humiliated by 7 different teachers on a level I can’t speak of. Not to mention, I hate anything traditional or linear… it’s like I believed all the problems in my life occurred because of ‘The System’.
So why did I take so many courses? Out of the belief that the world wants to see qualifications. I was so driven to just satisfy this requirement that I got myself 50+ certificates in just 3 days.
After that? Clueless.
On another thread I mentioned it as well: Push wears you out. Pull doesn’t.
When you are ‘called’ to it, you find endless energy.
I have been called to for what I am doing, but I kept hanging it up. I didn’t want to go through what I went through with Music. That it could all be taken away from me at the peak.
So, I stopped believing as deeply, as profoundly, as unconditionally.
That. Shit. Changes. Today.
Without RAW belief in the right sources. Not just right sources alone. Your success will be 100X slower, and smaller.
The first right source is YOU.
You need that obsessive drive. That crazy desire and drive to make things happen. That belief that you can break open the world. That comes from within.
Also, if you have ever felt that drive, it feels impossible to go back to external motivation.
I bet GLM played a HUGE role in this.