2.3.2024, 3rd washout day.
Comtemplating why I am so eager for the new Love Bomb.
At its core it is just an appreciation of the current.
LB struck a nerve. It feels very much like… me.
I grew up in a very warm and loving family, all grandparents around, aunties and uncles not far off. We laughed a lot (rather unusual for a german family). Tough moments we carried together. My childhood friends, my gang, felt very much like part of the family. Sure, they had their rooms a couple of doors down, but we ate, played and swashbuckled together. We shared our darkest secrets and the best hiding places. We sneaked through the forest, searched for treasures and mushrooms (mostly found the latter) and defended the muddy hill from the unseen monsters in the bushes. After our glorious victory, we told the stories to ourselves and into the night, so the monsters and the stars would hear us.
These ties are still there. They still are family to me.
I approached every relationship, close friendship and even the flat shares like family. People I love or (have to) care for are part of it.
For many people this feels weird, alien, wrongly wired, especially when it comes to the (missing/different) emotional distinction between family, friendship, affair, relationship, jealousy and what love actually is.
In many ways this is a terrible approach to life.
My first relationship crashed and burned, because I knew cheating and break-ups only from “Gute Zeiten, Schlechte Zeiten” (Good Times, Bad Times), the soap opera my grandma used to watch. I found these concepts absolutely hilarious and completely implausible, until I got the chance to experience them first hand.
Took a couple of years to ducktape this worldview together again. Really started to heal when I got together with my wife. Until then I had pretty much given up on this whole relationship thing.
Over time way too many toxic people sneaked into the cozy little circle and sometimes blew it up. And in a way it is unfair to judge them. They were drawn in by the warmth, happiness and the innocence, the save nest of a family most of them never had.
How should they know to better bring trust, warmth and love?
Learning gradual boundaries was difficult. Still is.
In a way the getting presents aspect of Love Bomb is what resonates most with me. As a child I often gave away my sweets and toys til I had nothing left for myself, but I was happy, because everyone else was happy.
Now, with all the people giving presents too, it feels like Love Bomb has restored the natural order of things.
Feels good.
This is still me.
Standing on the muddy hill
with the people I love
telling wild stories
laughing together.
When we laugh loud enough,
the stars still can hear us.
