Some thoughts inspired by ER:
My worthiness doesn’t depend on playing the game of proving that I have the right to exist. I can rest exactly as I am in my own being without any need to go out into the world looking for, or trying to manufacture, proof that I should exist.
If I don’t conjure up this idea of worthiness in the first place, where is even the slightest indication that the validity and importance of my existence has ever been in question? That I have to do anything whatsoever to deserve to exist?
In truth, my existence has never demanded anything, and has never wavered. It’s always been the stable ground where all my doubts and insecurities were held. If only I could align with that stability sufficiently enough, I think I would finally allow myself to be exactly as I already am without any striving and grasping for anything external as some kind of existence enhancing addition.
I just want to rest as what I am as purely as possible. Nothing more, nothing less. This is what I’ve been looking for. Nothing else can satisfy me.
PS. I find it so appropriate that ER commonly stands for an emergency room. To me, Emperor Reforged is like that, but for my mind. I’ve so abused it with all my unworthiness beliefs. And my body suffered accordingly as well.