When I read what you wrote, I was thinking that I have felt much the same; only I tend to consider it existentialist, not nihilist.
I remember that we dialogued a bit about this last year some time.
I think that what we share in common may be a recognition of the arbitrary nature of the mind and of the forms that it creates (including social forms, perceptual forms, and so on).
People have a tendency to create things, forget that we created them, and to then misattribute their creation to some external, cosmic force. We’re like spiders who don’t know they’re the ones spinning the webs in which they live.
Yet, at this point in my life, I hesitate to endorse any generalization about existence or even about consciousness.
Neither that it has no intrinsic meaning nor that it has some intrinsic meaning.
I feel like I need both of those perspectives in my life; and when one gets too strong, I shift over to the other side to regain some balance.